Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10 000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk . If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Christmas Will Be Different This Year

On Monday, December 10, 2007, I lost my Mom very suddenly. This has been a very difficult week. It feels very odd to suddenly be an orphan. We had visitation where we saw many family members and friends offering their love and support. The funeral was yesterday.

One of my cousins brought me a poem, which I had the priest read during the service. I would like to share it with those of you who are experiencing a first Christmas without someone you love. I hope it brings you the comfort it brings me.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the music can't compare with the Christmas choir here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
Be happy for me loved ones. You know I hold you dear.
Be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of my undying love.
After all "Love" is a gift more precious than gold.
It is always more important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings or love He has for you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember ... I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

~ Author Unknown

New Emoticons

I just saw this posted elsewhere. I thought it was cute and wanted to share it with you.

**************

We all know those little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here it goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned!

Thanksgiving, Thanksliving

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. On this day, I give thanks for the following things:

• For the noise around me that means I can hear.
• For the daylight and dark, which means I can see.
• For fresh air because it means I am alive and breathing.
• For a roof over my head.
• For food on my table.
• For clothes on my back.
• For a car to take me where I need to go.
• For public transit to take me to work and back each day.
• For my job because it means I can earn a living and have a direct affect on many thousands of teachers and students in our province.
• For friends who are there for me when I need them.
• For my children, who will hopefully be there for me one day as I grow old.
  
• For the rain in my life because it means I will later appreciate the rainbow.
• For the winters that come because it means I will appreciate a warmer spring.
• For the beautiful colours of fall because it means I am not colour-blind.

There is so much more that I give thanks for, even on the days (like today) when I find it hard to feel that gratitude as deeply as I should. We should all be giving thanks daily that we wake up in the morning and for each event that we face each day. If we always strive to be thankful for everything in our lives, even the struggles and challenges, then we are living thanks too.

God bless you all and thank you for being my friend.

So Incredibly Sad ... So Unfortunately True

I don't know if this is an actual happening, but it accurately states what we here in Canada also now face. I believe it is a sad state of affairs.


Tennessee Football Game

This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School, Kingston, Tennessee, by school Principal, Jody McLeod.

"It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country."

Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law. As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate lifestyle," and if someone is offended, that's OK.

I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK.

I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem ...

I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology."

I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depicts people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment."

However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.

This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments.

Nevertheless, as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical... I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression.

For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and refrain from praying at this time.

"However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM, in the name of JESUS, to Bless this event, please feel free to do so. As far as I know, that's not against the law—yet."

One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray. They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box!

The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America—the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD."

Somehow, Kingston, Tennessee Remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion. Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!

JESUS said, "If you are ashamed of ME before men, then I will be ashamed of you before MY FATHER."

What Are You Thinking?

Have you ever watched a beggar on the street with his/her sign and a container of some sort looking for money? Has anyone ever stopped you on the street and asked for money for a cup of coffee or a hot meal? Did you give them any? What were your thoughts about these people. If you are like most of us, you would wonder why the heck they don't clean themselves up and get respectable jobs like the rest of us. We work for our money so why should we hand it over to someone who chooses not to work?

Have you watched a young person walking down the street with hair in an array of colours like bright pink, blue, or purple? Or maybe the person wearing chains from their waist and rings in their eyes, lips, and noses and tattoed body parts? What about the person who is dirty and smelly and appears to not have changed their clothing in weeks or longer? Most people would make comments like, Did you see that person? I would never let my kid come home looking like that!, Doesn't that person know what soap and water is?

What about the criminal accused of heinous crimes, like mass murders and child molesters? We often persecute them and ask for the death sentence to pay for their crimes.

Think about this:

• That beggar may be experiencing issues in their life that we do not know about. It may be issues that they do not yet know how to address themselves. Yes, it is possible they want the money for drugs or alcohol to feed an addiction, but we cannot know that. If we were in their shoes, would we truly be any different?
• That person who is dirty and smelly? How did they come to be that way. What life experience put them on the street wandering around and not knowing where to go to get clean and having people continuously turn them away? If someone turned you out with only the clothes on your back and no money in your pocket, would you know where to turn?
• That young person who has coloured hair, chains, and piercings could very well be your son or daughter. Why do they choose to be that way? It is an expression of who they are, but does it mean they are not a good person with a pure heart? We tend to label them simply because of the clothes they choose to wear.
• Those mass murderers and child molesters, do they really understand what they are doing? It seems to me they have a psychological problem. Why was it not detected and treated when they were kids? Many parents refuse to believe something is wrong with their children and to seek help for them. Some parents treat their children in such a way that they turn to a life of crime. Is it then OK for society to choose to end their life in turn for another? Do two wrongs make a right?
  

There are any number of different ways that we look at people and situations and place our own standards and moral judgments upon them. Each of us needs to have our own set of standards that is right for us, but we do not have the right to force them on any other human being or judge them based on our own ideals? Would you want someone forcing their opinions or judgments on you? I'll bet you wouldn't.

I grew up in a family situation where someone else's opinions and prejudices were forced on me. I must conform or be judged and subjected to ridicule. Even times when I was minding my own business I was criticized for something or other. Someone who was unhappy with themselves or their life circumstances would judge me based on a reflection of themselves or out of envy that they were unable to feel or think in the direction I was.

I am an individual. I try always, in every situation, to be who I really am. I am not perfect and never claimed to be. If I catch myself making judgments of others, I try to stop and reflect on the fact that I have not walked in their shoes, I have not lived their life, I do not know what they are facing or dealing with in their life anymore than they know that of me. Perhaps they, too, are judging me based on their standards.

I learned the Golden Rule as a child, and I try to live by it as much as possible. I believe in God, and what He has taught me is that there is nothing greater in this world then love, absolutely nothing. There are many kinds of love—love for a partner, your children, your parents and other family members, the love you feel for a friend, and the love we are called upon to extend to our neighbours (those who share our world).

I promise to try my best never to judge you. I have not walked in your shoes. I have not lived your life. And you have not walked in mine. God is my only judge and He is your only judge, and God is pure love.

Casting Spells

My astrologer tells me that right now I am a magician and should dust off my book of magic spells, clean the cauldron, and start thumbing through my spell book. He says that I should be looking for ways to draw down the power of the cosmos and trying to transform something significant. He also says I would be right to expect a great deal of success under these current special celestial circumstances.

Hmmm ... that has many possibilities. Now ... where did I put that eye of newt, toe of frog, wing of bat, and tongue of dog?? OK ... now, where is that spell in the book? Ah ... yes ... there it is ... page 69 ... love potion number 9.

Why not? Don't we all need a little extra loving? I sure do! If the cosmos want me to be happy, then I will do everything I can to assist it. Where do I start? Oh yes ... right ... with believing in myself, trusting my intuition, allowing God to help, and believing that I am loveable and would make someone a good partner. Sorry is that sounds egotistical. It is not meant to be. It is an affirmation of my self-worth ... and I believe I am worth it.

AAADD

AAADD—Know the symptoms. Please read!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!! Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left.

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye—they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water, and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only one cheque in my chequebook,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Rose Garden

Welcome back, Keyboard. All of us who know you understand why there has been the hiatus. Personally, I look forward to the laughs you will once again share with your friends. Perhaps it will somehow spark some responses from me to keep mine going as well.

Feelings

Feelings ... are they good things or bad things? I don't think we would actually really be living if we didn't have feelings about our lives and the happenings in it.

Recently I've been enduring a whole lot of feelings ... and not all of them have been good. I've been happy by times ... those times are wonderful. I feel alive when I can laugh and smile. Those are my favourite times.

I've been sad ... those times are hard, but they make us appreciate the happy times all the more.

I've also been hurt ... those times are extremely painful. I don't believe the hurt was intentional, but then it seldom is. I don't like feeling that intensity of pain. Those are the times you are sure to find me on my knees praying and most likely crying too.

My astrologer says it is the planetary alignment doing this to us Aquarians and some other signs at the moment. I'll be glad when the planets move. I don't mind intense feelings when those feelings are the good kind: happiness, love, passion, romance, laughter, and plain old everyday kick-up-your-heels fun! That's how I want my life to be ... filled mostly with those things, and just enough of the others to help me maintain an appreciation of all that is good. The good stuff just has to be coming my way ... please!!

Dear Dad,

A letter to be sent on the wings of an angel:

Dear Dad,

It has now been 4 years since I last saw your smile and heard you laugh. Oh, how I miss that. I could always count on you to make me laugh, no matter what kind of day I was having. You knew the magic of a smile and the therapy of a laugh. You gave me that gift too.

I miss your bear hugs. You know, the ones where you would squeeze me tight and lift me clean off my feet? I would love to be able to pick up the phone and call you today, Dad, just to hear you say to me, "You're looking good." That used to make me laugh. Now we can have pictures attached to phone numbers that display when the person calls, but you never got the chance to see those.

I remember the silly things you did to make me laugh as a kid. The way you would take your top dentures out and turn them upside down and stick them out over your top lip. That was so silly, but it made me laugh. I miss the way I used to cuddle up on the bed with you on Saturday nights after a bath and watch Looney Tunes and wrestling with you. Dad, that poor coyote still hasn't caught the roadrunner. You would think with all the money he spent buying those ACME products to set a trap that he would just buy his dinner. Oh well.

Dad, I hope you are happy where you are. You were a happy, fun-loving man, and I thank you for what you meant to me. I still miss you, Dad, and I still love you very much. I will see you again one day. Happy Father's Day!

A Beautiful Rose

A rose is more than a beautiful flower. Today I lost a new-found friend. Her name was Rose. This Rose was a beautiful woman who shone from the inside out. She was everything to her family—a terrific mother, a wonderful grandmother, and best friend and soulmate to her husband. The connection she shared with him was amazing. The kind of love that everyone should have an opportunity to share in their lifetime.

I had heard so much about her and finally had the pleasure of meeting her a just a few short weeks ago. She had become ill, and I didn't get the opportunity to see her one more time before she passed on to a new life. My brief visit with her was memorable. We took to each other right away. She was warm, friendly, and had a great sense of humour. Her spirit was positive, and she spoke of angels lighting the way for her when she had temporarily lost her sight—a sign of her faith.

I know that Rose will be deeply missed by all who knew and loved her, especially her family and George, the love of her life. Even though I did not know her well, I, too, will miss her. No other rose I've known could compare. So long, Rose, until we meet again. May the angels sing thee to thy rest.

Questions That Haunt Me

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

What Time Is It?

Time: All the days there have been or ever will be; the past, present, and future (Gage Canadian Dictionary)

Sometimes I get confused as to what time of day you call what. For instance, I know that the morning starts at 12:00:01 a.m., but that is also called the middle of the night. So, is it morning or night? If that is considered night time, what time does morning actually start?

I know that 12 noon starts afternoon, but at what point does it become evening? What time does evening become night?

If the sun marks daytime, what time is daytime? It varies every day as the sun stays out for different amounts of time.

If the sun's disappearance and the moon's appearance marks night, what time does night actually begin. It is dark by 5 p.m. in the winter. Is 5 p.m. afternoon, evening, or night?

What happens when there is a new moon (no moon in the sky)? Is it still nighttime if there is no moon to be seen?

Boy ... am I confused. Can someone please tell me what the hell time of day it is???

Public Service Announcement

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces—body waste. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.

WATER = Poop
WINE = Health

Therefore, it is better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.I am doing it as a public service.

The Answer

an·ti·dis·es·tab·lish·men·tar·i·an·ism

/ˌæntiˌdɪsəˌstæblɪʃmənˈtɛəriəˌnɪzəm, ˌæntaɪ-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[an-tee-dis-uh-stab-lish-muhn-tair-ee-uh-niz-uhm, an-tahy-]

–noun

opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church, esp. the Anglican Church in 19th-century England.


Bet you didn't know that, did you?

Did You Know?

The second longest word in the English language is antidisestablishmentarianism. Do you know what it means?

Stay tuned for the answer.

Making Miracles Happen

I've been doing some reading about cosmic ordering. What that means is just as the name suggests: ordering something from the cosmos (God's universe) and receiving it. The information I am reading is fascinating. It reiterates what I have heard time and again—that we are the rulers of our own destiny. We do, in fact, create our own lives. By our positive or negative thoughts, we draw the good or the bad towards us. If we change the way we think, the possibilities are endless. It is the power of positive thinking, it is faith that knows no bounds, it is unwavering belief in yourself, your abilities, and who you really are and want to be.

If you would like to read about this, check out Kathryn Cassidy's blog, right here on Blogger. This is her link: http://cosmicorder.blogspot.com/

If you read that and come away saying "hogwash," then we know what the cosmos has in store for you—exactly what you believe you will get!! I'm placing my order now and going to work very hard at not wavering on my belief that it will all come to be. I'm not good at waiting, mind you, so it will be difficult, but I will persevere just as I have my whole life, but this time with a whole lot less negativity and a lot more positivity.

Go ahead, read the blog, as she suggests from the first entry at the bottom back up to the top of the page. Give yourself a gift—a change of perspective! I'll bet you won't regret it.

More School Shootings

The news from Virginia Tech today is devastating. At the time of writing this, it is estimated that 33 are dead and 29 injured. Four are currently in surgery.

It is unbelievable that people feel that they have the right to walk into a school or any place of business or any public place for that matter and just begin shooting and killing innocent people.

A criminal profiler said that we should not be surprised. Society is creating these monsters. That many children are already deemed to be shooters like this from the early age of 9.

Please, tell us what we have done wrong, and let's work at fixing it. This is so sad ... so incredibly sad.

May the souls of the dead rest in peace, and light perpetual shine upon them. Lord, may those who are wounded heal quickly, and may the emotional scars of all those whose lives have been affected by this find a way to heal. Help them all, Lord, as only you can.

Ten Simple Home Remedies

Thought for the Day: Does Cyclops wink or blink?

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Happy Easter!

This day is considered to be the most joyous day of the year. The day that brings the greatest news known to humankind. It is considered a day for new beginnings. May this day bring a new beginning for you too, in whichever way you wish for it to start anew.

Happy Easter to you all!

Bits and Pieces

Turn Fries
For the life of me, I can't figure out why the package of fries says "Turn fries after 7-8 minutes." Have you ever tried to turn fries? If you use a egg flipper (or whatever turn you use for it), you can't flip them all. You miss some, sure as anything. If you use tongs, you are there forever trying to turn every fry. Why can't they make fries you don't have to turn in the oven?

Muffler Issue
This morning I received a phone call from my ex, who had dropped by to pick my daughter up for work, to tell me that the muffler on my car was hanging off. The hanger had come loose on one side. Oh great!!! This was near 9 a.m. and I had an appointment in town for 11:15. I had just gotten up, had not even gotten dressed or eaten breakfast yet. Now what? Do I leave the car in the yard and take the bus? Only if I have to. My son is at work and is too busy to take some wire to tie it up for me. I wouldn't know where to start to try it myself. Called the local garage owned by my cousin. He was too busy and couldn't fit me in. So I called a local tire store. They said to bring it as quickly as possible and they would see what they could do. Good thing I showered the previous night. I quickly washed up and threw on some clothes. Grabbed my grocery list (where I was going after my appt), grabbed my make-up bag, threw my hair in a ponytail and out the door I went. Luckily my mother lives next door to the business. I thought I would lose the muffler before I got there. It was dragging on the ground. Now my driveway is on an incline with a little dip just prior to reaching the street. I was afraid it would dig in and rip off when I was backing out. So far so good. I drove at only 40 km/h maximum to get there, being careful not to hit any holes, etc., that might rip it off. Phew ... I made it. They discovered the bolt/screw had rusted off and broke. They replaced it and called to say it was done before I got my make-up on at my Mom's. The cost to me? No charge. God bless them. They saved my day and my budget.

No Tools Required
I'm on vacation this week, and set myself the task of cleaning up my utility room and getting it organized. A few weeks ago I bought a set of shelving to put in there, each shelf holding up to 600 lbs of weight and no tools required to put it together. No tools? Hmmm ... I should be able to do this. I put one set together using tools, so this should be easier. Well ... first of all, I needed someone to carry the sucker to my car. I couldn't lift it. It was heavy as hell. Then I had to enlist my neighbour to bring it into the house because my son had injured his shoulder. No tools? Well, I needed to get it out of the box. That required a utility knife. Is that not a tool? That box was not coming out with me trying to rip it open. No siree. Step one ... take the pieces out of the box and ensure they were all there. Yes, they were. Step two ... put the feet into the bottom of the first set of vertical braces. Do not use a hammer. Do not use a hammer? Holy shit! The palm of my hand was hurting from hitting that sucker. An FBH was sounding good. OK ... the directions are very good with this unit. It was going together pretty good. Then I hit the middle part where the vertical supports are joined. I sure could have used an extra set of hands or some tool to hold things in place for a moment because the plastic connector is not strong. Down comes the top part of the support, right across the top of my head. Ouch!! Damn this no tools! Maybe we just need a second pair of hands to get the job done without injury. They don't put that on the package. Maybe they should.

April's Fool—A Beginning or an End?

April's Fool

Ever wonder how the tradition of April Fool's Day got started? Historians don't know, but some believe that it is associated with the Spring Equinox. If so, the first day of April shares much in common with The Fool in the Tarot deck. Both symbolize fresh new beginnings. The Fool is assigned the number zero, and his place can be either at the beginning or the end of the 22 major arcana - after all, in every ending is a new beginning. Like a child, The Fool embarks on a new journey, not caring where he will end up, but taking delight in all the wonderful sights awaiting him. When The Fool turns up in a reading, he symbolizes a new start in some area of your life. ~ Astrocenter.com

Yet More History Lessons

Thought for the Day: Wonderful things start to happen when you dream outside of your sleep. —Richard Wilkins

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards, but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

I wonder where they got the terms dumber than a bag of hammers, one sandwich short of a picnic, not rowing with both oars in the water. I know there are more, but they escape me at the moment. I guess the list is endless.

*******************************

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint- and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "Ps and Qs."

Ahhhh ... just tell people to mind their own damn business.

History Lessons for Today

Thought for the Day: God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~ Anonymous

In days of old, personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

********************
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.

Another History Lesson

Thought for the Day: "Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced." — James Baldwin

In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long, wide board folded down from the wall was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."

Bet you didn't know that, did ya??

Kids and Drugs—How Times Have Changed!!

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question:
"Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?"

I replied, "I had a drug problem when I was young ... I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me. I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in Mom's garden and flowerbeds. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbours to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed. Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behaviour in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, the world would be a better place.

~author unknown~

God bless the parents who drugged us.

More History Lessons

Thought for the day: The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.

Yesterday, Keyboard asked me about the origin of another saying similar to "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey." It took some Googling, but this is what I found:

A local variant is "cold enough to freeze the nuts off a bridge," a supposedly true story from the early days of iron (not steel) bridges when the nuts of bridge bolts were alleged to have cracked in extreme cold.

Now... for another you may not know

Many years ago, personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smiles, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

History Lesson

Thought for the Day: Most worry is about things that can't be changed (the past), things that can't be controlled (the present), or things that might not happen (the future).

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem ... how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations.

However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."

All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you??

Scary Time

Thought for Today: Ideals are like stars—you will not succeed in touching them with your hands; but like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them, you reach your destiny. ~ Carl Schurz

Last night I had a scary time. I have a condition known as IBS. It is not necessarily life threatening, but by times you might wish you would die. I have developed this condition due to surgery in 1992 and long-term stress, stemming from my past life. It can be controlled to a degree by diet and by watching my stress levels. Unfortunately, some days you just can't win, no matter what you do. It is a difficult condition to live with, and also has resulted in some major food sensitivities and diet restrictions. To say the least, it sucks hard.

However, last night I was awakened on more than one occasion with excruciating abdominal pain, like I have not experienced before. It is times like that when I find it scary that I sleep alone. I wasn't sure I could even get out of my bed, and trying to call to either of my children would have been futile. They would not have heard me. I managed to be able to take care of myself, but wasn't sure for a time. I thought I might end up going to the hospital, but I got it under control and was able to go back to bed.

After all that pain and lack of sleep, I feel like hell today. I am wiped out and feel like I have been repeatedly punched in the stomach. Lord, I hope there isn't a repeat performance tonight. I couldn't take that again. No more chili for me...the suspected culprit...no matter how good it tastes. Good thing I am working from home this week or I wouldn't be working at all today.

Thank You, Halifax!

Thought for the day: Tears are God's way of melting a heart frozen in grief.

Well, today the news is filled with controversy over a decision made by Nova Scotia and the municipal government. After winning the bid to host the 2014 Commonwealth Games, today Halifax reneged on their bid. Several county councillors left the room in disgust as the announcement was made, athletes are threatening to pull out of Nova Scotia, and the critics are offering kudos.

I'm not much of a sports fan. I like a few of them, but I'm not a fan. Never have been. But that has no bearing on how I feel about this decision. I think it will take a while for people to get over the shock, and we will, no doubt, get a bad reputation for this. However, I also offer my kudos for this decision. For the first time that I can recall in my life, I have just witnessed the government making a decision that is financially reponsible to its citizens. If these games would cost us more money than the revenue they could possibly pull in, then there is no question in my mind as to whether or not the decision was the right one to make. It definitely was. All I can say is, "Thank you Mayor Kelly for making a responsible decision about spending the taxpayers money." God only knows we pay far too much in taxes now. I'm glad to know that our money is not being thrown away. Kudos to Halifax!!!

I Miss Him Still

Today is the 4th anniversary of my father's death. It has been a day filled with memories and missing him and, yes, a few tears. I miss his smile, his corny jokes, his jovial nature and deep belly laugh, and I miss his bear hugs. Today was a day when I could have used all of those things.


I miss you Dad. I hope you are watching over me. I sure could use someone to do that for me. Some days I feel so alone and empty. I'll love you always Dad.

Back to Work

Thought for the Day: Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. [I see this thought as being the way it is and should be when you share your life with someone you love. I really want to share my life and experience these things...something I have never really had and have always wanted...I think I'm worth that...]

Today I went back to work after being off 6 working days. I always hate the first day back. It is so busy trying to sort things out and organize what is on my desk and trying to figure out where to start. It usually takes 1/2 to 3/4 of a day to get through the e-mails, the snail mail, and the constant line-up of people coming to my desk to ask questions they couldn't get answers for while I was away. It was 9:40 before the constant line-up stopped and actually 3 p.m. before I could get to the meat of my work where I really wanted and needed to be. It's looking like the next month is going to be filled with deadlines. I've already informed my boss that I may have to take a day or two here and there to work at home in order to appropriately meet deadlines. I have so many interruptions in the run of a day due to the nature of my work that I can't make much headway at all. The type of work I do needs a lot of concentration and a keen eye. It's hard to maintain that (sometimes near impossible) when you have constant interruptions.

To top it all off, construction has begun again. Last Thursday before I left, I was told to empty one of my cubicles into the other so it could be dismantled and/or moved a couple feet towards my other one while they rip down the wall behind me and open up the now unoccupied space and set it up for another of our divisions that is being moved into our building from up in the east part of town. Oh goody!! This means that my partially quiet spot will now be surrounded by other people. So much for the level of quiet I now enjoy. At least I still have a window. After 26 years of dedication, they better not try to take it away again.

It was fun one day recently when I suddenly noticed that my black shoes were becoming white. I looked in the corner and found the gyproc dust of the destruction behind the wall was coming in through the radiator, which was partially opened, and dumped into my cubicle. When I started having difficulty breathing and noticed the mess, they weren't long attending to it and sealing it off and cleaning up the mess. Both my cubicles were completely covered with gyproc dust. I was not impressed. Now with the destruction happening this weekend, if the air quality is not good, I will be working from home. In addition, the painting will be done at night, so the smell needs to be gone. Before they lay the new carpet, they will have to off-gas it first. There are many of us who are sensitive to chemical scents. Not a fun time.

So...here's hoping I can work at home during the messy construction phase.

Eclipses

As I write this, we are in the midst of a lunar eclipse. As I look out my kitchen window, I can see the moon slowly disappear behind the shadow of Earth. The three heavenly bodies are becoming perfectly aligned. If you would like to read about this, there are a several sites on the Internet about it, such as this one.

I knew it was coming. My astrologer has been speaking of it for a couple weeks now. It will be followed by a solar eclipse on March 19. There are always two eclipses a short period of time apart. It is said that some ancient civilizations and the modern astrologers believe that the period between two eclipses opens a portal into a new world. A period of time when the impossible can become possible. So, let's see if something in your world that seemed impossible becomes possible between tonight and March 19. I wish you the best in achieving the impossible in your life. Wish me luck for mine.

It Never Stops!!!

I have been on vacation since last Friday, and I have not stopped. As a home owner and single parent there is never a shortage of things to do, only a shortage of money to do them.

I've been busy cleaning up my house and tidying up my life. I'm culling things from the past that no longer have any meaning (other than negative ones) and getting rid of stuff I just don't want anymore. I've cleaned and I'm doing a few little things here and there to make things better around here.

I found a homemade cabinet downstairs that was left by the previous owners. Once I got a carpenter to remove the spikes that held it onto the 2 x 4 framing for a half-bath downstairs, it sat there for 4 months. This week, I painted it and bought some new knobs for it. Tomorrow or Saturday, it will take up residence in my bathroom. This house has 1.5 baths and neither of them have any storage other than under the vanity. It sucks hard. So, this will help a little in the main bath.

I bought a new dishwasher, which will be delivered tomorrow, and had the old one pulled out and disconnected so they can take it with them when the new one comes. You never know how much you miss one of those suckers until you don't have one for awhile. It's dreadful!

I also bought a new set of heavy duty shelving for my utility room. No tools required. Yeah! That room is totally out of control. If only my kids would get their own places, 2/3 of what is there would be gone!! Totally unruly. In fact, my daughter has stuff that belongs to her spread out in nearly every single room of my house. Definitely means she needs a place of her own.

Today I fixed the legs on my table there were too loose and tightened up the frame on my futon to the best of my ability. Damn...the things I have to learn as a single Mom. Some aren't so hard, but many are things I'd rather not have to have the responsibility for doing. Some things, I've learned, I just don't have the know-how or physical strength to do. Boy...do I need a man to help me out around here!!! Hmmm...I can think of many other positive benefits to that too.

Laundry, meals, dishes, paperwork, tax returns...here I come...again. The work just never stops!!

New Work Policy

The following new policy was posted at work. It is assumed we will abide by this policy. Personally...I THINK NOT!!!!!

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the washroom. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you for your attention.

The Management

It's Here Again...

Happy St. Valentine's Day. May Cupid's arrow strike you just the right way.

Stupid Cupid

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Another Hallmark and Cadbury holiday. A day when the stores get rich, flowers and candies fly out the door of the stores, restaurants and hotels are packed, and love abounds. Well ... it does for some of us.

I've never experienced any such Valentine's Day. Just once in my life I would like to be pampered and loved on that day. Hell ... to be pampered and loved like that on any day would be awesome.

Stupid Cupid!! Point those arrows the right way will you. Your aim stinks!!!!!

Education: Coming Full Circle

Last week I had the opportunity to sit in on a meeting with a consultant who was describing his portfolio to a graphic designer to create a logo to represent a new educational initiative. I didn't really know much about it up to that point. As I sat there listening, I became more and more fascinated by what he was saying. I absolutely love being part of the education system and seeing the vision of what we wish to accomplish with the youth who are our future. This incident was no exception. Let me tell you about this program.

Here in Nova Scotia we are beginning a new initiative called Community-Based Learning (CBL). This program goes hand-in-hand with the new Options and Opportunities (O2) program that is now being offered in some schools. The intent of these programs is to bring the community into the classroom and the classroom into the community in partnership or mentoring programs. In this way, we hope to provide our youth with opportunities to explore different careers to see what they like, what they don't like, and where they feel they fit. We are facing a huge labour shortage as the Baby Boomers and the early Gen-Xers head into retirement. With the pull from the west to bring our tradespeople out there and the pull to the south for the medical profession and other professions, we are in serious danger of losing so many of the businesses that are essential to our existence. So we are taking the bull by the horns.

The first obstacle to overcome is the paradigm thinking of the Boomers and Gen-Xers that unless you go to university, you won't succeed in life. You will never make money, you will never be someone. Hogwash! They could not be more wrong. Not everyone is meant to go to university, and there is no shame in that whatsoever!!! We have heard from several industries that they can't get tradespeople at all to work for them because if the youth do choose the trades, the west is calling them out there. They are offering more money and more opportunities, but their hearts belong at home and they want to be there. Businesses are beginning to see that they need to offer more money to these tradespeople to keep them here. We have spoken to the businesses and have developed our programs as a result. Here is the main objective of these:

We have approached businesses to become mentors to our youth. They take the students into their businesses and teach them about what they do and how so that students can make informed decisions about career possibilities. The students spend a specific number of hours out in the community learning about these career possibilities, both through the trades and university careers. It helps them to know what courses they need to have if they want to work in these careers. By informing them, students are more successful in the classroom because they see the big picture of what they need and why it is important. They also have opportunities to work in co-operative education settings in businesses. The CBL and O2 programs help to educate the students on what it is like in the real world and help them to see what it is they are working towards. There is even a personality profile portion to the program to assist them in making their choices. They will be more likely to know what direction they want to go in at the end of high school so that they don't waste money and years of their life trying to figure it out (like I did, and my daughter). One of the most exciting aspects is that Nova Scotia is working with the businesses to create a Mathematics Skills course that will provide students with the kind of math they need to succeed in these careers. When we can bring real-life experiences into the classroom and take the students into the community we all benefit and school makes so much more sense to them, increasing their success rate.

This seems to me as if we have come full circle in our education program. Even 50 years ago, many, many people learned their trades through mentorship, working part-time while attending school. The old-fashioned way wasn't all that bad after all, was it? These programs really excite me. I see so much potential for students who might once have risked falling through the cracks. It is so exciting!!

Yes, I Have the Answers

This is in response to the questions at Sam's Place. My responses are in red.

* Why you always stop by a puddle when you park. Because there are no lakes in parking lots.

* Why the telephone cord always gets knotted no matter how carefully you hang it up each time. (Thank goodness for cordless phones.) If I pull your cord beyond the coils, it will coil up incorrectly too. It can only take so much stress.

* Why the computer always freezes near the end of a long document. (Never near the start or when doing a short project.) If it froze near the start, you would simply start it over in a new file. Where would the aggravation be then? Seriously, the more complex and full the document, the more chance of it freezing, so keep the files small, simple, and clean.

* Why the door lock is always stiffer or stuck when your arms are full of packages. It's not silly. You just can't turn your arm as easily if it is full. Duh!!

* Why you think to turn the dryer on after you get upstairs. I think this happens only after the age of 40. Information overload. Too many things to think of so nothing can stay for more than 10 seconds. Some times I think I can't even manage 10 seconds before I forget.

* Why the cashier with the shortest line up has to call for a price check just after you get there. Sometimes people just pick up something without a price on it and don't notice it themselves.

* Why your coat only gets caught in the door when your arms are full of packages. Just plain dumb luck!!

* Why the water gets warm just after you finish washing your hands under running water. Duh ... you're supposed to wait for it to get warm before you wash your hands. Were you brought up in a barn?

* Why the key you need is always the last one you try out of the bunch. Because none of them are marked or else if you lost them, someone could come break into your house and steal your things. Now that would just be silly!!

In all honesty, these things just happen. Just dumb luck. Shit happens. Live with it and don't sweat the small stuff. Life goes on...

Age

Have you ever had days where you feel your age? Days when you feel older? Days when you feel young again? I think we all experience all of them from time to time depending on what we are going through at the time.

Today is my birthday! Two days ago I would have told you I was 90. Yesterday I would have said I was 55. Today I feel a little younger than my ____ years.

Well ... you didn't think I was going to write the number down there did you? Not a chance.

Tears

There are many different kinds of tears, each with their own scientific consistency. There are tears of sorrow, tears of fear, tears of happiness ... you name it. We each cry for our own reasons. Some of us cry easier than others, some cry harder than others. Me? I cry easier and harder than a lot of people. I'm not afraid to feel my emotions or express them. I don't, however, like to display tears in my workplace, but it has happened from time to time for various reasons.

The tears of sorrow seem to be more acidic or more saline than others. I don't know this to be fact, I only know that they make my eyes sting, my cheeks burn like crazy and I get one hell of a sinus headache. The snotty nose is another issue to deal with. Why does that have to accompany the tears? I guess that is why they say tears are cleansing. They clean your body of all fluids so that you can't even spit.

All I know is that my face is killing me, and I look like hell...

Nothing to Say

Well, Keyboard tells me I am behind in my blog writing, and so I am. I've been having a complete writers' block lately and can't really think of anything worthwhile to say. The things going on in my mind really aren't appropriate to put here (I'll let your mind wander on that), so I have said nothing at all. Hmmm ...

Can't think, brain dumb, inspiration won't come
bad ink, poor pen, best wishes, amen.

How is that? or maybe this:

As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters never point your way.

I really can't think of anything to say. I've been extremely self-absorbed lately, so the ideas just won't come. Keyboard, I promise I will try to think of something to write soon. In the meantime, it's nice to know you miss me (teehee).

The Month after Christmas

Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd tasted
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So—away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie—not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore—But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Happy New Year!

All the best for 2007!

May it bring you all your heart desires!!