Fear

Who doesn't have fear about something? If you say you are afraid of nothing, I say you are a liar.

There are some thing happening in my life right now that scare me. I'm afraid this and that won't happen like I want them to, and I'm afraid something else will that I don't want to happen. How do you get past that? Some of it I have no control over, but I know the results will either make me very happy or devastate me. The problem is I don't know which it will be. I know I have to accept either scenario and both will come with some sort of adjustment I need to make in my life, but I don't get to pick which outcome it will be. I'm used to making adjustments. God knows I've made a tremendous amount of them in the past 5 years in every area of my life. It's just that these ones are so very important to me, so I stand to gain or lose a tremendous amount.

I've faced many fears before only to find that the reality was not as bad as I had feared it would be. Sometimes we just have to swallow our fear and forge ahead anyway. I've done that before too. Right now though when it is something I can't control, I just want to curl up in bed with a teddy bear, cover my head, and stay there until the storm passes. If there was something more I could do, I would do it in an instant, but I don't know what that is.

The Original Computer

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived


And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy . .

. . . you just hoped nobody ever found out!

Another Hallmark Holiday

It's that dreaded commercial holiday again—Valentine's Day. The day when the price of roses skyrockets, restaurants and hotel rooms are booked to capacity, teddy bears, cards, and chocolates disappear from the store shelves, engagements will occur, and promises will be made.

Do I like Valentine's Day? Not particularly. I believe that people who really love one another should have Valentine's Days on a regular basis several times each month. As one male colleague in my office responded when asked if Valentine's Day would be special in his house, "My wife would tell you it's Valentine's Day everyday in my home." What a guy!! That's the way it should be.

Am I envious of all those who are spending this evening in the arms of someone they love? You bet I am. I've never had a memorable Valentine's Day in my life. Everyone else seems to get those, not me. Maybe next year????? I hope so...

The 5 Ws and How?

I see over at Sam's Place, Keyboard is questioning why. Why not? Why is a timeless question. One that gets asked by every generation, especially the very young. I so remember the kids saying to me, "Why....but why?" The answer my parents used to give to me often came to mind, but I tried not to use it since it didn't answer the question at all. That response was "Just because" or "Because I said so." Not helpful at all. So, today, these are the questions I would like to have answers to:

Who can help me achieve my dreams? Is there someone out there who can help?

What will the future hold? Please, can I have a sneak peek?

When will I have what I need in life? Soon I hope. This uphill trudge is difficult.

Where will my children live when they are gone from here? Only God knows. A burning question I think every parent wonders.

Why do some things in life take so damn long and some things just won't go away? I wish I knew who the timekeeper was. Maybe I could adjust his clock.

How will life be for me 6 months from now? Will it be different or more of the same?

I guess I have a lot of questions about what my future holds and when. As for Keyboard's question of why, I think it is something everyone will always wonder.

Year's Best Headlines for 2005 [actual]

CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Duh!!!]

SuperBugs

I think right now I would like to have those doctors who consistently prescribed antibiotics for viruses by the short and curlies!

What a month this has been!! First of all, about 3 weeks ago I had the worst case of stomach flu I've had in a very long time. Now I have a wicked, wicked cold bug. It's been 4 days now and I am only feeling very marginally better. It has completely zapped the good right out of me. I've coughed up a lung and can't find it for the life of me. I don't even have the energy to search for it!

I blame the medical professionals. We've heard it time and again how the viruses are now becoming so totally resistant to antibiotics that they are deemed to be "superbugs." Let me tell you, these two I've had have set me down hard on my arse!!!! This is brutal. I hope this goes away soon so I can get back to normal life. This really, really sucks hard. God, please send me an angel of mercy...

Computer Crashes

Why Computers Sometimes Crash!
by Dr. Seuss


If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions are causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!


Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?

It's That Dreaded Day!!!

Oh dear...
the day has arrived.
It is my birthday again.
Can I run and hide?

At my age and current life status, I hate my birthdays. However, this year, everyone seems to be setting out to try to make it a good one for me. It started out with receiving e-mails from friends with best wishes, then the cards, the soy steamer, the tulips, the cake and ice cream, and then the gifts, and phone calls too. Oh...and the co-workers who put a HUGE sign on my window at work facing traffic telling passersby to "Honk. It's my birthday!! I really laughed at that one. Then my boss let me go home early to start the celebrations here since it is also my daughter's birthday. Speaking of which...time to go do that.

Here's hoping this year will be a good one for me!!

How Long Must I Dream?

How long must a person dream before those dreams become a reality?

That is a question I struggle with daily. Some things seem to take forever and you still don't know if they will come to fruition.

Some mountains seems endless to climb. I'm told the real joy is in the journey, the thrill of the expectation, much like the build-up to Christmas, but those mountains seem to keep growing as I climb them.

How high are hurtles? Mine, I'm sure, seem to be 300 ft. high each. They seem insurmountable.

How big are stumbling stones? The ones I've encountered are as big as the rock of Gabraltar.

How much bramble can one encounter? Enough to get you so tangled up that you feel like you may fall and not be able to get back up.

How much does God give you? Not more than you can handle, but certainly gives you as much as you can handle at one time. Sometimes this is much more often than it really should be.

Right now I'm having a lot of moments when I feel as if I am encountering all of these things at once. Life is truly a rollercoaster ride. Please...someone stop this thing so I can have a break and hand me a rope and a ladder.

God, please help me reach those stars. I seem to keep wishing on someone else's star. They keep getting what I've been wishing for. When will it be my turn? My birthday is next week. What a wonderful present that would be.

Screwed Again!!!

Such a great start to 2006!!

I just found out today that management at work has screwed me again. Sure makes you realize just how important you really are to them and reinforces that the only person concerned about seeing that your needs are met is yourself. The story of my life! There are roadblocks in every direction I turn in my life. I just can't get where I want and need to be.

I'm really tired of getting screwed without having sex. At least that would be pleasurable!!

New Year Resolutions

It's that time of year again when we reflect on our past year(s) and think about our future. We celebrate the turning of the calendar leaf in all different kinds of ways and with a variety of people. Resolutions of all kinds will be made, some will be seen through to the end, and many will be broken.

For me it is a time when I again realize how quickly time is running out for me for attaining my goals. For this reason, I hate new years. Will I ever reach these goals? I hope so, but who can say for sure. I try, but it seems there are obstacles on each road I travel, mountains to climb, and hurtles to jump. These things will certainly make me appreciate the goals that much more when and if I do reach them, but I wish the journeys were not so difficult all the time. That gets tiresome and makes me want to throw in the towel and say "why bother?" The answer I get in response each time: because it is what you really want with all your heart and it will be well worth it.

The roads that we all walk in life are difficult to walk, even when they are paved with gold. Life is like that, and we have to accept as much. What we all need to do is to realize that we do not have to walk them alone. There is a second set of footsteps walking beside us, whether it is someone we can reach out and touch or someone we can't see and can only feel the presence of.

This New Year's Eve when you make your resolutions, make them from your heart. Our brains can turn things inside out and upside down and find all kinds of excuses, but when we look with our hearts, we can see clearly what we need and want for our lives. Let it be your guide for 2006.

Have a safe and happy new year everyone!! All the best for the coming year!

It's Christmas Day!

I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas day. Don't eat too much turkey, although I'm sure I will.

Merry Christmas , and God bless you everyone!!!!

It's Almost Here...

The blessed day is almost here. That day that we celebrate the birthday of Jesus. I know that December 25 is not the real day that he was born, but it has become the accepted day for that. It seems that April is closer to the actual date of his birth.

We are all busy buying, cooking, baking, wrapping gifts, decorating, and cleaning, preparing for that day. When the day gets here, it will come and go so quickly that we will wonder what all the fuss was for. However, the whole season is meant to be a season of love and for preparation of that day. As they say, prepare ye the way of the Lord...

Christmas is going to be a little different for me this year. I am fully expecting the coming year, too, to continue to be full of many changes, transitions, benefits, and challenges. So now I ask, Lord, prepare the way for me...

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a really good girl this year. I've worked hard, I've attended church, and I've been a good friend, too. I loved my kids, and worked through many challenges this year, including two moves and a house purchase. So, Santa, here is my Christmas wish list.

This year, Santa, I will again hang a 5' stocking. Can you please, please, put in it an incredibly handsome 6' foot piece of flesh of the male persuasion. I promise to love him deeply, respect him, always be supportive of him, treat him like a prince, and try never to take him for granted. I want him to love me deeply in return, and offer me the same level of respect, support, and appreciation.

Santa, I am far from perfect, and I don't expect perfection in anyone else either. That would be boring anyway. Can you make sure, Santa, that he knows that I know how to say four simple 3-word phrases: I was wrong, I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you. These are the most important phrases in the English language.

Santa, I know that he is out there. I also know that you know where to find him. If you will put him in my Christmas stocking and tie a red ribbon around him, in various places, I will unwrap him lovingly (maybe just using my teeth to do so).

You see, Santa, although all the other gifts would be wonderful, too, the only thing I really want for Christmas is love—true and deep. When a person has that in their life, everything else in the world can shine like a beacon and everything in life is a miracle or contains one. Mountains are easier to climb when you have someone walking along beside you. Love conquers all!!!

So, Santa, although my list is short, it is a big one. Please, can you bring this to me?

Sincerely,

Miz D

What a Day!

Holy toledo, what I day I had today. It was one of those Murphy's Law Days or something. My day started, as usual, at 5 a.m., despite being awake since 4:20. That is too early even for birds to get up, so what the hell am I doing getting up that time of the morning?

Getting ready for work went as usual, and I caught the bus at 6:50 a.m. We only got a couple miles from home when the bus lost it's air pressure so we couldn't move. The driver got us to a stop where he knew we could connect with a larger bus heading in the same connection. God bless him, on such a cold day. The bus had enough room to hold our full standing capacity load and left only one person standing.

I get off the bus in Halifax and head into work. I take the elevator I usually take to the parkade and get off then realize the pedway is closed for repair. So I decide to walk up to the next level, where I can access it. The stairs didn't take me there. The ramps were too slippery to walk up, so back down a few levels I go in the elevator to another level of the parkade with access to outside. I cross the street and come in the side door of the building. I am now officially late for work.

I get in and get stopped by a co-worker on the way to my desk. We talk for a few minutes. I get to my cubicle and am taking off my boots when another co-worker comes to me with an urgent job she needs done and is having difficulty. Off I go to help her sort that out. By the time I get back to my desk, it is nearly 1/2 hour into my work day. I go to put my shoes on and realize I had put my daughter's memory stick in my shoe so I wouldn't lose it. I need to print some things for her today. Oh no ... where is that stick? I know I put it in here. Finally I find it caught in the toe of my shoe.

I put the memory stick into my monitor and open the files and send them downstairs to print. They call me back. These pages are printing right on the edge of the paper and are just beyond the print area. Can I please move them into the centre of the page. OK, easy enough ... or so I thought. I don't know this program really well, and ran into a snafoo. I called our printing technician to help me. We sort it out and I send to print again ... or so I thought. Now they are stuck on printing to envelope size paper, despite my choosing the print set up and page size as letter. Urgghh ... I am supposed to be doing my own work. I have priorities to attend to before my holidays start. Now what? So I create PDFs of these and send them down again. Another phone call. One of the PDFs is wrong. I fix it and send it yet again. By this time I am ticked at the time it is taking me to do when I need to do my own work.

The rest of the day is very busy, taking only 10 minutes to eat lunch and no other breaks. Then I go home on the bus, and had a bit of an uncomfortable conversation with a friend. Glad to get off the bus today. I rush to prepare supper so a friend can pick me up for groceries. She got stuck in traffic and was late getting home. Then when she came to pick me up, she got caught in traffic on my street for 10 minutes because of a school concert. I must be jinxed. Off we go to the grocery store. We go to the big one down the road that I haven't been to in ages. It is all changed around, and I feel like a little kid in a candy store, but I don't have time to really check it out tonight. However, it took me longer than usual to get what I need because I can't find anything. Then I picked up a few extra things that I can't find at the store I shop in. This is cool. Can I come back here?

Off we go home with my groceries in the back seat, hers in the trunk. We pull into my driveway and it hits me ... I forgot my keys. I didn't need them to lock up because someone was home, so I forgot to take them. Guess what? No one was home when I got here. Now what? I picked up my cell phone and called inside in case someone was in their room or downstairs. No answer. I called my son's cell phone. "Where are you?" I asked. His reply? "Halifax." Great!!! Now I call my daughter's cell phone. I ask the same question. Her reply? "Just about to get on the bus." "Don't get on it!!" I tell her. "I locked myself out, we will be there to pick you up in a second." So down the street we go to meet her and her friend at the bus stop. They had been waiting 1/2 hour in the freezing cold because she misread the bus schedule, and now I made her tell the bus driver to leave without them. We pull over and put my groceries in the trunk as well so that they can get in the back seat. We use her keys to get me in the house, bring in my groceries, then she drops them off for me at their destination.

What a friggin' day!!! The two good things about today were that I heard from a friend I care about very much and my new friend was very patient with me when I forgot my keys. She was great. A real Godsend. Both of these friends made my day.

I think I will head to bed now. I sure hope my dreams aren't as busy and screwed up as my day was. I need a good sleep. Good night all!!

The Goose Is Getting Fat

Christmas is coming ... the goose is getting fat ... please put a penny in the old man's hat.

Well, that's the way the song goes anyway. Wish they would put more than a few pennies in my hat. I have turkey for Christmas not goose, but I like goose too. Those turduckens sound pretty interesting, but they are really expensive.

Yes, Christmas is coming, and I am getting a little excited. It will be the first Christmas in my new home, and the first one with both my children here with me since 3 years ago. It may possibly be the last one too, but that's OK because I know that life evolves and they grow up. Someday I will probably have grandchildren to spend it with too to make it fun.

This year I also get to have an additional person here with me. My son's girlfriend wants to experience a "fun" Christmas for the first time in her life. She grew up very differently from what we did. She is excited to be spending Christmas with us. I will do the best I can to show her what Christmas can be like. I hope she enjoys it. Christmas should be full of spirit, and I will be my best.

The Monkey Trial: The Debate Continues

The old debate of evolution vs. creationism is not dead. In a Pennsylvania school late this fall a superintendent of schools walked into a classroom and read a statement to students mandated by the school board that read, in part:

Because Darwin's theory is a theory, it is still being tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact. Gaps in the theory exist for which there is no evidence ... Intelligent design is an explanation of the origin of life that differs from Darwin's view. The reference book Of Pandas and People is available for students to see if they would like to explore this view ... As is true with any theory, students are encouraged to keep an open mind.

That is quite a step, encouraging students to keep an open mind. Yes, every theory is full of holes. Until something is proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, any theory is full of holes. Can we prove evolution? No, we can't. Some of the make-up of the human body is so precise (so say scientists) that it seems impossible to have been a mutation that has evolved. Was woman made from the rib of a man or from the dust of the Earth? Who knows for sure? Men and women have the same number of ribs. Perhaps the truth is a combination of both.

I believe the whole universe is ruled by a power greater than ourselves. A power we cannot see, yet we can feel it, and we can see the results. Can we see the wind? No, but we know it is there. We can feel it and see the power it has.

Perhaps this step in Pennsylvania is the first step in allowing God back into the classrooms. We allow guns and other weapons in the classroom. We teach children about safe sex in the classroom. So why can't we teach them that there are many different religions in the world and that we must respect each other's beliefs? I believe we can without instilling our personal values on children. Those should come from home.

We may live in Canada, a multicultural nation, but God is being torn from our majority Christian practices. We are told that we now must celebrate a "holiday" season and not "Christmas." To that I say, "You call it what you like, but I will tell you if you offend me by calling it a simple holiday and not Christmas." No one will take the Christ out of Christmas for me. After all ... that is what Christmas is—a mass celebrating the birth of Christ, our saviour.

That's the way I see it...

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

[teehee ... I'm so glad I'm not like most women. I'm not actually crabby most of the time.]

Cars

Over at Sam's Place he is talking about cars and whether or not they are American. I sum it up like this:

A car has 4 wheels and an engine as well as many working parts that can break down. No one ever knows who makes those parts, but they don't last forever regardless of who does. It will be "the cheapest bid wins."

A car transports you from point A to point B in whatever level of comfort you choose to put your money into for the brand you want.

Personally ... I would love to simply have a car. So Keyboard ... you are lucky no matter what you choose.

It Figures

Yesterday, all provincial government employees received an e-mail from the Premier about a new award, the "Premier's Award of Excellence" meant to be awarded to any provincial employee who shows outstanding leadership, service, etc. My first thought was, "yeah, here come more rewards for management and the little guys will still not be recognized."

It wasn't 1/2 hour later when our division received an e-mail from middle management suggesting that we nominate the Director. How typical!!!! For once, I would like to see the little guy be appreciated. Maybe I am just sensitive because there are several things happening in my life at the moment that make me feel unappreciated, but I see it all too often when the support people have the great ideas, put them to work, and then management takes all the credit and accolades. Personally, I believe we should all be humble and take reward in a job well done, one that helps those who know nothing about you.

It figures, doesn't it????