Time

If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do, is save everyday til eternity passes away, just to spend them with you... —Jim Croce, Time in a Bottle

They say time flies, but it can also appear to drag.

Have you ever noticed that when you are doing something you don't like to do that time seems endless? The same is true when you are waiting for something. It seems like it will never get here. Patience is a virtue, a difficult one to maintain by times. It is much more difficult in some areas of life.

Then when you finally get where you are going or the event is here, time flies like crazy. You want the world to stand still so you can enjoy the moment forever, but time and tide wait for no one. Time marches on.

Short weeks, or broken weeks like this one, can seem long and endless. They can be harder to endure than a full week.

Soon it will be time for me to tuck my bones into bed. I'm tired. Time for sleep ... where did I put that blasted teddy bear this time?

Pet Peeve for the Day

We all have our pet peeves. One of mine is something that happens on our bus system here all too frequently. Yesterday I was coming home from work on the bus. It had stopped at one of the transfer stations, and a blind man was the last to get on. Not one of the 8 passengers in the courtesy seats got up to let him sit near the driver for directions. The driver did not even ask any of them to give him a seat. The man continued to stumble down the aisle bouncing from side to side. I was on the inside and couldn't get out to give him mine. Finally someone near the back of the bus got up and gave him their seat. I was in total disbelief at what I had just witnessed. I thought those courtesy seats were meant for people with physical challenges and the elderly!! I know only one of those passengers up front has problems that would not allow her to stand, but what about those other 7? And to make matters worse, the driver started to pull away while this man was struggling to walk down the aisle of the bus. He was too busy talking to a blond bombshell who was standing up beside him to see what was happening.

This is one of those times that I can say I get frustrated by inappropriate behaviour. Why were these people so selfish? This man took it all in stride. It seems he may be accustomed to such behaviour. It's a pity he has to. It's an interesting world we live in. It's takes all kinds to make it go around.

I Say "X," You Hear "Y"

Communication can be a difficult thing. What one person says can be interpreted in a way that the sayer did not intend for it to be heard. This can cause arguments, heartache, and defensiveness. Knowing that what is said and what is heard can be different is part of understanding human nature. Asking for clarity shows patience before we jump to conclusions.

Unacceptable behaviour is not something we need to tolerate. Not from our spouses, our children, our friends, co-workers, or strangers on the street. We never have to accept unacceptable behaviour from anyone. That being said, we also cannot change the actions of other people. It is a definition of who they are. The only thing we can change is our reaction to them. That defines who we are. This sometimes requires patience on our part and being tolerant of the fact that we cannot change the world or anyone in it. It shows who the bigger person is. No, rudeness and ignorance is not an acceptable behaviour, but we can't change the person exhibiting those behaviours.

There are many people in this world with an "it's all about me" attitude. Those people who feel that the world owes them everything. I know some of these people, and I'm sure you do too. I don't believe this is an acceptable behaviour, but I can't change it. I just walk away with the belief that someday "what goes around, comes around." Perhaps someday they will see the light. I can't make them see with eyes that are blind.

Getting angry about something you can't change only wastes your energy and gives the other person power over you. If they can't ruffle your feathers, they lose. Mine, by the way, are not ruffled, Keyboard. Try as you may. For you see, I am tolerant of our differences.

What a Beautiful Day!!!

What a beautiful morning it is. I am feeling much better, thank you. I'm just about there. I'm off the pity pot now. No ring around the bum.

Have you seen those strange blogs over at Sam's Place? He seems to be at odds with lots of loose ends. He's even forgetting to wear his underwear. Keyboard, I think Alzheimer's is beginning to set in. You put on your underwear BEFORE you put your pants on. Don't forget again, OK? We don't want any other odd ends hanging loose.

It seems he also wants to be wrapped in insulation to protect him from the world. That would be living in a cocoon. Those things that he finds irritating are meant to teach him patience and tolerance. Stinky food is a matter of taste. We all like to (or have to, in some cases) eat differently from others. Perhaps someone else finds your food distasteful and stinky. It's all a matter of preference.

And one last thing, Keyboard, if you get a Tim Horton's coffee, be sure to get it in an insulated cup so you don't spill it in your lap if you are not wearing underwear. I understand that stuff is super hot. It could cause some damage you'd rather not endure.

Happy Sunday!!!!!!

Have You Ever?

Have you ever felt like you were sitting in a crowd where everyone is talking to someone, and you are sitting there all alone?

Have you ever felt like the whole world was smiling and you struggle to find a way to smile back?

Have you ever felt like the weight of the world has been laid on your shoulders with no one there to help you?

Have you ever felt like you are constantly wishing on someone else's star, watching everyone else get what you are wishing for?

Have you ever felt like you will never see your dreams become reality or have your prayers answered?

Have you ever felt all alone in the big wide world?

One can be a lonely number.

Yeah, I'm feeling sorry for myself at the moment, but that is OK. I allow myself to feel what I am feeling, then I come back to reality. Excuse me while I sit on the pity pot. I'll be careful not to get ring around the bum.

Please Note

It is only 6 months until Christmas!!!!!! Start your shopping early. Get ahead of the crowds. I will start my letter to Santa now. Let's see ... I have a six-foot stocking and a little bit of ribbon. Hmmmm ... do you think Santa could "flesh" it out for me? What can I say? I am, after all, the Dreamweaver. It can't hurt to dream, even if I do dream impossible dreams, and reach for unreachable stars.

Graduation

I never thought I would see this day come. My youngest is graduating today. I have waited 13 years for this moment, and I am proud. As he walks across that stage, he can rest assured that I will be sitting there with a smile on my face, tears in my eyes, and a quiet "YES!!!" escaping from my lips.

6:50 p.m.: Well ... it is official. He has graduated. Those tears I said I would have in my eyes? Well ... they flowed right down my cheeks, over and over again. What a big sap I am. I was so proud of him for finally making it this far. My baby has graduated. No more parent-teacher nights; no more fighting with the school system. My children are babies no more. It has been an emotional day.


Reality and Perception
Is the truth reality or what we perceive to be reality or does it lie somewhere in-between? Any of these can be a bitter pill to swallow depending on the circumstances. I shall keep a glass of water close at hand, just in case.

Roller Coasters

I've never been on a roller coaster. Well ... at least not the kind you find in amusement parks. They look pretty scary. The roller coaster rides that we endure in life can be scary too. When we go down into those valleys the world can seem far away. At the peaks, life can look wonderful, but it can be hard to stay there. I don't think we are actually meant to stay at the top forever. Life is meant to be full of roller coaster rides. But the rides do stop from time to time, and we get a reprieve and can look at the world from a plateau.

One such roller coaster ride is grief. There are 5 stages to the grief process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance. We have to be gentle with ourselves through this process and deal with each stage as it comes. It is self-defeating to beat ourselves up as if we are somehow to blame. We have no control over most losses in life. Things just happen. That can be the hardest part of acceptance. The powerlessness we feel is something that is difficult for most people to accept. We haven't done anything wrong; we haven't caused this to happen. It just is.

Walk carefully, and use a stick only to support you as you travel.

Strange Happenings

Have you ever had things happen that you just can't explain? Some of them that keep repeating themselves?

One thing that seems to keep repeating itself in my life is the comfort level that strangers or people that I don't know very well seem to have with me. I find myself in the middle of discussions with people who are pouring out their life stories or are reaching out in some way for something they feel I have to offer. Sometimes it is information or advise because they know me enough to know that I may have this info or they know I can relate to something that is happening to them. Other times, I have no idea why people tell me the things the do. Perhaps they simply need someone to listen to their gripe? But why me? That's what I don't understand. If you don't know me from Adam, why do you tell me these things?

This happened to me today. Someone at work whom I have only met a few times is having a difficult time. He began to tell me all about it today and asked me if we could talk because I have some information that may be useful to him. It took me rather by surprise, but if I can help someone, I will, within reason of course.

Strange ... Why me?

The Absent-Minded Professional

Have you ever had one of those days when you are doing your work absent-mindedly? When your mind is anywhere else but your work and you just do your work like you are a robot, not even conscious of what you are really doing?

I had one of those days today. My mind is a 1000 miles away. Too many thoughts going through it that have nothing to do with work. I didn't want to be there. I made one big mistake as a result. I know better, but I forgot to save frequently and robotlike worked for over an hour without saving. Then the I deleted something I shouldn't have and another thing directly behind it with too quick a click of the mouse. Problem is, the program only holds the most recent "undo," and what I lost was a big chunk of text. So ... stupid me had to close out and lose all that work and reopen the file and start again.

I can't seem to stay focussed for long these days. I sure do hope I can shake this before too long. Too much work to do for mistakes like that. Must have been a blonde moment!!!!!

Hiking Boots

I heard a DJ on the radio criticizing Alec Baldwin for saying that nothing comes easy to him; that he must put on his hiking boots to get anywhere. This was in light of not winning awards. The DJ went on to say "Poor baby. All that money isn't enough." The DJ missed the point big time, and ticked me off in the process. It showed his lack of understanding of human nature and a lack of compassion.

Alec's statement has nothing to do with money but with a sense of self-worth or accomplishment. Some people have issues of self-worth that are very hard to overcome. He is probably wondering why he is not worthy of winning an award when he has worked so hard. He may feel cheated out of the things that give him a sense of who he is and what he means to someone or everyone. He may feel that what he has to offer wasn't worth the effort if he can't achieve that all-important goal.

We can criticize all we want about what is important to someone else or what someone else's goals are, but I can tell you firsthand that it hurts like hell to believe that you are not worthy of good things when you can't seem to achieve them; that everything falls away as it reaches your fingertips; as if you are being punished for something you perceive to have done wrong or not done well enough.

I know in my heart that I am worthy of good things and that we all are. The difficulty for someone who has to work so hard to achieve things and fails to see them happen again and again, is that of believing they will happen for them. So please ... put yourself in someone else's shoes and try to understand how they feel before you make criticisms. Or keep your opinions to yourself. I don't know about you, but God is my judge.

Fast Forward

Why is it that we all have a need to know what tomorrow brings? We search our horoscopes, read our tea leaves and our palms, rely on tarot cards, and listen for weather predictions to plan our day. Why can't we just live in today? Why do we search so fervently for answers to tomorrow's questions? In reality, we have little to no control over what tomorrow may bring. All we can do is live today and each day as it comes.

I know ... I am one of those people. If today feels empty, I search for clues or hope; something that will predict what might be. The predictions are seldom right. Sometimes the best things in life are unanswered prayers. When a prayer goes unanswered, it is because something else is in store, and it is usually better than what we had hoped for. We would not have gotten this if the original prayer had been answered. So we need to try to stop looking for tomorrow's answers and begin to enjoy and live today, because today is really all we have.

If we could untangle the mysteries of life and unravel the energies which run through the world; if we could evaluate correctly the significance of passing events; if we could measure the struggles, dilemmas, and aspirations of mankind, we could find that nothing is born out of time. Everything comes at its appointed moment. — Joseph R. Sizoo

Believing that things happen too slowly or too quickly is an illusion. Timing is perfect.

To My Dad

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be,
so He put His arms around you and whispered, "Come to Me."
With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw you pass away,
and although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only take the best.

I don't know about taking only the best, but I sure do know that He took one of the best. Dad, it has been 15 months now since you began a new journey in your life; one that will last for all eternity. I know you are at peace and surrounded by love. The memories here linger on.

I remember all the times I spent sitting on your knee as you drove the tractor in the field and when you were bouncing me up and down, singing to me. I remember all you taught me about gardening and recognizing the different vegetation. I remember all the times we watched the squirrels and chipmunks as they foraged for food and laughed at their antics. I remember all the times we spent in the boat fishing together. I remember the wrestling matches we watched together, Saturday night cartoons, and snuggling up under your arm. I remember all the laughs we shared when I listened to you speak of old times and community happenings. Most of all, I remember your smile, your kindness, and your love. Judging by the number of people who came to say goodbye to you, I was not the only one who remembers the good things you did.

I dreamed of you a while back, Dad. Being a farmer, you had one last valuable lesson to teach me. One you did not want me to forget. I got that message, Dad. You reminded me that I must sow my seeds with love, water and tend to them regularly, and that I will reap a beautiful harvest as a result. I know you are right, Dad. Waiting for the crop is the hardest, but is worth the wait.

Thank you, Dad, for all you have taught me. You were a great father, and I miss you. Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

Love always from your daughter...

It's a Ho-Hum Sort of Day

I woke up today feeling great and alive. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. The world was looking beautiful. Then, the sun went behind the clouds, the temperatures cooled down, and so did my mood. Not every day is sunshine and roses. Today is cloudy. My mind reels to sort out the thoughts running through it. I'm trying to pick out the positive ones and leave the others behind. The negative ones are scary. I don't like them. Perhaps the sun will come out once again and uplift my spirit.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on. — Robert Frost (1884–1963)

The Journey

The road of life is a difficult one to travel.
There are twists and turns; potholes and hills.
Sometimes the hills turn into mountains of infinite size.
Sometimes the potholes have no bottom,
But still we continue to travel.
There are valleys in our travel where we plunge into the depths; the view is much different from here.
We must look up to see the beauty that appears unreachable.
The road then begins to lead up the mountain out of the valley.
The days begin to look brighter up here, and we can see more in the distance.
We will reach many plateaus where nothing seems to change; all appears to stand still, but is it?
The road from these plateaus go up and down, but each time we ascend it is with more strength than before.
We grow in the valleys and blossom on the mountaintops.
We pause now and then to rest and take in the surroundings.
Trees that stand stark and still in winter spring forth new leaves.
The winds blow strong; the trees bend to endure it, then stand straight once again now stronger than before.
The rivers overflow as the cold snows of winter melt away.
Flowers that once took refuge from the cold now rear their heads.
We have forgotten their beauty during the cold and dark days.
The clouds give way to the sun; the moon and stars shine on the waters.
The rapids run into peacefully flowing rivers.
Each season must continually come and go.
The journey must continue.
We do not walk it alone.
Take my hand, and I'll take yours.

Update

Well, I armed for battle, felt I had been defeated in the first round and was quite upset, but persisted and found a way to win in the end. Now I am exhausted.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not like conflict at all, not the least little bit. I don't mind discussing a difference of opinion as long as the other person is not trying to push their opinion on me to change my mind. Conflict takes all the good out of me. I only fight when it is necessary. This time it was. At least my son knows that I will fight for an injustice, but will let him fall if the incident is the result of his own actions.

I believe that if you do the crime, you need to pay the time, but an injustice is worth fighting. I have taught my children that. They know that although I may not like or agree with what they do or choices they make, I will always be there for them and always love them. However, most of the battles from this time forward are theirs to fight now. They are of that age. Time to accept responsibility for their actions.

These last 10 days have been very trying, haven't they?

Battles

In the past week I spoke of fighting for injustice, knowing what we can and can't fight, and finding the courage to do so and not give up on our dreams.

Well ... my own battle has arisen as of last evening. I am putting on my artillery, and I shall plunge forward into battle. I will do all in my power to right this wrong. A major mistake has been made that allows me to put my toe in that loophole. This momma bear is about to fight for one of her young, and you don't mess with a momma bear when she is protecting her cubs.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who has been wronged ... especially a mother.

More to come ...

Serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. — Reinhold Neibuhr

I learned this prayer as a teen and again got to use it as a principle in a self-help group. There are many things in this life that we cannot change. For instance, the weather. Try as we might, it would be an exercise in futility. There is nothing we can do about it, so we let it go. We would exhaust ourselves otherwise.

Courage to change the things I can came much harder for me. I lacked a lot of self-courage. I knew I could look after everyone else, but I was certain I couldn't look after myself. Keyboard spoke of ruffling feathers. That was very difficult for me to do. I first had to discern what feathers I could or should ruffle without causing myself grief. This included the first part of the prayer again: what can I change and what can't I?

That takes us into the last part: wisdom to know the difference. This is actually easier than the rest of it. It takes a little thought, but you instinctively know what you can and can't change. Sure, there may be some things that you THINK you can't change but really you can. I suppose the opposite may be true as well, but not for the majority of people. Trust your instincts. (I think Keyboard touched on that the other day too.)

I am where I am today, by following this simple process in my life. I put it into practice on a regular basis, too, whenever I am faced with making a decision.

There is one other thing that I try to keep in mind as well ...

All good things take time, and they are worth waiting for or sometimes worth fighting for. In the meantime, try to maintain peace and serenity in the eye of the storm. That is where the real strength is.

Dreams

Dreams are never destroyed by circumstances. Dreams are born in the heart and mind, and only there can they ever die. Because while the difficult takes time, the impossible just takes a little longer.
- Art E. Bay

We all have dreams. Some are harder to achieve than others, but we must never give up on our dreams. We all need something to hope for. Our dreams can become reality. The difficult part is waiting for them. I know...

Fighting Injustice

Sometimes it pays to have inside information about a particular situation. It can become a useful tool to fight an injustice.

This week, I had to take my son's teacher to task. I found out that academic points were to be deducted from his mark for not having purchased a school agenda, or an alternate. Additional points were to be deducted for lack of having a binder. Being very familiar with the curriculum, I could challenge this teacher to show me where it is written in the prescribed outcomes for any course that academic points could be lost for such things. She, of course, became defensive and says that she is delivering a curriculum that was designed by their administration, and if I had a problem with this it should have been addressed in February and not now. Well ... hello!! What teen do you know who would tell you how a school has designed the marks for a course, particularly when their schedule for the semester had gotten screwed around by said administration so that the first week of classes had been missed completely when this information was communicated? Most teens, particularly those of the male gender (no offense intended), would not tell you about those minor details unless they became an issue. Although the curriculum is designed by the province, it seems some administration take it upon themselves to decide how to deliver it, sometimes using outdated methods and those proven ineffective. Yikes!!!

Long story short ... Yes, I probably should have asked for a course outline, but I had faith that the school would deliver the curriculum according to provincial policy and outcomes, not on this type of thing. I accept my part in this. I expected everything to be handled fairly and according to protocol. I hate to fight (it is not my nature), but when an injustice is done to the people I love, I will go the mile for them. They are well worth fighting for.