Why Women Are Crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

[teehee ... I'm so glad I'm not like most women. I'm not actually crabby most of the time.]

Cars

Over at Sam's Place he is talking about cars and whether or not they are American. I sum it up like this:

A car has 4 wheels and an engine as well as many working parts that can break down. No one ever knows who makes those parts, but they don't last forever regardless of who does. It will be "the cheapest bid wins."

A car transports you from point A to point B in whatever level of comfort you choose to put your money into for the brand you want.

Personally ... I would love to simply have a car. So Keyboard ... you are lucky no matter what you choose.

It Figures

Yesterday, all provincial government employees received an e-mail from the Premier about a new award, the "Premier's Award of Excellence" meant to be awarded to any provincial employee who shows outstanding leadership, service, etc. My first thought was, "yeah, here come more rewards for management and the little guys will still not be recognized."

It wasn't 1/2 hour later when our division received an e-mail from middle management suggesting that we nominate the Director. How typical!!!! For once, I would like to see the little guy be appreciated. Maybe I am just sensitive because there are several things happening in my life at the moment that make me feel unappreciated, but I see it all too often when the support people have the great ideas, put them to work, and then management takes all the credit and accolades. Personally, I believe we should all be humble and take reward in a job well done, one that helps those who know nothing about you.

It figures, doesn't it????

Defining Frustration

This is how I define frustration lately:

• Wanting to cut the grass, but the blade has not been attached and needs to be sharpened. I have no file to do so, and have lost patience with the unco-operative weather and getting someone to do it for me.
• Wanting to hang blinds and not having a drill to drill into the wood frames because I am not strong enough to screw them in without drilling. I also don't know how to use a drill, don't have one, don't have a ladder/stepstool to reach the window, and am having difficulty getting someone to help.
• Wanting to cut low-hanging branches off trees that are in the way and not having big, heavy shears to cut them or a saw.
• Wanting to move firewood back under the newly-renovated deck and having a wheelbarrow with a flat tire. It requires a compressor or an inner tube to fix it, neither of which I have.
• Needing to replace a piece of chimney and not being able to light a fire until it is fixed.
• Needing to rip up a piece of carpet that is glued down and not having a pair of vice-grips to pull it up with.
• Needing to buy a lot of things and having trouble finding a way to get them home when you can't carry them on the bus.

These are just some of things that are frustrating me at the present time. It makes me shake my head and ask myself why the hell I wanted to buy a house on my own when I don't have a car either. Some days it feels too restrictive for many reasons. I'm trying hard to keep positive that this is where God wants me to be. This is not a step backwards, it is a step towards a wonderful future, one that is waiting just around the corner for me. I certainly hope it is just around the corner anyway. I don't know how long my patience will hold out like this. Life will be good, right? Life will be good.

Remarkable Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

• Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate
• teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch
• a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student

These things only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Do you remember him?

Junk Mail

I think we all get a lot of spam and junk e-mail, but the junk snail mail is still in full force too.

I have moved three times in the past three years, and somehow my junk mail seems to follow me around, and I didn't even give them a forwarding address!!!!!!!

Today, I received the same magazine twice from two of my former addresses, but none at the current one. I can hardly wait until that address catches up with me too so that I get three copies of a magazine that I don't want. They even supplied their website address. However, I can't access their site without signing up. If I do that, they will have my current address. I DON"T THINK SO, TIM!!!

Sheesh. I guess I just have to keep contributing to the "save a tree" campaign, and stick them in the recycling bag. And to think a tree had to die just so I could throw out the paper!!!

Adjusting to Change

Adjusting to change is challenging for everyone, no matter who you are. We are all creatures of habit. Some people can embrace change and thrive on it, while others will dig their heels in and refuse to budge for the a very long time.

I took a course in change management last year that defined how different people adjust and adapt to change. I guess it has been timely because I have had a tremendous amount of change in my life this year. I knew on January 1 that this was to be a year of transition for me. This past week has been the most challenging of them all.

I moved into a new house. This house is mine. The first on my own. I have full responsibility for it all and all the expenses that come with it. Am is scared? Yeah, I'm scared sh**less!! The worst part was moving in at a time when fall is pressing upon us and having outdoor things that MUST be attended to at the same time as you are trying to unpack and organize. That was difficult enough. Then for the first time in 3 years, I have both my children living with me at the same time. They don't always get along very well. This was a lot of adjustment all at once, and was completely overwhelming. Not having a partner in my life made it more difficult because I couldn't share any of the responsibilities and had to shoulder them all. My faith went completely out the door, and I was reduced to tears on a few occasions. I'm coming down from that now ... way down ... and that is a good thing. I have the plans in place for the major work to be done. The furniture is set up, maybe not where it will stay, but set up nonetheless. Now I can pick away at the rest over time.

Yes, adjusting to change is hard, and I don't mind change, however this was a lot of it all at once so I got a little overwhelmed. I think if I hadn't needed to deal with the new roof, new deck, cracked foundation, and painting and caulking the windows within the next few weeks, I would have handled this much better I am sure. Now I have calmed down, but am still busy. I've just learned to pace myself.

My son told me, "Mom, I don't like to see you this way. You don't have to do everything all at once. You're killing yourself. Slow down." Another friend told me the same thing. They were right. Sometimes we can take wise advice from those younger than us and those who stand on the outside looking in. They see a different perspective. I thank them both and love them both.

I am sure that my year of transition has not yet ended ... stay tuned for more to come. I have other irons in the fire as well.

I HATE Moving!!!!!

This last move was the biggest one I've had yet, and so many headaches. I am too stressed about it all. Finally this evening I am beginning to relax a little, from sheer exhaustion if nothing else. This is what happened:

• 1/2 hour before pre-close inspection we ran into a legal problem that had not been resolved. The seller was gone, their lawyer was out of town, and their realtor was away as well. It took a lot of "urgent" work on my lawyer's part, but we had it resolved by early afternoon.
• On inspection, we found a crack in the foundation that had been hidden by stuff in the pre-purchase inspection. Now mine to pay for. Permacrete comes tomorrow for the estimate.
  
• Immediately following that, my appliances arrive. It took 3.5 hours to get them in after having to remove the screen door, the steel door and the the fridge door. They managed to put a little dent in the top far corner. I'll live with that so I could have cold food.
• Next day it took 3 hours to load and unload the two trucks. I was flabbergasted at that, but everything was put everywhere and without a lot of care. I got many scratched pieces of furniture and dents and scratches in walls.
• I discovered that there are only 4 phone jacks here and only 3 that actually work. One of them should have been a wallmount phone jack, but isn't. Aliant comes on Thursday to fix and install more.
• Now, I thought I had room for everything, but it appears that I don't or have to put a lot more thought into how to arrange things so that it will. More headaches.
• Now there are curtain rods and curtains to buy since they took them all but one or two. They were supposed to leave them all but two sets.
• The security system is all set up and activated. Hopefully we won't set that off accidentally.

I have questioned myself several times in the past few days as to why it was I wanted to do this. How foolish of me to think that this would be a good thing. I don't like doing this alone. It's too overwhelming, at least at the moment. I hope it will all die down shortly. Right now it is chaos and insanity. I should have moved into an institution instead!!!!

Who Says Size Doesn't Matter?

Last week I went with my daughter to a local camera store to buy her a 35 mm camera she needed for her courses at school. She had gone in previously and looked at a couple and chose which one she wanted. I met her there to purchase it.

When we finally got to speak to the sales manager that she had been dealing with, he showed me the camera. I said OK, and off he went to get one from the stock. He came back with two—one model a little different from the other. I asked him what the price difference was. One was about $80 cheaper than the one he had first shown us. I asked what was different in the way of features. He took the one we originally looked at out of the box and showed me the numbered settings on the lens. (There was an additional setting on the more expensive model, but I hadn't noticed it to this point.) He turned the dial to the second last setting on the adjustments, then said to me, as he turned the dial from the second last setting to the last one, "The difference is between this and this." The lens popped out about another 1/4".

I started to chuckle. I turned away from the counter and looked at my daughter. She didn't know what I was laughing at, then I said to her, "I'm not even going to tell you what I'm thinking." Then she understood. She shook her head, giggled, and said to me, "Mom, I can't take you anywhere!"

At this point I was laughing out loud. I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I turned back to the sales manager who had a smile on his face, laughed, and said, "I think I like you." Then I started to laugh out loud again. It was a great laugh on an otherwise busy and stressful day.

Would you have paid an extra $80 for another 1/4"? I did, and it was worth it!!!!!!!!

Open Wide ...

Tonight I had my 6-month check-up and cleaning at the dentist. This is one task I absolutely hate. I don't like dental work at all.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with sharp objects, and then they start scraping them and nearly pulling them out of your head with this sharp metal hook. What's with that?

They say not to put foreign objects into your mouth, then they proceed to put their fingers, a mirror, a pick, and a stream of water or air in there all at the same time. First thing you know, they ask you a question and expect you to answer with all these things in there. Like they could understand what you answered anyway!!!!!

I have a really wonderful gag reflex, which I curse for more reasons than one. It is annoying. I even had them mark it on my chart so they can keep their grubby little fingers and utensils away from the back of my tongue and my palate. I've gotten pretty good at retracting my tongue to keep it out of the way and also for the doctor and those damn tongue depressors.

Oh well ... I got through it, and have no cavities. Next appt. — March.

Getting Older

Today is also my son's birthday. He is my youngest, and has just turned 20. I have no more children in their teens. That makes me feel old. I don't like that part. I have to say, though, that the past year has made a huge difference in him. He has matured more in a wonderful way. I really like what I see in him. As for me ... I just got older ... and maybe a little wiser. At least we can hope I am wiser. Here's hoping the two of us (and my daughter, too, of course) see several other 20-year periods. It's a long time in some ways, and goes quickly in others. Life is just too damn short for some things.

That'll Cost You ...

I am discovering how expensive it is to move—twice at that. This is what I was told:

• Yes, you can rent this truck and it will cost you $__ for the day and $__ per kilometre.
  
• As a courtesy, I will feed lunch to the people who are volunteering their time to help me move. That will cost me $__. This is a small cost because I appreciate the help so much.
  
• We will disconnect your phone and Internet from your current location and reconnect at the new one and it will cost you $__ for this service.
  
• We will install your satellite service for free, but it will cost you a 2-year contract. If you wish to terminate the contract before the end of the term, it will cost you $300.
• The post office will redirect my mail again, but it will cost $__ to do so.
  
• We will connect you with water service, but it will cost you $____ to connect.
  
• Your power can be connected and based on budget, but you will have to pay the budget amount of the previous owners. That will cost you $100 more per month than what you are paying now.

It is unbelievable how much it costs. I don't think I will want to move again any time soon after this. I think I will be too poor to do that.

It's Getting Closer

Just 20 more sleeps and I will be in my own home. It has been a busy time, and I'm starting preparations for the move now. Any volunteers to help?

I may not be posting much while I am preparing for the move. Much to do. So ... if I don't talk to you for a bit, don't forget about me. I'll still be thinking of you.

Awesome!!!

This weekend, I saw some of the most awesome sights in nature. I spent the weekend at the Ovens National Park in Lunenburg. I had often heard about them, but had never been there. I was not prepared for how awesome they really were.

The campsite overlooked the ocean. When there is nothing but ocean for as far as the eye can see, it seems so incredible that there is that much water actually on the Earth. It spanned for miles and miles. The sun and moon shining on it all that distance just made it seem even more expansive. The Bluenose even sailed into the bay.

Then there was the Ovens themselves. We went for a walk on the nature trails. The view from the top of the cliffs was spectacular. I almost felt as though I was looking at the Grand Canyon. The cliffs were sheer rock that had been just gouged away by glaciers, exposing thousands of layers of rock, many of which were different colours. The ovens were deep caves gouged even further into these cliffs. When the water comes up into them and the waves roll in and out, it sounds like thunder. It was awesome!

When we took a walk all along the different portions of the beach, the sights were amazing. (Yes, I have actually seen a beach before.) All of the rocks on the beach were either completely round and smooth from years of water washing over them or they were jagged, very large hunks of jagged rock in many layers.

There was also a few farm animals that I went to see. There were two pigs (Pork and Ham; that really is their names) , five rabbits, and two goats. The goats and pigs loved to have their heads scratched. They are cute. I got some nice pics too.

I think the most awesome sight I saw, though, was the lovers going hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm. Love is the most awesome thing on Earth, and I was envious!!!

Nursery Rhymes, 21st Century Style

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Simple Simon met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Georgy Porgie Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad ...
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

The Count Down Is Officially On

The countdown is on for my next move. One month from today is my closing date for taking possession of my new home. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. This move will be bigger than the last, and a little more complex. There are things to move from 4 locations into the new one. I think I'm going to need lots of help for this one. Now to start making all the plans. Let the fun begin!!!

Smells Versus Smelly

Since Keyboard touched on the topic of scents, I would like to expand on it more.

We, here in Nova Scotia, are much more aware of environmental sensitivities than anywhere else in Canada or the world. I get aggravated by the people who complain about scents being banned. It is not simply because people do not like the smell of things (and there are some very stinky things out there) but because of an allergy and/or severe reactions (even anaphylaxis) to the chemicals used to create these scents.

A century ago, I don't believe there were many scents around that were not natural ones. People also didn't have many problems with allergies/asthma and other respiratory ailments. Researchers believe that many of these began when we started putting carpets on our floors and started to become a much more "clean" society. The carpets contributed to locking dustmites and other allergens inside our houses. We could no longer take our rugs out and hang them in the sun to kill these mites and beat the dirt out of them. Then came more awareness of cleanliness and the introduction of "antibacterial" cleaning supplies. We started killing the good bacteria and killing off so much of the bad stuff that our bodies no longer knew how to fight them. Now all that was left was for our bodies to fight our own histamines and create these problems.

The introduction of the chemical era, where everything is pumped full of chemicals, including our foods, has further complicated our lives. Researchers are now saying that our foods are so pumped full of chemicals that it takes our dead bodies upwards of 100 years to decompose as compared to the small fraction of that a century ago.

So what are we doing to our bodies anyway? Why are we pumping all these chemicals into everything? The drugs we take, the soaps/shampoos we use; our cleaning products, and nearly everything we eat are filled with chemicals. What happened to finding natural ways of doing things. God did not create this world without every natural thing we need to take care of ourselves.

So, I'm sorry if my request of you to refrain from using chemically-scented products offends you, but it makes me ill, it is not simply that I don't like it. If you do not respect that, then may you someday be blessed with the infliction and a better understanding and appreciation of its implications on a person's health.

Taxed to Death

I know we are all familiar with the saying "born free, taxed to death," and that really is no exaggeration. Take a look at the price of gas right now. It is out of this world. I'm glad I don't have to buy it, but I still pay for it through my electric bill. The electric company uses fuel for its generators and passes along the increase to the consumers. None of us can escape it.

This same government that is imposing this sky-high fuel tax is also offering its public service employees only 2.9%, 2.9%, and 2.9% raises in a 3-year contract to their already below average salaries. I fail to see how they can justify this. This increase doesn't come close to meeting the cost of living. On top of that, how much money did they get in the oil deal? How much of that do you think our public servants will see? I only know they line their pockets well. They give themselves 6%+ raises every year on their 6-figure salaries while they work us as if we were in sweatshops.

Am I sick of being taxed to death, overworked, and underpaid by our provincial government? You bet!!!!

Watching Letters Two

Over at Sam's Place, he is talking about watching his letters and the funny errors that can result when we miss them. I have three such experiences I can relate as well.

About 20 years ago, when computers were just beginning to hit our office and schools, I typed a letter for the boss I had at the time. He was a business education consultant, and part of the business ed curriculum included the use of computers in the classroom. In this letter he was writing to a principal, he talked about sending along some information to him. I typed the letter, scanned it, and gave it to him for signature. Well ... I should have read it more carefully, because he came out of his office laughing and asked me to re-read the letter. Half-way through it I saw the source of his laughter. The information he was intending to send was a "floppy disk" in which instance I had erroneously substituted the letter "c" for the "s." I'm pretty sure my face turned red, he continued to laugh, and said, "I can see where your mind is." My mind is still there.

In another instance, after much proofreading by several people, there was still an embarrassing misspelling in an English language arts guide that was sent to all high school teachers in the province. One of the teachers found it, circled it, and faxed it to us suggesting that we may want to correct the error for future printings, which of course we did. In this instance, the "l" was left out of a reference to "public" schools. Just what are we teaching our children???

I'm sure you may have heard the controversy last year about the error that was printed on several thousand pins that were distributed by the Department of Health during flu vaccination time. This one makes me laugh the hardest, I believe, because there may be a total of 15 words on the pin, yet someone could not read it closely enough to see that they were promoting "pubic health" in the province. That one really blew me away. I think the cost of that error to the province was $30G. No small potatoes, and it made the news.

I guess we need to very carefully watch our Ps and Qs, or in these instances, our Ls and Ss!!

Death Clock

Well, Keyboard, according to that death clock website, I will be 102 when I die. It's kind of scary to think that someone has created a clock that they think tells them when we will die. Personally, I think our Creator is the only one with that knowledge.

More on Periods

OK, Keyboard. I will take your word for your meaning of the two periods. At my age, two periods that close together is not that unusual. (LOL)

As for using them to fill in the blanks on your example stories, I hope to someday complete one of those stories for you, in my version..