Vacation

Well...it is my vacation time. Tomorrow I head out by motorhome to travel the Cabot Trail. We will see where we go beyond that. I am looking forward to getting away. It has been 10 years since I went away on a vacation. I'm a little nervous leaving my home in the hands of my young adult children, but we will see what happens. It will be different for them to not have Mommy cooking their meals and doing the dishes. I'll tell you about my adventures when I get back at the end of next week. Ciao for now...

Mermaids

Hmmmm... I wonder how it would feel to be a mermaid... Maybe it would be fun to be one for a day.

I can imagine the freedom to not be restricted by clothing or concerned about the latest fashion trends. No worries about shoes...who would need those. No colours to coordinate, no purses to have to sling over your shoulders. No need for umbrellas, raincoats or any kind of coat for that matter.

To feel the smoothness of the water against your bare skin as you gracefully glide through the water. Oh...I can almost feel that now. Almost like silk being draped over your body. Oh to be a mermaid.

There would be no worries about where to live, what car to buy, what bills need to be paid, and having to get up to go to work each day. Every day would be a day at the beach, literally.

But I suppose there are those sharks lurking around and the lamprey eels and piranha. Those suckers are nasty. But oh... some of those mermen can be quite handsome. Funny thing, though, I don't think I've ever seen merbabies. Considering how the fin is attached, I'm not quite sure how they would accomplish procreation (or the fun of trying).

Hmmm...on second thought, maybe I will just stay human...

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Dad,

It has been 3 years and 4 Father's Days since I last saw you. So much has changed for me in that time. I have grown and I have built a firm foundation for my future. I wish you could be here to see it. My latest acquisition was a car that I bought this past week. Mom even told me she was proud of me, and I've never heard her tell me that before ever. It's been a hard uphill battle, Dad, but I think you would be proud of me, too.

Thank you, Dad, for all you gave me for the years we spent together. The knowledge that life is to be appreciated and enjoyed. I sure do miss the laughter we shared. I need more of that in my life, Dad. Oh...how I especially miss that part we shared. When times got tough, you could always interject that comedic line to lighten the mood and, at the very least, make me smile. I'm just realizing now how much you knew that was what I needed. I do love life, Dad, with all its ups and downs, and I have you to thank for helping me with that. I wish, as I'm sure everyone does, that there were more ups than downs some days, but that is the nature of life.

Today in church, the priest spoke about gardening and how the gardener can only create the foundation for the plants, but is not responsible for how the plant grows. It took my mind to you. That is what you did for us, Dad, and you weren't responsible for what we did with that. We all made a lot of mistakes, but as we grow older, I think we are all seeing what you had tried to teach us—the value of life and love. The last time you gave me that lesson was in a dream, shortly after you left to continue on your eternal journey. You showed me how to tend to my garden with care and that the benefits would be a beautiful, bountiful harvest. The harvest is coming, Dad. I can feel it, but not as quickly as I would like it to. I know my generation and successive ones are a generation of instant gratification, but it is so hard to wait for the good stuff. I want to enjoy it now, and not waste a moment. Yes, I know I will appreciate it all the more once I get it, as I do with the things I have already accomplished. I promise you I will never take any of it for granted. They are too precious of gifts to do that.

I miss you, Dad. I hope you are watching over me, and that I can make you proud. Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you.

signed, Your loving daughter

Why? Why? Why?

Have you ever wondered about these things?

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
• Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my favourite ...

• The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends—if they're okay, then it's you.

Thank You for All Those E-mails

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
 
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a  sick girl (PennyBrown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
  
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change  once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
  
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me .
 
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible  mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
  
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
  
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
  
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
  
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
  
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes  cancer.
  
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
  
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
  
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are  actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
 
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
  
I no longer have any sneakers, but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
  
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big  brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant  death when it bites my butt.
  
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
   
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either!  I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


If you don't copy this and send it in an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5 p.m. this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a wonderful day!!!!

My Living Will

MY LIVING WILL

I, _______________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

• a Bloody Mary
• a Margarita
• a scotch and soda
• a Martini
• a vodka and tonic
• a steak
• lobster or crab legs
• the remote control
• chocolate
• sex

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.


X___________________________________________

Happy Mother's Day!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. That special day of the year when we make a point to show our mother's what they really mean to us. For some of us that is an easy thing to do. For others of us, it is difficult.

My daughter gave me a beautiful, very sentimental card today and some fresh-cut flowers. They are beautiful, and the card made me cry. For me, trying to do something for my mother is very stressful. I have a mother that is impossible, and I stress IMPOSSIBLE, to please. Trying to do something special for her will, undoubtedly, not be appreciated the way you would like it to be, if at all. I can't buy her the kind of card my daughter bought for me. That is truly sad.

I sent along something with my daughter to give to my mother today. I told her I would try to visit her for a bit tomorrow morning if I had enough time because I have a wedding to go to right around lunchtime. She seemed disinterested in the visit and only interested in whether or not I could wash her floor. Oh well...I guess we all have our own unique relationships with our mothers. I only wish I could have shared a relationship with my mother like I share with my own daughter and my son. At least I am thankful for my children and the fact that I know they love me.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there! I hope each one of them has a special day!!

Coincidence?? Strange...but True

Some coincidences are so strange that you have to give your head a shake and wonder what the significance is. Last night, I realized a strange coincidence. This is how it goes:

A number of years ago, a friend of mine left a long-term relationship and moved into this area, buying her own home (her first by herself) and running her business out of it. She still lives there and her life has been great since. Her house number is 37.

Last fall, after divorcing from a long-term marriage, I bought my first house on my own. My house number? 37.

Shortly after buying my house, my cousin, who just separated from his wife, sold the house he was living in and bought a new home to start his life over. His house number is also 37.

Then last night, I happened upon a bus companion of mine. I didn't know exactly where she lived, but I saw her going into her house. She just separated from her husband and bought out his half of the house they were living in. Her first house as a single owner. When I saw her house number, I think my jaw dropped. It, too, was 37.

How very strange that me and 3 of my friends would all be starting our single lives over by buying houses on our own whose civic numbers are all 37. How weird is that? The number 7 is a very Biblical number, and for me, a lucky number. It was a very prominent number in my father's life as well. If starting over at #37 gave Shawna a wonderful new life, then I sincerely hope the trend continues for the rest of us. So far, the foundation for that life for me is shaping up nicely. Some days it feels like it is coming closer, and some days I'm afraid it won't come. Through the grace of God, I pray that it will and that it will be more beautiful than I even imagined it could be...

Little Kids Study the Sea

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)

Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent.
(Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
(William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 7)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly-fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

There is a lot of suckers in the ocean. The Mafia put them there.
(Russ age 5)

A Dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 6)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin age 6)

Here Comes Peter Cottontail..

...hopping down the bunny trail. I hope you are all having a wonderful Easter.

Hoppy Easter every bunny!!

Who Said This?—The Answer

Did you figure out where the text came from? It may surprise you to know who said these things.

Finished guessing? OK, I'll tell you.

It's from.... Are you sure you want to know? You didn't figure it out? OK, alright, already. This is where it came from.

Song of Songs 7:1–13; 8:5–7
The Holy Bible, New International Version

This text is a dialogue between King Solomon and his lover. For those of you who don't know, King Solomon is the father of King David, from whose line comes our Saviour, Jesus.

Did you think you would ever read anything like this from the Bible? Are you surprised? I was the first time I read it, but it is so beautiful. There is absolutely nothing on this Earth that is sweeter than true love...

Yeah, I'm a sap with a soft spot. So what? I'm a lover not a fighter...

Who Said This?

Can you tell me where the following text is from?

He:
How beautiful your sandaled fee, O prince's daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit."
May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.

She:
May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth.
I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.
Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomengranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.
The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my lover.
...
Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labour gave you birth.
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

Stay tuned for the answer tomorrow...

Sealed with a Club

I don't know about you, but I am sick to death of hearing about the protests of the seal hunts in Atlantic Canada. This has been going on for many, many years. I think these protestors need to become educated about this. Do they not know what an ecosystem is? God gave us an ecosystem and fully expects us to protect it in order to keep it functioning appropriately. This means killing animals for food, but not overkilling to extinction so that continuation of the species can happen. I may be wrong, but this is what I know about the seal hunt.

• If we do not kill off some seals, they will become overpopulated and destroy the balance of the ecosystem. I understand if you put the current population of seals shoulder to shoulder, they would stretch the entire length of our country.
  
• If they become overpopulated, they will destroy the fishery ecosystem by eating too many fish.
• Clubbing them is the most human way to kill them, other than perhaps shooting them in the head. However, shooting can destroy pelts used to keep people warm and destroys some of the meat, which is eaten. Come on people!!! Seal meat is a common food in northern Canada. I hear seal flippers are tasty, but I've never eaten them. I'm not sure I'd want to, but that is a personal choice.

I get irritated by people claiming this is inhumane. Have these same people stood in a pet store and looked at the bin of feeder rats that are used to feed these huge snakes? Do the people buying them know that they are supposed to kill the rats humanely before feeding them to the snakes? Those poor little buggers are terrified while staring down the throat of a hungry snake. Wouldn't you be?

Are all these complaining people vegans? If not, do they think about how the cow was killed that provided the steak on their plate? When they go fishing do they kill the fish immediately after removing it from the hook or do they put it in a shallow pail of water and watch it slowly die? Is that humane? And what about those damn sticky mouse traps. Those are completely inhumane. The animal becomes stuck, gets completely stressed out from not being able to move, and then slowly starves to death. Are they concerned about that mouse? Do they think about the flies that get stuck to fly paper?

I am so sick to death of these protests. We need to eat, and furs and leather are the warmest articles of clothing for cold Canadian winters. As long as we are eating the meats and using the furs to nothing goes to waste and killing them humanely and within reasonable limits to ensure a proper ecosystem, what is the problem? Ask the Creator what he intended for our lives here on Earth!! He even asked for animals to be killed and burned to char simply as an offering to Him. These animals were not eaten. Will you argue with Him? Was he being inhumane and wasteful?

Please don't misunderstand ... I could not be one of the people killing animals. I don't have the heart to do it, but if it is being done for appropriate reasons using humane procedures and maintaining the balance of the ecosystem, what else can we ask for?

Why Do We?

Have you ever wondered why we do some of the things we do? Some of them just don't make sense. For instance:

• Why do we brush and floss our teeth before going to the dentist for a check-up and cleaning?
• Why do we clean up and straighten up in our house before the maid service comes?
• Why do we vacuum the floors before we have a party where things inevitably get spilled?
• Why do we wear clean underwear in case we are in an accident because if we are, we will soil them anyway?
• Why do we close the blinds in our houses to keep the sun out and then spend money on electricity or fuel to heat the house?
• Why do some people take a clean towel each time they shower when they are wiping clean water off a clean body, but then use the same beach towel to dry off on and lay on the sand a few times before laundering it?
• Why do we push the walk button more than once to cross the street when it only takes once to set the lights?

There are all kinds of crazy things people do and don't even realize how silly it looks or seems. I'm sure there are more you can think of, but it just makes me wonder "why?" we do what we do.

Dreams

There are many kinds of dreams. We all have dreams, be they something we have strived for our whole lives, daydreams about exotic things that may never come true, or dreams at night that re-enact our days or give us insight into our subconscious and our fears. There are some dreams that are spiritual in nature. Even visions. I am one of those people who experience such things.

The first time I dreamed of something simultaneously as it happened, my knees went weak. I couldn't believe it. I was 18 at the time. It completely freaked me out. Since that time, I have had visions of scenes at unexpected times about things that I am not even thinking of at the time. I've had dreams at night that have very distinct messages for me—messages from on high. Once it was even delivered to me by an angel in my dream. As I get older and my faith deepens, I experience these more and more.

In the past 24 hours, I've had a couple visions and a very spiritual dream. They seemed very positive, but also somewhat contradictory to what I can actually see happening in my life. What a way to screw up one's head!!! What direction do I think in now? What is happening? I am confused.

What Language Is Spoken Here??

Can you raed tihs?

Olny 66 plepoe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh?

Happy St. Patty's Day

Can you believe it is March 17 all ready? I'm sure I only threw out the Christmas tree 3 weeks ago. Wait...that would mean I've got a birthday again in a week. OK, OK...I don't need to get another year older that fast.

Today, my Aunt Hilda, the only living member of my father's family, turns 95. How amazing is that. She has had Alzheimer's for several years now, which is sad, but to live that long is amazing. And she is one of the oldest of the children too. She is 10.5 years older than my Dad was. I wish he was still here.

Anyway, I'm not Irish, my family is British several generations back, but I hope you all have a great St. Patrick's Day. I sure would like to catch one of those leprechauns and get his bag full of money, but this picture indicates what he always says to me. So...if you are celebrating, have a green beer for me...even though I don't like beer. Cheers to the Wearer O' the Green!!

How Good Can It Be?

Tonight I received a new gadget as a belated birthday gift. I got one of those "Miracle Chopper 2000" gadgets, which is a knock-off of the "Bullet" As Seen on TV. It is a chopper, grinder, blender, juicer, mixer, and grater. It also purées and whips cream. It comes with 6 different containers, 2 different blades, 2 shaker tops, 5 extra gaskets, a lemon squeezer thingy, and a recipe book.

I'm told it has already been registered for warranty in my name and is guaranteed for 3 years. Funny thing about it is this: No where on the books or the box or the gadgets is the name of the company that makes it. How can you register something to a non-existent company? Could be interesting if something happens to it, although I'm told the store will take responsibility for replacing it or giving me credit to buy something else. We'll see how it goes.

Dog Gone

Yesterday, the doggie I had since 1992 had to be put down. She and I cuddled up a lot when she was a pup and I was recovering from major surgery. She was there to cuddle up to me when I cried or was feeling down. She made me laugh, and sometimes she made me mad. Even though I have not lived with you for the past 4 years, I still loved you. RIP, Casey. The following is dedicated to you. Til we meet again...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Missing You, Dad

Dear Dad,

Three years ago today you began your eternal journey. Your hard working hands are at rest, and you reside in a beautiful place with the Creator.

Dad, I still miss you, and think of you often. Many times I want to call and talk to you. I miss your wonderful sense of humour and, oh...those deep belly laughs. We did a lot of laughing, didn't we? I'm so glad that you and I shared those moments, Dad. I will never forget them.

Dad, I know your life was not easy, as life seldom is, but you were too proud to let it show. No one would have known if you felt discouraged. It never showed. Growing up without your mother must have been very difficult. I'm not sure you ever knew that I never felt connected to Mom, so I can relate to that to some degree. I sure did feel connected to you, though, Dad. You were and still are very special to me.

You may not have had the opportunity for much education, Dad, but you taught me so much. You taught me about the cycle of life and how life goes on. You showed me by example how important love and laughter are in life and, Dad, I want those two things in my life so bad. I think you know I am struggling to get them. You came to me in a dream shortly after you died. In the dream, being a farmer, you showed me how important it was to plant the seeds correctly, nurture and care for them appropriately, and wait (yes, wait) for the harvest. And the harvest will be so beautiful. Do you know how hard it is to wait for that harvest, Dad? I feel like life goes so quickly that I can't waste a moment of it, and I don't want to miss a single second of it.

Dad, do you think you can put a word in for me with the Great One to help me get what I need soon? I'm praying to Him too, but maybe it would help if you asked Him as well??

I miss you, Dad. I'll see you one day again. Until then, God, please take good care of him. He is very special.

Love, Donna xo