It Never Stops!!!

I have been on vacation since last Friday, and I have not stopped. As a home owner and single parent there is never a shortage of things to do, only a shortage of money to do them.

I've been busy cleaning up my house and tidying up my life. I'm culling things from the past that no longer have any meaning (other than negative ones) and getting rid of stuff I just don't want anymore. I've cleaned and I'm doing a few little things here and there to make things better around here.

I found a homemade cabinet downstairs that was left by the previous owners. Once I got a carpenter to remove the spikes that held it onto the 2 x 4 framing for a half-bath downstairs, it sat there for 4 months. This week, I painted it and bought some new knobs for it. Tomorrow or Saturday, it will take up residence in my bathroom. This house has 1.5 baths and neither of them have any storage other than under the vanity. It sucks hard. So, this will help a little in the main bath.

I bought a new dishwasher, which will be delivered tomorrow, and had the old one pulled out and disconnected so they can take it with them when the new one comes. You never know how much you miss one of those suckers until you don't have one for awhile. It's dreadful!

I also bought a new set of heavy duty shelving for my utility room. No tools required. Yeah! That room is totally out of control. If only my kids would get their own places, 2/3 of what is there would be gone!! Totally unruly. In fact, my daughter has stuff that belongs to her spread out in nearly every single room of my house. Definitely means she needs a place of her own.

Today I fixed the legs on my table there were too loose and tightened up the frame on my futon to the best of my ability. Damn...the things I have to learn as a single Mom. Some aren't so hard, but many are things I'd rather not have to have the responsibility for doing. Some things, I've learned, I just don't have the know-how or physical strength to do. Boy...do I need a man to help me out around here!!! Hmmm...I can think of many other positive benefits to that too.

Laundry, meals, dishes, paperwork, tax returns...here I come...again. The work just never stops!!

New Work Policy

The following new policy was posted at work. It is assumed we will abide by this policy. Personally...I THINK NOT!!!!!

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the washroom. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you for your attention.

The Management

It's Here Again...

Happy St. Valentine's Day. May Cupid's arrow strike you just the right way.

Stupid Cupid

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Another Hallmark and Cadbury holiday. A day when the stores get rich, flowers and candies fly out the door of the stores, restaurants and hotels are packed, and love abounds. Well ... it does for some of us.

I've never experienced any such Valentine's Day. Just once in my life I would like to be pampered and loved on that day. Hell ... to be pampered and loved like that on any day would be awesome.

Stupid Cupid!! Point those arrows the right way will you. Your aim stinks!!!!!

Education: Coming Full Circle

Last week I had the opportunity to sit in on a meeting with a consultant who was describing his portfolio to a graphic designer to create a logo to represent a new educational initiative. I didn't really know much about it up to that point. As I sat there listening, I became more and more fascinated by what he was saying. I absolutely love being part of the education system and seeing the vision of what we wish to accomplish with the youth who are our future. This incident was no exception. Let me tell you about this program.

Here in Nova Scotia we are beginning a new initiative called Community-Based Learning (CBL). This program goes hand-in-hand with the new Options and Opportunities (O2) program that is now being offered in some schools. The intent of these programs is to bring the community into the classroom and the classroom into the community in partnership or mentoring programs. In this way, we hope to provide our youth with opportunities to explore different careers to see what they like, what they don't like, and where they feel they fit. We are facing a huge labour shortage as the Baby Boomers and the early Gen-Xers head into retirement. With the pull from the west to bring our tradespeople out there and the pull to the south for the medical profession and other professions, we are in serious danger of losing so many of the businesses that are essential to our existence. So we are taking the bull by the horns.

The first obstacle to overcome is the paradigm thinking of the Boomers and Gen-Xers that unless you go to university, you won't succeed in life. You will never make money, you will never be someone. Hogwash! They could not be more wrong. Not everyone is meant to go to university, and there is no shame in that whatsoever!!! We have heard from several industries that they can't get tradespeople at all to work for them because if the youth do choose the trades, the west is calling them out there. They are offering more money and more opportunities, but their hearts belong at home and they want to be there. Businesses are beginning to see that they need to offer more money to these tradespeople to keep them here. We have spoken to the businesses and have developed our programs as a result. Here is the main objective of these:

We have approached businesses to become mentors to our youth. They take the students into their businesses and teach them about what they do and how so that students can make informed decisions about career possibilities. The students spend a specific number of hours out in the community learning about these career possibilities, both through the trades and university careers. It helps them to know what courses they need to have if they want to work in these careers. By informing them, students are more successful in the classroom because they see the big picture of what they need and why it is important. They also have opportunities to work in co-operative education settings in businesses. The CBL and O2 programs help to educate the students on what it is like in the real world and help them to see what it is they are working towards. There is even a personality profile portion to the program to assist them in making their choices. They will be more likely to know what direction they want to go in at the end of high school so that they don't waste money and years of their life trying to figure it out (like I did, and my daughter). One of the most exciting aspects is that Nova Scotia is working with the businesses to create a Mathematics Skills course that will provide students with the kind of math they need to succeed in these careers. When we can bring real-life experiences into the classroom and take the students into the community we all benefit and school makes so much more sense to them, increasing their success rate.

This seems to me as if we have come full circle in our education program. Even 50 years ago, many, many people learned their trades through mentorship, working part-time while attending school. The old-fashioned way wasn't all that bad after all, was it? These programs really excite me. I see so much potential for students who might once have risked falling through the cracks. It is so exciting!!

Yes, I Have the Answers

This is in response to the questions at Sam's Place. My responses are in red.

* Why you always stop by a puddle when you park. Because there are no lakes in parking lots.

* Why the telephone cord always gets knotted no matter how carefully you hang it up each time. (Thank goodness for cordless phones.) If I pull your cord beyond the coils, it will coil up incorrectly too. It can only take so much stress.

* Why the computer always freezes near the end of a long document. (Never near the start or when doing a short project.) If it froze near the start, you would simply start it over in a new file. Where would the aggravation be then? Seriously, the more complex and full the document, the more chance of it freezing, so keep the files small, simple, and clean.

* Why the door lock is always stiffer or stuck when your arms are full of packages. It's not silly. You just can't turn your arm as easily if it is full. Duh!!

* Why you think to turn the dryer on after you get upstairs. I think this happens only after the age of 40. Information overload. Too many things to think of so nothing can stay for more than 10 seconds. Some times I think I can't even manage 10 seconds before I forget.

* Why the cashier with the shortest line up has to call for a price check just after you get there. Sometimes people just pick up something without a price on it and don't notice it themselves.

* Why your coat only gets caught in the door when your arms are full of packages. Just plain dumb luck!!

* Why the water gets warm just after you finish washing your hands under running water. Duh ... you're supposed to wait for it to get warm before you wash your hands. Were you brought up in a barn?

* Why the key you need is always the last one you try out of the bunch. Because none of them are marked or else if you lost them, someone could come break into your house and steal your things. Now that would just be silly!!

In all honesty, these things just happen. Just dumb luck. Shit happens. Live with it and don't sweat the small stuff. Life goes on...

Age

Have you ever had days where you feel your age? Days when you feel older? Days when you feel young again? I think we all experience all of them from time to time depending on what we are going through at the time.

Today is my birthday! Two days ago I would have told you I was 90. Yesterday I would have said I was 55. Today I feel a little younger than my ____ years.

Well ... you didn't think I was going to write the number down there did you? Not a chance.

Tears

There are many different kinds of tears, each with their own scientific consistency. There are tears of sorrow, tears of fear, tears of happiness ... you name it. We each cry for our own reasons. Some of us cry easier than others, some cry harder than others. Me? I cry easier and harder than a lot of people. I'm not afraid to feel my emotions or express them. I don't, however, like to display tears in my workplace, but it has happened from time to time for various reasons.

The tears of sorrow seem to be more acidic or more saline than others. I don't know this to be fact, I only know that they make my eyes sting, my cheeks burn like crazy and I get one hell of a sinus headache. The snotty nose is another issue to deal with. Why does that have to accompany the tears? I guess that is why they say tears are cleansing. They clean your body of all fluids so that you can't even spit.

All I know is that my face is killing me, and I look like hell...

Nothing to Say

Well, Keyboard tells me I am behind in my blog writing, and so I am. I've been having a complete writers' block lately and can't really think of anything worthwhile to say. The things going on in my mind really aren't appropriate to put here (I'll let your mind wander on that), so I have said nothing at all. Hmmm ...

Can't think, brain dumb, inspiration won't come
bad ink, poor pen, best wishes, amen.

How is that? or maybe this:

As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters never point your way.

I really can't think of anything to say. I've been extremely self-absorbed lately, so the ideas just won't come. Keyboard, I promise I will try to think of something to write soon. In the meantime, it's nice to know you miss me (teehee).

The Month after Christmas

Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd tasted
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So—away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie—not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore—But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Happy New Year!

All the best for 2007!

May it bring you all your heart desires!!

Looking Ahead to a New Year

In looking ahead to a new year, let us take a look at how things have really changed over the years. The following are some examples. We actually survived these things and are the stronger and wiser for them.


Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.


Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by principal. Sits still in class.
2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra help from province because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by provincial psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with principal out on the smoking dock.
2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

1973 - Five high school boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.
2006 - Middle School Counsellor calls Planned Parenthood. Mary is driven to a clinic and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary is given condoms and told to be more careful next time.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1973 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2006 - Pedro's cause is taken up by one of the governing parties. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. A
class action lawsuit is filed against the school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from Canada Day, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1973 - Ants die.
2006 - Police, Security, and FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1973 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in Canadian prison.


My, how things have changed....

The Year in Review

It is that dreaded time of the year again when the TV stations are filled with "Year in Review" programs. We have already lived through this year. We have seen the news caps. Why do we need to be reminded of all the tragedies that happened? Why do we need to rub the stupid things people did in their faces one last time to humiliate them yet again? Why do we have to create lists of who were the worst famous role models of the year?

The end of a year is supposed to be time to reflect on the good that happened in the past year and prepare for the good that can happen in the year to come. So please, don't waste air time rehashing all the stuff that makes us feel blue. Let's leave the past there and move on into the new year with a positive attitude. I'm certainly going to try that. How about you?

Bible Humour from the Mouths of Babes

LOT'S WIFE

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"


THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rickey was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

Church Smiles

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

*************

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.

Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

**************

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

It's Christmas!!

I hope you are all having a beautiful Christmas day!!

Merry Christmas to all my friends and loved ones!

Miz D

You're Not Listening!!!

You're not listening!!! I had to use those words this evening to a telemarketer. I hate those phone calls. I see the toll-free number come up on my phone and I hestitate to answer it. Tonight made up my mind that from now on, I'm not answering any of those. If it is a legitimate call regarding something other than solicitations, they will leave a message asking me to return the call.

Tonight, this was the gist of the conversation:

"Hello."
"Hello Mrs. G." (first of all, I am not MRS. anybody. Mrs. G is my mother! No Brownie points so far.)
"Hello."
Then came a big long speel about little angels, young children who have leukemia and have lost their hair. My heart feels for them. I brace myself for the next request.
"If you could help us out with a donation of $100 or $200, it would greatly help these children."
"I have no doubt that it would, but I can't help you."
Then the speel begins again.
"I know that this is a lot of money at this time of year..." [No...do you think!!!!]
"...perhaps you could help us with a donation of $50."
Again, I reply, "I'm sorry...I can't help you."
The speel continues.
"Perhaps you could help out with a donation of $20."
"I'm sorry...I can't help you."
At this point I am wanting to hang up, but don't want to be rude.
The woman continues talking incessantly about donating the money, how much it would help, the money would take a month to come out of my account, etc., etc.
At this point, I interrupt her once again to say, "I'm sorry, I'm not able to help you financially."
The speel STILL continued...
I interrupted once again to say, "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!!! I cannot help you with money. I will pray for these children, but I CANNOT help you. I wish I could." And I do wish I could.
Finally... the woman gave up, wished me a good evening, and hung up.

Needless to say, those toll-free numbers will no longer get answered in this house. I hate saying no. I feel guilty because I believe we are all born to help one another, but I also know we can only help so much. If I won the lottery, I know I would help out others, but right now, I have other priorities, and I still continue to do what I can for others in non-monetary ways.

Love thy neighbour as thyself...one of the two greatest commandments. I try my best. God forgive me where I have failed.

Christmas Cookie Recipe

This is a great recipe. Try it…I guarantee you’ll like it!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Christmas Cookie Recipe

1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Crown Royal

1. Sample the Crown Royal to check quality.
2. Take a large bowl, check the Crown Royal again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
3. Turn on the electric mixer... Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
4. Add one teaspoon of sugar... Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Crown Royal is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.
5. Turn off the mixer thingy.
6. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
7. Pick the frigging fruit off floor...
8. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a dewscriver. Sample the Crown Royal to check for tonsisticity.
9. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something ... who giveshz a heet.
10. Check the Crown Royal.
11. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
12. Add one table.
    
13. Add a spoon of ar, or somefink ... whatever you can find.
14. Greash the oven.
15. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
16. Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
17. Finish the bottle of Crown Royal.
18. Make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
    

Cherry Mistmas!

Farm Animals—A Response

Well over there at Sam's Place, he is watching cartoons about farm animals having fun. I laughed at his description of cows. He is right about them being called teats. My grandfather had a dairy farm, and I spent a lot of time with the cows and watching them being milked. There definitely were no male cows there. That milking machine might really have hurt that poor bull.

Chicken fingers and chicken balls? Who the heck ever heard of a chicken with hands. They were built upside down. Did you know that? They have to wear their underwear on their heads to cover their peckers!!! And as for chicken balls...a chicken is also a female. Please...I don't think they are androgenous. You better check the roosters for those, and you would have to check very closely. Bet you can't find them. Good luck getting that close to a rooster!!! It would give you a whole new meaning to the term "experiencing a pecker."

Kind of reminds me of prairie oysters. Who would have thought they had nothing to do with shellfish? Just the mere thought of eating those...ewww... Those poor bulls...

Thank You and May We Never Forget

In Flander's Fields the poppies grow, between the crosses, row on row...

We all have heard this poem many times over the years, but have you ever really stopped to understand what it means to you?? For many years, I hadn't because my life had not been directly touched by any of the wars. Having come from farming families, none of my family members were ever enlisted to fight. However, for the past few years, the reality of the wars and what they have meant to my life has become abundantly clear.

I don't like war. Then again, I don't believe anyone does. It is because of our fallen comrades and those who survived it and live the daily nightmares, that we have the kind of freedom that we enjoy today. We have the privilege of a democratic government, and we have freedom of speech. We have adopted an attitude of multicultural acceptance in our country where, most of us at least, treat each other as equals regardless of our differences. Yes, there are always those who do not and will not, but someday I hope something will open their eyes to the reality that we are all created equal and are all entitled to equal opportunities in life.

This year again, I had the privilege of listening to war vet who is a friend of mine, speak of what it was like for him when he fought in WWII. The horrors that he saw, some of which he will never relate, was horrific. I listened as he spoke with a broken voice and tears welling in his eyes of watching a young woman with a baby in her arms, starving on the island of Malta as they were bombed repeated for 30 days. Those 30 days he spent there he speaks of most often in his talks, and he still carries the emotions of that day. That was in 1944. He also watched as some of his comrades were shot down in a plane by friendly fire. He said he would never forget it and would never reveal their names so that their family would not suffer any further from it.

This year, I was most touched by something he said. He is of British descent, but he was fighting as a Canadian in the war. He brought a picture with him to lay on our altar. It was a photo of a German soldier who was either dying or was already dead, laying among the rubble of his plane that had been shot down. He reminded our congregation that this man, although considered to be the enemy, was a person just like the rest of us. One who had a family who loved him and who he loved. War is a horrible thing, and we must remember them all, not just those who fought for our own freedom. May they all rest in peace.

To those who are currently in our armed forces fighting for world peace, may the grace of God that passes all understanding be in your heart and minds forever, and may He help us as a world to finally find that acceptance, equality, and peace we all deserve. To each and every member of our armed forces, I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. God bless you.

Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Estrogen Issues

WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
8. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
9. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Pregnancy FAQs

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

Horrid TV Show

I have never given feedback to a TV station regarding a program they are showing, but today I felt compelled to do so.

Over the summer, there were short 2–3-minute clips for a new women's show coming up in the fall. I was appalled and disgusted at those clips, but hoped the shows would prove to be different. I was wrong. The women in this show are supposed to model dynamic women running a TV station for helpful tips for women. However, these women are the epitomy of self-disrespect. They throw themselves at every man who comes into their presence, or fight over him, and are very slutty about it. Their intention to show women how to do things they may be unfamiliar with, so as to become more independent, is a complete farce. Everything they try to do is interrupted by one of the other women flaunting what their Momma gave them or snuggling themselves up against some man they don't even know.

This sort of action concerns me greatly. I'm seeing a generation of young women with absolutely no self-respect. If you visit bars, you will see the young women on the dance floor, barely dressed and whoring themselves around seeing who they can find to "get lucky" with that night. In the malls and on the buses, you hear them talking about their sexual escapades night after night with a string of different young men. Young women these days are giving it away like they are going to die tomorrow. At this rate, they just may. They could pick up the wrong man or the wrong disease. The young men just seem to want notches on their belt and don't really care about who helps them to achieve it.

Where have we, as a society, gone wrong? I believe it is time we started teaching our young people about self-respect and a healthy sexual attitude. Sex is an absolutely beautiful thing between two people who love each other. The men I talk to want women who have confidence in themselves, self-respect, independence, and leave something to their imaginations. Women want men who appreciate, respect, and truly love them. So that leaves me with one question.

Why in the hell are we not showing them and teaching them that?? It blows my mind!!!

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in Canada. A lot of us are cooking our turkeys today rather than tomorrow so we can rest up and be ready to head back to work on Tuesday.

This Thanksgiving, these are the things I want to give thanks for:

• For sight, so that I may see the beauty of the world and in the people around me.
• For hearing, that I can hear the sounds of the birds, the wind blowing in the trees, and the sound of someone's voice as they tell me they love me.
• For family who are there when I really need them to be.
• For friends who are supportive and take time from their lives to spend with me.
• For work, that even though it is too busy and not always easy, makes me feel good that I am helping with the education of thousands of young Nova Scotians (our future) and helps to pay my bills.
• For bills, because it means I have a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, clothes on my back, and a car to drive.
• For my church and my church community, because it means I have faith, something to believe in, and people who will not let me forget that.
• For the struggles I have endured, because it means I am stronger than ever before and that I will appreciate those things I work so hard for when I finally get them.

Most of all, I give thanks for love. Without love, both the ability to give it and the joy of receiving it, I would be empty. There would be a hole in my world as big as all outdoors. Love gives me a reason to live and makes everything little thing in life seem like a miracle.

Thank you, God, for your many blessings and thank you, my friends and family, for your love and support. Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Love always,
Miz D

Sunday Shopping

I have to agree with Keyboard over there at Sam's Place. I think this whole Sunday shopping thing is a big joke. This is how I see it:

Just because there is an extra day to go shopping now, doesn't mean that people will go out shopping more. They will simply shift the day they go. For retailers, this means more expense, less profit. They will have to pay additional salaries, electrical fees, and other fees associated with rental space, only to spread their existing profit over an extra day. I don't see how this will be work for them.

Now, Sunday is considered a day of rest for us in Canada, according to the Christian community. Centuries ago, that day (and in the Bible ) it is Saturday. So traditionally, stores were closed in observation of this. On the other hand, we are not allowed to pray in school, we are not allowed to mention God in the classrooms, and even our Christmas concerts are now holiday concerts. I understand the concept behind this because we are a multicultural nation. However, if we are not going to observe or are restricted from observing Christian traditions, then I suggest that the government look at not making the Christian holidays days that the offices are not open. So, if businesses are expected to work 7 days a week, why not government offices too? Now, being a government employee and a Christian, I don't want to work Christian holidays and I don't want to work weekends. Sunday is still my day to attend church, and I won't have that taken from me.

This is all such a load of hogwash. If we are a truly multicultural nation, then let's treat it as such as allow us all, each and every one, to observe our religious traditions as they are. Christians taking Christian holidays, Jewish taking Jewish holidays, Buddhists, Muslims, and every other religion observing their traditions. Why must the Christians (who are the majority by the way) suppress theirs? Let us just live our own as we choose. If you are atheist or agnostic, then I guess you would have to pick and choose which way to go, but you can't have them all.

Just my two cents worth.

Did You Ever Wonder

Did you ever wonder...

• why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
• why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
• why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
• why doctors call what they do "practice"?
• why it is that to stop Windows XP, you have to click on "Start"?
• why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
• why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
• why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour?
• why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• when dog food has a new and improved taste who tests it?
• why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
• why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• why don't they make the whole plane out of that indestructible black box material that is used on airplanes?!
• why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
• why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• why if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
• why if flying is so safe, they call the airport the terminal?

Only in Canada

Only in Canada...

• can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
• are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink
• do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front
• do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke
• do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters
• do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage
• do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place
• do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight
• do we use the word politics to describe the process so well—Poli (Latin) meaning many; and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures
• do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

Sitting on the Fence

Is an unexpected difficulty, or a set of circumstances that force an issue, a test of someone's determination to accomplish a goal or a sign that they should change direction? How DO we tell when it is time to quit? When SHOULD we leap a hurdle and when should we back away gracefully from it? Who knows the answer to this question?

I've asked myself that question many, many times over the years. Do I give up or don't I? What happens if I give up today and tomorrow I regret it because a solution presents itself so that I could attain it and I've now lost it forever? I think of this in the case of someone committing suicide because they can't bear to suffer a disease any longer. What if they waited just one more day and the cure was found that day? They could have lived many more years.

How long is too long to wait for something? How long can one sit on a fence post before they have a permanent dent in their arse and question their sanity?

When the goal I am aiming for is a worthwhile goal, it would take something pretty drastic for me to give up. I'm not a quitter. Sometimes the goal is well worth waiting for, even if it takes a long time and the trek is difficult and painful. That being said, there is reasonableness to all things. Determining how long is too long, is the other issue. Sometimes it feels like brick walls won't fall, like some things will never come to fruition. It makes it that much harder to hold on, but still scary to stop trying and give up.

For me, the answer is to follow my heart and my intuition, not my head. The head can mess things up and distort them. The heart can see what the eyes cannot. I've always been very intuitive, too, so I will continue to trust in that.

How long is too long for you? When do you throw in the towel and take your arse off the fence?

An Amazing Deck of Cards

It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk. Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?"

The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord."

The sergeant said, "Looks to me like you're going to play cards."

The soldier sad , "No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards."

The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"

"You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.

The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.

The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

The Five is for the five virgins. There were ten, but only five of them were glorified.

The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.

The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.

The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives—the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.

The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.

The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.

The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week—52 weeks in a year.

The four suits represent the four seasons: spring, summer, fall, and winter.

Each suit has thirteen cards. There are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."

The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"

Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting to keep our country free.

Please pray for our military and give them the respect these unsung heroes deserve.

Vacation Adventures

Well, I had a great vacation travelling the Cabot Trail by motorhome. My cousin is a most patient man. We get along great. I am not at all used to having a man around me 24/7 who is patient and doesn't holler at me at all. What a way to go stress-free!! He does, however, have the gift for gab. He talked non-stop for five days, with the exception of when he was sleeping. He never seemed to run out of stories to tell me (haha). I love him just the same.

We visited the Alexander Graham Bell Museum and spent a whole day touring the Fortress of Louisbourg. I loved it!!! The mountains on the Trail were beautiful, as were the waterfalls.

The morning of day 3 I got a text message from my daughter, concerned about what to do because her brother was leaving windows and doors unlocked. What could I do from 300 miles away?? I dealt with it the best way I could.

I arrived home a day early, much to my children's surprise. They had planned on cleaning up the house that day before I got home the next. No surprise there. I think a bomb exploded in every room except for my bedroom. I was less than impressed. However, they did their share to clean it up when I got home. It would be nice to go away and not have to worry about my house. Some day...

If you get a chance to travel the Trail, I would highly recommend it. We did the loop beginning at Baddeck so that we were going up more than coming down. It was a little easier on brakes that way. There was one point where we were descending for 4 km. That was fun. All in all...it was a great vacation with a breathtaking view. I hope you get a chance to see it.

Vacation

Well...it is my vacation time. Tomorrow I head out by motorhome to travel the Cabot Trail. We will see where we go beyond that. I am looking forward to getting away. It has been 10 years since I went away on a vacation. I'm a little nervous leaving my home in the hands of my young adult children, but we will see what happens. It will be different for them to not have Mommy cooking their meals and doing the dishes. I'll tell you about my adventures when I get back at the end of next week. Ciao for now...

Mermaids

Hmmmm... I wonder how it would feel to be a mermaid... Maybe it would be fun to be one for a day.

I can imagine the freedom to not be restricted by clothing or concerned about the latest fashion trends. No worries about shoes...who would need those. No colours to coordinate, no purses to have to sling over your shoulders. No need for umbrellas, raincoats or any kind of coat for that matter.

To feel the smoothness of the water against your bare skin as you gracefully glide through the water. Oh...I can almost feel that now. Almost like silk being draped over your body. Oh to be a mermaid.

There would be no worries about where to live, what car to buy, what bills need to be paid, and having to get up to go to work each day. Every day would be a day at the beach, literally.

But I suppose there are those sharks lurking around and the lamprey eels and piranha. Those suckers are nasty. But oh... some of those mermen can be quite handsome. Funny thing, though, I don't think I've ever seen merbabies. Considering how the fin is attached, I'm not quite sure how they would accomplish procreation (or the fun of trying).

Hmmm...on second thought, maybe I will just stay human...

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Dad,

It has been 3 years and 4 Father's Days since I last saw you. So much has changed for me in that time. I have grown and I have built a firm foundation for my future. I wish you could be here to see it. My latest acquisition was a car that I bought this past week. Mom even told me she was proud of me, and I've never heard her tell me that before ever. It's been a hard uphill battle, Dad, but I think you would be proud of me, too.

Thank you, Dad, for all you gave me for the years we spent together. The knowledge that life is to be appreciated and enjoyed. I sure do miss the laughter we shared. I need more of that in my life, Dad. Oh...how I especially miss that part we shared. When times got tough, you could always interject that comedic line to lighten the mood and, at the very least, make me smile. I'm just realizing now how much you knew that was what I needed. I do love life, Dad, with all its ups and downs, and I have you to thank for helping me with that. I wish, as I'm sure everyone does, that there were more ups than downs some days, but that is the nature of life.

Today in church, the priest spoke about gardening and how the gardener can only create the foundation for the plants, but is not responsible for how the plant grows. It took my mind to you. That is what you did for us, Dad, and you weren't responsible for what we did with that. We all made a lot of mistakes, but as we grow older, I think we are all seeing what you had tried to teach us—the value of life and love. The last time you gave me that lesson was in a dream, shortly after you left to continue on your eternal journey. You showed me how to tend to my garden with care and that the benefits would be a beautiful, bountiful harvest. The harvest is coming, Dad. I can feel it, but not as quickly as I would like it to. I know my generation and successive ones are a generation of instant gratification, but it is so hard to wait for the good stuff. I want to enjoy it now, and not waste a moment. Yes, I know I will appreciate it all the more once I get it, as I do with the things I have already accomplished. I promise you I will never take any of it for granted. They are too precious of gifts to do that.

I miss you, Dad. I hope you are watching over me, and that I can make you proud. Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you.

signed, Your loving daughter

Why? Why? Why?

Have you ever wondered about these things?

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
• Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my favourite ...

• The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends—if they're okay, then it's you.

Thank You for All Those E-mails

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
 
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a  sick girl (PennyBrown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
  
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change  once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
  
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me .
 
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible  mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
  
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
  
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
  
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
  
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
  
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes  cancer.
  
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
  
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
  
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are  actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
 
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
  
I no longer have any sneakers, but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
  
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big  brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant  death when it bites my butt.
  
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
   
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either!  I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


If you don't copy this and send it in an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5 p.m. this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a wonderful day!!!!

My Living Will

MY LIVING WILL

I, _______________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

• a Bloody Mary
• a Margarita
• a scotch and soda
• a Martini
• a vodka and tonic
• a steak
• lobster or crab legs
• the remote control
• chocolate
• sex

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.


X___________________________________________

Happy Mother's Day!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. That special day of the year when we make a point to show our mother's what they really mean to us. For some of us that is an easy thing to do. For others of us, it is difficult.

My daughter gave me a beautiful, very sentimental card today and some fresh-cut flowers. They are beautiful, and the card made me cry. For me, trying to do something for my mother is very stressful. I have a mother that is impossible, and I stress IMPOSSIBLE, to please. Trying to do something special for her will, undoubtedly, not be appreciated the way you would like it to be, if at all. I can't buy her the kind of card my daughter bought for me. That is truly sad.

I sent along something with my daughter to give to my mother today. I told her I would try to visit her for a bit tomorrow morning if I had enough time because I have a wedding to go to right around lunchtime. She seemed disinterested in the visit and only interested in whether or not I could wash her floor. Oh well...I guess we all have our own unique relationships with our mothers. I only wish I could have shared a relationship with my mother like I share with my own daughter and my son. At least I am thankful for my children and the fact that I know they love me.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there! I hope each one of them has a special day!!

Coincidence?? Strange...but True

Some coincidences are so strange that you have to give your head a shake and wonder what the significance is. Last night, I realized a strange coincidence. This is how it goes:

A number of years ago, a friend of mine left a long-term relationship and moved into this area, buying her own home (her first by herself) and running her business out of it. She still lives there and her life has been great since. Her house number is 37.

Last fall, after divorcing from a long-term marriage, I bought my first house on my own. My house number? 37.

Shortly after buying my house, my cousin, who just separated from his wife, sold the house he was living in and bought a new home to start his life over. His house number is also 37.

Then last night, I happened upon a bus companion of mine. I didn't know exactly where she lived, but I saw her going into her house. She just separated from her husband and bought out his half of the house they were living in. Her first house as a single owner. When I saw her house number, I think my jaw dropped. It, too, was 37.

How very strange that me and 3 of my friends would all be starting our single lives over by buying houses on our own whose civic numbers are all 37. How weird is that? The number 7 is a very Biblical number, and for me, a lucky number. It was a very prominent number in my father's life as well. If starting over at #37 gave Shawna a wonderful new life, then I sincerely hope the trend continues for the rest of us. So far, the foundation for that life for me is shaping up nicely. Some days it feels like it is coming closer, and some days I'm afraid it won't come. Through the grace of God, I pray that it will and that it will be more beautiful than I even imagined it could be...

Little Kids Study the Sea

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)

Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent.
(Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
(William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 7)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly-fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

There is a lot of suckers in the ocean. The Mafia put them there.
(Russ age 5)

A Dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 6)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin age 6)

Here Comes Peter Cottontail..

...hopping down the bunny trail. I hope you are all having a wonderful Easter.

Hoppy Easter every bunny!!

Who Said This?—The Answer

Did you figure out where the text came from? It may surprise you to know who said these things.

Finished guessing? OK, I'll tell you.

It's from.... Are you sure you want to know? You didn't figure it out? OK, alright, already. This is where it came from.

Song of Songs 7:1–13; 8:5–7
The Holy Bible, New International Version

This text is a dialogue between King Solomon and his lover. For those of you who don't know, King Solomon is the father of King David, from whose line comes our Saviour, Jesus.

Did you think you would ever read anything like this from the Bible? Are you surprised? I was the first time I read it, but it is so beautiful. There is absolutely nothing on this Earth that is sweeter than true love...

Yeah, I'm a sap with a soft spot. So what? I'm a lover not a fighter...

Who Said This?

Can you tell me where the following text is from?

He:
How beautiful your sandaled fee, O prince's daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit."
May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.

She:
May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth.
I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.
Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomengranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.
The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my lover.
...
Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labour gave you birth.
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

Stay tuned for the answer tomorrow...

Sealed with a Club

I don't know about you, but I am sick to death of hearing about the protests of the seal hunts in Atlantic Canada. This has been going on for many, many years. I think these protestors need to become educated about this. Do they not know what an ecosystem is? God gave us an ecosystem and fully expects us to protect it in order to keep it functioning appropriately. This means killing animals for food, but not overkilling to extinction so that continuation of the species can happen. I may be wrong, but this is what I know about the seal hunt.

• If we do not kill off some seals, they will become overpopulated and destroy the balance of the ecosystem. I understand if you put the current population of seals shoulder to shoulder, they would stretch the entire length of our country.
  
• If they become overpopulated, they will destroy the fishery ecosystem by eating too many fish.
• Clubbing them is the most human way to kill them, other than perhaps shooting them in the head. However, shooting can destroy pelts used to keep people warm and destroys some of the meat, which is eaten. Come on people!!! Seal meat is a common food in northern Canada. I hear seal flippers are tasty, but I've never eaten them. I'm not sure I'd want to, but that is a personal choice.

I get irritated by people claiming this is inhumane. Have these same people stood in a pet store and looked at the bin of feeder rats that are used to feed these huge snakes? Do the people buying them know that they are supposed to kill the rats humanely before feeding them to the snakes? Those poor little buggers are terrified while staring down the throat of a hungry snake. Wouldn't you be?

Are all these complaining people vegans? If not, do they think about how the cow was killed that provided the steak on their plate? When they go fishing do they kill the fish immediately after removing it from the hook or do they put it in a shallow pail of water and watch it slowly die? Is that humane? And what about those damn sticky mouse traps. Those are completely inhumane. The animal becomes stuck, gets completely stressed out from not being able to move, and then slowly starves to death. Are they concerned about that mouse? Do they think about the flies that get stuck to fly paper?

I am so sick to death of these protests. We need to eat, and furs and leather are the warmest articles of clothing for cold Canadian winters. As long as we are eating the meats and using the furs to nothing goes to waste and killing them humanely and within reasonable limits to ensure a proper ecosystem, what is the problem? Ask the Creator what he intended for our lives here on Earth!! He even asked for animals to be killed and burned to char simply as an offering to Him. These animals were not eaten. Will you argue with Him? Was he being inhumane and wasteful?

Please don't misunderstand ... I could not be one of the people killing animals. I don't have the heart to do it, but if it is being done for appropriate reasons using humane procedures and maintaining the balance of the ecosystem, what else can we ask for?

Why Do We?

Have you ever wondered why we do some of the things we do? Some of them just don't make sense. For instance:

• Why do we brush and floss our teeth before going to the dentist for a check-up and cleaning?
• Why do we clean up and straighten up in our house before the maid service comes?
• Why do we vacuum the floors before we have a party where things inevitably get spilled?
• Why do we wear clean underwear in case we are in an accident because if we are, we will soil them anyway?
• Why do we close the blinds in our houses to keep the sun out and then spend money on electricity or fuel to heat the house?
• Why do some people take a clean towel each time they shower when they are wiping clean water off a clean body, but then use the same beach towel to dry off on and lay on the sand a few times before laundering it?
• Why do we push the walk button more than once to cross the street when it only takes once to set the lights?

There are all kinds of crazy things people do and don't even realize how silly it looks or seems. I'm sure there are more you can think of, but it just makes me wonder "why?" we do what we do.

Dreams

There are many kinds of dreams. We all have dreams, be they something we have strived for our whole lives, daydreams about exotic things that may never come true, or dreams at night that re-enact our days or give us insight into our subconscious and our fears. There are some dreams that are spiritual in nature. Even visions. I am one of those people who experience such things.

The first time I dreamed of something simultaneously as it happened, my knees went weak. I couldn't believe it. I was 18 at the time. It completely freaked me out. Since that time, I have had visions of scenes at unexpected times about things that I am not even thinking of at the time. I've had dreams at night that have very distinct messages for me—messages from on high. Once it was even delivered to me by an angel in my dream. As I get older and my faith deepens, I experience these more and more.

In the past 24 hours, I've had a couple visions and a very spiritual dream. They seemed very positive, but also somewhat contradictory to what I can actually see happening in my life. What a way to screw up one's head!!! What direction do I think in now? What is happening? I am confused.

What Language Is Spoken Here??

Can you raed tihs?

Olny 66 plepoe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh?

Happy St. Patty's Day

Can you believe it is March 17 all ready? I'm sure I only threw out the Christmas tree 3 weeks ago. Wait...that would mean I've got a birthday again in a week. OK, OK...I don't need to get another year older that fast.

Today, my Aunt Hilda, the only living member of my father's family, turns 95. How amazing is that. She has had Alzheimer's for several years now, which is sad, but to live that long is amazing. And she is one of the oldest of the children too. She is 10.5 years older than my Dad was. I wish he was still here.

Anyway, I'm not Irish, my family is British several generations back, but I hope you all have a great St. Patrick's Day. I sure would like to catch one of those leprechauns and get his bag full of money, but this picture indicates what he always says to me. So...if you are celebrating, have a green beer for me...even though I don't like beer. Cheers to the Wearer O' the Green!!

How Good Can It Be?

Tonight I received a new gadget as a belated birthday gift. I got one of those "Miracle Chopper 2000" gadgets, which is a knock-off of the "Bullet" As Seen on TV. It is a chopper, grinder, blender, juicer, mixer, and grater. It also purées and whips cream. It comes with 6 different containers, 2 different blades, 2 shaker tops, 5 extra gaskets, a lemon squeezer thingy, and a recipe book.

I'm told it has already been registered for warranty in my name and is guaranteed for 3 years. Funny thing about it is this: No where on the books or the box or the gadgets is the name of the company that makes it. How can you register something to a non-existent company? Could be interesting if something happens to it, although I'm told the store will take responsibility for replacing it or giving me credit to buy something else. We'll see how it goes.

Dog Gone

Yesterday, the doggie I had since 1992 had to be put down. She and I cuddled up a lot when she was a pup and I was recovering from major surgery. She was there to cuddle up to me when I cried or was feeling down. She made me laugh, and sometimes she made me mad. Even though I have not lived with you for the past 4 years, I still loved you. RIP, Casey. The following is dedicated to you. Til we meet again...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Missing You, Dad

Dear Dad,

Three years ago today you began your eternal journey. Your hard working hands are at rest, and you reside in a beautiful place with the Creator.

Dad, I still miss you, and think of you often. Many times I want to call and talk to you. I miss your wonderful sense of humour and, oh...those deep belly laughs. We did a lot of laughing, didn't we? I'm so glad that you and I shared those moments, Dad. I will never forget them.

Dad, I know your life was not easy, as life seldom is, but you were too proud to let it show. No one would have known if you felt discouraged. It never showed. Growing up without your mother must have been very difficult. I'm not sure you ever knew that I never felt connected to Mom, so I can relate to that to some degree. I sure did feel connected to you, though, Dad. You were and still are very special to me.

You may not have had the opportunity for much education, Dad, but you taught me so much. You taught me about the cycle of life and how life goes on. You showed me by example how important love and laughter are in life and, Dad, I want those two things in my life so bad. I think you know I am struggling to get them. You came to me in a dream shortly after you died. In the dream, being a farmer, you showed me how important it was to plant the seeds correctly, nurture and care for them appropriately, and wait (yes, wait) for the harvest. And the harvest will be so beautiful. Do you know how hard it is to wait for that harvest, Dad? I feel like life goes so quickly that I can't waste a moment of it, and I don't want to miss a single second of it.

Dad, do you think you can put a word in for me with the Great One to help me get what I need soon? I'm praying to Him too, but maybe it would help if you asked Him as well??

I miss you, Dad. I'll see you one day again. Until then, God, please take good care of him. He is very special.

Love, Donna xo

Fear

Who doesn't have fear about something? If you say you are afraid of nothing, I say you are a liar.

There are some thing happening in my life right now that scare me. I'm afraid this and that won't happen like I want them to, and I'm afraid something else will that I don't want to happen. How do you get past that? Some of it I have no control over, but I know the results will either make me very happy or devastate me. The problem is I don't know which it will be. I know I have to accept either scenario and both will come with some sort of adjustment I need to make in my life, but I don't get to pick which outcome it will be. I'm used to making adjustments. God knows I've made a tremendous amount of them in the past 5 years in every area of my life. It's just that these ones are so very important to me, so I stand to gain or lose a tremendous amount.

I've faced many fears before only to find that the reality was not as bad as I had feared it would be. Sometimes we just have to swallow our fear and forge ahead anyway. I've done that before too. Right now though when it is something I can't control, I just want to curl up in bed with a teddy bear, cover my head, and stay there until the storm passes. If there was something more I could do, I would do it in an instant, but I don't know what that is.

The Original Computer

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived


And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy . .

. . . you just hoped nobody ever found out!

Another Hallmark Holiday

It's that dreaded commercial holiday again—Valentine's Day. The day when the price of roses skyrockets, restaurants and hotel rooms are booked to capacity, teddy bears, cards, and chocolates disappear from the store shelves, engagements will occur, and promises will be made.

Do I like Valentine's Day? Not particularly. I believe that people who really love one another should have Valentine's Days on a regular basis several times each month. As one male colleague in my office responded when asked if Valentine's Day would be special in his house, "My wife would tell you it's Valentine's Day everyday in my home." What a guy!! That's the way it should be.

Am I envious of all those who are spending this evening in the arms of someone they love? You bet I am. I've never had a memorable Valentine's Day in my life. Everyone else seems to get those, not me. Maybe next year????? I hope so...

The 5 Ws and How?

I see over at Sam's Place, Keyboard is questioning why. Why not? Why is a timeless question. One that gets asked by every generation, especially the very young. I so remember the kids saying to me, "Why....but why?" The answer my parents used to give to me often came to mind, but I tried not to use it since it didn't answer the question at all. That response was "Just because" or "Because I said so." Not helpful at all. So, today, these are the questions I would like to have answers to:

Who can help me achieve my dreams? Is there someone out there who can help?

What will the future hold? Please, can I have a sneak peek?

When will I have what I need in life? Soon I hope. This uphill trudge is difficult.

Where will my children live when they are gone from here? Only God knows. A burning question I think every parent wonders.

Why do some things in life take so damn long and some things just won't go away? I wish I knew who the timekeeper was. Maybe I could adjust his clock.

How will life be for me 6 months from now? Will it be different or more of the same?

I guess I have a lot of questions about what my future holds and when. As for Keyboard's question of why, I think it is something everyone will always wonder.

Year's Best Headlines for 2005 [actual]

CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Duh!!!]

SuperBugs

I think right now I would like to have those doctors who consistently prescribed antibiotics for viruses by the short and curlies!

What a month this has been!! First of all, about 3 weeks ago I had the worst case of stomach flu I've had in a very long time. Now I have a wicked, wicked cold bug. It's been 4 days now and I am only feeling very marginally better. It has completely zapped the good right out of me. I've coughed up a lung and can't find it for the life of me. I don't even have the energy to search for it!

I blame the medical professionals. We've heard it time and again how the viruses are now becoming so totally resistant to antibiotics that they are deemed to be "superbugs." Let me tell you, these two I've had have set me down hard on my arse!!!! This is brutal. I hope this goes away soon so I can get back to normal life. This really, really sucks hard. God, please send me an angel of mercy...

Computer Crashes

Why Computers Sometimes Crash!
by Dr. Seuss


If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions are causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!


Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?

It's That Dreaded Day!!!

Oh dear...
the day has arrived.
It is my birthday again.
Can I run and hide?

At my age and current life status, I hate my birthdays. However, this year, everyone seems to be setting out to try to make it a good one for me. It started out with receiving e-mails from friends with best wishes, then the cards, the soy steamer, the tulips, the cake and ice cream, and then the gifts, and phone calls too. Oh...and the co-workers who put a HUGE sign on my window at work facing traffic telling passersby to "Honk. It's my birthday!! I really laughed at that one. Then my boss let me go home early to start the celebrations here since it is also my daughter's birthday. Speaking of which...time to go do that.

Here's hoping this year will be a good one for me!!

How Long Must I Dream?

How long must a person dream before those dreams become a reality?

That is a question I struggle with daily. Some things seem to take forever and you still don't know if they will come to fruition.

Some mountains seems endless to climb. I'm told the real joy is in the journey, the thrill of the expectation, much like the build-up to Christmas, but those mountains seem to keep growing as I climb them.

How high are hurtles? Mine, I'm sure, seem to be 300 ft. high each. They seem insurmountable.

How big are stumbling stones? The ones I've encountered are as big as the rock of Gabraltar.

How much bramble can one encounter? Enough to get you so tangled up that you feel like you may fall and not be able to get back up.

How much does God give you? Not more than you can handle, but certainly gives you as much as you can handle at one time. Sometimes this is much more often than it really should be.

Right now I'm having a lot of moments when I feel as if I am encountering all of these things at once. Life is truly a rollercoaster ride. Please...someone stop this thing so I can have a break and hand me a rope and a ladder.

God, please help me reach those stars. I seem to keep wishing on someone else's star. They keep getting what I've been wishing for. When will it be my turn? My birthday is next week. What a wonderful present that would be.

Screwed Again!!!

Such a great start to 2006!!

I just found out today that management at work has screwed me again. Sure makes you realize just how important you really are to them and reinforces that the only person concerned about seeing that your needs are met is yourself. The story of my life! There are roadblocks in every direction I turn in my life. I just can't get where I want and need to be.

I'm really tired of getting screwed without having sex. At least that would be pleasurable!!