Farm Animals—A Response

Well over there at Sam's Place, he is watching cartoons about farm animals having fun. I laughed at his description of cows. He is right about them being called teats. My grandfather had a dairy farm, and I spent a lot of time with the cows and watching them being milked. There definitely were no male cows there. That milking machine might really have hurt that poor bull.

Chicken fingers and chicken balls? Who the heck ever heard of a chicken with hands. They were built upside down. Did you know that? They have to wear their underwear on their heads to cover their peckers!!! And as for chicken balls...a chicken is also a female. Please...I don't think they are androgenous. You better check the roosters for those, and you would have to check very closely. Bet you can't find them. Good luck getting that close to a rooster!!! It would give you a whole new meaning to the term "experiencing a pecker."

Kind of reminds me of prairie oysters. Who would have thought they had nothing to do with shellfish? Just the mere thought of eating those...ewww... Those poor bulls...

Thank You and May We Never Forget

In Flander's Fields the poppies grow, between the crosses, row on row...

We all have heard this poem many times over the years, but have you ever really stopped to understand what it means to you?? For many years, I hadn't because my life had not been directly touched by any of the wars. Having come from farming families, none of my family members were ever enlisted to fight. However, for the past few years, the reality of the wars and what they have meant to my life has become abundantly clear.

I don't like war. Then again, I don't believe anyone does. It is because of our fallen comrades and those who survived it and live the daily nightmares, that we have the kind of freedom that we enjoy today. We have the privilege of a democratic government, and we have freedom of speech. We have adopted an attitude of multicultural acceptance in our country where, most of us at least, treat each other as equals regardless of our differences. Yes, there are always those who do not and will not, but someday I hope something will open their eyes to the reality that we are all created equal and are all entitled to equal opportunities in life.

This year again, I had the privilege of listening to war vet who is a friend of mine, speak of what it was like for him when he fought in WWII. The horrors that he saw, some of which he will never relate, was horrific. I listened as he spoke with a broken voice and tears welling in his eyes of watching a young woman with a baby in her arms, starving on the island of Malta as they were bombed repeated for 30 days. Those 30 days he spent there he speaks of most often in his talks, and he still carries the emotions of that day. That was in 1944. He also watched as some of his comrades were shot down in a plane by friendly fire. He said he would never forget it and would never reveal their names so that their family would not suffer any further from it.

This year, I was most touched by something he said. He is of British descent, but he was fighting as a Canadian in the war. He brought a picture with him to lay on our altar. It was a photo of a German soldier who was either dying or was already dead, laying among the rubble of his plane that had been shot down. He reminded our congregation that this man, although considered to be the enemy, was a person just like the rest of us. One who had a family who loved him and who he loved. War is a horrible thing, and we must remember them all, not just those who fought for our own freedom. May they all rest in peace.

To those who are currently in our armed forces fighting for world peace, may the grace of God that passes all understanding be in your heart and minds forever, and may He help us as a world to finally find that acceptance, equality, and peace we all deserve. To each and every member of our armed forces, I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. God bless you.

Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Estrogen Issues

WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
8. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
9. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Pregnancy FAQs

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

Horrid TV Show

I have never given feedback to a TV station regarding a program they are showing, but today I felt compelled to do so.

Over the summer, there were short 2–3-minute clips for a new women's show coming up in the fall. I was appalled and disgusted at those clips, but hoped the shows would prove to be different. I was wrong. The women in this show are supposed to model dynamic women running a TV station for helpful tips for women. However, these women are the epitomy of self-disrespect. They throw themselves at every man who comes into their presence, or fight over him, and are very slutty about it. Their intention to show women how to do things they may be unfamiliar with, so as to become more independent, is a complete farce. Everything they try to do is interrupted by one of the other women flaunting what their Momma gave them or snuggling themselves up against some man they don't even know.

This sort of action concerns me greatly. I'm seeing a generation of young women with absolutely no self-respect. If you visit bars, you will see the young women on the dance floor, barely dressed and whoring themselves around seeing who they can find to "get lucky" with that night. In the malls and on the buses, you hear them talking about their sexual escapades night after night with a string of different young men. Young women these days are giving it away like they are going to die tomorrow. At this rate, they just may. They could pick up the wrong man or the wrong disease. The young men just seem to want notches on their belt and don't really care about who helps them to achieve it.

Where have we, as a society, gone wrong? I believe it is time we started teaching our young people about self-respect and a healthy sexual attitude. Sex is an absolutely beautiful thing between two people who love each other. The men I talk to want women who have confidence in themselves, self-respect, independence, and leave something to their imaginations. Women want men who appreciate, respect, and truly love them. So that leaves me with one question.

Why in the hell are we not showing them and teaching them that?? It blows my mind!!!

Giving Thanks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in Canada. A lot of us are cooking our turkeys today rather than tomorrow so we can rest up and be ready to head back to work on Tuesday.

This Thanksgiving, these are the things I want to give thanks for:

• For sight, so that I may see the beauty of the world and in the people around me.
• For hearing, that I can hear the sounds of the birds, the wind blowing in the trees, and the sound of someone's voice as they tell me they love me.
• For family who are there when I really need them to be.
• For friends who are supportive and take time from their lives to spend with me.
• For work, that even though it is too busy and not always easy, makes me feel good that I am helping with the education of thousands of young Nova Scotians (our future) and helps to pay my bills.
• For bills, because it means I have a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, clothes on my back, and a car to drive.
• For my church and my church community, because it means I have faith, something to believe in, and people who will not let me forget that.
• For the struggles I have endured, because it means I am stronger than ever before and that I will appreciate those things I work so hard for when I finally get them.

Most of all, I give thanks for love. Without love, both the ability to give it and the joy of receiving it, I would be empty. There would be a hole in my world as big as all outdoors. Love gives me a reason to live and makes everything little thing in life seem like a miracle.

Thank you, God, for your many blessings and thank you, my friends and family, for your love and support. Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Love always,
Miz D

Sunday Shopping

I have to agree with Keyboard over there at Sam's Place. I think this whole Sunday shopping thing is a big joke. This is how I see it:

Just because there is an extra day to go shopping now, doesn't mean that people will go out shopping more. They will simply shift the day they go. For retailers, this means more expense, less profit. They will have to pay additional salaries, electrical fees, and other fees associated with rental space, only to spread their existing profit over an extra day. I don't see how this will be work for them.

Now, Sunday is considered a day of rest for us in Canada, according to the Christian community. Centuries ago, that day (and in the Bible ) it is Saturday. So traditionally, stores were closed in observation of this. On the other hand, we are not allowed to pray in school, we are not allowed to mention God in the classrooms, and even our Christmas concerts are now holiday concerts. I understand the concept behind this because we are a multicultural nation. However, if we are not going to observe or are restricted from observing Christian traditions, then I suggest that the government look at not making the Christian holidays days that the offices are not open. So, if businesses are expected to work 7 days a week, why not government offices too? Now, being a government employee and a Christian, I don't want to work Christian holidays and I don't want to work weekends. Sunday is still my day to attend church, and I won't have that taken from me.

This is all such a load of hogwash. If we are a truly multicultural nation, then let's treat it as such as allow us all, each and every one, to observe our religious traditions as they are. Christians taking Christian holidays, Jewish taking Jewish holidays, Buddhists, Muslims, and every other religion observing their traditions. Why must the Christians (who are the majority by the way) suppress theirs? Let us just live our own as we choose. If you are atheist or agnostic, then I guess you would have to pick and choose which way to go, but you can't have them all.

Just my two cents worth.

Did You Ever Wonder

Did you ever wonder...

• why the sun lightens our hair but darkens our skin?
• why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
• why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
• why doctors call what they do "practice"?
• why it is that to stop Windows XP, you have to click on "Start"?
• why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
• why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
• why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour?
• why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• when dog food has a new and improved taste who tests it?
• why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
• why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• why don't they make the whole plane out of that indestructible black box material that is used on airplanes?!
• why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
• why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• why if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
• why if flying is so safe, they call the airport the terminal?

Only in Canada

Only in Canada...

• can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
• are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink
• do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front
• do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke
• do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters
• do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage
• do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place
• do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight
• do we use the word politics to describe the process so well—Poli (Latin) meaning many; and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures
• do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

Sitting on the Fence

Is an unexpected difficulty, or a set of circumstances that force an issue, a test of someone's determination to accomplish a goal or a sign that they should change direction? How DO we tell when it is time to quit? When SHOULD we leap a hurdle and when should we back away gracefully from it? Who knows the answer to this question?

I've asked myself that question many, many times over the years. Do I give up or don't I? What happens if I give up today and tomorrow I regret it because a solution presents itself so that I could attain it and I've now lost it forever? I think of this in the case of someone committing suicide because they can't bear to suffer a disease any longer. What if they waited just one more day and the cure was found that day? They could have lived many more years.

How long is too long to wait for something? How long can one sit on a fence post before they have a permanent dent in their arse and question their sanity?

When the goal I am aiming for is a worthwhile goal, it would take something pretty drastic for me to give up. I'm not a quitter. Sometimes the goal is well worth waiting for, even if it takes a long time and the trek is difficult and painful. That being said, there is reasonableness to all things. Determining how long is too long, is the other issue. Sometimes it feels like brick walls won't fall, like some things will never come to fruition. It makes it that much harder to hold on, but still scary to stop trying and give up.

For me, the answer is to follow my heart and my intuition, not my head. The head can mess things up and distort them. The heart can see what the eyes cannot. I've always been very intuitive, too, so I will continue to trust in that.

How long is too long for you? When do you throw in the towel and take your arse off the fence?

An Amazing Deck of Cards

It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk. Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?"

The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord."

The sergeant said, "Looks to me like you're going to play cards."

The soldier sad , "No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards."

The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"

"You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.

The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.

The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

The Five is for the five virgins. There were ten, but only five of them were glorified.

The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.

The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.

The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives—the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.

The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.

The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.

The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week—52 weeks in a year.

The four suits represent the four seasons: spring, summer, fall, and winter.

Each suit has thirteen cards. There are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."

The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"

Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting to keep our country free.

Please pray for our military and give them the respect these unsung heroes deserve.

Vacation Adventures

Well, I had a great vacation travelling the Cabot Trail by motorhome. My cousin is a most patient man. We get along great. I am not at all used to having a man around me 24/7 who is patient and doesn't holler at me at all. What a way to go stress-free!! He does, however, have the gift for gab. He talked non-stop for five days, with the exception of when he was sleeping. He never seemed to run out of stories to tell me (haha). I love him just the same.

We visited the Alexander Graham Bell Museum and spent a whole day touring the Fortress of Louisbourg. I loved it!!! The mountains on the Trail were beautiful, as were the waterfalls.

The morning of day 3 I got a text message from my daughter, concerned about what to do because her brother was leaving windows and doors unlocked. What could I do from 300 miles away?? I dealt with it the best way I could.

I arrived home a day early, much to my children's surprise. They had planned on cleaning up the house that day before I got home the next. No surprise there. I think a bomb exploded in every room except for my bedroom. I was less than impressed. However, they did their share to clean it up when I got home. It would be nice to go away and not have to worry about my house. Some day...

If you get a chance to travel the Trail, I would highly recommend it. We did the loop beginning at Baddeck so that we were going up more than coming down. It was a little easier on brakes that way. There was one point where we were descending for 4 km. That was fun. All in all...it was a great vacation with a breathtaking view. I hope you get a chance to see it.

Vacation

Well...it is my vacation time. Tomorrow I head out by motorhome to travel the Cabot Trail. We will see where we go beyond that. I am looking forward to getting away. It has been 10 years since I went away on a vacation. I'm a little nervous leaving my home in the hands of my young adult children, but we will see what happens. It will be different for them to not have Mommy cooking their meals and doing the dishes. I'll tell you about my adventures when I get back at the end of next week. Ciao for now...

Mermaids

Hmmmm... I wonder how it would feel to be a mermaid... Maybe it would be fun to be one for a day.

I can imagine the freedom to not be restricted by clothing or concerned about the latest fashion trends. No worries about shoes...who would need those. No colours to coordinate, no purses to have to sling over your shoulders. No need for umbrellas, raincoats or any kind of coat for that matter.

To feel the smoothness of the water against your bare skin as you gracefully glide through the water. Oh...I can almost feel that now. Almost like silk being draped over your body. Oh to be a mermaid.

There would be no worries about where to live, what car to buy, what bills need to be paid, and having to get up to go to work each day. Every day would be a day at the beach, literally.

But I suppose there are those sharks lurking around and the lamprey eels and piranha. Those suckers are nasty. But oh... some of those mermen can be quite handsome. Funny thing, though, I don't think I've ever seen merbabies. Considering how the fin is attached, I'm not quite sure how they would accomplish procreation (or the fun of trying).

Hmmm...on second thought, maybe I will just stay human...

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Dad,

It has been 3 years and 4 Father's Days since I last saw you. So much has changed for me in that time. I have grown and I have built a firm foundation for my future. I wish you could be here to see it. My latest acquisition was a car that I bought this past week. Mom even told me she was proud of me, and I've never heard her tell me that before ever. It's been a hard uphill battle, Dad, but I think you would be proud of me, too.

Thank you, Dad, for all you gave me for the years we spent together. The knowledge that life is to be appreciated and enjoyed. I sure do miss the laughter we shared. I need more of that in my life, Dad. Oh...how I especially miss that part we shared. When times got tough, you could always interject that comedic line to lighten the mood and, at the very least, make me smile. I'm just realizing now how much you knew that was what I needed. I do love life, Dad, with all its ups and downs, and I have you to thank for helping me with that. I wish, as I'm sure everyone does, that there were more ups than downs some days, but that is the nature of life.

Today in church, the priest spoke about gardening and how the gardener can only create the foundation for the plants, but is not responsible for how the plant grows. It took my mind to you. That is what you did for us, Dad, and you weren't responsible for what we did with that. We all made a lot of mistakes, but as we grow older, I think we are all seeing what you had tried to teach us—the value of life and love. The last time you gave me that lesson was in a dream, shortly after you left to continue on your eternal journey. You showed me how to tend to my garden with care and that the benefits would be a beautiful, bountiful harvest. The harvest is coming, Dad. I can feel it, but not as quickly as I would like it to. I know my generation and successive ones are a generation of instant gratification, but it is so hard to wait for the good stuff. I want to enjoy it now, and not waste a moment. Yes, I know I will appreciate it all the more once I get it, as I do with the things I have already accomplished. I promise you I will never take any of it for granted. They are too precious of gifts to do that.

I miss you, Dad. I hope you are watching over me, and that I can make you proud. Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you.

signed, Your loving daughter

Why? Why? Why?

Have you ever wondered about these things?

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
• Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
• Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
• Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
• If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
• Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
• Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
• Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
• How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
• In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
• How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my favourite ...

• The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends—if they're okay, then it's you.

Thank You for All Those E-mails

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
 
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a  sick girl (PennyBrown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
  
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change  once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
  
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me .
 
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible  mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
  
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
  
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
  
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
  
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
  
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes  cancer.
  
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
  
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
  
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are  actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
 
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
  
I no longer have any sneakers, but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
  
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big  brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant  death when it bites my butt.
  
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
   
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either!  I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


If you don't copy this and send it in an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5 p.m. this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a wonderful day!!!!

My Living Will

MY LIVING WILL

I, _______________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

• a Bloody Mary
• a Margarita
• a scotch and soda
• a Martini
• a vodka and tonic
• a steak
• lobster or crab legs
• the remote control
• chocolate
• sex

it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.


X___________________________________________

Happy Mother's Day!

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. That special day of the year when we make a point to show our mother's what they really mean to us. For some of us that is an easy thing to do. For others of us, it is difficult.

My daughter gave me a beautiful, very sentimental card today and some fresh-cut flowers. They are beautiful, and the card made me cry. For me, trying to do something for my mother is very stressful. I have a mother that is impossible, and I stress IMPOSSIBLE, to please. Trying to do something special for her will, undoubtedly, not be appreciated the way you would like it to be, if at all. I can't buy her the kind of card my daughter bought for me. That is truly sad.

I sent along something with my daughter to give to my mother today. I told her I would try to visit her for a bit tomorrow morning if I had enough time because I have a wedding to go to right around lunchtime. She seemed disinterested in the visit and only interested in whether or not I could wash her floor. Oh well...I guess we all have our own unique relationships with our mothers. I only wish I could have shared a relationship with my mother like I share with my own daughter and my son. At least I am thankful for my children and the fact that I know they love me.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there! I hope each one of them has a special day!!

Coincidence?? Strange...but True

Some coincidences are so strange that you have to give your head a shake and wonder what the significance is. Last night, I realized a strange coincidence. This is how it goes:

A number of years ago, a friend of mine left a long-term relationship and moved into this area, buying her own home (her first by herself) and running her business out of it. She still lives there and her life has been great since. Her house number is 37.

Last fall, after divorcing from a long-term marriage, I bought my first house on my own. My house number? 37.

Shortly after buying my house, my cousin, who just separated from his wife, sold the house he was living in and bought a new home to start his life over. His house number is also 37.

Then last night, I happened upon a bus companion of mine. I didn't know exactly where she lived, but I saw her going into her house. She just separated from her husband and bought out his half of the house they were living in. Her first house as a single owner. When I saw her house number, I think my jaw dropped. It, too, was 37.

How very strange that me and 3 of my friends would all be starting our single lives over by buying houses on our own whose civic numbers are all 37. How weird is that? The number 7 is a very Biblical number, and for me, a lucky number. It was a very prominent number in my father's life as well. If starting over at #37 gave Shawna a wonderful new life, then I sincerely hope the trend continues for the rest of us. So far, the foundation for that life for me is shaping up nicely. Some days it feels like it is coming closer, and some days I'm afraid it won't come. Through the grace of God, I pray that it will and that it will be more beautiful than I even imagined it could be...

Little Kids Study the Sea

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)

Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent.
(Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.
(Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
(William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 7)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly-fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

There is a lot of suckers in the ocean. The Mafia put them there.
(Russ age 5)

A Dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 6)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.
(Kevin age 6)

Here Comes Peter Cottontail..

...hopping down the bunny trail. I hope you are all having a wonderful Easter.

Hoppy Easter every bunny!!

Who Said This?—The Answer

Did you figure out where the text came from? It may surprise you to know who said these things.

Finished guessing? OK, I'll tell you.

It's from.... Are you sure you want to know? You didn't figure it out? OK, alright, already. This is where it came from.

Song of Songs 7:1–13; 8:5–7
The Holy Bible, New International Version

This text is a dialogue between King Solomon and his lover. For those of you who don't know, King Solomon is the father of King David, from whose line comes our Saviour, Jesus.

Did you think you would ever read anything like this from the Bible? Are you surprised? I was the first time I read it, but it is so beautiful. There is absolutely nothing on this Earth that is sweeter than true love...

Yeah, I'm a sap with a soft spot. So what? I'm a lover not a fighter...

Who Said This?

Can you tell me where the following text is from?

He:
How beautiful your sandaled fee, O prince's daughter!
Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands.
Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine.
Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.
Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim.
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel.
Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit."
May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine.

She:
May the wine go straight to my lover, flowing gently over lips and teeth.
I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.
Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomengranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.
The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my lover.
...
Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labour gave you birth.
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

Stay tuned for the answer tomorrow...

Sealed with a Club

I don't know about you, but I am sick to death of hearing about the protests of the seal hunts in Atlantic Canada. This has been going on for many, many years. I think these protestors need to become educated about this. Do they not know what an ecosystem is? God gave us an ecosystem and fully expects us to protect it in order to keep it functioning appropriately. This means killing animals for food, but not overkilling to extinction so that continuation of the species can happen. I may be wrong, but this is what I know about the seal hunt.

• If we do not kill off some seals, they will become overpopulated and destroy the balance of the ecosystem. I understand if you put the current population of seals shoulder to shoulder, they would stretch the entire length of our country.
  
• If they become overpopulated, they will destroy the fishery ecosystem by eating too many fish.
• Clubbing them is the most human way to kill them, other than perhaps shooting them in the head. However, shooting can destroy pelts used to keep people warm and destroys some of the meat, which is eaten. Come on people!!! Seal meat is a common food in northern Canada. I hear seal flippers are tasty, but I've never eaten them. I'm not sure I'd want to, but that is a personal choice.

I get irritated by people claiming this is inhumane. Have these same people stood in a pet store and looked at the bin of feeder rats that are used to feed these huge snakes? Do the people buying them know that they are supposed to kill the rats humanely before feeding them to the snakes? Those poor little buggers are terrified while staring down the throat of a hungry snake. Wouldn't you be?

Are all these complaining people vegans? If not, do they think about how the cow was killed that provided the steak on their plate? When they go fishing do they kill the fish immediately after removing it from the hook or do they put it in a shallow pail of water and watch it slowly die? Is that humane? And what about those damn sticky mouse traps. Those are completely inhumane. The animal becomes stuck, gets completely stressed out from not being able to move, and then slowly starves to death. Are they concerned about that mouse? Do they think about the flies that get stuck to fly paper?

I am so sick to death of these protests. We need to eat, and furs and leather are the warmest articles of clothing for cold Canadian winters. As long as we are eating the meats and using the furs to nothing goes to waste and killing them humanely and within reasonable limits to ensure a proper ecosystem, what is the problem? Ask the Creator what he intended for our lives here on Earth!! He even asked for animals to be killed and burned to char simply as an offering to Him. These animals were not eaten. Will you argue with Him? Was he being inhumane and wasteful?

Please don't misunderstand ... I could not be one of the people killing animals. I don't have the heart to do it, but if it is being done for appropriate reasons using humane procedures and maintaining the balance of the ecosystem, what else can we ask for?

Why Do We?

Have you ever wondered why we do some of the things we do? Some of them just don't make sense. For instance:

• Why do we brush and floss our teeth before going to the dentist for a check-up and cleaning?
• Why do we clean up and straighten up in our house before the maid service comes?
• Why do we vacuum the floors before we have a party where things inevitably get spilled?
• Why do we wear clean underwear in case we are in an accident because if we are, we will soil them anyway?
• Why do we close the blinds in our houses to keep the sun out and then spend money on electricity or fuel to heat the house?
• Why do some people take a clean towel each time they shower when they are wiping clean water off a clean body, but then use the same beach towel to dry off on and lay on the sand a few times before laundering it?
• Why do we push the walk button more than once to cross the street when it only takes once to set the lights?

There are all kinds of crazy things people do and don't even realize how silly it looks or seems. I'm sure there are more you can think of, but it just makes me wonder "why?" we do what we do.

Dreams

There are many kinds of dreams. We all have dreams, be they something we have strived for our whole lives, daydreams about exotic things that may never come true, or dreams at night that re-enact our days or give us insight into our subconscious and our fears. There are some dreams that are spiritual in nature. Even visions. I am one of those people who experience such things.

The first time I dreamed of something simultaneously as it happened, my knees went weak. I couldn't believe it. I was 18 at the time. It completely freaked me out. Since that time, I have had visions of scenes at unexpected times about things that I am not even thinking of at the time. I've had dreams at night that have very distinct messages for me—messages from on high. Once it was even delivered to me by an angel in my dream. As I get older and my faith deepens, I experience these more and more.

In the past 24 hours, I've had a couple visions and a very spiritual dream. They seemed very positive, but also somewhat contradictory to what I can actually see happening in my life. What a way to screw up one's head!!! What direction do I think in now? What is happening? I am confused.

What Language Is Spoken Here??

Can you raed tihs?

Olny 66 plepoe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh?

Happy St. Patty's Day

Can you believe it is March 17 all ready? I'm sure I only threw out the Christmas tree 3 weeks ago. Wait...that would mean I've got a birthday again in a week. OK, OK...I don't need to get another year older that fast.

Today, my Aunt Hilda, the only living member of my father's family, turns 95. How amazing is that. She has had Alzheimer's for several years now, which is sad, but to live that long is amazing. And she is one of the oldest of the children too. She is 10.5 years older than my Dad was. I wish he was still here.

Anyway, I'm not Irish, my family is British several generations back, but I hope you all have a great St. Patrick's Day. I sure would like to catch one of those leprechauns and get his bag full of money, but this picture indicates what he always says to me. So...if you are celebrating, have a green beer for me...even though I don't like beer. Cheers to the Wearer O' the Green!!

How Good Can It Be?

Tonight I received a new gadget as a belated birthday gift. I got one of those "Miracle Chopper 2000" gadgets, which is a knock-off of the "Bullet" As Seen on TV. It is a chopper, grinder, blender, juicer, mixer, and grater. It also purées and whips cream. It comes with 6 different containers, 2 different blades, 2 shaker tops, 5 extra gaskets, a lemon squeezer thingy, and a recipe book.

I'm told it has already been registered for warranty in my name and is guaranteed for 3 years. Funny thing about it is this: No where on the books or the box or the gadgets is the name of the company that makes it. How can you register something to a non-existent company? Could be interesting if something happens to it, although I'm told the store will take responsibility for replacing it or giving me credit to buy something else. We'll see how it goes.

Dog Gone

Yesterday, the doggie I had since 1992 had to be put down. She and I cuddled up a lot when she was a pup and I was recovering from major surgery. She was there to cuddle up to me when I cried or was feeling down. She made me laugh, and sometimes she made me mad. Even though I have not lived with you for the past 4 years, I still loved you. RIP, Casey. The following is dedicated to you. Til we meet again...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Missing You, Dad

Dear Dad,

Three years ago today you began your eternal journey. Your hard working hands are at rest, and you reside in a beautiful place with the Creator.

Dad, I still miss you, and think of you often. Many times I want to call and talk to you. I miss your wonderful sense of humour and, oh...those deep belly laughs. We did a lot of laughing, didn't we? I'm so glad that you and I shared those moments, Dad. I will never forget them.

Dad, I know your life was not easy, as life seldom is, but you were too proud to let it show. No one would have known if you felt discouraged. It never showed. Growing up without your mother must have been very difficult. I'm not sure you ever knew that I never felt connected to Mom, so I can relate to that to some degree. I sure did feel connected to you, though, Dad. You were and still are very special to me.

You may not have had the opportunity for much education, Dad, but you taught me so much. You taught me about the cycle of life and how life goes on. You showed me by example how important love and laughter are in life and, Dad, I want those two things in my life so bad. I think you know I am struggling to get them. You came to me in a dream shortly after you died. In the dream, being a farmer, you showed me how important it was to plant the seeds correctly, nurture and care for them appropriately, and wait (yes, wait) for the harvest. And the harvest will be so beautiful. Do you know how hard it is to wait for that harvest, Dad? I feel like life goes so quickly that I can't waste a moment of it, and I don't want to miss a single second of it.

Dad, do you think you can put a word in for me with the Great One to help me get what I need soon? I'm praying to Him too, but maybe it would help if you asked Him as well??

I miss you, Dad. I'll see you one day again. Until then, God, please take good care of him. He is very special.

Love, Donna xo

Fear

Who doesn't have fear about something? If you say you are afraid of nothing, I say you are a liar.

There are some thing happening in my life right now that scare me. I'm afraid this and that won't happen like I want them to, and I'm afraid something else will that I don't want to happen. How do you get past that? Some of it I have no control over, but I know the results will either make me very happy or devastate me. The problem is I don't know which it will be. I know I have to accept either scenario and both will come with some sort of adjustment I need to make in my life, but I don't get to pick which outcome it will be. I'm used to making adjustments. God knows I've made a tremendous amount of them in the past 5 years in every area of my life. It's just that these ones are so very important to me, so I stand to gain or lose a tremendous amount.

I've faced many fears before only to find that the reality was not as bad as I had feared it would be. Sometimes we just have to swallow our fear and forge ahead anyway. I've done that before too. Right now though when it is something I can't control, I just want to curl up in bed with a teddy bear, cover my head, and stay there until the storm passes. If there was something more I could do, I would do it in an instant, but I don't know what that is.

The Original Computer

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived


And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy . .

. . . you just hoped nobody ever found out!

Another Hallmark Holiday

It's that dreaded commercial holiday again—Valentine's Day. The day when the price of roses skyrockets, restaurants and hotel rooms are booked to capacity, teddy bears, cards, and chocolates disappear from the store shelves, engagements will occur, and promises will be made.

Do I like Valentine's Day? Not particularly. I believe that people who really love one another should have Valentine's Days on a regular basis several times each month. As one male colleague in my office responded when asked if Valentine's Day would be special in his house, "My wife would tell you it's Valentine's Day everyday in my home." What a guy!! That's the way it should be.

Am I envious of all those who are spending this evening in the arms of someone they love? You bet I am. I've never had a memorable Valentine's Day in my life. Everyone else seems to get those, not me. Maybe next year????? I hope so...

The 5 Ws and How?

I see over at Sam's Place, Keyboard is questioning why. Why not? Why is a timeless question. One that gets asked by every generation, especially the very young. I so remember the kids saying to me, "Why....but why?" The answer my parents used to give to me often came to mind, but I tried not to use it since it didn't answer the question at all. That response was "Just because" or "Because I said so." Not helpful at all. So, today, these are the questions I would like to have answers to:

Who can help me achieve my dreams? Is there someone out there who can help?

What will the future hold? Please, can I have a sneak peek?

When will I have what I need in life? Soon I hope. This uphill trudge is difficult.

Where will my children live when they are gone from here? Only God knows. A burning question I think every parent wonders.

Why do some things in life take so damn long and some things just won't go away? I wish I knew who the timekeeper was. Maybe I could adjust his clock.

How will life be for me 6 months from now? Will it be different or more of the same?

I guess I have a lot of questions about what my future holds and when. As for Keyboard's question of why, I think it is something everyone will always wonder.

Year's Best Headlines for 2005 [actual]

CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Duh!!!]

SuperBugs

I think right now I would like to have those doctors who consistently prescribed antibiotics for viruses by the short and curlies!

What a month this has been!! First of all, about 3 weeks ago I had the worst case of stomach flu I've had in a very long time. Now I have a wicked, wicked cold bug. It's been 4 days now and I am only feeling very marginally better. It has completely zapped the good right out of me. I've coughed up a lung and can't find it for the life of me. I don't even have the energy to search for it!

I blame the medical professionals. We've heard it time and again how the viruses are now becoming so totally resistant to antibiotics that they are deemed to be "superbugs." Let me tell you, these two I've had have set me down hard on my arse!!!! This is brutal. I hope this goes away soon so I can get back to normal life. This really, really sucks hard. God, please send me an angel of mercy...

Computer Crashes

Why Computers Sometimes Crash!
by Dr. Seuss


If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions are causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!


Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?

It's That Dreaded Day!!!

Oh dear...
the day has arrived.
It is my birthday again.
Can I run and hide?

At my age and current life status, I hate my birthdays. However, this year, everyone seems to be setting out to try to make it a good one for me. It started out with receiving e-mails from friends with best wishes, then the cards, the soy steamer, the tulips, the cake and ice cream, and then the gifts, and phone calls too. Oh...and the co-workers who put a HUGE sign on my window at work facing traffic telling passersby to "Honk. It's my birthday!! I really laughed at that one. Then my boss let me go home early to start the celebrations here since it is also my daughter's birthday. Speaking of which...time to go do that.

Here's hoping this year will be a good one for me!!

How Long Must I Dream?

How long must a person dream before those dreams become a reality?

That is a question I struggle with daily. Some things seem to take forever and you still don't know if they will come to fruition.

Some mountains seems endless to climb. I'm told the real joy is in the journey, the thrill of the expectation, much like the build-up to Christmas, but those mountains seem to keep growing as I climb them.

How high are hurtles? Mine, I'm sure, seem to be 300 ft. high each. They seem insurmountable.

How big are stumbling stones? The ones I've encountered are as big as the rock of Gabraltar.

How much bramble can one encounter? Enough to get you so tangled up that you feel like you may fall and not be able to get back up.

How much does God give you? Not more than you can handle, but certainly gives you as much as you can handle at one time. Sometimes this is much more often than it really should be.

Right now I'm having a lot of moments when I feel as if I am encountering all of these things at once. Life is truly a rollercoaster ride. Please...someone stop this thing so I can have a break and hand me a rope and a ladder.

God, please help me reach those stars. I seem to keep wishing on someone else's star. They keep getting what I've been wishing for. When will it be my turn? My birthday is next week. What a wonderful present that would be.

Screwed Again!!!

Such a great start to 2006!!

I just found out today that management at work has screwed me again. Sure makes you realize just how important you really are to them and reinforces that the only person concerned about seeing that your needs are met is yourself. The story of my life! There are roadblocks in every direction I turn in my life. I just can't get where I want and need to be.

I'm really tired of getting screwed without having sex. At least that would be pleasurable!!

New Year Resolutions

It's that time of year again when we reflect on our past year(s) and think about our future. We celebrate the turning of the calendar leaf in all different kinds of ways and with a variety of people. Resolutions of all kinds will be made, some will be seen through to the end, and many will be broken.

For me it is a time when I again realize how quickly time is running out for me for attaining my goals. For this reason, I hate new years. Will I ever reach these goals? I hope so, but who can say for sure. I try, but it seems there are obstacles on each road I travel, mountains to climb, and hurtles to jump. These things will certainly make me appreciate the goals that much more when and if I do reach them, but I wish the journeys were not so difficult all the time. That gets tiresome and makes me want to throw in the towel and say "why bother?" The answer I get in response each time: because it is what you really want with all your heart and it will be well worth it.

The roads that we all walk in life are difficult to walk, even when they are paved with gold. Life is like that, and we have to accept as much. What we all need to do is to realize that we do not have to walk them alone. There is a second set of footsteps walking beside us, whether it is someone we can reach out and touch or someone we can't see and can only feel the presence of.

This New Year's Eve when you make your resolutions, make them from your heart. Our brains can turn things inside out and upside down and find all kinds of excuses, but when we look with our hearts, we can see clearly what we need and want for our lives. Let it be your guide for 2006.

Have a safe and happy new year everyone!! All the best for the coming year!

It's Christmas Day!

I hope everyone is enjoying their Christmas day. Don't eat too much turkey, although I'm sure I will.

Merry Christmas , and God bless you everyone!!!!

It's Almost Here...

The blessed day is almost here. That day that we celebrate the birthday of Jesus. I know that December 25 is not the real day that he was born, but it has become the accepted day for that. It seems that April is closer to the actual date of his birth.

We are all busy buying, cooking, baking, wrapping gifts, decorating, and cleaning, preparing for that day. When the day gets here, it will come and go so quickly that we will wonder what all the fuss was for. However, the whole season is meant to be a season of love and for preparation of that day. As they say, prepare ye the way of the Lord...

Christmas is going to be a little different for me this year. I am fully expecting the coming year, too, to continue to be full of many changes, transitions, benefits, and challenges. So now I ask, Lord, prepare the way for me...

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a really good girl this year. I've worked hard, I've attended church, and I've been a good friend, too. I loved my kids, and worked through many challenges this year, including two moves and a house purchase. So, Santa, here is my Christmas wish list.

This year, Santa, I will again hang a 5' stocking. Can you please, please, put in it an incredibly handsome 6' foot piece of flesh of the male persuasion. I promise to love him deeply, respect him, always be supportive of him, treat him like a prince, and try never to take him for granted. I want him to love me deeply in return, and offer me the same level of respect, support, and appreciation.

Santa, I am far from perfect, and I don't expect perfection in anyone else either. That would be boring anyway. Can you make sure, Santa, that he knows that I know how to say four simple 3-word phrases: I was wrong, I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you. These are the most important phrases in the English language.

Santa, I know that he is out there. I also know that you know where to find him. If you will put him in my Christmas stocking and tie a red ribbon around him, in various places, I will unwrap him lovingly (maybe just using my teeth to do so).

You see, Santa, although all the other gifts would be wonderful, too, the only thing I really want for Christmas is love—true and deep. When a person has that in their life, everything else in the world can shine like a beacon and everything in life is a miracle or contains one. Mountains are easier to climb when you have someone walking along beside you. Love conquers all!!!

So, Santa, although my list is short, it is a big one. Please, can you bring this to me?

Sincerely,

Miz D

What a Day!

Holy toledo, what I day I had today. It was one of those Murphy's Law Days or something. My day started, as usual, at 5 a.m., despite being awake since 4:20. That is too early even for birds to get up, so what the hell am I doing getting up that time of the morning?

Getting ready for work went as usual, and I caught the bus at 6:50 a.m. We only got a couple miles from home when the bus lost it's air pressure so we couldn't move. The driver got us to a stop where he knew we could connect with a larger bus heading in the same connection. God bless him, on such a cold day. The bus had enough room to hold our full standing capacity load and left only one person standing.

I get off the bus in Halifax and head into work. I take the elevator I usually take to the parkade and get off then realize the pedway is closed for repair. So I decide to walk up to the next level, where I can access it. The stairs didn't take me there. The ramps were too slippery to walk up, so back down a few levels I go in the elevator to another level of the parkade with access to outside. I cross the street and come in the side door of the building. I am now officially late for work.

I get in and get stopped by a co-worker on the way to my desk. We talk for a few minutes. I get to my cubicle and am taking off my boots when another co-worker comes to me with an urgent job she needs done and is having difficulty. Off I go to help her sort that out. By the time I get back to my desk, it is nearly 1/2 hour into my work day. I go to put my shoes on and realize I had put my daughter's memory stick in my shoe so I wouldn't lose it. I need to print some things for her today. Oh no ... where is that stick? I know I put it in here. Finally I find it caught in the toe of my shoe.

I put the memory stick into my monitor and open the files and send them downstairs to print. They call me back. These pages are printing right on the edge of the paper and are just beyond the print area. Can I please move them into the centre of the page. OK, easy enough ... or so I thought. I don't know this program really well, and ran into a snafoo. I called our printing technician to help me. We sort it out and I send to print again ... or so I thought. Now they are stuck on printing to envelope size paper, despite my choosing the print set up and page size as letter. Urgghh ... I am supposed to be doing my own work. I have priorities to attend to before my holidays start. Now what? So I create PDFs of these and send them down again. Another phone call. One of the PDFs is wrong. I fix it and send it yet again. By this time I am ticked at the time it is taking me to do when I need to do my own work.

The rest of the day is very busy, taking only 10 minutes to eat lunch and no other breaks. Then I go home on the bus, and had a bit of an uncomfortable conversation with a friend. Glad to get off the bus today. I rush to prepare supper so a friend can pick me up for groceries. She got stuck in traffic and was late getting home. Then when she came to pick me up, she got caught in traffic on my street for 10 minutes because of a school concert. I must be jinxed. Off we go to the grocery store. We go to the big one down the road that I haven't been to in ages. It is all changed around, and I feel like a little kid in a candy store, but I don't have time to really check it out tonight. However, it took me longer than usual to get what I need because I can't find anything. Then I picked up a few extra things that I can't find at the store I shop in. This is cool. Can I come back here?

Off we go home with my groceries in the back seat, hers in the trunk. We pull into my driveway and it hits me ... I forgot my keys. I didn't need them to lock up because someone was home, so I forgot to take them. Guess what? No one was home when I got here. Now what? I picked up my cell phone and called inside in case someone was in their room or downstairs. No answer. I called my son's cell phone. "Where are you?" I asked. His reply? "Halifax." Great!!! Now I call my daughter's cell phone. I ask the same question. Her reply? "Just about to get on the bus." "Don't get on it!!" I tell her. "I locked myself out, we will be there to pick you up in a second." So down the street we go to meet her and her friend at the bus stop. They had been waiting 1/2 hour in the freezing cold because she misread the bus schedule, and now I made her tell the bus driver to leave without them. We pull over and put my groceries in the trunk as well so that they can get in the back seat. We use her keys to get me in the house, bring in my groceries, then she drops them off for me at their destination.

What a friggin' day!!! The two good things about today were that I heard from a friend I care about very much and my new friend was very patient with me when I forgot my keys. She was great. A real Godsend. Both of these friends made my day.

I think I will head to bed now. I sure hope my dreams aren't as busy and screwed up as my day was. I need a good sleep. Good night all!!

The Goose Is Getting Fat

Christmas is coming ... the goose is getting fat ... please put a penny in the old man's hat.

Well, that's the way the song goes anyway. Wish they would put more than a few pennies in my hat. I have turkey for Christmas not goose, but I like goose too. Those turduckens sound pretty interesting, but they are really expensive.

Yes, Christmas is coming, and I am getting a little excited. It will be the first Christmas in my new home, and the first one with both my children here with me since 3 years ago. It may possibly be the last one too, but that's OK because I know that life evolves and they grow up. Someday I will probably have grandchildren to spend it with too to make it fun.

This year I also get to have an additional person here with me. My son's girlfriend wants to experience a "fun" Christmas for the first time in her life. She grew up very differently from what we did. She is excited to be spending Christmas with us. I will do the best I can to show her what Christmas can be like. I hope she enjoys it. Christmas should be full of spirit, and I will be my best.

The Monkey Trial: The Debate Continues

The old debate of evolution vs. creationism is not dead. In a Pennsylvania school late this fall a superintendent of schools walked into a classroom and read a statement to students mandated by the school board that read, in part:

Because Darwin's theory is a theory, it is still being tested as new evidence is discovered. The theory is not a fact. Gaps in the theory exist for which there is no evidence ... Intelligent design is an explanation of the origin of life that differs from Darwin's view. The reference book Of Pandas and People is available for students to see if they would like to explore this view ... As is true with any theory, students are encouraged to keep an open mind.

That is quite a step, encouraging students to keep an open mind. Yes, every theory is full of holes. Until something is proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, any theory is full of holes. Can we prove evolution? No, we can't. Some of the make-up of the human body is so precise (so say scientists) that it seems impossible to have been a mutation that has evolved. Was woman made from the rib of a man or from the dust of the Earth? Who knows for sure? Men and women have the same number of ribs. Perhaps the truth is a combination of both.

I believe the whole universe is ruled by a power greater than ourselves. A power we cannot see, yet we can feel it, and we can see the results. Can we see the wind? No, but we know it is there. We can feel it and see the power it has.

Perhaps this step in Pennsylvania is the first step in allowing God back into the classrooms. We allow guns and other weapons in the classroom. We teach children about safe sex in the classroom. So why can't we teach them that there are many different religions in the world and that we must respect each other's beliefs? I believe we can without instilling our personal values on children. Those should come from home.

We may live in Canada, a multicultural nation, but God is being torn from our majority Christian practices. We are told that we now must celebrate a "holiday" season and not "Christmas." To that I say, "You call it what you like, but I will tell you if you offend me by calling it a simple holiday and not Christmas." No one will take the Christ out of Christmas for me. After all ... that is what Christmas is—a mass celebrating the birth of Christ, our saviour.

That's the way I see it...

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

[teehee ... I'm so glad I'm not like most women. I'm not actually crabby most of the time.]

Cars

Over at Sam's Place he is talking about cars and whether or not they are American. I sum it up like this:

A car has 4 wheels and an engine as well as many working parts that can break down. No one ever knows who makes those parts, but they don't last forever regardless of who does. It will be "the cheapest bid wins."

A car transports you from point A to point B in whatever level of comfort you choose to put your money into for the brand you want.

Personally ... I would love to simply have a car. So Keyboard ... you are lucky no matter what you choose.

It Figures

Yesterday, all provincial government employees received an e-mail from the Premier about a new award, the "Premier's Award of Excellence" meant to be awarded to any provincial employee who shows outstanding leadership, service, etc. My first thought was, "yeah, here come more rewards for management and the little guys will still not be recognized."

It wasn't 1/2 hour later when our division received an e-mail from middle management suggesting that we nominate the Director. How typical!!!! For once, I would like to see the little guy be appreciated. Maybe I am just sensitive because there are several things happening in my life at the moment that make me feel unappreciated, but I see it all too often when the support people have the great ideas, put them to work, and then management takes all the credit and accolades. Personally, I believe we should all be humble and take reward in a job well done, one that helps those who know nothing about you.

It figures, doesn't it????

Defining Frustration

This is how I define frustration lately:

• Wanting to cut the grass, but the blade has not been attached and needs to be sharpened. I have no file to do so, and have lost patience with the unco-operative weather and getting someone to do it for me.
• Wanting to hang blinds and not having a drill to drill into the wood frames because I am not strong enough to screw them in without drilling. I also don't know how to use a drill, don't have one, don't have a ladder/stepstool to reach the window, and am having difficulty getting someone to help.
• Wanting to cut low-hanging branches off trees that are in the way and not having big, heavy shears to cut them or a saw.
• Wanting to move firewood back under the newly-renovated deck and having a wheelbarrow with a flat tire. It requires a compressor or an inner tube to fix it, neither of which I have.
• Needing to replace a piece of chimney and not being able to light a fire until it is fixed.
• Needing to rip up a piece of carpet that is glued down and not having a pair of vice-grips to pull it up with.
• Needing to buy a lot of things and having trouble finding a way to get them home when you can't carry them on the bus.

These are just some of things that are frustrating me at the present time. It makes me shake my head and ask myself why the hell I wanted to buy a house on my own when I don't have a car either. Some days it feels too restrictive for many reasons. I'm trying hard to keep positive that this is where God wants me to be. This is not a step backwards, it is a step towards a wonderful future, one that is waiting just around the corner for me. I certainly hope it is just around the corner anyway. I don't know how long my patience will hold out like this. Life will be good, right? Life will be good.

Remarkable Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

• Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate
• teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch
• a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student

These things only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Do you remember him?

Junk Mail

I think we all get a lot of spam and junk e-mail, but the junk snail mail is still in full force too.

I have moved three times in the past three years, and somehow my junk mail seems to follow me around, and I didn't even give them a forwarding address!!!!!!!

Today, I received the same magazine twice from two of my former addresses, but none at the current one. I can hardly wait until that address catches up with me too so that I get three copies of a magazine that I don't want. They even supplied their website address. However, I can't access their site without signing up. If I do that, they will have my current address. I DON"T THINK SO, TIM!!!

Sheesh. I guess I just have to keep contributing to the "save a tree" campaign, and stick them in the recycling bag. And to think a tree had to die just so I could throw out the paper!!!

Adjusting to Change

Adjusting to change is challenging for everyone, no matter who you are. We are all creatures of habit. Some people can embrace change and thrive on it, while others will dig their heels in and refuse to budge for the a very long time.

I took a course in change management last year that defined how different people adjust and adapt to change. I guess it has been timely because I have had a tremendous amount of change in my life this year. I knew on January 1 that this was to be a year of transition for me. This past week has been the most challenging of them all.

I moved into a new house. This house is mine. The first on my own. I have full responsibility for it all and all the expenses that come with it. Am is scared? Yeah, I'm scared sh**less!! The worst part was moving in at a time when fall is pressing upon us and having outdoor things that MUST be attended to at the same time as you are trying to unpack and organize. That was difficult enough. Then for the first time in 3 years, I have both my children living with me at the same time. They don't always get along very well. This was a lot of adjustment all at once, and was completely overwhelming. Not having a partner in my life made it more difficult because I couldn't share any of the responsibilities and had to shoulder them all. My faith went completely out the door, and I was reduced to tears on a few occasions. I'm coming down from that now ... way down ... and that is a good thing. I have the plans in place for the major work to be done. The furniture is set up, maybe not where it will stay, but set up nonetheless. Now I can pick away at the rest over time.

Yes, adjusting to change is hard, and I don't mind change, however this was a lot of it all at once so I got a little overwhelmed. I think if I hadn't needed to deal with the new roof, new deck, cracked foundation, and painting and caulking the windows within the next few weeks, I would have handled this much better I am sure. Now I have calmed down, but am still busy. I've just learned to pace myself.

My son told me, "Mom, I don't like to see you this way. You don't have to do everything all at once. You're killing yourself. Slow down." Another friend told me the same thing. They were right. Sometimes we can take wise advice from those younger than us and those who stand on the outside looking in. They see a different perspective. I thank them both and love them both.

I am sure that my year of transition has not yet ended ... stay tuned for more to come. I have other irons in the fire as well.

I HATE Moving!!!!!

This last move was the biggest one I've had yet, and so many headaches. I am too stressed about it all. Finally this evening I am beginning to relax a little, from sheer exhaustion if nothing else. This is what happened:

• 1/2 hour before pre-close inspection we ran into a legal problem that had not been resolved. The seller was gone, their lawyer was out of town, and their realtor was away as well. It took a lot of "urgent" work on my lawyer's part, but we had it resolved by early afternoon.
• On inspection, we found a crack in the foundation that had been hidden by stuff in the pre-purchase inspection. Now mine to pay for. Permacrete comes tomorrow for the estimate.
  
• Immediately following that, my appliances arrive. It took 3.5 hours to get them in after having to remove the screen door, the steel door and the the fridge door. They managed to put a little dent in the top far corner. I'll live with that so I could have cold food.
• Next day it took 3 hours to load and unload the two trucks. I was flabbergasted at that, but everything was put everywhere and without a lot of care. I got many scratched pieces of furniture and dents and scratches in walls.
• I discovered that there are only 4 phone jacks here and only 3 that actually work. One of them should have been a wallmount phone jack, but isn't. Aliant comes on Thursday to fix and install more.
• Now, I thought I had room for everything, but it appears that I don't or have to put a lot more thought into how to arrange things so that it will. More headaches.
• Now there are curtain rods and curtains to buy since they took them all but one or two. They were supposed to leave them all but two sets.
• The security system is all set up and activated. Hopefully we won't set that off accidentally.

I have questioned myself several times in the past few days as to why it was I wanted to do this. How foolish of me to think that this would be a good thing. I don't like doing this alone. It's too overwhelming, at least at the moment. I hope it will all die down shortly. Right now it is chaos and insanity. I should have moved into an institution instead!!!!

Who Says Size Doesn't Matter?

Last week I went with my daughter to a local camera store to buy her a 35 mm camera she needed for her courses at school. She had gone in previously and looked at a couple and chose which one she wanted. I met her there to purchase it.

When we finally got to speak to the sales manager that she had been dealing with, he showed me the camera. I said OK, and off he went to get one from the stock. He came back with two—one model a little different from the other. I asked him what the price difference was. One was about $80 cheaper than the one he had first shown us. I asked what was different in the way of features. He took the one we originally looked at out of the box and showed me the numbered settings on the lens. (There was an additional setting on the more expensive model, but I hadn't noticed it to this point.) He turned the dial to the second last setting on the adjustments, then said to me, as he turned the dial from the second last setting to the last one, "The difference is between this and this." The lens popped out about another 1/4".

I started to chuckle. I turned away from the counter and looked at my daughter. She didn't know what I was laughing at, then I said to her, "I'm not even going to tell you what I'm thinking." Then she understood. She shook her head, giggled, and said to me, "Mom, I can't take you anywhere!"

At this point I was laughing out loud. I couldn't restrain myself any longer. I turned back to the sales manager who had a smile on his face, laughed, and said, "I think I like you." Then I started to laugh out loud again. It was a great laugh on an otherwise busy and stressful day.

Would you have paid an extra $80 for another 1/4"? I did, and it was worth it!!!!!!!!

Open Wide ...

Tonight I had my 6-month check-up and cleaning at the dentist. This is one task I absolutely hate. I don't like dental work at all.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with sharp objects, and then they start scraping them and nearly pulling them out of your head with this sharp metal hook. What's with that?

They say not to put foreign objects into your mouth, then they proceed to put their fingers, a mirror, a pick, and a stream of water or air in there all at the same time. First thing you know, they ask you a question and expect you to answer with all these things in there. Like they could understand what you answered anyway!!!!!

I have a really wonderful gag reflex, which I curse for more reasons than one. It is annoying. I even had them mark it on my chart so they can keep their grubby little fingers and utensils away from the back of my tongue and my palate. I've gotten pretty good at retracting my tongue to keep it out of the way and also for the doctor and those damn tongue depressors.

Oh well ... I got through it, and have no cavities. Next appt. — March.

Getting Older

Today is also my son's birthday. He is my youngest, and has just turned 20. I have no more children in their teens. That makes me feel old. I don't like that part. I have to say, though, that the past year has made a huge difference in him. He has matured more in a wonderful way. I really like what I see in him. As for me ... I just got older ... and maybe a little wiser. At least we can hope I am wiser. Here's hoping the two of us (and my daughter, too, of course) see several other 20-year periods. It's a long time in some ways, and goes quickly in others. Life is just too damn short for some things.

That'll Cost You ...

I am discovering how expensive it is to move—twice at that. This is what I was told:

• Yes, you can rent this truck and it will cost you $__ for the day and $__ per kilometre.
  
• As a courtesy, I will feed lunch to the people who are volunteering their time to help me move. That will cost me $__. This is a small cost because I appreciate the help so much.
  
• We will disconnect your phone and Internet from your current location and reconnect at the new one and it will cost you $__ for this service.
  
• We will install your satellite service for free, but it will cost you a 2-year contract. If you wish to terminate the contract before the end of the term, it will cost you $300.
• The post office will redirect my mail again, but it will cost $__ to do so.
  
• We will connect you with water service, but it will cost you $____ to connect.
  
• Your power can be connected and based on budget, but you will have to pay the budget amount of the previous owners. That will cost you $100 more per month than what you are paying now.

It is unbelievable how much it costs. I don't think I will want to move again any time soon after this. I think I will be too poor to do that.

It's Getting Closer

Just 20 more sleeps and I will be in my own home. It has been a busy time, and I'm starting preparations for the move now. Any volunteers to help?

I may not be posting much while I am preparing for the move. Much to do. So ... if I don't talk to you for a bit, don't forget about me. I'll still be thinking of you.