Moving

It is 10:15 p.m., and I am almost completely packed up to move tomorrow. It has been an exhausting day. At least I had a little help today to get it done. I start my move at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow, so my computer will be out of commission for a couple days. I will be back as soon as I can. This computer is my lifeline to the outside world. Heaven forbid I be without it for long.

Keep up the good work guys. You are keeping me amused over there in the dungeon. Hope to have some e-mails and blogs to read when I can get online again. See you soon!! Take care.

Screwing ... and stuff

Screwing

Boy, when I screw something, I do it well. I put things exactly where they should be. I put those firm things in straight and screwed the hell out of them until they were in as far as they could go. My arms are really tired from all the grabbing and twisting, my legs and back are tired from doing it standing up. Everything I have screwed since I moved into this condo was done very tight and well placed. So well in fact ... that the paint and gyproc paper has come off of most of the things I have removed. You see ... I am taking down those things I bought before I move. What a task!!! (teehee)

MouseGuy and Keyboard

It is so good to see you guys up to your antics again. I'm so pleased that you are having fun while you work. I love being amused by you two. Keyboard is doubleloading shredding paper into the recycling bin these days, I see. I guess he wants to make sure it will all fit in ... just right. You know, Keyboard, it will actually fit better if you flatten out each piece first and stack it neatly. Give that a try.

Summer Weather

Now today is my kind of summer day. The air has a bit of a cool breeze and the sun is shining. You can take that hot, ugly weather like we had on the weekend and send it away somewhere. I think that is why I prefer spring and fall. The weather is not so hot then. I wouldn't mind the heat quite so much if I lived on a lake and could go swimming to cool off. Not having that option, nor a pool, I think I still prefer fall best of all.

Blonde Moments

Well ... I guess I'm not the only one who has blonde moments.

It appears that Keyboard waters artificial flowers and MouseGuy locks his car with the windows down. And I have moments when they tell me "Duh"?

I think what they forgot to tell me was that actually dye their hair to cover the blonde roots!!! Thanks for making me feel right at home guys. Keep up the good work. You'll certainly give me something to write about. *rubs her hands together and smiles a devilish smile*

We Can All Make Progress .... Yay!!

This is a quote from cainer.com for all horoscopes for the week beginning Saturday, June 25.

Your week ahead

Prepare for some stunning sights in the sky. Each evening, just after sunset, you can see Saturn, Mercury and Venus, all close together for a while before they sink under the western horizon. This rare triple conjunction bodes brilliantly well for all with emotional issues to resolve, important conversations to hold or difficult decisions to make. Higher in the sky, Jupiter is also clearly visible. It is currently in opposition to Mars. Stay up long enough and you'll see it drift slowly west along the Arc of the zodiac till it too, sets in the west just before dawn. As it does so, Mars rises up in the East. Jupiter is the planet of hope and faith, justice and joy, exuberance and extravagance. Mars is the planet of anger and aggression but also of determination and direction, passion and priority. If you've got a mission now, you'll make great progress as long as you don't become too gung-ho.

Sounds like it could be an interesting week, n'est pas? Let's see what transpires.

The Price I Pay ...

Well, I came home sick from work again today. I escaped the whole winter without being sick and June hits me like a ton of bricks. My head feels like it will explode.

Well ... when I came home, I laid down to go to sleep, and it was not long before I was dreaming. Now you guys are gonna laugh your asses off at this dream. I can hear you now. For some unknown reason, I was applying for a job working with Keyboard and MouseGuy. MouseGuy was interviewing me. I was so sick it was hard to understand the questions, but he was very patient and kind to me and repeated them as I needed him to. I excused myself to blow my nose, and every time I did, cold water ran out of my right ear. That was friggin' weird. In my dream, I was frightened, afraid that my brain was turning to mush and pouring out of my head. I looked in the mirror to make sure my head was not caving in and to try to focus my eyes to see if I was losing my sight. Nope ... I could still see, I could still hear, my head was not shrinking, but perhaps I should see a doctor.

Needless to say, I woke up laughing at the ridiculousness of the dream, and at the same time recognizing that my ear was aching a bit from my sinuses. I assume the dream took place in the scenario it did because I checked your blogs before I went to bed to see if there was any new news on them. Sheesh ... isn't it strange how our daily lives and thoughts present themselves in a dream. This one was the price I paid for reading these blogs ...

Hope you got a good laugh guys. I'm sure I'll hear about it. (teehee)

Busy ...

This is turning out to be one busy week and it is only Tuesday. I'm sure you have heard, over the years, many of the sayings about being busy. Here are some of the ones I have heard and/or used.

• Busy as a bee.
• Busy as all get-out.
• Busy as a beaver.
• Busy as a hound in flea season.
• Busier than a one-armed paperhanger with crabs.
• Busier than a blind gay at a weeny roast.

Do you have any to add?

Life Span Explained

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of 20 years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a 20-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring. Monkey tricks for 20 years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back 10, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of 60 years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. Let me have 20 and I'll give back the other 40." And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you 20 years."

Man said, "What? Only 20 years! Tell you what, I'll take my 20, and the 40 the cow gave back and the 10 the monkey gave back and the 10 the dog gave back ... that makes 80, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first 20 years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Father's Day

Well ... it is Father's Day again. I don't have any father figures in my life to celebrate it with, but I do hope that all you fathers out there have a very special day.

MouseGuy and Keyboard, I hope your day is very special. Have a good one!!!

Welcome Back!!

Welcome back, MouseGuy! We have missed you. I see you read my blog yesterday. This is good. I can't wait to see the antics you guys get into again. Sometimes I wish I were a fly on the wall. I'll look forward to hearing all about them.

Keyboard, guess you will have to share that website info about the bananas with MouseGuy. Perhaps you can actually convert him. Good luck!!

I'm glad the two of you are back together in the dungeon. Have fun while you work. It's the only way to go!!!!!

Let the Wars Begin ... Again!!!

Well, well, well ... I understand that Keyboard and MouseGuy will be a tag team again. Wahoo!!! That is just as MouseGuy had said he wanted to happen in his last blog entry, nearly a year ago. It took some time, MouseGuy, but as with all good things, they DO come to pass. Congratulations! You deserve to have the job.

Now ... of course ... I am expecting these blog wars to begin again. I can't wait. You guys are too funny. You keep me entertained, and I love to laugh. So please, MouseGuy, pick up that mouse, remember that password, and let the wars begin again. I look forward to it!!!!!!

Nova Scotia Has Two Seasons ...

We have only two seasons in Nova Scotia. One is winter, the other is construction. Keyboard is a little frustrated with the "pot humps" that have been created in Burnside. In front of my building, the drain in the middle of the parking lot got a broken cover over the winter. I came home the other day to find a 4 x 4 placed in it with an orange flag attached and the cover in two pieces down inside of it. I looked down and saw a hole about 4 feet deep. Better that pot hump, Keyboard, than hitting a hole like this.

There is construction going on in Halifax at the major bus stop that I usually disembark at in the mornings. As a result, my bus stops a little closer to my building. That is a good thing on nice days. I just continue to walk outside until I reach my building. Today, however, it was raining, so I chose to walk half that distance into a building, and then walk further to get into mine. Just an annoyance.

Everywhere we look for the next 5 months, there will be road construction going on somewhere tying up traffic. If we want to see how impatient people are, take a look at the people in line waiting to get through. As a pedestrian, I can see these people and their frustration. With windows rolled down in warm weather, I can hear the profanity escaping from them too. We certainly are a society driven by the almighty clock. I do feel bad for people trying to keep appointments and public transit trying to stay on schedule. Often people can miss their appointments altogether if they are late. I also think it is unfair the abuse that the transit drivers take from some passengers. It is as though they expect them to push a button and fly over top of traffic to reach that particular person on time. Imagine that—a flying bus. How ridiculous of people to expect them to be able to stay on time in storms, through accidents, and in construction zones. We have no control over that, people!!! Shit happens!!

We all need to practice a little patience and tolerance through construction zones. If we know it exists, perhaps we can plan a different route to get where we are going. Otherwise, pick up your damn cell phone and call ahead to tell someone you are caught in traffic and enjoy the scenery while you wait. Just remember to use the bathroom before you leave, in case you get caught in something like this.

These people are only doing their jobs. We complain about the holes in the road and want them fixed, then complain that the workers are in our way when they do what we have asked them to do. Make up your mind about what you want!!! Learn to relax a little! It's really not life and death in 99.9% of the cases. Just watch out for the ambulance that does indicate life or death.

Summer

Summer is almost here, and I am already wishing it away. I'm having a really hard time trying to be patient with my life. It seems my life is either feast for a whirlwind time or famine for long stretches. Both of them are hard to take.

I'm just coming out of one of those whirlwind times right now. It is like having a strong headwind in your sails that makes you struggle to keep the boat upright when suddenly the wind dies down and you find yourself exhausted and sitting still wondering if anything will go forward again. These sudden ups and downs are hard to take. Extreme peaks and valleys are hard on the emotions.

I need to remember that I am not at the helm of this ship. It will sail according to the winds that are delivered to it. It is hard just to be a passenger and wait to reach that destiny according to someone else's time. Particularly if you are like me—someone who is a "take action" person. When I want something I want to know what to do to get it. When something needs doing, I want to do it and get it done. It is hard for someone like me to sit idly by and wait for something I have little to no control over. Lord, help me learn patience, but hurry.

More about the Move

Well ... this has been probably the most challenging week I have ever had to face in my life. Within 18 hours of buying my house, my second back-up plan for a temporary move fell through.

When I knew I was going to buy a house, I had made tentative arrangements with two people, in case I didn't find a place to buy and move into before my end date in my current place. The first one was an offer from someone who was looking at buying a condo in my building and would rent it out for the first year or so. He offered to rent to me on a month-to-month basis until I found a house. In the end he didn't get the property, so that plan fell by the wayside.

The next back-up plan was to stay with my cousin until Sept. when I could move into my house. We had the arrangements all made when, after 1 year on the market, his house sold. He was insisting that it wouldn't and that he was taking it off the market the end of June. I asked What if it does sell? Again he was convinced it wouldn't and on the off-chance that it did, he would set the closing date to the end of Sept. Well ... he got an offer too good to refuse and couldn't negotiate that date. Back to the drawing board.

The next 36 hours were intense. I called a number of apt. buildings in the area. I left messages with a couple of them and others said they don't rent short-term or on a month-to-month basis. So ... I made plans to put my stuff in storage, stay with my cousin for the first six weeks and then with my sister or another friend for the next six weeks. That would have meant 3 moves.

The following evening I got a call back from one of the apt. buildings in the area who will do month-to-month for military and would give me that option because of my predicament. God bless them. So I found a place to stay temporarily. It is not what I would have chosen for long-term accommodations, but it will work. I can put everything in there and leave it in boxes for the time being. I'm keeping the attitude that this is just temporary, and the good will come in Sept. when I can have my own home. Yeah!!

Now I have to move Canada Day, a holiday. Not sure if that will work in my favour or against it. I suppose it depends on the plans people have whether or not I can find enough people to help.

My life always seems to be full of challenges, but I always seem to jump the hurdles some way. Here I go again on my own ...

Note to Keyboard ... I have one of those new fangled camera phones, and I have a song attached to the ring. Remind me never to leave it unattended around you. It is actually a classical song it plays ... elevator music no less. (haha)

Moving ... at Last

Well, the time has come upon me that I need to move. I have the packing underway and some of the arrangements have been made. Unfortunately, I will have to move twice in the next few months. You see ... I was not able to find a house to buy and move into within the time frame I had to work in. It was a very frustrating ordeal, to say the least. I shed many tears and asked God why he was putting me through this. Needless to say, He didn't offer a verbal explanation. It is something I will find out in hindsight.

The good news is that I have found a house to buy. The inspection was done today. Just a couple things I have to put money into before I move. My mortgage for that property was approved today. I will be moving into Keyboard's and MouseGuy's neighbourhood. Won't that be fun. I'll have to walk up to Keyboard's house and have that security camera follow me up the driveway. I'll be sure to stick my tongue out at him! Wish me luck with everything. If all goes well, I move again the end of Sept. into my very own home. Wahoo!!!!

More Old Sayings

Three sheets to the wind — Very drunk, highly intoxicated. [Is this anything like sticking someone's head under the sheets when you break wind? So gross...]

For the love of Pete — I am frustrated with this situation. [Someone trying to win Peter's heart.]

Knock on wood — If good luck is willing. [Is this similar to shagging on the floor.]

Straight and narrow — To stay out of trouble. [Not something you should say to him.]

Tie the knot — To get married. [In some cases, that knot is strangling. That is not good.]

Down to the short strokes — Approaching the end of a long process. [uh huh!]

Get a leg up — To get a boost or advantage. [That's an interesting position. Where are you putting it?]

Hat trick — The accomplishment of three successes or wins. [Something performed on Hollis Street while wearing a hat?]

On the ball — To be paying attention, to respond promptly, to be doing one's job. [Careful you don't get hurt. That could pinch.]

Close but no cigar — Nearly achieving success, but not quite. [Something Monica Lewinsky said to the president.]

Drop a dime — Make a phone call. [In the time of pay toilets, this would not be good.]

Keep your pants on — Calm down, be patient. [Something you say to someone you are not interested in.]

Pot to piss in — To have money or wealth. [Is this similar to "piss or get off the pot"?]

Sleep tight — Sleep well. [An uncomfortable way to sleep. Something has been left undone.]

Bust your balls — To harass with the intent to break one's spirit. [That's gotta hurt!!]

Sucking hind tit — Not getting a fair share. [Last time I looked, there are none behind, they are on the front.]

Tit for tat — To reciprocate in kind. [I've never heard it referred to as "tat" before.]

Cut the mustard — To meet expectations. [Is this the same as cut the cheese?]

All wet — To be incorrect, to be wrong. [Ummm ... yes]

By the short hairs — To have control over someone, an indisputable advantage. [Not a good position to be in. That hurts like hell.]

Going South — On a path to failure, failing. [A good place to go.]

Today's Pet Peeves

Peeve # 1 - going from winter directly into summer.
I don't like the heat. I never could understand anyone wanting to go to a hot place in the middle of summer. The acclimatizing must be brutal. I'm a spring and fall person myself. The heat is one of the few things that can make me cranky, and be hard to control it.

Peeve # 2 - security packaging.
I bought a memory stick for everyone in the office. Today I needed to use mine for the first time. They, of course, were packaged in that thick clear package, the kind that is molded to fit the item it is displaying for sale. Who ever thought of those things anyway? They forgot to supply a way into the damn things. I tried to pull the two pieces of plastic apart. No go. I took my scissors and proceeded to try to cut the top off of it. It is curved around an edge so it was hard to cut. I got about 1/3 of the way across, and the scissors just would not cut it anymore. I then proceeded to try to rip it apart the rest of the way, and decided very quickly that this would be a good way to seriously cut myself. I was getting rather frustrated by this point. I thought I would cut in the spot that is cut out for hanging it up for display. Not go, that was molded shut. Ah ha ... I remembered my boxcutter sitting in my drawer. I took it out and cut across the centre of it. It cut clean through the plastic and scored the cardboard inside, but it wouldn't cut the damn edges. Still no way in. I ended up cutting and cutting that sucker until I could finally reach the memory stick and pulled on it. It fit so well and so tight, it flew out of my hand onto the floor. Damn packaging!!!! They forgot to supply the zipper!!!!

Peeve # 3 - incomplete ingredient lists on groceries.
I was trying to buy a package of turkey sausages at the grocery store. I had bought some previously, and they were clearly marked "No MSG." You see ... I can't digest pork or beef well so I choose poultry or fish products. I also have an extreme intolerance to MSG. Ingredients that say "spices" may or may not contain MSG. It is only when it is clearly marked "No MSG" or labelled "natural spices" that I can be certain that it is safe to eat. Of course, the butcher didn't know the answer to that. Someone told me recently that the government is putting together legislation to ban the sale and import of MSG in Canada. I can't wait for that!!

Peeve # 4 - children who throw their dirty clothes on the floor when their laundry basket is only 1 foot away.
This one is self-explanatory, even when they are 19. Not in the basket, don't get done!! Do them yourself.

I'm really tired tonight, so I hope there is nothing else that peeves me off. I'm at that degree of tiredness and minding the heat, that I could get cranky. I don't want to be cranky, and if I direct it at you, please don't take it personally. I really don't mean to attack you. I really should go to bed. I think I will tuck in early. I have a lot to do this weekend. I hope your weekend goes well.

Old Sayings and Their Meanings

The following are some old sayings and what they mean. My interpretation of them is highlighted in red.


Balls to the wall — To push to the limit, go all out, full speed. (Is this sexual in nature?)

Flying by the seat of your pants — To do something without planning, to change course midstream, to figure things out as you go. (I've seen this happen when running to the washroom with diahhrea.)

Wing and a prayer — Hopeful but unlikely to succeed. (I think this is an angel thing.)

Dead ringer — To look like someone else. (A broken washing machine.)

Put my two cents in — To state one's opinion. (If you tell someone you will give them a penny for their thoughts and then you put your two cents in, do you get change back?)

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey — Very cold. (So much for the continuation of that species!!)

Half cocked — To be less than fully prepared. (Not quite ready for that big moment, if you get my drift.)

Loaded for bear — To be aggressively seeking a confrontation. (Now he is ready!!)

Bang for the buck — Value for you money. (I think this is self-explanatory.)

Called on the carpet — To be held accountable for a mistake, offense, or a lie. (Is this sort of like shagging on the rug?)

Hunky dory — To be okay, everything is good. (I believe this refers to a sexy man in a boat.)

From stem to stern — Thorough, complete. (Yep, that's a complete once over, twice over, repeat as necessary.)

Stay tuned for the next episode...

So ... You Think You Know Everything?

... Bet you don't know all of these things:

• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge (You may count them if you'd like)
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
• A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
• A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the American $5 bill.
• Almonds are a member of the peach family.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age!
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
• "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
• February1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
• If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
• If you are an average Canadian, in your whole life you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
• On a Canadian two dollar bill (if you can still find one) the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
• "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
• The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
• The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
• The words "racecar," "kayak," and "level" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
• There are more chickens than people in the world.
• There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
• There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• "Typewriter" is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

... NOW you know everything!

Damn Those Martians!!!!!!!

Outlook for this week:

There's a bad case of the grizzles going round at the moment. As fast as one group get over it, another set show symptoms. Once, doctors thought physical illnesses were also passed along by the planets. Hence the word "flu"; short for "Influenza" or "under a bad influence." Though we now understand about viruses, we are still more prone to succumb to a bug when our defences are down—and the planets can still tell us when this is likely to happen. If you currently feel your strength is being sapped, it's probably the sharp angle from Mars to Pluto that's to blame. Get up early on Tuesday morning and you can catch one of these cosmic culprits in the act. Mars will be bright in the pre-dawn sky, surprisingly near the Moon. When you see it, remember THIS is what's causing so many people to feel stretched. Then, apply the astrological antidote. Remind yourself that, by the end of the week, we'll all be feeling better!

~ Jonathan Cainer at www.cainer.com

And they say men are from Mars and women from Venus ... so do we blame this on men too? Personally, I don't think that men are the cause of women's problems. They are the cause of their own problems, just as men are the cause of their own. We just need to understand and accept that and stop trying to place blame in the wrong direction. The world could be a gentler place if we could.