Did You Know?

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart are really weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are I love you, sorry, and help me. (I only have trouble with the latter.)

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone the help is returned two-fold?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith your wishes are granted?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, and staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself, if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned two-fold.

The Birds & The Bees—Modern Version

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom, and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little pop-up appeared and said,' You've Got Male.'"

Crosswalks

I do not have a car, so I either take public transit or walk most of the places I am going. One of the sources of aggravation I've encountered, especially in the past week or so, are crosswalk lights that don't work.

I find it frustrating that if you are even 5 seconds late pressing the walk light button after the light turns green, you have to wait for another complete cycle of lights before you can get the next light, and that is provided that the change has not cancelled the trigger you pushed. I have had that happen, and then have to wait for 2 cycles before you can cross. This is especially frustrating if the weather is bad.

Then there are those that just don't work at all. You can press that darn button all day, and you never get a cross light. So what happens if you just cross at one of those places where the light doesn't work and you get hit by a car? Who, then, becomes at fault for the accident? You have to cross the street sometime!!!!!

Stay Out of It? Who Me?

Now, Keyboard, do you really think I am going to stay out of this one? You left such segueways, there is no way I can't take advantage of that.

First of all, I would give almost anything to see MouseGuy pull his laptop around on a little trailer with wheels. I can just picture that big, very masculine man pulling a little laptop around on wheels. Keyboard, if you see that, please take a picture and give it to me. That would be a picture well worth keeping. The day I see that, I will also hand him my purse to carry. He is way too masculine for that.

Now I am just wondering what a hard drive guy is? (excerpt from Sam's Place)

Hmmm ... I wonder what a hard drive guy is. Let me see ... a man who drives hard? OR MAYBE a hard man with a drive? Now there is a thought ... A hard man with a drive would be a wonderful thing to find. (teehee)

Strange Happenings in the Dungeon

Oh my!!!! MouseGuy has a skin remote control? Ummm ... hmmmm ... can I see it? Can I use it? How exactly does it work? Does it uncover the skin? Does it move the skin back and forth, and back and forth? Mmmm ... I could think of some uses for that? Sounds like it has tremendous possibilities. Ummm ... MouseGuy? Can I borrow it?

A-s-s

A suitable solution? I think not. I was on that bus today, as usual, and it was packed to the doors before it even left Halifax. They have insufficient seating for the crowds that take that bus ALL the way home. By the time I got off at my stop the load was still standing. That is ridiculous. If they are going to put inadequate buses on the route, at least send two at once. I mean really!! In my opinion, these buses suck a-s-s!!! Hmmmm ... I will let that one rest.

The Irish and a Way with Words

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Rail:

Gentlemen,

I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by
people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

Dear Mr. Finnegan,

We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely,
Iarnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen,

I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!!!!!!!

Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

Dreams

What exactly are dreams? There are many kinds of dreams.

• daydreams
• night dreams
• nightmares
• halluciations
  
• hopes
  
• aspirations
• wet dreams (though I doubt many people would admit to having these ones)
  

I've lived a live full of dreams and aspirations. My greatest dreams, however, are my biggest challenges. I oftentimes find myself wondering why on Earth I ever dreamed something in particular might be possible, especially during times when it seems utterly unattainable ... that it will NEVER happen.

I'm told the heavenly alignment at the end of next week speaks volumes about unattainable dreams finally becoming more attainable, that something may shift, something may change. I struggle to hold onto hope. I have wanted to throw in the towel hundreds of times over the years, but my faith keeps pulling me back up and renewing my hopes. Each time I begin to believe that something will never happen, that I am not worthy of something, that I am not good enough for or deserving of something, I receive a sign from above that tells me to hold on tight and not let go of hope. That what I need is coming to me.

I know this can be true ... so why do I feel that no one wants to take a risk with me. It feels as though I am just not good enough for anyone. So ... what is wrong with me? This dreamweaver feels as though she can't possibly weave one more dream...

I'm Back ...

Hello there! I am finally back after my move. What a day it was. It went very well, though. I am a highly-organized person so I had boxes marked appropriately and knew where I wanted things put before we even started.

We began at 9:30 a.m. on Friday morning. We had a lot of laughs, and I discovered I had some good friends and wonderful children. (I only got cranky once.) Both my children were there, and my daughter's boyfriend. One of my son's friends even showed up near the end and pitched in to help. I fed everyone lunch before we unpacked the truck. By 4 p.m., the truck was empty and my apartment looked like a bomb went off. I was so tired, I didn't know where to start and just wanted to cry.

However, by the next morning, I was well underway with the unpacking, while Aliant came to hook up my phone and my Internet (Or so we thought. It took until yesterday for them to find and fix the problem with that.). By noon, I had unpacked everything I needed for my short stay here and only had to hook up my computer.

The afternoon was spent at the old apartment cleaning it thoroughly. I'm sure they found it cleaner than when it was given to me. I tend to be a little fanatical about cleaning, simply because of my allergies/sensitivities. I clean things people seldom think about cleaning, like the top of the hot water tank, dusting the mouldings and trim in every room, cleaning off the dryer vent hose, etc. I had to learn to clean like that because I am allergic to dust, mould, and mildew. Not good for a NS climate.

Anyway ... by evening Saturday night I had to pick up a few groceries because the store was closed on Sunday. I also needed a plug for my tub, because there wasn't one and I needed to soak in a hot tub soooooo bad. My daughter and her boyfriend drove me there, which is only around the corner, because I could hardly walk. My legs were so tired and going numb. I am missing the last two discs in my back, so being on my feet for extended periods of time tires my legs out. I was a pitiful sight. I had to take acetaminophen to sleep Friday and Saturday nights because I was aching so bad.

Long story short—I was completely moved, unpacked, and cleaned out of the other apartment within 48 hours. It was a lot of hard work. I told my daughter that once I move into the house I bought in September, I am never moving again unless I have a partner in my life who will share the responsibilities. It is too much hard work for one person to do all the packing, cleaning, and unpacking. I'm still tired ... Can I take a nap now?

Moving

It is 10:15 p.m., and I am almost completely packed up to move tomorrow. It has been an exhausting day. At least I had a little help today to get it done. I start my move at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow, so my computer will be out of commission for a couple days. I will be back as soon as I can. This computer is my lifeline to the outside world. Heaven forbid I be without it for long.

Keep up the good work guys. You are keeping me amused over there in the dungeon. Hope to have some e-mails and blogs to read when I can get online again. See you soon!! Take care.

Screwing ... and stuff

Screwing

Boy, when I screw something, I do it well. I put things exactly where they should be. I put those firm things in straight and screwed the hell out of them until they were in as far as they could go. My arms are really tired from all the grabbing and twisting, my legs and back are tired from doing it standing up. Everything I have screwed since I moved into this condo was done very tight and well placed. So well in fact ... that the paint and gyproc paper has come off of most of the things I have removed. You see ... I am taking down those things I bought before I move. What a task!!! (teehee)

MouseGuy and Keyboard

It is so good to see you guys up to your antics again. I'm so pleased that you are having fun while you work. I love being amused by you two. Keyboard is doubleloading shredding paper into the recycling bin these days, I see. I guess he wants to make sure it will all fit in ... just right. You know, Keyboard, it will actually fit better if you flatten out each piece first and stack it neatly. Give that a try.

Summer Weather

Now today is my kind of summer day. The air has a bit of a cool breeze and the sun is shining. You can take that hot, ugly weather like we had on the weekend and send it away somewhere. I think that is why I prefer spring and fall. The weather is not so hot then. I wouldn't mind the heat quite so much if I lived on a lake and could go swimming to cool off. Not having that option, nor a pool, I think I still prefer fall best of all.

Blonde Moments

Well ... I guess I'm not the only one who has blonde moments.

It appears that Keyboard waters artificial flowers and MouseGuy locks his car with the windows down. And I have moments when they tell me "Duh"?

I think what they forgot to tell me was that actually dye their hair to cover the blonde roots!!! Thanks for making me feel right at home guys. Keep up the good work. You'll certainly give me something to write about. *rubs her hands together and smiles a devilish smile*

We Can All Make Progress .... Yay!!

This is a quote from cainer.com for all horoscopes for the week beginning Saturday, June 25.

Your week ahead

Prepare for some stunning sights in the sky. Each evening, just after sunset, you can see Saturn, Mercury and Venus, all close together for a while before they sink under the western horizon. This rare triple conjunction bodes brilliantly well for all with emotional issues to resolve, important conversations to hold or difficult decisions to make. Higher in the sky, Jupiter is also clearly visible. It is currently in opposition to Mars. Stay up long enough and you'll see it drift slowly west along the Arc of the zodiac till it too, sets in the west just before dawn. As it does so, Mars rises up in the East. Jupiter is the planet of hope and faith, justice and joy, exuberance and extravagance. Mars is the planet of anger and aggression but also of determination and direction, passion and priority. If you've got a mission now, you'll make great progress as long as you don't become too gung-ho.

Sounds like it could be an interesting week, n'est pas? Let's see what transpires.

The Price I Pay ...

Well, I came home sick from work again today. I escaped the whole winter without being sick and June hits me like a ton of bricks. My head feels like it will explode.

Well ... when I came home, I laid down to go to sleep, and it was not long before I was dreaming. Now you guys are gonna laugh your asses off at this dream. I can hear you now. For some unknown reason, I was applying for a job working with Keyboard and MouseGuy. MouseGuy was interviewing me. I was so sick it was hard to understand the questions, but he was very patient and kind to me and repeated them as I needed him to. I excused myself to blow my nose, and every time I did, cold water ran out of my right ear. That was friggin' weird. In my dream, I was frightened, afraid that my brain was turning to mush and pouring out of my head. I looked in the mirror to make sure my head was not caving in and to try to focus my eyes to see if I was losing my sight. Nope ... I could still see, I could still hear, my head was not shrinking, but perhaps I should see a doctor.

Needless to say, I woke up laughing at the ridiculousness of the dream, and at the same time recognizing that my ear was aching a bit from my sinuses. I assume the dream took place in the scenario it did because I checked your blogs before I went to bed to see if there was any new news on them. Sheesh ... isn't it strange how our daily lives and thoughts present themselves in a dream. This one was the price I paid for reading these blogs ...

Hope you got a good laugh guys. I'm sure I'll hear about it. (teehee)

Busy ...

This is turning out to be one busy week and it is only Tuesday. I'm sure you have heard, over the years, many of the sayings about being busy. Here are some of the ones I have heard and/or used.

• Busy as a bee.
• Busy as all get-out.
• Busy as a beaver.
• Busy as a hound in flea season.
• Busier than a one-armed paperhanger with crabs.
• Busier than a blind gay at a weeny roast.

Do you have any to add?

Life Span Explained

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of 20 years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a 20-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring. Monkey tricks for 20 years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back 10, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of 60 years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. Let me have 20 and I'll give back the other 40." And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you 20 years."

Man said, "What? Only 20 years! Tell you what, I'll take my 20, and the 40 the cow gave back and the 10 the monkey gave back and the 10 the dog gave back ... that makes 80, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first 20 years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Father's Day

Well ... it is Father's Day again. I don't have any father figures in my life to celebrate it with, but I do hope that all you fathers out there have a very special day.

MouseGuy and Keyboard, I hope your day is very special. Have a good one!!!

Welcome Back!!

Welcome back, MouseGuy! We have missed you. I see you read my blog yesterday. This is good. I can't wait to see the antics you guys get into again. Sometimes I wish I were a fly on the wall. I'll look forward to hearing all about them.

Keyboard, guess you will have to share that website info about the bananas with MouseGuy. Perhaps you can actually convert him. Good luck!!

I'm glad the two of you are back together in the dungeon. Have fun while you work. It's the only way to go!!!!!

Let the Wars Begin ... Again!!!

Well, well, well ... I understand that Keyboard and MouseGuy will be a tag team again. Wahoo!!! That is just as MouseGuy had said he wanted to happen in his last blog entry, nearly a year ago. It took some time, MouseGuy, but as with all good things, they DO come to pass. Congratulations! You deserve to have the job.

Now ... of course ... I am expecting these blog wars to begin again. I can't wait. You guys are too funny. You keep me entertained, and I love to laugh. So please, MouseGuy, pick up that mouse, remember that password, and let the wars begin again. I look forward to it!!!!!!

Nova Scotia Has Two Seasons ...

We have only two seasons in Nova Scotia. One is winter, the other is construction. Keyboard is a little frustrated with the "pot humps" that have been created in Burnside. In front of my building, the drain in the middle of the parking lot got a broken cover over the winter. I came home the other day to find a 4 x 4 placed in it with an orange flag attached and the cover in two pieces down inside of it. I looked down and saw a hole about 4 feet deep. Better that pot hump, Keyboard, than hitting a hole like this.

There is construction going on in Halifax at the major bus stop that I usually disembark at in the mornings. As a result, my bus stops a little closer to my building. That is a good thing on nice days. I just continue to walk outside until I reach my building. Today, however, it was raining, so I chose to walk half that distance into a building, and then walk further to get into mine. Just an annoyance.

Everywhere we look for the next 5 months, there will be road construction going on somewhere tying up traffic. If we want to see how impatient people are, take a look at the people in line waiting to get through. As a pedestrian, I can see these people and their frustration. With windows rolled down in warm weather, I can hear the profanity escaping from them too. We certainly are a society driven by the almighty clock. I do feel bad for people trying to keep appointments and public transit trying to stay on schedule. Often people can miss their appointments altogether if they are late. I also think it is unfair the abuse that the transit drivers take from some passengers. It is as though they expect them to push a button and fly over top of traffic to reach that particular person on time. Imagine that—a flying bus. How ridiculous of people to expect them to be able to stay on time in storms, through accidents, and in construction zones. We have no control over that, people!!! Shit happens!!

We all need to practice a little patience and tolerance through construction zones. If we know it exists, perhaps we can plan a different route to get where we are going. Otherwise, pick up your damn cell phone and call ahead to tell someone you are caught in traffic and enjoy the scenery while you wait. Just remember to use the bathroom before you leave, in case you get caught in something like this.

These people are only doing their jobs. We complain about the holes in the road and want them fixed, then complain that the workers are in our way when they do what we have asked them to do. Make up your mind about what you want!!! Learn to relax a little! It's really not life and death in 99.9% of the cases. Just watch out for the ambulance that does indicate life or death.

Summer

Summer is almost here, and I am already wishing it away. I'm having a really hard time trying to be patient with my life. It seems my life is either feast for a whirlwind time or famine for long stretches. Both of them are hard to take.

I'm just coming out of one of those whirlwind times right now. It is like having a strong headwind in your sails that makes you struggle to keep the boat upright when suddenly the wind dies down and you find yourself exhausted and sitting still wondering if anything will go forward again. These sudden ups and downs are hard to take. Extreme peaks and valleys are hard on the emotions.

I need to remember that I am not at the helm of this ship. It will sail according to the winds that are delivered to it. It is hard just to be a passenger and wait to reach that destiny according to someone else's time. Particularly if you are like me—someone who is a "take action" person. When I want something I want to know what to do to get it. When something needs doing, I want to do it and get it done. It is hard for someone like me to sit idly by and wait for something I have little to no control over. Lord, help me learn patience, but hurry.

More about the Move

Well ... this has been probably the most challenging week I have ever had to face in my life. Within 18 hours of buying my house, my second back-up plan for a temporary move fell through.

When I knew I was going to buy a house, I had made tentative arrangements with two people, in case I didn't find a place to buy and move into before my end date in my current place. The first one was an offer from someone who was looking at buying a condo in my building and would rent it out for the first year or so. He offered to rent to me on a month-to-month basis until I found a house. In the end he didn't get the property, so that plan fell by the wayside.

The next back-up plan was to stay with my cousin until Sept. when I could move into my house. We had the arrangements all made when, after 1 year on the market, his house sold. He was insisting that it wouldn't and that he was taking it off the market the end of June. I asked What if it does sell? Again he was convinced it wouldn't and on the off-chance that it did, he would set the closing date to the end of Sept. Well ... he got an offer too good to refuse and couldn't negotiate that date. Back to the drawing board.

The next 36 hours were intense. I called a number of apt. buildings in the area. I left messages with a couple of them and others said they don't rent short-term or on a month-to-month basis. So ... I made plans to put my stuff in storage, stay with my cousin for the first six weeks and then with my sister or another friend for the next six weeks. That would have meant 3 moves.

The following evening I got a call back from one of the apt. buildings in the area who will do month-to-month for military and would give me that option because of my predicament. God bless them. So I found a place to stay temporarily. It is not what I would have chosen for long-term accommodations, but it will work. I can put everything in there and leave it in boxes for the time being. I'm keeping the attitude that this is just temporary, and the good will come in Sept. when I can have my own home. Yeah!!

Now I have to move Canada Day, a holiday. Not sure if that will work in my favour or against it. I suppose it depends on the plans people have whether or not I can find enough people to help.

My life always seems to be full of challenges, but I always seem to jump the hurdles some way. Here I go again on my own ...

Note to Keyboard ... I have one of those new fangled camera phones, and I have a song attached to the ring. Remind me never to leave it unattended around you. It is actually a classical song it plays ... elevator music no less. (haha)

Moving ... at Last

Well, the time has come upon me that I need to move. I have the packing underway and some of the arrangements have been made. Unfortunately, I will have to move twice in the next few months. You see ... I was not able to find a house to buy and move into within the time frame I had to work in. It was a very frustrating ordeal, to say the least. I shed many tears and asked God why he was putting me through this. Needless to say, He didn't offer a verbal explanation. It is something I will find out in hindsight.

The good news is that I have found a house to buy. The inspection was done today. Just a couple things I have to put money into before I move. My mortgage for that property was approved today. I will be moving into Keyboard's and MouseGuy's neighbourhood. Won't that be fun. I'll have to walk up to Keyboard's house and have that security camera follow me up the driveway. I'll be sure to stick my tongue out at him! Wish me luck with everything. If all goes well, I move again the end of Sept. into my very own home. Wahoo!!!!

More Old Sayings

Three sheets to the wind — Very drunk, highly intoxicated. [Is this anything like sticking someone's head under the sheets when you break wind? So gross...]

For the love of Pete — I am frustrated with this situation. [Someone trying to win Peter's heart.]

Knock on wood — If good luck is willing. [Is this similar to shagging on the floor.]

Straight and narrow — To stay out of trouble. [Not something you should say to him.]

Tie the knot — To get married. [In some cases, that knot is strangling. That is not good.]

Down to the short strokes — Approaching the end of a long process. [uh huh!]

Get a leg up — To get a boost or advantage. [That's an interesting position. Where are you putting it?]

Hat trick — The accomplishment of three successes or wins. [Something performed on Hollis Street while wearing a hat?]

On the ball — To be paying attention, to respond promptly, to be doing one's job. [Careful you don't get hurt. That could pinch.]

Close but no cigar — Nearly achieving success, but not quite. [Something Monica Lewinsky said to the president.]

Drop a dime — Make a phone call. [In the time of pay toilets, this would not be good.]

Keep your pants on — Calm down, be patient. [Something you say to someone you are not interested in.]

Pot to piss in — To have money or wealth. [Is this similar to "piss or get off the pot"?]

Sleep tight — Sleep well. [An uncomfortable way to sleep. Something has been left undone.]

Bust your balls — To harass with the intent to break one's spirit. [That's gotta hurt!!]

Sucking hind tit — Not getting a fair share. [Last time I looked, there are none behind, they are on the front.]

Tit for tat — To reciprocate in kind. [I've never heard it referred to as "tat" before.]

Cut the mustard — To meet expectations. [Is this the same as cut the cheese?]

All wet — To be incorrect, to be wrong. [Ummm ... yes]

By the short hairs — To have control over someone, an indisputable advantage. [Not a good position to be in. That hurts like hell.]

Going South — On a path to failure, failing. [A good place to go.]

Today's Pet Peeves

Peeve # 1 - going from winter directly into summer.
I don't like the heat. I never could understand anyone wanting to go to a hot place in the middle of summer. The acclimatizing must be brutal. I'm a spring and fall person myself. The heat is one of the few things that can make me cranky, and be hard to control it.

Peeve # 2 - security packaging.
I bought a memory stick for everyone in the office. Today I needed to use mine for the first time. They, of course, were packaged in that thick clear package, the kind that is molded to fit the item it is displaying for sale. Who ever thought of those things anyway? They forgot to supply a way into the damn things. I tried to pull the two pieces of plastic apart. No go. I took my scissors and proceeded to try to cut the top off of it. It is curved around an edge so it was hard to cut. I got about 1/3 of the way across, and the scissors just would not cut it anymore. I then proceeded to try to rip it apart the rest of the way, and decided very quickly that this would be a good way to seriously cut myself. I was getting rather frustrated by this point. I thought I would cut in the spot that is cut out for hanging it up for display. Not go, that was molded shut. Ah ha ... I remembered my boxcutter sitting in my drawer. I took it out and cut across the centre of it. It cut clean through the plastic and scored the cardboard inside, but it wouldn't cut the damn edges. Still no way in. I ended up cutting and cutting that sucker until I could finally reach the memory stick and pulled on it. It fit so well and so tight, it flew out of my hand onto the floor. Damn packaging!!!! They forgot to supply the zipper!!!!

Peeve # 3 - incomplete ingredient lists on groceries.
I was trying to buy a package of turkey sausages at the grocery store. I had bought some previously, and they were clearly marked "No MSG." You see ... I can't digest pork or beef well so I choose poultry or fish products. I also have an extreme intolerance to MSG. Ingredients that say "spices" may or may not contain MSG. It is only when it is clearly marked "No MSG" or labelled "natural spices" that I can be certain that it is safe to eat. Of course, the butcher didn't know the answer to that. Someone told me recently that the government is putting together legislation to ban the sale and import of MSG in Canada. I can't wait for that!!

Peeve # 4 - children who throw their dirty clothes on the floor when their laundry basket is only 1 foot away.
This one is self-explanatory, even when they are 19. Not in the basket, don't get done!! Do them yourself.

I'm really tired tonight, so I hope there is nothing else that peeves me off. I'm at that degree of tiredness and minding the heat, that I could get cranky. I don't want to be cranky, and if I direct it at you, please don't take it personally. I really don't mean to attack you. I really should go to bed. I think I will tuck in early. I have a lot to do this weekend. I hope your weekend goes well.

Old Sayings and Their Meanings

The following are some old sayings and what they mean. My interpretation of them is highlighted in red.


Balls to the wall — To push to the limit, go all out, full speed. (Is this sexual in nature?)

Flying by the seat of your pants — To do something without planning, to change course midstream, to figure things out as you go. (I've seen this happen when running to the washroom with diahhrea.)

Wing and a prayer — Hopeful but unlikely to succeed. (I think this is an angel thing.)

Dead ringer — To look like someone else. (A broken washing machine.)

Put my two cents in — To state one's opinion. (If you tell someone you will give them a penny for their thoughts and then you put your two cents in, do you get change back?)

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey — Very cold. (So much for the continuation of that species!!)

Half cocked — To be less than fully prepared. (Not quite ready for that big moment, if you get my drift.)

Loaded for bear — To be aggressively seeking a confrontation. (Now he is ready!!)

Bang for the buck — Value for you money. (I think this is self-explanatory.)

Called on the carpet — To be held accountable for a mistake, offense, or a lie. (Is this sort of like shagging on the rug?)

Hunky dory — To be okay, everything is good. (I believe this refers to a sexy man in a boat.)

From stem to stern — Thorough, complete. (Yep, that's a complete once over, twice over, repeat as necessary.)

Stay tuned for the next episode...

So ... You Think You Know Everything?

... Bet you don't know all of these things:

• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge (You may count them if you'd like)
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
• A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
• A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the American $5 bill.
• Almonds are a member of the peach family.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age!
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
• "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
• February1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
• If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
• If you are an average Canadian, in your whole life you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
• On a Canadian two dollar bill (if you can still find one) the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
• "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
• The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
• The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
• The words "racecar," "kayak," and "level" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
• There are more chickens than people in the world.
• There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
• There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• "Typewriter" is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

... NOW you know everything!

Damn Those Martians!!!!!!!

Outlook for this week:

There's a bad case of the grizzles going round at the moment. As fast as one group get over it, another set show symptoms. Once, doctors thought physical illnesses were also passed along by the planets. Hence the word "flu"; short for "Influenza" or "under a bad influence." Though we now understand about viruses, we are still more prone to succumb to a bug when our defences are down—and the planets can still tell us when this is likely to happen. If you currently feel your strength is being sapped, it's probably the sharp angle from Mars to Pluto that's to blame. Get up early on Tuesday morning and you can catch one of these cosmic culprits in the act. Mars will be bright in the pre-dawn sky, surprisingly near the Moon. When you see it, remember THIS is what's causing so many people to feel stretched. Then, apply the astrological antidote. Remind yourself that, by the end of the week, we'll all be feeling better!

~ Jonathan Cainer at www.cainer.com

And they say men are from Mars and women from Venus ... so do we blame this on men too? Personally, I don't think that men are the cause of women's problems. They are the cause of their own problems, just as men are the cause of their own. We just need to understand and accept that and stop trying to place blame in the wrong direction. The world could be a gentler place if we could.

Are You Giving 100%?

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint, it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions.

If
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,
then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Fighting Again

Why does it always seem that I have to fight for everything I want in this life? I know that the things we have to fight for or work for are the ones we untimately appreciate the most, but just once I would love to have something be straightforward.

I have requested a reclassification of my job. With 6 years left until I can retire (early) I wanted to ensure that my payscale was at its best. My job has substantially changed, and I want my salary to reflect that. So I began the process by contacting the union. They reviewed the information I gave them and told me that there is currently no existing classification into which I fit. No surprise there since I have ultimately created this job. Problem with that is that now I have to justify my request to half the world, have it reviewed by the union and government, and possibly face a tribunal to justify it. Good God, I am doing the job!!!! Why do I have to justify that I should get more money for it?

Here I go again ... God give me strength and backbone.

Tension

The tension is building with each passing day. The thought of having to arrange for two moves is more than I can bear, yet I don't want to just grab any house just to have a place of my own to go. I don't know what else I can do. I know that by June 1 if I have not found a house, I have to start making arrangments to move in with my cousin temporarily. That is going to be very hard. He is living much more remotely than I am now, and I still won't have a vehicle. I thought I would have access to one, but I was wrong. Life is supposed to get easier, but this is making it very, very difficult. Everyone says not to worry, that there is still time, but I don't think they have ever worn my shoes. It is a very difficult and uncomfortable place to be. I don't know why God has put me into these circumstances, but I'm sure He has a reason. I have to say I would like to choke Him about now. Having my whole life in a state of flux is the only way to surrender to it, I suppose. Perhaps that is His purpose, so I shall try. I just pray that I come out on the other side in a state of awe at what has just happened. That would be just like Him.

Juggling

Sometimes I think I should have been a juggler. I seem to have so many balls in the air right now it is overwhelming. This is what is happening:

1. I now have 5-1/2 weeks to be out of my apartment and still do not have a place of my own to go.
2. One back-up plan has fallen through completely. The other one is sitting precariously and could go either way.
3. I am currently without a contract at work and don't know what kind of raise I am going to get to help out with my expenses, especially with supporting 2 young adults with little to no help.
4. I have gotten approval to apply for a reclassification of my position at work since the classification review process was rejected by the government after 2 years of work with it. This process will take months to be finalized, and, again, I have no idea what the outcome will be.

I started packing this weekend, but if feels strange to pack when I don't know where I am going. There is a lot of nostalgia attached too. This was the first move toward the new life I had chosen. I believe that now Chapter 1 is drawing to a close. I don't know where Chapter 2 starts, where it will take place, or what will happen. In some ways that is scary, in others it is exciting to be starting another leg of my journey.

I just wish the pieces of this jigsaw puzzle would start fitting into place. I'm trying to hold onto hope and keep a positive attitude. My intuition tells me that all will be well and I need not worry. My mind tells me there is too much to do and too little time to do it in. It is a push/pull scenario. Surely something concrete will rear its head this week. I really do not want to have to move twice. That is very inconvenient for many reasons, and will cost me more in expenses than I can afford with all the disconnects and reconnects involved and paying for people to move me twice. Something has got to give way in my life RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

Intensity on Friday the 13th

Have you noticed how everyone's life is very busy and overwhelming in the past week? There is an intensity in the air. I have never put a lot of faith in horoscopes, and faith is a word I wouldn't use with them, but rather with my spiritual beliefs. However, one astrologer that I follow is so spookily accurate that it gives me goosebumps. He foretold last week this time, of an intense alignment of the planets that is happening. He said that my week would be intense as would those of the people around me. So ... I paid attention to see if he was right. He was dead on!!!

He tells me I am now finding myself in a situation where I am working to beat the clock. Dead on again!!! I have 8 weeks to find a new place to live and be out of here. If that is not racing to beat the clock, I don't know what is, and it is stressing me out. He assures me I can take a breather and not worry, because it will happen. Let's see.

He also predicts that my deepest, dearest wishes are getting closer and closer. Oh God, I hope so. Time will tell. Perhaps sometimes soon, the emptiness inside of me will go away. In the meantime, I will pray. That is my strongest connection: believing in the one who created the stars and planets. I believe they will all guide me to my destiny.

Mothers' Day

A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day in a written test, she included this question: My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I pick up things. What am I?

When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word Mother.


Amazing, isn't it, that children would first think of their mother's, even in a science-related test. Today is Mothers' Day. It is a day to show your mother how much you appreciate her in your life. My children gave me gifts. I will give my mother a gift. What will you do for your mother?

Happy Mothers' Day!!!!!!!!!!

Notes

Keyboard speaks of the different types of keys. There are three others he forgot: monKEY, donKEY, and a turKEY, but they are not particularly musical, and they can't open a door.

There is a similar comparison with notes:

Post-it notes
bank notes
musical notes
real estate notes
Lotus notes
note taking
promissory note
to note something (notice)

If we have lots of keys and notes, perhaps we can create a wonderful song.

Do - re - mi - fa - sol - la - te - do
(Doe, a deer, a female deer ... )

:o) Oh happy day!!!!!

Sunshine

Funny ... when I wrote that heading intending to talk about one thing, it reminded me of something else that sort of fits in here. One of the nicknames that I have been dubbed in my life is "Sunshine." The reason for that is that I smile a lot. Just the other day, someone commented on the fact that I am always smiling. I've heard that many times over the years.

I love to smile. I'm not always successful at it because I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I prefer to live my life wearing a smile. I am a person who can see the extraordinary in the ordinary, and it makes me smile. Someone might see a tree; I see an intricately woven pattern by God's grace, a home for birds and insects, shade from the sun, and a beautiful colour come fall. I also see the strength that God has given that tree to hold on so tightly through the fiercest of winds.

What I actually started to write here were the words to a song:

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all the obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that pass me by
It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.

The sun is shining, and I am starting to feel a little less stressed about my life. I can see some of my clouds beginning to dissipate, although I still don't know what I will see in the clearing. Here's hoping for much more sun. I must remember all the reasons I have to smile!!!!!!!

Hope

Where do you find hope? I know it is in the dictionary between helpless and love. I am constantly searching for hope every place that I can find it. I need to fill the voids in my life. I hate the feeling of hopelessness and emptiness, like the things I want and need will just never be because I can't find them or don't know how to reach them. Even when I do try, nothing seems to come to fruition.

Am I trying too hard? Not hard enough? I don't know what to do. I have tried prayer, horoscopes, Tarot cards, and talking to friends. Every last one of them tells me that there is hope, that the things I need will come but will just take time. That because I have to wait, these things will be beyond wonderful, and I will have a true appreciation for them.

Yes, I will indeed treasure them with my whole heart. Having waited so long for wonderful things will enable me to never take them for granted. I only wish, beyond all wishing, that they will come soon. Some days I think I will lose my mind waiting, only because I lose patience. Please, God, bring these things soon before I go nuts!! Show me how to wait patiently, but please don't take too long.

News

Isn't there any good news on TV? It seems all I ever hear on there is the bad stuff, rather sensationalized. I would love to hear the good stuff for a change. Surely there is more good than bad in this world. Come on people ... give us some of that good stuff. If the crime rate rises because criminals follow suit of what they see on TV, then so too should it hold true that the good could increase as a result of publicizing that. So ... let the sun shine through.

One Journey Ends ... Another Begins

As I write tonight, a friend of mine is in her last 24 hours of life here on Earth. She has courageously fought the demon we know as cancer, but the war shall soon end. At the age of 51, she has had a good life. Sure, it was not without its trials and tribulations, as we have all endured, but the faith that she has has carried her through. She is a wonderful, kind, loving woman. One of God's precious jewels, and God always comes to gather his jewels.

Good night, Michele. May the angels sing thee to thy rest. God bless you!

Cell Phone Hell

You know, if I wanted to be screwed by "Roger" I would want him to be a real man. I promise you that I will NEVER again have a cell phone with a Rogers Wireless cell phone package, EVER. Yes, I am naming them here. This has been hell on Earth having a package with them. Here is the latest scenario.

My son decides he wants an upgraded cell phone, but the package we have (which he has been using all along) has 6 months left on it and cannot be upgraded. I agree to take over the remaining term and will cancel or upgrade with a different company at the end of the term. He gets the new phone, but wants the old phone number, so we are advised to switch simm cards and then Rogers will switch the numbers on our accounts, leaving the accounts in tact, in one month's time. Well ... it is now a month and 3 phone calls later and I find out that this simple request CANNOT be done because it is a "legal" issue. So my son either has to be take the new number and distribute it to his 200 contacts (which he is unwilling to do) or find a friend to take over his brand new contract then take over the one I have with the number he wants, which can now (1 month later) be upgraded. The company who sold us the new phone screwed up telling us that we could make that change, and no one will go good on it because they say they "can't." We live in the same freakin' house and both agree to the changes, but NOOOOOO it can't be done!!!!!!!

I am so ticked off. I have called them on at least 7 other occasions trying to sort out different issues with them. I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER have a phone with them again. I will go without first. This is THE WORST customer service I have ever received. I will certainly advise my friends never to use their service. This is unbelievable!!!!!

I've Earned This

It is amazing. Our office is moving back to our permanent home next week. We have been in an awesome office environment for the past 9 months, with lots of natural lighting and big work areas. We are going back to a building that is dark, dingy, and with work areas smaller than what we had before we moved out of it.

This year will mark my 25th anniversary of working with my company. I am senior staff member. When I first started working there, I had a window, open space to work in, and a workload that actually allowed me to be bored from time to time. Now, 25 years later, I have 4 times the work, less space, less light (in fact absolutely no overhead lighting in my new cubicle), and little time to even breathe.

I am beginning to feel like a mushroom: kept in the dark and fed bullshit. Gee, I've worked here for a quarter of a century. I have earned this!!!! Gee, MouseGuy, I guess I will be in a dungeon too. Keyboard, does that cave of yours have any better lighting? Unbelievable!!!!!!! All in the name of advancement.

Hopes and Dreams

When God is about to do something great, he starts with a difficulty. When he is about to do something truly magnificent, he starts with an impossibility. — Armin Gesswein

It would seem that my house hunting, with all its restrictions, is an impossible task. I hope this quote is right, and that it will be magnificent. I've been waiting a long time for a lot of great things in my life. I hope they are all magnificent when they finally arrive.

How Men and Women Think Differently

The following are definitions as men and women see them. I think I am part male when it comes to some of these. (haha)

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female ... Any part under a car's hood.
Male ... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female ... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male ... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female ... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male ... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female ... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male ... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female ... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male ... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female ... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male ... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female ... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male ... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. [I can relate to the male interpretation here too. Yummy!!]

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female ... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male ... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Living Will

Living Will

I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of cockamamy, ethically challenged politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature (Provincial or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.

_____________________
Signature

Date__________

_____________________
Witness

_____________________
Witness

Date__________

I Can't Take It Any More!!!!

Something has got to give and give now. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I've even begged God to help. Why won't the changes I need in my life come? I don't understand. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and only a few small things seem to change here and there. I can't figure out if any of them are segues into the big changes I need or not. I can't take this one more day!!!

I'm at my wits end. Why won't things come? It damn well better all be worth all this waiting when it does gets here. My patience has worn very thin.

Forward This to ...

Do you hate those e-mails as much as I do that tell you to "forward this e-mail to 10 of your friends or you will have bad luck in the next 3 days." Or they tell you "If you love God, forward this."

I'm sorry, but no amount of forwarded e-mail is going to change fate. All that will do is jam up the Internet with a lot of unwanted e-mails and piss off some of your friends. If the message is a nice one or a great joke, I will forward that to my friends, generally without the "forward this" part. Sometimes I forget to remove that.

For more information about what I mean, click here. This explains it all very well.

And, before you forward to 10 of your friends thinking you will have good luck, think of whether those 10 friends would appreciate the content of what you are sending. Just send the funnies ...

Animals Are Funny

It's another nice day out there. I love the sunshine and milder temperatures. The crows woke me up at 5 a.m. It was funny to listen to them talking to each other. Luckily I was able to get back to sleep.

I was just talking to my daughter too. She has hermit crabs for pets. Strange, but true. She tells me last night one of them decided to change shells as they do when they outgrow the one they are in. She tells me it is really funny to see them "naked." They might think the same thing of her. Who knows. Apparently they make some sort of noise as they shop for shells and stick their claws inside to check it out. Gee ... I guess he is house hunting the same as I am. Only thing is he gets his for free and doesn't have to compete much to find and take possesion of a new one.

Guess I should have been a crab...

A Little Bit of Nothing

I got bored with the old look, so I've taken on a new one. I hope you like it. I almost chose a rose look, but I know my blog friends would never let me hear the end of that one. They are "real men" and don't like pink much, if at all. (haha)

I still haven't found a house to buy, and time is closing in on me. It is really stressing me out. Something has to pan out soon or I will be living in the street. Please say a prayer for me.

I had band practice last night. In one song, the piano player couldn't figure out why the chords didn't seem to fit with the song. Lo and behold, it was my fault. I was singing it wrong. Oh well ... it was actually funny when I realized I had screwed it up. I didn't even hear myself sing it wrong. Amazing ... a real blonde moment for sure. We have a lot of fun at practices and when we lead the congregation on a Sunday morning.

Who got up at 4:30 a.m. to watch the Pope's funeral? Not me, I can tell you that. A friend so graciously reminded me yesterday that my religion would not have existed if it wasn't for an ancient Roman Catholic king that decided he wanted to get divorced and branched out from the RC church to create his own religion that would allow divorce to take place. Got me there, I guess. I still like my church better. I find RC to be too "stuffed shirt" and unwilling to change with the times much. Just my own opinion. Personally, I believe in a universal church of God. I don't believe any religion has all the answers. I like to look at the big picture and not get caught up in the petty details that people fight about. They miss the point.

Anyway, I hope you like the new look of my blog. See you again next time.

These People Vote?

Scary to think ... that these people vote!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that."
. . . She also votes!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialled is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
. . . He also votes!

So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
. . . She also votes!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
. . . My sister also votes!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
. . . He also votes!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
. . . My friend also votes!

My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey."
. . . The clerk also votes!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
. . . She also votes!

Oh well!!!! I vote too, and probably do a few stupid things myself.

Time Change

Over at Sam's Place, Keyboard is talking about the time changing tonight. I have to agree. It makes no sense to me to keep shifting the time. There are other places in the world where they do not do this. Why do we?

I've heard of saving time in a bottle and that is possible when we dry the plants from our garden (thyme). I've heard of people making money from bottling and canning fresh air. I've seen bottles of water from the Jordan River. Perfume bottles contain "Eau de toilette" (that's just gross). But can you tell me how the heck we can "save daylight time." We can increase our efficiency so that we use less time to perform a task, but time is not something we can save. If we could, look how long we could live. We could stop the aging process. Now that, would be something someone could make money from. Hmmm ... perhaps I should look into that. I don't like the effects of aging on my body. Not at all.

April Fool

Hey, Keyboard. I wish I could have seen how quickly you reacted. That would have been a sight to behold. Some April's fool jokes can be funny. Some people play really mean and dirty tricks on people. I don't like those ones, but one in good fun are fun.

No one got me today, thank goodness.

House Hunting

House hunting is a very frustrating task. It is hard to find what I am looking for. I seem to have everyone pulling me in different directions. I am trying to block them out and look for what I feel fits the bill, but it is hard. I'm the one who will be there most, so it has to work well for me.

I think I would sooner hunt for Easter eggs. They might be easier to find, and they'd be cheaper too. Wish me luck. It has to surface very soon.

Hoppy Easter!!

There once was a rabbit named Rex
Whose favourite pasttime was to have sex
He thumped all the bunnies
With cute little cunnies
But no diseases did he expect

Then one day he tried to pee
And in so much pain was he
That he zipped up his jeans
And without being seen
Off to the doctor went he

The many tests they ran did show
That his white blood cell count was low
The infection he caught
Was so terribly wrought
His life it would take from him slow

Such a valuable lesson he learned
Was that for sex to always discern
That when in the mood
Don't f*** the whole brood
Or you so terribly may get burned

Rabbits do it quietly because they have cotton balls!!!

I hope the Easter Bunny was good to you!!!

Long and Short

Keyboard seems to be having trouble with measuring. He doesn't know what the difference is between long and short. I think that is a male thing. They always think 6" is longer than it really is. (teehee)

Keyboard, a weekend is only 2 days long, always. A week is 5 days long, always. We may have holidays that fall on a weekday just prior to or immediately following a weekend, but that doesn't make the weekend any longer than it ever is. It just means we get to stay home an extra day.

A day is a day.
A holiday is a holiday.
A weekend is a weekend.
And 6 inches really is only 6 inches.
You can try all you want to stretch it, just like these sentences.

Just think about it the right way, and you can make anything bigger than it really is!!! It's all in the imagination.

How Long Is Long?: A Response

Over at Sam's Place, Keyboard is trying to figure out the definition of long. That brings a visual to mind that we will not speak of here, but I am sure each and every person's definition is different. I suggest we could ask that of the following people:

• The mother who has just given birth only to be told that something is wrong with her baby and tests will be run. The results will be back to her as soon as possible. What a long wait that will be.
• The person who has to go to the bathroom really bad only to find that someone just got in the shower and there is not another bathroom. How long can you comfortably hold it.
  
• The son who has just been told that his father, who lives 1000 miles away, is on his deathbed and he should hurry home to be with him. How long that time must seem to get there.
• The woman who is at home raising her children while her husband is overseas fighting in a war. How long that wait must be to find out if he will arrive back home safely.
• The parents whose child is lost in the woods and a search and rescue team are trying to find him. How long a search that must seem.
• The person waiting in the emergency room knowing there is something terribly wrong with them and 15 people are ahead of them.
  

For me personally, I've been waiting my whole life for true love. I can definitely define "long" for you when it comes to this waiting time. It is an excruciatingly painful wait. I can only trust that when it does come, it will be so incredible that it was worth the wait.

Good Friday

Today is Good Friday. A day of reflection. I just came from a service where our praise band played. It is rather unusual for a whole band to play during a time of vigil, but we have been asked to do this for the past 4 years. The theme today was about forgive of sins, and the songs we sang fit in very well with that theme and the Easter theme.

My reflections bring these things to mind:

• How often we inadvertently hurt someone and ask for forgiveness. Do they accept our apology or prefer to hold a grudge? Do we or can we accept their forgiveness? Sometimes I think that accepting forgiveness for what we have done is harder than accepting apologies from those who have hurt us.

• How many times do others impose their guilts on us because they judge us by what their beliefs are? Do we accept that guilt or do we know that it is not ours to carry?

• Do we believe these things to be wrong; something for which we need forgiveness? We all do them.
• Make illegal copies of computer programs and install and use them on our computer.
• Buy one legal copy of a computer program and put it on more than one computer, and loan it to our friends.
• Download songs from the Internet without paying for them.
• Make copies of CDs and tapes that we or a friend have purchased.
• Plagerize another person's work.
• Add pictures to our web pages or other published works for which we have not received permission.
• Taken a pen or other stationery items from the office for our personal use.
• Printed something personal from the work printer.
• Checked our home e-mail or do a web search for something personal on work time.
• Knowingly pick up something that doesn't belong to us and keep it because we don't know who the owner is and don't want to look for them.

We are all guilty of sin of one sort or another. As human beings not one of us is perfect. I believe that we are meant to be the best person we can be, and that we first of all need to accept and love who we are as individuals. Then we can begin to become better and more loving people to each other. I believe that we are all capable of being forgiven. The question is, Are we willing to accept that we are forgiven or do we want to carry around a big stick to keep beating ourselves up with as our own form of penitence? Do we keep ourselves imprisoned and believe we are not worthy of good because of any wrong we may have done or perceived to have done?

There surely is a lot of reflection that can be done on this Holiest of days. I will sign off with this thought:

When you throw your burdens into the lake of forgiveness, don't go fishing!!

Oh My Goodness!!

I knew this would be my year of transition, but these past two weeks have been phenomenal. Things are happening faster than anything has ever happened for me. I know that the things that have come are only material things, but I feel like they are the base that needed to be started for the rest to come. This is a summary of what has happened in the past two weeks:

• A big printer company finally validated to me that I had a hardware problem with a printer I bought 6 years ago and replaced it with an updated model that is even better than what I had. They wanted to restore my faith in their products and service. That they did!!
• A relative gave me an unexpected monetary gift that put me in a very good financial position for buying the house I need.
• Someone gave me their digital camera when they updated to a new one.
• My son updated his cell phone and I ended up with the old one.
• When my son updated his cell phone, he got a free portable CD-player that also plays MP3s. He already has these things, so he gave it to me.
• I found out the new computer armoire I bought 2 weeks ago went on sale this week. When I contacted the store I bought it from, they told me I could get the difference back, but screwed up in telling me that, so I took a trip there for nothing. So I called the manager today about the incident to let him know this happened, and he gave me back the difference.
• There are 3 paydays in March, so part of one is "extra" money. Fortunately, I had a fair amount of overtime on all 3 cheques this month too.

These are all material things, but I am very grateful for each and everyone of them. I feel truly blessed. It is also allowing me to pull myself up by the boot laces and try to keep a positive outlook for the rest of my life. The greater plan is good, and I feel it is coming. I just need to try to be patient a little while longer. That is the hard part.

I have next to no debt now and I have toys!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahoo!!!

A Miracle Happened

Today, I received an answer to a prayer. To me, it is a miracle. I have prayed and prayed so hard for miracles, and one finally happened. Some may consider it nothing more than a simple act of kindness or love, but for me, it was nothing short of a miracle because it was the last thing I would have expected to happen to me and from a person I wouldn't have expected it of.

I know I am confusing you. Today I received a gift from a family member that will help to change my present circumstances tremendously. I feel a great weight lifted from my shoulders, and my faith has been restored. If this prayer has been answered, surely the other substantial things I need in my life will be on their way too. God knew I was at the end of my rope, and He tied a knot in it so I could hold on and continue to climb to the top of that mountain. One of the obstacles in my life is being removed. So the others, I believe, shall follow. As scripture says, "If you truly believe and you tell that mountain to move, it will move." Today, I give thanks with a grateful heart, believing that the rest will come, if only I can be patient a little while longer. Thank you, God, for this miracle.

Spring

Well ... spring arrives today. It also marks the beginning of the new astrological year, so Happy New Year!

Spring marks a fresh start, a new beginning for many things. I hope it does for me. I'm very much in need of that. House hunting by myself is proving to be very, very difficult. I don't have the knowledge I need to make good choices. I am seeking help of those who know more, but I'm finding this to be very much an emotional rollercoaster. The excitement seems to be quickly dashed and replaced with a sense of hopelessness each time I look at a property. I am struggling to stay positive, but with time running against me, it is very difficult. I am hoping beyond all hope and praying fervently that a great solution shows itself quickly. I've never been good at rollercoaster rides. I prefer to have my feet firmly planted on the soil and know the direction to the gate out of the circus.

Happy spring!!!!

Words Women Use

Someone sent me this list of words women use. As I have said on several occasions, I do not consider myself a typical woman. My responses to these are in red.


Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

My use of this word at the end of an argument would mean "Have it your way and live with the consequences."

Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Five minutes is five minutes is five minutes. If I'm gonna be a half hour, I'll tell you so.

Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end in "Fine"!

If I tell you "nothing" it means I don't want to talk about, or now is not the right time to talk about (we'll discuss it later), or it is not worth discussing and is my issue to deal with.

Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

I don't like this expression. This sounds like a threat to me, not a dare. Go ahead, means "do what you want and live with the consequences."

Loud Sigh

This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

A loud sigh means I feel overwhelmed by something. If I think you are an idiot, I would tell you so.


That's OK

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

I try very hard not to bring up past mistakes. What is done is done. We will probably have a harder time forgiving ourselves than we do someone else.


Thanks

A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

"Thank you" and "I'm sorry" are words that I use often and easily. I try never to take anyone for granted and have no problem accepting responsibility when I am wrong.

From the Mouths of Babes

What does Love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4- to 8-year-olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca (age 8)

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy (age 4)

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl (age 5)

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy (age 6)

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri (age 4 )

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny (age 7)

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss." Emily (age 8)

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby (age 7) [Wow!]

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." Nikka (age 6) [We need a few million more Nikka's on this planet.]

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle (age 7)

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy (age 6)

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy (age 8)

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare (age 6)

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine (age 5)

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris (age 7)

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann (age 4)

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren (age 4)

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen (age 7) [What an imagination!]

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark (age 6)

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica (age 8)

And the final one—Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four-year-old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

I guess I must be a child at heart because I see all of those things as defining love as well. Love is beautiful, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It's what makes this life worth living.

Taxes

The only thing that Revenue Canada has not yet taxed is the male penis. This is due to the fact that

• 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed
• 30% of the time it is hard up
• 20% of the time it is pissed off
  
• and 10% of the time it is in the hole

On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1st, 2005, your penis will be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:

• 10"–12" Luxury Tax ... 30.00
• 8"–10" Pole Tax ... 25.00
• 5"–8" Privilege Tax ... 15.00
• 4"–5" Nuisance Tax ... 3.00

Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. [You know who you are.]

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION.

I Did It!!!

I did it all by myself. Well, almost entirely. I got a new computer armoire and put it together and moved my computer into it, by myself. I had a little help putting the main structure together, but I did all the rest. Let me tell you that putting those doors on by myself was a real bitch. I made a couple little errors that I had to correct, but I did it!!!

I bought a house, by myself too. No one but the realtor went with me. I wish I could have called on someone to help, but anyone I really wanted to be there couldn't be. So I did it myself. There are several things to take care of to get it all in order, and I have been doing it by myself. I have had offers to help with things in the house once I get it, which I will accept.

Most of my life, I have had to do most everything for myself, even when I was in physical pain, very ill, or on the verge of exhaustion. It certainly makes for someone fairly independent. There is history to that, but I will let history stay in the past where it belongs.

This is my year for transition, and it is happening. For the last couple years my life has dragged on, not showing me much hope for my future. That has been very difficult. I'm not very patient when it comes to that. In hindsight I see that it was my healing years, my years to let go of the past, and to prepare myself for a very different future. It is ironic that within a couple weeks of writing an important e-mail of forgiveness to release my past from me, that my life began to plunge forward very quickly. I believe God has a plan for my life, and He is finally starting to reveal it to me.

I have had dreams over the years that are premonitions. I had a recurring dream recently about having a house of my own. The details of that dream and the reality of my house purchase have many similarities. I've had a couple other dreams about my future too. Now to see if they, too, are premonitions. I certainly hope so. Wish me luck!!

You Were Right

I have no problem admitting it. You were right. My friends kept telling me over and over again that what I need would come, when the time was right. Keyboard was one of those people.

This has been quite a week. I learned about a house coming back on the market that I was going to look at before. I viewed it that night, made an offer that night, and it was accepted, that night. Then the next day, I finally got action from a big company to replace a faulty product I have had that has frustrated me for the past 4–5 years. They are replacing the product with an updated version and adding in a few extra options for me to restore my faith in their company.

Then the offers of help to get my new home established have been pouring in. Some of them are shocking me, but are too wonderful for words.

So ... thank you to all my friends who had faith for me when mine was weak. And above all, thanks to God for blessing me with wonderful friends and great opportunities. I knew this would be a year of transition for me, and it is sure beginning to be just that.

This is only the beginning of something wonderful and new. I can feel it. This will be my year.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

It was 2 years ago today that you left us behind to start your eternal journey. I remember that day well. There were a lot of tears shed by your family, and a lot of happy memories shared. Dad, I even felt a sense of peacefulness for you because I knew you were in a wonderful place and would be very happy there.

My memories of you are wonderful, Dad. I remember all the times we spent together fishing, gardening, hunting, and walking. I remember all the wonderful laughs we had. You had such a great sense of humour. I will never forget how gentle and loving a man you were. You enjoyed the simple life, but you really knew how to enjoy it. I hope I can do that too.

Thank you, Dad, for loving me. I miss your smiles, your laughs, and your hugs. Do you think you can put a good word in for me with THE GREAT I AM so I can have arms like yours to hold me once again. I really need that. I miss you, Daddy, and I love you.

Your loving daughter,
Donna

Where, Oh, Where

Where, oh, where have my blog friends gone?
oh where, oh where, can they be?
with their blogs so short,
and time span long,
oh where, oh where can they be?

OK guys, where are you? Are you hiding from me? Keyboard wrote on Saturday, but he's not as consistent as he used to be. And that MouseGuy, hey, what about him? It's been six months since he wrote!!!!! Lard, love a duck!!!! He must have broken his fingers. Several times, I suspect, in this length of time. Or maybe he hit his head and forgot his password (again). Hey, Keyboard, do you think MouseGuy just doesn't like us any more? *pouts*

MouseGuy? Hey, MouseGuy? Do I need to send a cat to catch the mouse? What ya doin'? How come you won't come out to play with us anymore? Party-pooper!!!!! Come on out and play with your friends. We miss you.