AAADD

AAADD—Know the symptoms. Please read!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!! Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left.

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye—they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water, and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only one cheque in my chequebook,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Rose Garden

Welcome back, Keyboard. All of us who know you understand why there has been the hiatus. Personally, I look forward to the laughs you will once again share with your friends. Perhaps it will somehow spark some responses from me to keep mine going as well.

Feelings

Feelings ... are they good things or bad things? I don't think we would actually really be living if we didn't have feelings about our lives and the happenings in it.

Recently I've been enduring a whole lot of feelings ... and not all of them have been good. I've been happy by times ... those times are wonderful. I feel alive when I can laugh and smile. Those are my favourite times.

I've been sad ... those times are hard, but they make us appreciate the happy times all the more.

I've also been hurt ... those times are extremely painful. I don't believe the hurt was intentional, but then it seldom is. I don't like feeling that intensity of pain. Those are the times you are sure to find me on my knees praying and most likely crying too.

My astrologer says it is the planetary alignment doing this to us Aquarians and some other signs at the moment. I'll be glad when the planets move. I don't mind intense feelings when those feelings are the good kind: happiness, love, passion, romance, laughter, and plain old everyday kick-up-your-heels fun! That's how I want my life to be ... filled mostly with those things, and just enough of the others to help me maintain an appreciation of all that is good. The good stuff just has to be coming my way ... please!!

Dear Dad,

A letter to be sent on the wings of an angel:

Dear Dad,

It has now been 4 years since I last saw your smile and heard you laugh. Oh, how I miss that. I could always count on you to make me laugh, no matter what kind of day I was having. You knew the magic of a smile and the therapy of a laugh. You gave me that gift too.

I miss your bear hugs. You know, the ones where you would squeeze me tight and lift me clean off my feet? I would love to be able to pick up the phone and call you today, Dad, just to hear you say to me, "You're looking good." That used to make me laugh. Now we can have pictures attached to phone numbers that display when the person calls, but you never got the chance to see those.

I remember the silly things you did to make me laugh as a kid. The way you would take your top dentures out and turn them upside down and stick them out over your top lip. That was so silly, but it made me laugh. I miss the way I used to cuddle up on the bed with you on Saturday nights after a bath and watch Looney Tunes and wrestling with you. Dad, that poor coyote still hasn't caught the roadrunner. You would think with all the money he spent buying those ACME products to set a trap that he would just buy his dinner. Oh well.

Dad, I hope you are happy where you are. You were a happy, fun-loving man, and I thank you for what you meant to me. I still miss you, Dad, and I still love you very much. I will see you again one day. Happy Father's Day!

A Beautiful Rose

A rose is more than a beautiful flower. Today I lost a new-found friend. Her name was Rose. This Rose was a beautiful woman who shone from the inside out. She was everything to her family—a terrific mother, a wonderful grandmother, and best friend and soulmate to her husband. The connection she shared with him was amazing. The kind of love that everyone should have an opportunity to share in their lifetime.

I had heard so much about her and finally had the pleasure of meeting her a just a few short weeks ago. She had become ill, and I didn't get the opportunity to see her one more time before she passed on to a new life. My brief visit with her was memorable. We took to each other right away. She was warm, friendly, and had a great sense of humour. Her spirit was positive, and she spoke of angels lighting the way for her when she had temporarily lost her sight—a sign of her faith.

I know that Rose will be deeply missed by all who knew and loved her, especially her family and George, the love of her life. Even though I did not know her well, I, too, will miss her. No other rose I've known could compare. So long, Rose, until we meet again. May the angels sing thee to thy rest.

Questions That Haunt Me

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

What Time Is It?

Time: All the days there have been or ever will be; the past, present, and future (Gage Canadian Dictionary)

Sometimes I get confused as to what time of day you call what. For instance, I know that the morning starts at 12:00:01 a.m., but that is also called the middle of the night. So, is it morning or night? If that is considered night time, what time does morning actually start?

I know that 12 noon starts afternoon, but at what point does it become evening? What time does evening become night?

If the sun marks daytime, what time is daytime? It varies every day as the sun stays out for different amounts of time.

If the sun's disappearance and the moon's appearance marks night, what time does night actually begin. It is dark by 5 p.m. in the winter. Is 5 p.m. afternoon, evening, or night?

What happens when there is a new moon (no moon in the sky)? Is it still nighttime if there is no moon to be seen?

Boy ... am I confused. Can someone please tell me what the hell time of day it is???

Public Service Announcement

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces—body waste. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.

WATER = Poop
WINE = Health

Therefore, it is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.I am doing it as a public service.

The Answer

an·ti·dis·es·tab·lish·men·tar·i·an·ism

/ˌæntiˌdɪsəˌstæblɪʃmənˈtɛəriəˌnɪzəm, ˌæntaɪ-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[an-tee-dis-uh-stab-lish-muhn-tair-ee-uh-niz-uhm, an-tahy-]

–noun

opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church, esp. the Anglican Church in 19th-century England.


Bet you didn't know that, did you?

Did You Know?

The second longest word in the English language is antidisestablishmentarianism. Do you know what it means?

Stay tuned for the answer.

Making Miracles Happen

I've been doing some reading about cosmic ordering. What that means is just as the name suggests: ordering something from the cosmos (God's universe) and receiving it. The information I am reading is fascinating. It reiterates what I have heard time and again—that we are the rulers of our own destiny. We do, in fact, create our own lives. By our positive or negative thoughts, we draw the good or the bad towards us. If we change the way we think, the possibilities are endless. It is the power of positive thinking, it is faith that knows no bounds, it is unwavering belief in yourself, your abilities, and who you really are and want to be.

If you would like to read about this, check out Kathryn Cassidy's blog, right here on Blogger. This is her link: http://cosmicorder.blogspot.com/

If you read that and come away saying "hogwash," then we know what the cosmos has in store for you—exactly what you believe you will get!! I'm placing my order now and going to work very hard at not wavering on my belief that it will all come to be. I'm not good at waiting, mind you, so it will be difficult, but I will persevere just as I have my whole life, but this time with a whole lot less negativity and a lot more positivity.

Go ahead, read the blog, as she suggests from the first entry at the bottom back up to the top of the page. Give yourself a gift—a change of perspective! I'll bet you won't regret it.

More School Shootings

The news from Virginia Tech today is devastating. At the time of writing this, it is estimated that 33 are dead and 29 injured. Four are currently in surgery.

It is unbelievable that people feel that they have the right to walk into a school or any place of business or any public place for that matter and just begin shooting and killing innocent people.

A criminal profiler said that we should not be surprised. Society is creating these monsters. That many children are already deemed to be shooters like this from the early age of 9.

Please, tell us what we have done wrong, and let's work at fixing it. This is so sad ... so incredibly sad.

May the souls of the dead rest in peace, and light perpetual shine upon them. Lord, may those who are wounded heal quickly, and may the emotional scars of all those whose lives have been affected by this find a way to heal. Help them all, Lord, as only you can.

Ten Simple Home Remedies

Thought for the Day: Does Cyclops wink or blink?

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Happy Easter!

This day is considered to be the most joyous day of the year. The day that brings the greatest news known to humankind. It is considered a day for new beginnings. May this day bring a new beginning for you too, in whichever way you wish for it to start anew.

Happy Easter to you all!

Bits and Pieces

Turn Fries
For the life of me, I can't figure out why the package of fries says "Turn fries after 7-8 minutes." Have you ever tried to turn fries? If you use a egg flipper (or whatever turn you use for it), you can't flip them all. You miss some, sure as anything. If you use tongs, you are there forever trying to turn every fry. Why can't they make fries you don't have to turn in the oven?

Muffler Issue
This morning I received a phone call from my ex, who had dropped by to pick my daughter up for work, to tell me that the muffler on my car was hanging off. The hanger had come loose on one side. Oh great!!! This was near 9 a.m. and I had an appointment in town for 11:15. I had just gotten up, had not even gotten dressed or eaten breakfast yet. Now what? Do I leave the car in the yard and take the bus? Only if I have to. My son is at work and is too busy to take some wire to tie it up for me. I wouldn't know where to start to try it myself. Called the local garage owned by my cousin. He was too busy and couldn't fit me in. So I called a local tire store. They said to bring it as quickly as possible and they would see what they could do. Good thing I showered the previous night. I quickly washed up and threw on some clothes. Grabbed my grocery list (where I was going after my appt), grabbed my make-up bag, threw my hair in a ponytail and out the door I went. Luckily my mother lives next door to the business. I thought I would lose the muffler before I got there. It was dragging on the ground. Now my driveway is on an incline with a little dip just prior to reaching the street. I was afraid it would dig in and rip off when I was backing out. So far so good. I drove at only 40 km/h maximum to get there, being careful not to hit any holes, etc., that might rip it off. Phew ... I made it. They discovered the bolt/screw had rusted off and broke. They replaced it and called to say it was done before I got my make-up on at my Mom's. The cost to me? No charge. God bless them. They saved my day and my budget.

No Tools Required
I'm on vacation this week, and set myself the task of cleaning up my utility room and getting it organized. A few weeks ago I bought a set of shelving to put in there, each shelf holding up to 600 lbs of weight and no tools required to put it together. No tools? Hmmm ... I should be able to do this. I put one set together using tools, so this should be easier. Well ... first of all, I needed someone to carry the sucker to my car. I couldn't lift it. It was heavy as hell. Then I had to enlist my neighbour to bring it into the house because my son had injured his shoulder. No tools? Well, I needed to get it out of the box. That required a utility knife. Is that not a tool? That box was not coming out with me trying to rip it open. No siree. Step one ... take the pieces out of the box and ensure they were all there. Yes, they were. Step two ... put the feet into the bottom of the first set of vertical braces. Do not use a hammer. Do not use a hammer? Holy shit! The palm of my hand was hurting from hitting that sucker. An FBH was sounding good. OK ... the directions are very good with this unit. It was going together pretty good. Then I hit the middle part where the vertical supports are joined. I sure could have used an extra set of hands or some tool to hold things in place for a moment because the plastic connector is not strong. Down comes the top part of the support, right across the top of my head. Ouch!! Damn this no tools! Maybe we just need a second pair of hands to get the job done without injury. They don't put that on the package. Maybe they should.

April's Fool—A Beginning or an End?

April's Fool

Ever wonder how the tradition of April Fool's Day got started? Historians don't know, but some believe that it is associated with the Spring Equinox. If so, the first day of April shares much in common with The Fool in the Tarot deck. Both symbolize fresh new beginnings. The Fool is assigned the number zero, and his place can be either at the beginning or the end of the 22 major arcana - after all, in every ending is a new beginning. Like a child, The Fool embarks on a new journey, not caring where he will end up, but taking delight in all the wonderful sights awaiting him. When The Fool turns up in a reading, he symbolizes a new start in some area of your life. ~ Astrocenter.com

Yet More History Lessons

Thought for the Day: Wonderful things start to happen when you dream outside of your sleep. —Richard Wilkins

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards, but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

I wonder where they got the terms dumber than a bag of hammers, one sandwich short of a picnic, not rowing with both oars in the water. I know there are more, but they escape me at the moment. I guess the list is endless.

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At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint- and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "Ps and Qs."

Ahhhh ... just tell people to mind their own damn business.

History Lessons for Today

Thought for the Day: God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~ Anonymous

In days of old, personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

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Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.

Another History Lesson

Thought for the Day: "Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced." — James Baldwin

In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long, wide board folded down from the wall was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."

Bet you didn't know that, did ya??

Kids and Drugs—How Times Have Changed!!

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question:
"Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied, "I had a drug problem when I was young ... I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me. I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in Mom's garden and flowerbeds. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbours to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed. Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behaviour in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, the world would be a better place.

~author unknown~

God bless the parents who drugged us.