Friends

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are.

I have a few good friends who do just that for me, and I treasure them. I try to be that type of friend to them in return and to others as well. Thank God for friends. I don't know what my life would be like without them.

TGIF

In Newfoundland, TGIF is printed on the toe of their rubber boots so they know that Toes Go In First. No offense intended to those who are Newfie's or have relatives who are.

For me, today, that means Thank Goodness It's Friday. This has been a long, hard week. I would have loved to come home to a set of open arms waiting to enfold me. Sure could use it. Maybe someday. Right now I will have to settle for collapsing on the couch, unable to move for a bit until I catch my second wind.

Gotta hate weeks like this. It can only get better. The weekend is here!!!

Naturopathic Doctors vs Medical Doctors

I believe medicine of all sorts and practices has been around as long as life has existed on this planet. In North America, modern medicine is still the strongest force. In Europe, natural medicine is the major force with modern medicine practiced to a lesser degree. Our medical system issues licences for M.D.s to write prescriptions and work in our hospitals, but N.D.s are not given the same privileges. I am told that in Europe, the opposite is true.

I have had an M.D. my whole life and have had an N.D. for the past 4 years. I find I have a need for both in my life, particularly since some things my N.D. does not have privileges to do for me. However, the greatest progress I have received in fixing my health issues has come from my N.D. I was surprised, and continue to be, at the depth of questioning I get from my N.D. She wants to get at the root of the problem, not just treat the symptoms and connections are made between the symptoms that other doctors have never even visited. Treating the symptoms does not take away the problem but only offers a bandaid solution to alleviate the symptoms—sometimes only temporarily.

I think it is well past time that our medical system recognize the abilities of this type of medicine to keep us healthy. I, for one, would vote for this recognition.

Aggressive People

There are many personality types in people. There are those who are passive (like me), those who are submissive, and those who are aggressive.

Being a passive personality, I don't like conflict or arguments at all. I will deal with them when and if I have to, but I will avoid confrontation as much as I can. Sometimes it means that people try to take advantage of me (and sometimes succeed) and can put me into a state of speechlessness because I don't know what to come back with right away. Give me a bit of time to think, and I can respond appropriately, but if you are tearing a strip off me, I may be at a loss for words during that moment.

We have someone at work (actually a couple) with an aggressive personality. There is a position that has opened up for competition. I am fairly certain that the person I work with most closely will be applying and get this position, as she should. I am afraid that once her position comes up for competition, this aggressive person will apply because she said she wants that job. I will not be able to work well with her at all. My job is stressful enough by its very nature without having the added stress of an aggressive supervisor to boot. I could see that affecting my physical health in a bad way. I've spent all but the last couple years of my life living with someone who is aggressive. Enough is enough for me. I pray that this scenario does not play itself out.

I wish aggressive people could learn how to tone themselves down and learn to be more reasonable with people. Is that too much to hope for?

Blogs

These blogs can be fun. Especially if we have friends to share them with. I share mine with a few friends. One of them, however, seems to have difficulty with keeping his updated. I guess his name has been adequately chosen as MouseGuy. This means he prefers to use a mouse. But you know what? You can't type in your blog with a mouse. Perhaps that is why it has been more than 3 months since it was updated. Do you think maybe his keyboard is broken? What do you think? Hey Keyboard ... do you think you can take a walk over and lend him yours? Perhaps give him a typing lesson while you are there.

Come on MouseGuy. Come back out and play with us. Don't be a party-pooper!!!

Does It Make Sense?

When you look at the cycle of life, much of it makes sense. The ecosystem was created in such a way that it is survival of the fittest and everything that dies returns to the Earth and so the cycle begins again. We all live and die, but I have difficulty in understanding the "why" when parents have to bury their children. That seems to defy logic to me.

My brother's best friend lost his only child, a 15-year-old son, to lymphoma in the early morning hours of today. I can't even imagine what that family has been through in the past year. It has been incredibly heartbreaking. This guy has been my brother's best friend since high school. He was like part of my family when I was growing up. I hurt for him. This has to be extremely horrible.

I will take comfort in knowing that where he is now is a wonderful place. He was taken there much too soon, but is at peace nonetheless.

┼ ┼ May you rest in peace, Robbie, and light perpetual shine upon you. ┼ ┼

Love Is a Many Splendoured Thing

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. — David Viscott

Remember love is the only thing okay to do in excess.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

These quotes say so much about the importance of love in our lives. To give and receive love in its truest, deepest form is God's greatest gift. I believe that everyone on this Earth needs to love and to be loved. Loving someone deeply gives us courage; being loved deeply gives us strength.

Those who have this kind of love in their lives are truly blessed. May all our lives be filled with courage and strength. All else in life then becomes easier to bear.

Old Friends

It's funny how life changes once you leave high school. Those friends you grew up with and went to school with all your life suddenly disappear. Some of them you never see again after graduation day. You sadly hear about the untimely death of some of them. Occasionally you run into someone you remember, and wonder if they will remember you. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. If they don't remember me, I tend not to be the first one to say hello. I find it uncomfortable to have to remind someone about who I am. Obviously those ones didn't know me well.

Tonight, I ran into someone from my school days. It is only the second time I have seen him since graduation day. The last time was about 3 years ago. That time I said hello, but I could see him trying to put a name on me. I told him who I was, and he had a hard time believing it for some reason. Then he asked if I was sure I wasn't my cousin. I thought that was rather hilarious. We don't look that much alike, and she is a distant cousin to boot. Tonight he remembered me so we chatted a few minutes.

It is always nice to see how others are now and what they have been doing all these years. Do you wonder from time to time where your school chums are these days and what their lives have been like? I enjoyed my 20 year reunion for that reason. I got to see so many of those people I hadn't seen in years. Some aged well, others had not. Some did well for themselves, and some didn't. Some days I would like to go back there, and other days I wouldn't. Today, I can say I like who I am now and where I am now. I wouldn't want those days back, but I hold the memories in my mind forever. Those days helped form part of who I am today. Now they are just memories, nothing more than memories.

I Challenge You

I challenge those of you who like to tease me about my restricted diet to try for one week to avoid all the foods I had to avoid for 8 full months and most of which I still have to avoid. This diet is not by my choice, and is a source of continual exasperation. So ... try to stay away from every single form of the following foods for one week. Don't forget to read your labels.

• wheat (in every form, including kamut and spelt, and every food that contains it)
• milk (in every form including casein(ate); the milk protein)
• MSG
  
• sugar (in every form, including fruit and juice)
• yeast
  
• tomatoes
• vinegar
• oranges/grapefruit
• corn
• carrots
• cucumbers
• cabbage
• beef
• pork
• all processed meats
• all shell fish

Not much left from the North American diet is there? I lost 12 pounds in the first 3 weeks, which is all the excess body fat I had. I am much healthier than ever and feel much better. For being over 40, I still have a cholesterol level of 4.0. I bet you you can't do it for a single day, let alone a week. Try it. Then perhaps you will understand how this affects a person's life.

Fire Fighting

Have you ever felt like a firefighter constantly putting out fires? That's what my day was like today. I have been continually working at solving problems since I got up this morning. Good thing I have good problem-solving abilities. I only wonder if I can claim fire-retardant clothing on my income tax. Hmmm ... there must be a way I can get around it.

Sam's Place

Over at Sam's Place he says: "When you like something and enjoy it, you want it." Ain't that the truth!!! Goes for many things, Keyboard. Not just hockey.

Today Is a Good Day

I'm in a good mood today. It has been a very busy day, but it has been good. These are the highlights of my day:

• It is my son's 19th birthday. Kind of makes me feel old since he is my youngest. A tradition I started with my kids and when they were little (and others in my household) was for them to choose what they wanted for supper. This year, he is not home. His friend's Mom is cooking him a big steak and feeding him wine. I did something a little special though. Since he is now of legal age, I bought him a large can of Löwenbräu and a Super 7 ticket for this week. Of course ... I put a note in his card for him to remember who bought it should he win. :o)
• At lunchtime, I took some extra time to run an errand because I didn't get a lunch break yesterday. I not only picked up the things I needed, but I managed to pick up a couple computer peripherals as well, namely a Keyboard and a Mouse(guy). That was, without a doubt, a lot of fun, and the highlight of my lunch break. Keyboard, did you finally get your opportunity to tell Mouseguy to $%@ off? Can't change a tradition now, can you?
  
• Back at the office, it was nice to have the manager of another division that I work with acknowledge how much work I have to do and how hard I work in front of one of our consultants. She also wants me to apply for a job that may be coming up in her section in the fall. She wants me to work for them. That was a real compliment.
• I also had to work with two of the consultants today about documents they are producing. It was nice to have them acknowledge just how much work goes into producing these things.

So, it has been a good day. Hopefully it will continue to be for the rest of the evening.

Food for Thought

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?



How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. (Been there, let me tell you.)



Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. (Yep, for sure.)



Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. (Ah ha)



Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. (Don't be one of them.)



We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours ... but they all exist very nicely in the same box. (Wouldn't that be a wonderful world if it worked like that?)



A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. (I do this!!! Might just as well.)

Gas

There are many kinds of gas. There is gasoline, diesel fuel, furnace fuel, propane, butane, and natural gas. Yes, natural gas. That is the one I am thinking of tonight. I made some homemade baked beans for supper tonight. They were absolutely delicious. I only had a few. Let me tell you ... that is a very good thing. I can only imagine how much natural gas would be floating around this room had I eaten more. As it is, you might not want to share this room with me this evening. *grins widely* Some moments I don't want to share it with myself. (teehee)

Words of Wisdom

You cannot possess what you are unwilling to pursue.

I came across this saying today. It is so true and applies to many facets of life. If you want something bad enough, there is no mountain you will not climb to reach it, no obstacle you will not clear, and no race you will not run. Fear not, for the medal is well worth the race.

If I Had 5 Million Dollars ...

If I had 5 million dollars,
I know just what I'd do.
I'd make some life investments,
Just for me and you.

I'd pay off all the debts I owe,
and buy a house and car.
Then take a trip, just you and me,
to a land somewhere afar.

I'd help my friends and family
to ease their stress in life.
Without the pressures debts can make
they'd feel far less strife.

The children, too, would benefit
When things are more secure.
They could start their lives without debts
Of this I am quite sure.

I'd have a lot of fun, I know,
with gifts of a small degree,
for those in my community
who have been kind to me.

There are many things that I could do
But most of all you'd see,
that having money in the bank
Will not change the I in me.

What would you do with $5 ooo ooo?

Three Welcomes

May you always find three welcomes in life: in a garden during summer, at a fireside during winter, and whatever the day or season, in the kind eyes of a friend.

This quote says it all for me. That is exactly where I find my welcomes, my peace, my joy, my spirituality. Friends, family, and love. It is those intangibles that are the most valuable in life. What else is there that is important?

May you always know where you can find your welcomes and seek them out.

If I Knew

A friend sent this poem along to me today. Now I send it along to all of you, my friends and loved ones.

If I Knew

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would videotape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear.

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

String

Have you ever thought about how many different uses there are for strings and how many different kinds of strings there are. Here are the ones I can think of:

• shoe strings
• strings on your jogging pants to keep them up
• guitar and bass strings
• piano strings (yes, it is a stringed instrument)
• violin strings and other stringed instruments
  
• tampon strings
• twine for tying packages or anything you like
• strings of bad luck or good luck
• strings to close our garbage bags
• string bikinis
• string thongs
• stringy hair
• string of pearls
• apron strings
• string bean
• string of businesses
• pull strings to get somewhere
• string someone along
• string out
  
• string up (hang)
• keep on a string

No wonder the English language is so hard to learn!!!! I'm strung out trying to figure this out.

Magic?

The Gage Canadian Dictionary defines magic as a mysterious influence; unexplained power; enchantment.

I suppose we could guess until eternity about where the unexplained power or influence comes from. I have my own opinion on that. It may differ from yours. Enchantment does sound very magical; very special; like something that could sweep you off your feet; catch you off-guard when you least expect it.

My horoscope tells me today that my life doesn't contain a whole lot of logic (which is true), but it contains a very real, deep magic. Hmmm ... I wonder what that means. Will something enchanting catch me by surprise; something I am not at all expecting? Are my prayers finally being acted upon? Are the stars and skies releasing their "magic" in my life as they have been predicting? Well ... all I can do is sit back and watch my future unfold as I carry on with the day-to-day tasks of life. I can only believe in my heart, that it will, indeed, be magic and absolutely wonderful. I'm praying for that.

Will there be magic in your life? Do you believe in magic?

The Minority Are Forgotten

I am continually frustrated with companies that discontinue products due to low sales volume. From a business perspective, I understand the logic behind it. From a consumer standpoint, it is most frustrating.

I am challenged continually to find food products that are safe for my consumption. If I am lucky enough to find something I like, it seems to be gone in a flash because not enough people are buying it. Sometimes I am told that so-and-so carries it, but I don't have the luxury of being able to go to several different places to get my grocery order each week. Even when I make requests to bring back a product that is superior to what is currently being carried, I am denied. I make requests to bring in an additional product, and it falls on deaf ears.

I am at a point now where I am losing faith in my grocery store. It seems more interested in the money they make than in the community they serve. Whatever happened to a sense of community? After all, community means living together and sharing together. I now know how it feels to be a minority, and it has nothing to do with the colour of my skin. Feeling shut out and shut down is not a positive feeling. We still have barriers to cross, don't we?

A Perfect World

Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children. What a shock the rest of life would be for them. — Joyce Maynard in McCall's

That would be a real shock, wouldn't it? Our world is far from perfect and protecting our children from the reality and harshness makes them weak. I only wish the whole world could learn to get along. We may not all like each other, but peace could be obtained if we only practised acceptance of one another.

What is your idea of a perfect world?

My Dream Home

Everyone has a dream home they would like to have, if they are not lucky enough to have it already. Mine is not a mansion, but this is what I would buy if I could or build it if I couldn't find one.

My dream home would be a 6-bedroom home on a lake with a nice piece of property. The property would have some nice big trees, some shrubbery and bushes, perhaps a fruit tree, and some beautiful gardens. The home inside would have a country feel and look to it. I'm a country girl at heart. I want a nice big kitchen with lots of cupboards, an indoor grill, and a solarium. The bedrooms would all be a good size, and there would be at least 2.5–3 bathrooms, one of which would be off the master bedroom. The master bedroom would be a large, with a deck overlooking the lake where I could stand on a beautiful summer night when the moon is shimmering on the water, and be close to the one I love. A very romantic kind of thing. The house would have a nice fireplace where the family could cuddle together on a cold winter night and play games or watch a movie together. All the floors would be mill-run birch hardwood. (I love the colour of the wood.) The rest of the floors would be porcelain tiles. The rest of the details would just fall into place, I am sure.

It would be a home where you would love to be and where love lives. After all, it is love that makes a house a home.

School Daze—A Response

This is a response to the blog at Sam's Place.

I have to say that I am glad that I don't have to buy school supplies or new school clothes this year. It's a little lighter on the pocketbook. Working in education for the past 24 years, I know the reasons behind some of these things that Keyboard mentions.

The school supply lists are created for the younger grades to ensure that each student has the supplies required for the curriculum that has been planned for the year. The reason that specific brands are mentioned in some cases is to ensure that each student starts out with the same things, on equal footings, if you will. Sometimes it is because they are known to be of a superior quality or will last longer. Some types of notebooks will fall apart easily so that students may lose their work, while others are made to last. It is not a requirement that all students have a particular brand, it is merely a recommendation. Teachers and administrators are very aware of how students are treated by each other if they don't come from the same economic background. They try to avoid these issues in the classroom as much as possible. It is not a well-known fact, but there are a lot of ways that low-income families can get help with the purchase of school supplies to avoid embarrassment or ridicule by their peers. We believe in a quality equal-opportunity education for ALL students.

Sometimes there are safety issues around some items. For example, strings in hoods on playgrounds. Sneakers with Velcro are recommended for very young students who do not yet know how to tie their own. This is both a safety issue and one of time management. Grade primary classrooms have many more students in them then in our day. It would be impossible for a teacher to have to tie the shoes for 30 students at every recess, lunch, and after school break. Black-soled shoes leave black marks on the floors of gymnasiums which are hard to clean and can build up to cause a dangerous surface. It all makes sense, somewhere along the way.

As for the fashion, I have to agree with you. There is way too much peer pressure about brand label clothing. Too much emphasis is placed on trends that come and go quickly so that parents are kept poor buying new clothes to keep up with the trends. I was lucky enough to have at least one child who didn't care about labels. She liked the styles, and if she could find the style in something way cheaper, that was good enough for her. Thank heavens. Then again, this is the same child who died her hair blue and didn't care when people called her blueberry. Then she died it burgundy too. She is truly an individual. At least I have e-Bay to work with for the brand name stuff my son likes. You can get some great deals on there. I just got one for him for his birthday. A 75% off the retail price. Can't beat that!!!

God forbid that schools ever dictate that students have a laptop to do their school work. Can you imagine the younger students lugging one to school everyday? How many times would they drop it in the run of a year? Egads!!!! Good thing our school supply days are over, hey Keyboard?

Well ... I still have post-secondary to go, if they ever decide to do that!!!

Boredom

I have never known so much boredom in my life as I have in the past year. I just can't find enough to do to keep me occupied most of the time. It must be contagious in my house because my son is suffering from the same disease. He gets really cranky and mad when he is bored. I hope something gives soon before we lose our sanity.

I am slowly going crazy, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, switch. Crazy going slowly am I, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, switch.

Dreams

I love to daydream. It provides an escape for me into a fantasy world that I can create just for me. That perfect place where all is right in my world, just as I had always wished for. I've been a daydreamer since I was a child. That's why I call myself the Dreamweaver.

Dreams at night are a whole different story. I truly believe that our dreams are where our subconscious deals with things that we don't want to deal with in our waking state. Or they have solutions to problems we have been struggling with because our bodies are in a relaxed state so we have less control over fighting against them. I love to analyse my dreams. Sometimes they are full of hope. Sometimes they do, indeed, provide me a solution to a problem or an answer to a question.

I have too many dreams that are full of struggles. I constantly dream I am fighting against something (usually weather elements) to get where I want to be. In almost all of these dreams, though, the scenery suddenly changes to something absolutely beautiful and peaceful. I like that part of it. It makes me feel like something wonderful will be the end result of hard work. In fact, my Tarot card reading the other day told me twice that I will have a huge, unexpected change in my life in the near future. That would be wonderful. Too good to be true.

This week, I have had many dreams about the pain and anger I have endured in my past. Each dream is different, but the key players are the same. I thought I had gotten past all of this, but perhaps I only have in my awakened state. Perhaps it is simply a fear of enduring that all over again, a place I don't want to go. Perhaps I am subconsciously rebuilding a wall to protect myself, a wall I had removed. Maybe it is because I have trouble trusting that something good will come to me. All I know for certain is that I don't like waking up feeling as though I have been fighting all night long, like I am this morning. It makes the night's sleep feel like it didn't happen.

What do you dream about?

September Is A-Comin'

I absolutely love September. It is my favourite month of the year. The weather starts to cool off some, the evenings are cool enough to sleep well, the leaves begin to turn their beautiful shades, and we still have warm beautiful days. I love the month so much, I even planned my son's birth for then. I think it is the perfect time of year for vacations, weddings, and other special events.

This year my son turns 19. He is rather excited about that. I wonder why??? Then the only thing he can't do is rent a car. I know just what to buy for him too. He would like me to buy him a Honda motorcycle, but I'm afraid he would only get a diecast scale model of one from me. Oh well. He'll just have to work for it like the rest of us.

So I am just sitting back thinking "let September come." I'm going to try to enjoy every day of it. Hope you enjoy it too.

Blah!!!

It's been a busy week. Not much to say today. Hope you all had a good day. Remember: Every day above ground is a good day!!!!

Spooky

I had to walk home at twilight from a visit with my daughter, taking a path between streets. That is a little unnerving at the best of times when you walk alone. However, twilight is a funny time to be out. The sun is not bright enough to see clearly, but it is not dark enough for the street lights to make any difference in how well you can see either. I couldn't see people's faces and sometimes even recognize their gender until they were almost right up to me. Spooky...

Start Early

It's 4 months until Christmas. Start your shopping early!!! I must start thinking about my letter to Santa. This year I want ....

Evolution, Change, and Transition

Over the eons, eras, and generations, life has evolved. Change and transition can be a good thing; sometimes perhaps not.

When my parents were children, times were very different. They both grew up on farms and had chores to attend to each day. Money was sparse, but the necessities of life were provided. No frills, just hard work. During those days, personal lives were kept very private, sex was not spoken about, and children born out of wedlock were something to be ashamed of. Children were still bullies or kind. That doesn't seem to have changed much.

When we were children we still were faced with daily chores, sex was more open with the days of "hippies," and many children born out of wedlock were given up for adoption. Education was a more of a priority for us than our parents generation, and salaries were on the rise. We had a few more toys than our parents generation, but still used our imaginations a lot to make our fun.

Then we grew up and had children. Boy have things changed!! Salaries and the cost of living have risen to the point that both parents now need to work. Education is priority #1 for our children. If they don't hav that, they cannot succeed in life. Salaries and the cost of living are not proportional. We give and give to our children and expect them to do little or nothing in the way of chores. We provide their basic needs and soooo much more. Teenage pregnancies are an everyday happening, and our children don't know how to amuse themselves without expensive toys. Sex is exploited everywhere.

How things have changed! But how do we handle it? We give our children more attention then did the previous generations. I don't see this as a bad thing. We don't expect our children to make their own way through life; we provide the majority of it. Considering the high cost of living this may not be a bad thing either.

But do we coddle them too much? Do we raise children who are toughened to the realities of life or do we shelter them to the point of them becoming soft? The high stress factors of our society are hard to deal with. Do we shelter them from too much of it? Do we solve their problems for them instead of teaching them to make their own decisions? Do we make them work for the things they want or do we go out of our way to hand them over freely over a sense of guilt for some reason? Do we tiptoe around them too much or do expose them to the harshness life can hand their way and teach them how to deal with it? The greed of society has created many hardened criminals and a "me" generation who believes life owes them everything. By giving so many material things to our children, are we creating a society of people who can't think for themselves or know how to appreciate what they do have?

There was a time when I believed that children of military families had it rough, constantly moving from place to place, province to province, or even country to country. Never having a chance to really settle down and have a place to call home. Now I think I was wrong. Those friends of mine who grew up that way were far stronger than I could ever have hoped to be. They were exposed to many different cultures and ways of life to which they had to adjust. They made friends much easier than I do, and they can cope with change and transition easily, sometimes even thriving on it.

Parenting is never easy, nor is change. It's tough to raise children these days. I wish they came with an "owner's manual."

The Happiness Connection

I've just read an article in Reader's Digest that makes the world of sense. It sets out the steps suggested for a parent to ensure their children are happy. These steps are:

• Have dinner together: Doesn't have to be every night and can be a different meal of the day or even just a snack, but this connection is important.
• Try not to rule by intimidation: Set limits in the name of a principle like fair play, sharing, and respecting other's feelings.
• Create your own traditions: Like Friday night movies or Saturday afternoon ice cream or even saying grace before a meal.
• Stick up for what you think is right: Sometimes parents need to be parents and say no and enforce it.
• Read aloud to them as long as they will let you: This promotes togetherness, literacy, and growth of imagination.
• Touch. Hug. Snuggle. Kiss. Pat. Tickle. Wrestle: Saying I love you can become automatic and be ignored. You can't ignore a hug or physical closeness. (This is also true of adults. I love physical closeness. That connection is very important for me too. I grew up without it.)
  
• Philosophize: Give good advice like "You'll always be okay in life as long as you have one close friend." or "Always look on the bright side."
• Get Your Kids Talking: Find times to talk rather than sitting listening to TV or interacting on line.
• Enjoy Your Children: Don't spend all your time regulating them and looking after basic needs. Grab the pleasure of playing with them. Celebrate mud and messes, noise, and spooky things, etc.

All in all, these are pretty straightforward things to do to ensure you are connected to your children. The bond you create with them is irreplaceable and lasts a lifetime. I've done pretty good according to these guidelines. I only wish I had read them 20 years earlier. I would have enjoyed my children more. I can't change the past, but there are always grandchildren to look forward to in the future, just not too soon I hope. I'm too young to be a grandmother yet!!!

Housing

Wow!!! Now I understand why my banker never bothered to call me back about getting a mortgage and why the banking centre rep said to me "You need a second income."

I have just been perusing the MLS listings for modest housing in my community. Apparently there is no such thing. It would appear that even the lowest priced housing would require some sweat equity on my part, something I may not be physically capable of. Even trying to rent something like that is phenomenally priced. My cousin suggested buying something with a rental property attached, but I'm not sure I would have the energy to be anyone's landlord. That would be additional responsibility to handle on my own. Not sure I would want that, but I will keep it in mind. I like my privacy too, so renting rooms in someone's house is not particularly appealing either, unless it was a separate apartment. Hmmm ... there has to be a way out of here. This labyrinth has an exit. Of that I am sure. I am will find it. It will just take me a little time.

I Think I Can ... I Know I Can

Remember the little train that could? It started out by believing it couldn't do something, then it started up that big hill saying "I think I can, I think I can," which later became "I know I can, I know I can."

I was reminded of that story today while at the gym. They usually have a little positive saying displayed there. What a great idea!! Today it said: Refuse to believe you can't. I needed to see that today. Funny about that isn't it, how these things seem to appear exactly when you need to see them? I have always told my children that there is nothing they cannot do if they want it bad enough. It may require time and a lot of hard work on their part, but they can accomplish what they put their mind and heart into. I guess I need to practise what I preach, huh?

I think I can ... I know I can ... with time.

The Meaning of Life

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure ... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. — Theodore Roosevelt

I have done much searching for the meaning of my life. I want to know why I am here, what is my purpose, what does the future hold. I've discovered that much of that is not meant to be known. We only have today to live in. The past cannot be changed, and the future has yet to happen.

What I have found is this: My past has shaped who I am. I made good choices and bad choices over the years, but I am who I am because of them. I made a decision to change my life to rid it of extreme stress. That decision left me with some financial restraints that are difficult to deal with by times, but in reality it is only money. That is not the most important thing in life. I have the necessities of life, but may not have those little things that I would like to have that would make life a little easier. But I WILL have them eventually. It is hard to wait, but I know it will come in time.

This life change left me with a different type of lifestyle that was certainly an adjustment for us all, but that, too, works itself out, and did much quicker than I expected it would. There are aspects of the type of life I left behind that I miss, sometimes very much so, but I still have never looked back or regretted my decision. It is those missing aspects that bring me down by times too. I must remain positive that this, too, will come in time. I met someone yesterday who struggles with this kind of change too, so it was comforting to know that I am not the only one who faces these demons.

How very impatient I am. That is not good. I am working very hard to regain a positive outlook. To regain my belief that I KNOW these things will come in time, and they will be good. Probably better than I can even imagine and perhaps differently than I imagine them as well. So ... if you notice me being impatient, gently remind me to relax. It will come. Stay positive, Dreamweaver, your dreams will come in time, and they will be good. Yes, they will be good.

Courage

Courage — n. the strength of mind to control fear and act firmly in the face of danger or difficulties.

This seems like such a simple word, but it is the most difficult thing I know to muster. Many times in my life I have needed to find the courage to do something that I felt I just could not do. I often, still, find myself in this position, as probably most everyone does. We all have fears we have to face. There is no question that it is harder for some to do this than it is for others. Some people seem to be very strong or unafraid of most everything and just plunge right in, some times never giving it any thought at all. Others, like me, often take a great deal of time of gather the courage to do something, even when you know it is what must be done. It just seems so hard to do. How often I have thought "Surely someone else will do the hard work so I don't have to. Someone else can take that step and make it easier for me." Truth of the matter is, if it is something I want or need to do, then it is me who must find the courage. Stepping outside the box is not easy.

Do you suppose if I follow the yellow brick road that the Wizard of Oz will grant me courage? Follow the yellow brick road ... follow the yellow brick road ... I'm off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz ...

Perhaps somewhere over the rainbow ...

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Do you remember that song by Tina Turner? That song says an awful lot really, especially if you know the story behind her life.

Respect is something we all deserve to have and need to give to ourselves and others. Tina lived a dominated life under her ex-husband's hands. He bullied her and beat her into a submissive lifestyle. He had no respect for her and she deserved to have it. Eventually she had no self-respect either by allowing herself to be treated that way. I was so happy for her when she finally found the courage to break free of that lifestyle.

Can you imagine how children must feel in school when someone bullies them? We see so much teen suicide because they don't know how to deal with such things or nobody teaches them self-respect. If they live a daily life at home witnessing one parent dominating the other to any degree how do they learn to give respect and expect to receive it as well? Some of them grow up to be bullies, others to allow themselves to be bullied. I grew up in such a household. I know that no families are perfect, but I can see the damage that each of us children have taken with us as a result, and it is not pretty. We watched one parent being dominated by the other and it being accepted over and over again. Now I can see myself and my siblings allowing others to treat us badly or take advantage of us, and we accept that far too easily, sometimes not even realizing that it is happening because it feels all too familiar. I have one sibling who can be that bully, too. It's a sad state of affairs. I think my eyes are open to that far more than those of my siblings, but I still fall victim to that easily because of my giving nature. I find that some people tend to take what they want and need from me without returning much, if anything, and leaving me feel empty and used. My life has been so full of such experiences that it leaves me, by times, wondering how much self-respect I have to allow it to happen again and again.

So please, remove the blinders. Give others the respect they deserve, but just as importantly, have enough self-respect not to allow yourself to be dominated or used by others. Don't become a bully and don't accept disrespect in your life. You are worth it.

I Walk Alone

I learned to walk when I was but a babe.
You took my hands and lead me along.
But soon I walked alone.

Adolescence is a time of change.
Confusion and excitement always in exchange.
I need your hand, but it is not there.
So I must walk alone.

I'm told, "I love you like no one else ever will."
I hear "No one else will ever love you."
I believe it. I hurt. Through ups and downs
I reach for your hand, but it is not there.
I walk this road alone.

Life must change.
Free from bondage at last.
But a piece is still missing.
And I continue to walk alone.

My dreams are not to be.
I know no reason why.
Perhaps I am unworthy.
It seems I am destined to walk alone.

Butterflies Are Free

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was.

How often I have heard this saying. I think of it like this: If you hold a butterfly on the palm of your hand, it is free to fly about and live its life. Feeling safe, unthreatened, and loved it will return to your hand. But if you hold it tightly in a closed hand, it will try everything and every opportunity it can to get away or else it will suffocate and die.

I believe this to be true. I have seen butterflies that are held tightly, and they certainly do make their opportunities to get away or they do suffocate and die under such restrictions. Sometimes I think that some of these butterflies live for the exhilaration of being able to get away and then come back to suffer again and continue this cycle. What an unhealthy choice.

Metamorphosis exists for a reason. Those caterpillars creep slowly along foraging on leaves until their time comes to make a complete change. Then they wrap themselves tightly and safely for a short time until they are ready to emerge to a new and different life. If we free them from the cocoon, they will die. They need to endure the struggle to become strong enough to fly away.

How similar our lives can be to those butterflies. I believe that each of us undergoes a metamorphosis of one sort or another at some point in our lives. It is the struggle in-between from one state to another that makes the new you better than the one before.

Say What?

22 reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm used to be used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) He was about to read the red book, but discovered he had already read it.

Face It

Sort it out. Stop trying to sweep it under the carpet. It won't disappear if you ignore it. And if you decide to run from it, it will follow you. So that leaves only one option. Face it, fair and square.— Jonathan Cainer

Another moment of truth from the astrologer. It is so true. We often try to sweep things under the carpet that we don't want to deal with. Bury our head in the sand. But it doesn't go away like that. It hangs over our head like a black cloud threatening to rain down on us at any moment. The only solution is to face it, deal with, and get on with living our lives. In some cases it may be the most difficult thing we have ever had to do, but it is also important if we are to have the quality of life we want and deserve.

Friday the 13th

Friday 13th? Why don't we worry about Thursday 12th, or Saturday 14th? Surely, we should be equally concerned about Wednesday 11th or Sunday 15th. If Friday 13th means anything at all, it must be like a rotten apple poisoning the entire month on which it falls. And if there's a month with Friday 13th in it, surely, that turns the whole year bad. And a bad year must play its part in creating a bad decade. And unlucky decade probably taints the entire century. So we are all doomed. You see how easy it is to paint a gloomy picture? — Jonathan Cainer

I don't believe in superstitions. But Cainer is right. The mind is so powerful that if we believe something like this to be true, we can make it true. Any day that starts out bad, we believe "What a day this is going to be!" Lo and behold, we make it so. If we look at that first bad thing and say "It can only get better." it will.

Each month has a 13th in it. Regardless of which day it falls on, it is not a bad omen. So enjoy your day to the fullest.

Onion Skin

This is quoted from my favourite astrological site for Leo for today, but is so full of truth:

Our fears and anxieties are like layers of onion skin. We peel away one and, no matter how much it may make us cry, we find another beneath. We think, 'I am worried about this because of that.' Even when we sort the matter out, we realise that there is another cause for concern buried more deeply. Eventually, we find the one disturbing childhood memory around which all other phobias have developed.

So many of my friends all tell me the same thing: when they realize they have an issue in their life, it usually stems back to something from their childhood and it took a lot of digging to uncover that truth. I found this in my own life too. Peeling away those layers is a very difficult thing to do. I did shed a great many tears, only to find the next layer made me cry too. I don't know if anyone ever gets to the very inside before they die, but it is progress at least to peel away those unwanted layers.

The forecast goes on to say this:

Pluto is now giving you a precious insight into your past. This will yet become the reason why your future starts to look so much more inviting and inspiring.

When those outer layers are gone, there is no doubt that the future does start to look more inviting and inspiring. So start peeling away those layers and expose the you that you really are and can be. It is well worth the work. Believe me.

Cellular Phone Service

My pet peeve today is cellular phone service providers. Well ... one in particular.

Last September my son wanted a cellular phone for his birthday. I thought it would be a good idea so I could find him when I needed him, since he is not very good at letting me know where he is. So I looked into it and the only deal in town at the time was with a service provider that I did not like. I had been with them many years ago when cell phones first came out and had some bad experiences. My son convinced me that his friends had service with them and had no problems. I was extremely hesitant, but gave them the benefit of a doubt thinking that the years in the busines and the competition out there may have improved their service. Well ... I should have followed my gut instinct, as usual.

There have been problems from day one. First of all, there was a rebate for purchasing the phone that was not a cash rebate, but a credit on the billing. Strike one. The first month, the rebate did not show up. Call company X. Second month, only part of the rebate showed up. Call company X again only to find that half of it comes out one month, the other half the next month. Good grief, why and why didn't they tell me these things the first time I called? Then there were several other issues: free services that were not properly rebated, screw-ups in billing in other ways, etc. It seems like I am calling them constantly.

The latest problem, you are going to love. The service he had was free calling from 8-8 and free weekends with 200 free daytime minutes. Free from 8-8 is really weird timing, especially when other companies provide 6-6. Between 6-8 p.m., most people are making plans for their evening and would need their phones. That is really stupid. So, we called to "upgrade" the service to get coverage from 6-6 instead. To do this we would lose 50 daytime minutes. OK. I can live with that. But then, the upgrade couldn't take place until the next billing date because they have no idea how to prorate costs. Dah!! The service was switched over yesterday after waiting almost an entire month. Call company X this morning YET AGAIN. Now the caller ID is gone altogether. This is the story I got:

I "upgraded" to this new plan that cost me about $8 more a month to get free service at the same periods that others offer it at a lower cost, I lose 50 daytime minutes, and now there is also no caller ID? Where the hell is the upgrade there? That's a step backwards. I told them so too. I also asked when my 2-year plan was up and marked it on my calendar. I told them in no uncertain terms that I couldn't wait for my term to be up with them so I could switch providers. If there was no penalty now, I would have done it today.

What a Mickey Mouse company. You would think that with what the competition is offering out there they would be more in tune with what everyone else is offering. I think they have some real billing issues too. If you don't have a cellular phone now or are thinking of switching providers, ask me which one not to use. I have no problems telling you to say clear of Company X!!!!!!!!

What Are They Thinking?

Sometimes I really wonder what politicians are thinking. I had a trip to my chiropractor today to work out my kinks. I was telling him how frustrated I am by the lack of coverage I have for preventative medicine. If I get really sick and need medicine (a bandaid solution in a lot of cases) or surgery, the government and my medical plan are only too happy to oblige. If I choose to go natural/preventative medicine paths to prevent illness and crippling pain, I am penalized for it by lack of coverage. That makes no sense. Then he told me what the Ontario government is about to do. I was appalled.

This fall, the Ontario government is going to cancel all of its coverage for chiropractic care. It believes it will save $95 million dollars because that is what they spend on this type of care. What the medical society is estimating, is that this cost savings will actually cost them in excess of $220 million dollars in increased trips to physicians for pain care and hospitalization because they cannot afford the preventative care. Following this, they are cancelling physiotherapy in the spring and then coverage for eyeglasses. They are expecting health care plans to extend their coverage to these things.

Well ... what about those plans that fall really short of covering them, like mine does? What about those people who do not have private health care coverage and can't afford it? The governments are producing an over-stressed, over-worked, underpaid, society that has to walk around blind and hunched over in pain with considerable time off work required to treat their pain. What in the name of hell are they thinking???? This sounds like a HUGE step backwards to me, not progress in any sense of the word. I am so frustrated with the way our politicians are thinking. They put money in places they don't need it and none in places they do. Lord help us all. I'm glad I don't live in their houses.

Reaping and Sowing

There is a wonderful, mystical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life—happiness, freedom, and peace of mind—are always attained by giving them to someone else. — Anonymous

What a wonderful quote. I have often heard it said that we receive what we give, just like reaping what you sow. It is so true. I've seen it over and over again. Sometimes it takes longer to receive than we would like, but it does come back to us eventually. If what you have sown is not favourable, time would be something you wouldn't want to speed up, but it will still come back to haunt you.

Sometimes things happens for no good reason. But we can rest assured that in the end, something good will come of it. It always does. Be careful to sow good seeds to give happiness, freedom, and peace of mind to someone, and they will come back to you just as abundantly. It's the law of nature.

Comfort Zone

We all have a comfort zone. That familiar place that we are often afraid to step out of. Stepping out of it means taking a risk, doing something that you would not normally do. It is hard to break out of it, but sometimes it is also healthy to do so.

Many abused women stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid to take a step out of what feels familiar to them. They know it is unhealthy, but they are not sure they can survive or look after themselves "on the outside" of that box. Sometimes people are afraid to have fun because they have deprived themselves of it for so long.

Change cannot take place if fear keeps you inside the box. Wonderful opportunities can be lost by those who dare not venture out. Here are some tips on how to break out of your comfort zone:

• Be self-caring - Do things that bring you happiness and a sense of satisfaction.
• Enjoy the small things - Take the time to stop and smell the roses or the coffee.
• Be your best - No, you may not finish first, but be proud that you have done your best.
  
• Commit to yourself - Take yourself and your goals seriously.
• Do the right thing - Do what you would really love to do.
• Be audacious - Think big. Go for the gold. Sometimes it is the journey that is more enlightening than the destination. The end result may be different from what you expect, usually even better.

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten. So go for it ... step out of that box and do something different. The results may surprise you. The transition may be easier than you think. Reality is usually less frightening than what your imagination leads it to believe.

Words

I have heard people say before "they are just words." To that I say hogwash. Words are very powerful. They are not just words. They all mean something or they would not have been spoken. Remember it is written, "In the beginning was the Word..." Words can do this:

• They can build someone up or tear them down.
  
• They can heal or hurt.
  
• They can make you laugh or cry.
  
• They can make promises that are true or those not intended to be kept.
• They can pledge oaths and truths or they can cheat or tell lies.
  
• They can be loving or hateful.
  

It is always important to think before you speak. I know that we all speak too quickly from time to time, but we need to realize that we may have hurt someone or given them false hope with our words. In that case, more words are needed to make amends. Choose them carefully.

So the next time you have something important to say, remember this question. Is it

T - thoughtful
H - honest
I - intelligent
N - necessary
K - kind

If not, take time to phrase it carefully before you speak. People are worth the time.

PS

Dr. Phil's show today was about true love. He said one thing that I was very glad to hear. He said if a man truly loves a woman, nothing will stop him from being with her. He will climb every mountain he has to in order to get to her. That is good news. Something to watch for. Thanks for the heads up, Dr. Phil. Nice to know that.

Two Incomes

I am really beginning to hate the term "two incomes." I can't make ends meet very well on my income, supporting a very hungry, growing teenage boy (well ... a young man) and my special health requirements. When I mention it to my friends, they say "You need two incomes." Some go so far as to suggest I get a boarder to help out or to buy a rental property. Well ... I'm not going to share my bed with a stranger. I don't have a spare room. I can't handle the upkeep of two places on my own either.

When I called the bank to see how I could handle my little bit of debt, which feels much larger for me, I'm told "You need a second income." I can't work two full-time jobs!!

When I called the bank to see if I could somehow manage to get a car considering my loan, they say "You need two incomes." I still can't make it magically happen!!

When I called the bank to see if I could get a no-downpayment mortgage, they say "Sure you qualify, you can get a mortgage, but it's not enough to buy a house. You need two incomes."

I meet up with friends or acquaintances I haven't seen in awhile and they ask, "Are you seeing anyone yet?"

I guess it is an expectation from the whole world that I am not supposed to be alone or can't afford to be. It is not how I want to live forever, but it's the best I can do for now. I can't magically make someone appear who will want to share my life or I would have done that a long time ago. I'm not going to pick someone up off the street and say "Hey, come live me with so I can afford the necessities of life." That would just be disgusting. I am doing the best I can under the circumstances.

Please people ... stop telling me I need two incomes. I know that, but there's no light at the end of that tunnel, and very little I can do to magically make it happen. It will happen when the time is right. Not when I would magically like it to. Waiting is the hard part. When true love happens, trust me, you will all know about it. And two incomes or not, I will not settle for less then true, unconditional love.

Today Is the Beginning ...

It has been an interesting day today. We are preparing to pack our office for a move tomorrow. Early this morning, the office interior guys showed up to remove our keyboard trays and reinstall them at the new location. I couldn't help but laugh at something that happened. The two guys who were doing it were asking me for directions to the various cubicles because they were numbered. I noticed that one of the guys seemed to be looking at me a lot. I didn't realize just how much until he made a comment shortly before he left about how I was making him hungry because I was eating a rice cake. The funny part was he even knew what I had been eating previous to this so he obviously was watching me more than I realized. I couldn't do anything but laugh once he left. That has never happened to me before. It was rather flattering.

We finally packed up all we could, but the move got behind schedule, so no packers showed up until very late afternoon, and the computers and phones won't now get moved until sometime tomorrow. Nothing will arrive in the new location until after working hours. As a result, the Director came to me and told me to start my vacation a day early. She said she didn't know anyone who deserved an extra day vacation more than I did. That was very nice of her.

So ... wahoo!!! Today is the beginning of my vacation, and the beginning of a new office location that is bright and sunny. I won't want to move back to the dark, dreary dungeon next spring. I can't wait to sleep past my alarm time tomorrow morning. I hate getting up in the dark or just at day break. That is inhumane. I'd rather get up around 7 a.m. Times before that are meant for sleeping.

Let the vacation begin. I can do whatever my little heart pleases and as much of it as my little heart desires. Yay!!!!!

How Embarrassing?

I had an embarrassing moment today. My son called me at work to give me advance notice that he had a couple friends at home and they were "chillin' and having a couple beer." (Well, his couple and mine are a little different.) No big deal. At least I knew where he was and what he was doing.

However, the embarrassing moment came when I walked through the door and realized I still had a rack of clothing sitting in the livingroom that I had put there to dry last night. Among these articles of clothing were my "unmentionables." At that point, all I could do was laugh. I said to my son, "You could have put my underwear in my room." He laughed and said, "Sorry." Guess there are no secrets I can keep from his friends now. Sheesh!!!! How embarr-ass-ing!!!!!!

Politically Correct?

Part of my job is to ensure that things are written in a politically correct way so that people are not offended. I have no problem with doing that because I respect other people's feeling. Some are very sensitive about these issues. For instance, I make these types of corrections:

• fishers, not fishermen
• firefighters, not firemen
• police officers, not policemen
• paper carrier, not paper boy
• chair person, not chairman
• postal carrier, not postman
  
• milk deliverer, not milkman
• sales representative, not salesman
• human kind, not mankind
  

I, personally, don't take offense to the original terms. No matter how you slice it, woman is still a derivative of man. I know that I am a woman, and proud of it. These terms don't change that. There is one term, however, I will refuse to change. That one is God.

• He is God, not Goddess
• He is the Father, not the mother
• He is the Son, not the daughter
• He is the Holy Spirit, not the holy angel
• He is "the Great I Am"

Gender not necessary. He is who He is, and I respect that too.

The Power of Love

I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason and in perfect timing. Sometimes that timing is hard to accept because it means waiting for what seems like an eternity. In the past few weeks, I have been struggling through a low point in my life. A friend had loaned me a book with one purpose in mind, but it has proved to serve another, in perfect timing. It has helped me begin to bring myself out of this low point. The book is entitled The Ten Secrets of Abundant Health: Simple Lessons for Getting and Staying Healthy and Strong.

Now I have been working on my health—emotional, physical, and spiritual—for the past number of years. This book has helped to piece it together, and I now know the missing key element for me. The 10 secrets are as follows:

1. The power of the mind
2. The power of breath
3. The power of exercise
4. The power of nutrition
5. The power of laughter
6. The power of rest
7. The power of posture
8. The power of the environment
9. The power of faith
10. The power of love

I have been working on all of these key in one way or another over the past few years, knowing that each one was important to health and happiness. Sometimes I forget some of these powers or work some and not others, but there is one that is most vital to me. One that I have always felt a lack of and require for my own health, as I am sure we all do. That one is #10 — the power of love. For so much of my life I have felt unloved. Perhaps I have chosen people who were incapable of loving me as I needed to be loved. I have learned how to give deep, unconditional love, but I realize how much I need to receive it too. How much receiving it can make such a great impact on how I feel about myself and life in general.

Here is a quote that says it all. It is from the book Sermon on the Mount by Emmett Fox. It goes like this:

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem ... It makes no difference how deep seated may be the trouble; how hopeless the outlook ... a sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world ...

Those words are so true. I truly believe that love conquers all. To live without it in abundance, life loses purpose and meaning and ultimately we become depressed. (Ain't that the truth.) I've read that to love someone deeply gives you strength and to be loved deeply gives you courage. So true, so true.

In closing I say this: Bring on the unconditional love I have been searching for my whole life. I am ready. I am so ready. Then all can be nothing but right in my world. A positive outlook will prevail.

Life

A man may perform astonishing feats and comprehend a vast amount of knowledge, and yet have no understanding of himself. But suffering directs a man to look within. If it succeeds, then there, within him, is the beginning of his learning. — Soren Kierkegaard

Some lives, like evening primroses, blossom most beautifully in the evening of life. — Charles E. Cowman


Life really is like a box of chocolates, just like it says in the movie. You never know what you are going to get.

I have done the suffering and discovery as Kierkegaard says. It is a really hard way to learn who you are, but I suppose it may otherwise never happen. And I sincerely hope that Cowman is right about blossoming in the evening of life. Being in-between the discovery and enjoying the blossoms is a very, very difficult place to be. It requires patience that I often lack. It is a hard place to be when you have let go of everything you don't want, but stand with your hands empty waiting for them to be filled. I never imagined it could be so hard.

In the Past 24 Hours ...

... I have learned that

• I definitely hate the heat unless I live by a lake or have a pool where I can jump in and cool off
• I absolutely hate apartments in the midst of the heat
• you can sweat in places I never thought possible
  
• you sometimes hear one thing said and can hear the unspoken thing as well, even if you don't want to hear it
• there is no comparison between a 4-wheeler and a horse
• walking to the bank with flesh showing can attract attention
• I eat a lot more soy some days than I realize
• spiders seem to like my bedroom
  
• green bins can smell REALLY bad when you forget to dump them for a couple days in extreme heat (Whoa baby!!!)
• vacuuming carpets in humid weather is VERY hard work (one more reason not to have any)
• some things in life suck, especially when you can't do much about them
• imitation cream cheese can be made from tofu and still taste good (Honest!)
• it's hard not to gag when you have a hair in your mouth
  
• when the phone rings in the early morning hours and wakes you from a deep sleep, it scares the living sh** out of you

And did I mention, I HATE THE HEAT!!!!!!!!

Four-Wheelers vs. Horses

My son made me laugh at lunchtime. It was great. He had just come back from an expedition with his father, in which he went to look at four-wheelers. He tells me he can't believe his father and his "step-mother-to-be" (he hates that term) are getting a horse in the spring and taking riding lessons now. My son believes this is crazy. He wants to know who the heck wants a horse when they can have a four-wheeler. These were his reasons:

• A horse costs $10G. You can get a 4-wheeler (and a nice one) for about $7G.
• It costs $250-300/mo. to board and feed a horse. A 4-wheeler can be purchased for about $150/mo. , and the amount of fuel it takes is much cheaper than feed. Plus it doesn't cost anything to store it when it's not in use. They could even buy a car cheaper, since it gets paid off after 4-5 years.
  
• A horse lives 30 years and you are stuck with the same one the whole time and paying board for that length of time. You can buy 5 or 6 new 4-wheelers in that time, continually upgrading.
• A horse can only go so fast. You can sup up a 4-wheeler and make it go faster.
• A horse gets tired out. A 4-wheeler doesn't.
• A 4-wheeler is a pleasure vehicle, but a horse?

His final statementwas a reiteration: "Who in their right mind would want a horse when they could have a 4-wheeler?" You should have been here. It was hilarious.

Hope (continued)

I am always searching for signs of hope for my future. My favourite horoscope site (which is linked here on my blog) is often correct, even with the general description of what is happening in the skies for a particular sign. I know that it cannot apply to everyone and is more closely accurate when your place, date, and time of birth are established. Boy was he right with mine! Last year when he did a free personal horoscope based on that information, only one statement on the numerous pages could I say was not me and my life. It actually gave me goosebumps.

In any case, since I have been searching ever more frantically for signs of hope in the past couple months, I have been saving the odd forecast to see if anything is happening about them. Here are some of the summaries:

June 2 — ... nor need you feel that your brightest hopes are never due to be fulfilled. The planets soon, have a real treat in store for you. (I'm still waiting for this.)

July 12 — Something rather wonderful is taking place. (Is it, and I don't know about it?)

Week of July 24 — ... it is becoming clear that something needs to alter. The good news is, that can all happen smoothly, soon. (Yeah ... something has got to give.)

July 26 — Why can't you do what you want to do? Who says that it is impossible? Look, please, at your reason for feeling thwarted. Is it a truly convincing one? Or is it artificial; self-created, socially imposed or ignorance fuelled? (I am pretty good at imagining barriers that may or may not exist. I wish I didn't analyse my life so much some times. Really makes me feel like I will never get anywhere I want to go.)

And a psychic tells me this:

... And yet you sometimes have some great moments of enthusiasm, but they are followed by hideous moments of profound discouragement ... You often feel deeply discouraged and courageless, you have the unpleasant feeling you have lost control of the events. (Truer words have never been spoken.)

So, where do I find hope other than in the dictionary. I try prayer, I read scripture and horoscopes (contrary to one another, I know), all to no avail. I keep letting it go and telling myself I don't want any of it, but I know I do. Problem is I want some of it too much. If even just one thing would take a positive turn, I may feel hope for the rest. And so ... I continue to pray for hope. I really need a change in some way. Where do you find hope?

Hope

Hope is a such a little word. The dictionary defines it as follows:

Hope—an expectation that what one desires will happen; trust; reliance.

I offer another definition:

H.O.P.E.—Hard on people's egos.

What is life without hope? We all need to have hope. We all need to wish for or believe in something. Sometimes that can be so hard when there is something you hope for so incredibly much and it doesn't happen when you want it to or doesn't seem as if it ever will. How can you trust that it will? People keep telling me "It will happen. You just wait and see. Five years from now you will look back and laugh at how you are doubting now." Five years? That seems like an eternity to me. I only wish I could be as sure as they are. How can I? Can you offer some suggestions?

The Power of Nutrition

We all know that exercise and diet are important to good health, but do you really know all the important stuff about diet? Here are some secrets to losing/maintaining weight and good health. Some may surprise you.

• Diabetes can actually be cured by proper nutrition, as can other illnesses like heart disease, artery blockages, and bowel disorders.
  
• Choose wholesome, fresh, unrefined foods. (Refined foods are such things as white sugar, white flour, and packaged cereals. These foods have all the nutrition removed from them and rob your body of vital resources.) Better choices are fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains. Choose organic ones where you can to reduce even further the toxins your body ingests.
• Eat at the proper times and in the proper manner. Chew your food thoroughly before you swallow it. Don't eat on the run. Your body is in flight motion and does not provide the proper amounts of acid your stomach requires to digest properly. The result is indigestion. The whole world works according to the rising and setting of the sun. So, too, your body. Your metabolic rate is much slower in the evening than in the morning, so if you eat the bulk of your food late at night, your body will not digest it well and your activity level is diminished so you will not burn your food well. Your body will store more of it. Don't eat if you are very tired or very stressed because your body, again, will not provide the proper acids to digest it.
  
• Never overeat. Your stomach is about the size of your fist and will expand if you overfeed it. Remember less is better. Eat less more often.
• 70% of your diet should contain water-rich foods. Don't fill up on water. Drink when you are thirsty. You can't cleanse your system by drowning it.
• Avoid the five "cell destroyers." (1) Refined sugar—rots your teeth and destroys your immune system; (2) Flesh foods—minimize or eliminate as much meat and fish from your diet as possible. They are full of antibiotics and saturated fats that clog your arteries and cause your red blood cells to stick together. This is why the vast majority of our society die from heart-related illnesses. The body burns carbs first before protein. Excess protein causes excess nitrogen, which in turns causes fatigue.; (3) Dairy foods—We are the only animals on the earth to drink another animals milk and drink it past infanthood. It can cause a high degree of mucus in the body that will affect many things, including causing asthma and other respiratory problems. This is why children have so many ear infections. We don't need milk for calcium. The Norwegians who are the largest consumers of dairy products in the world have the highest incidents of osteoporosis. There is more calcium in a cup of chopped broccoli than in a glass of milk. (4) Table salt/sodium—too much can cause high blood pressure leading to heart disease. If you need to use salt, minimize its use and switch to sea salt. (5) Tea/coffee—more than 2 cups of either a day can cause stomach irritation, high cholesterol, and can cause kidney damage.

The moral of the story: we truly are what we eat. We only pass this way but once. Why not make it a wonderful, healthy, memorable trip.

Blue Moon?

There are two full moons this month. Some call it a blue moon. A true blue moon, however, according to astrologers happens when the two full moons happen within a month in the same zodiac sign. A difference of opinion there.

In any case, everyone believes it has significant meaning. What will it mean in your life? Something good I hope. For me too.

Power of the Mind

The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will instead interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease. — Thomas Edison

Well ... that was one very intuitive man that Thomas Edison. This is exactly the direction that medicine is taking these days. More and more we are seeing preventative medicine measures and promotions for active, healthy lifestyles. All of these things contribute to better health.

I am currently reading a book about this that is phenomenal. I believe in the body's ability to heal itself, even from such things as cancer and heart disease. The basis for this is to treat the cause, not the symptom, which is wher most of modern medicine fails. One of the key factors in this rests in the power of the mind.

Think about it for a moment ... we can get ourselves into quite a state of despair by thinking too many negative thoughts. (I do that too often.) If the mind is that powerful in the negative sense, why wouldn't we believe it can be as powerful in a positive sense. There is evidence to prove that this is the case. People have actually cured themselves from terminal cancers by using the power of their mind. It simply involves changing to a healthy lifestyle and changing the thinking pattern to a positive, healing one. One where you really want to survive; one where you can sit quietly and focus on and imagine your body healing itself several times a day, until it actually does.

Hogwash you say? Consider this: if you think about something sad, can it make you cry? If you think about something happy, does it make you smile? If you touch something hot, does your brain tell you to move so you don't get burned? If you think about something scary, does it send chills up your spine? I'm sure your answer is yes. Therefore, your brain is a powerful tool. We just have to train ourselves to use it properly for good and healing rather than for evil and pain.

Is something bothering you emotionally or physically? Give it a try.

The Fruit of Life

Go out on a limb; that's where the fruit is.

OK ... can someone show me how to climb a tree? I'm afraid of heights, so this won't help much. I really do want that fruit, however. How else can I get it if I can't climb the tree?

Dating Services

There are many different kinds of dating services available today. My well-meaning friends make sure I know about them and keep trying to persuade me to use these services. They include

• Internet dating
• Telephone dating
• Personal ads
• Quick dates
• Singles clubs

Here are the reasons why I don't use these services:

• Internet dating—posting your picture and a bit about you on the Internet is dangerous, especially if it falls into the wrong hands. There are a lot of perverts out there. Besides, this type of dating is most often judged by a person's looks. While that is important to a degree, it is what is inside that makes the biggest difference.
• Telephone dating—This is the opposite of the Internet. Now you don't see their faces, so they are able to lie to you about a lot of things and you may not know the difference.
• Personal ads—Hello!!!! Placing an ad in the newspaper seems like desperation to me. More like buying and selling than the Internet and telephone dating services, since it is mixed with all the other buy and sell ads.
• Quick dates—In this type of dating, groups of people get together and have about 3 minutes to sit with a partner and learn something about them. The alarm goes off and you switch to the next one. How much can you really get to know about someone that quickly? Sure, you can tell if someone is a complete ass in that time, but you can't find out if they are really nice either.
• Singles clubs—This is probably one of the better choices, if I had to choose. At least you are in a public place with many other people. You could spend as much or as little time with someone as you choose. You have a better chance of getting to know someone this way.

I subscribe to a couple Christian Internet sites. One of them, in the past few months, has taken to sending me e-mails about a Christian dating service where I could find my "Christian soulmate." While I believe in soulmates and truly want one in my life, I think many of these approaches to finding that person fall short of the mark. Yes, perhaps some people are meant to find their soulmates that way, and if it works for them, great! Personally, I believe that God puts soulmates in the path of each other at the appropriate time, usually when it is least expected by both parties and sometimes under the type of circumstances you would least expect.

So ... forgive me my friends, but I just can't use these services. However, thank you for caring.

What Do You Believe In?

Do you believe in

• magic
• the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
• leprechauns
• luck
• wishes
  
• genies
• angels
• Satan
• God
• the power of prayer
• Tarot cards
• horoscopes
• psychics or fortune tellers
  
• love at first sight
• heaven
• hell
• yourself

We all need to believe in something. What do you believe in?

God, I pray to you to send an angel from heaven to help the fortune teller properly read my Tarot cards so that a genie can grant me a wish and send me to Ireland to find that leprechaun with the pot of gold and rid me of this financial hell Satan has me. Then perhaps I may believe myself worthy to experience the magic of love at first sight as my horoscope tells me.

How is that for believing in something?

What's the Use?

Have you ever felt like there is no purpose to life? Like you give and give and get very little in return? That your needs and wants seldom seem to get met, and perhaps never will? Why? Why does this happen? I've been awake since 4:30 a.m. wondering just that. I feel like I am getting no where in a hurry. What is the use? I try to stay positive about everything, but why bother? Very little that is good seems to come my way. I feel like I'm falling into a pit. I need to find a rope to hold onto. I need something to look forward to.

Forward—Stop—Rewind—Wait—Stop—Play

Dreams are never destroyed by circumstances. Dreams are born in the heart and mind, and only there can they ever die. Because while the difficult takes time, the impossible just takes a little longer. - Art E. Bay



I have dreams, but I am tired of waiting to see them come true. I seem to go forward a bit, then stop. Then things go backwards. Then I seem to be stuck in a waiting pattern again. Then stop again. Forward-backward-stop. Backward-stop. I am so sick of sitting at "stop" or "Wait." I feel as though that "play" button will never get pushed. Sometimes it makes me wonder why the hell I am here. For what purpose? Makes me feel like a big "LOSER."



My dreams never leave my head. Sometimes they drive me crazy because I want them so bad. I am virtually helpless in making them come true, so how will I ever see them? My patience too often runs thin. Why am I made to wait so long when others seem to get theirs so easily or so quickly. I'm told that it only looks like it comes easily to others when in reality it isn't. Sometimes that is little comfort, particularly when I have been waiting nearly my whole life for some. Am I asking for the impossible? If so, is the impossible possible at all? Mr. Bay says it just takes a little longer. Please define "a little longer." My horoscope says things are really happening for me this week, but all I see is busy-ness. 



I'm told to acknowledge my needs and wants, then let them go. Give them to God and see what happens. Well ... I give up. It's up to a Higher Power now. My favourite line of scripture is "Nothing is impossible for God." -Luke 1:37. Now, let's see what happens.



How long must I dream? 

Busy-ness

Well ... it has been another busy day. When will it end? Oh well ... I won't complain because no one wants to listen anyway. Besides, I have a really hot date tonight. A great end to a busy few days. I am going to curl up on the couch and watch tv with him. I can turn his heat up when I want and turn him back down when I want. I can play with him all evening if I want to. His name you ask? Well ... it is LM Hoff. At least I think that is what it is. That what it reads if I look up and down the switches. Yes, my date is with a moist heating pad. All this work is killing me. My back is aching sooooo bad. I really, really, really, really need a back rub. Any offers?

What a Day!!!

What a day I have been having! It started out with a busy day yesterday that lead into a bad evening last night. Then I woke with a headache today and forgot to take a couple things to work. Then I had a computer that took 3 tries to start and then kept crapping out on me. I had documents that I had trouble trying to distill to PDF. I had about 30 interruptions (literally) in my work today. I was being ripped like a wishbone, my work is coming at me fast and furious to a point where I am being overwhelmed with it, and on top of it all I have to prepare for a move to a new building during renovations. This happens right before 2 weeks vacation when my work will pile even higher.

How was your day? I think I really need a good hug.

Being a Parent—A Tough Job

Sometimes being a parent can be the hardest job in the world. It is hard to have to stand your ground and make things tough for your children so that they learn important lessons. It is hard to see them be upset because things can't go their way when they want them to or need them to.( Heck, that is hard for me too.) It is hard to watch them make the same mistakes you made when they won't take the lessons from your own experiences. It is hard to watch them fall and have to pull themselves back up again.

When baby birds are ready to fly, the mother pushes them out of the nest and watches helplessly while they either soar to the sky or fall to the ground. We, too, must watch our children to see what happens when they are old enough to fly. It is hard when you want to take them under your wing and protect them, but they must learn on their own. There are two important things you can teach them—independence and responsibility. It can be a struggle.

It is only through trials and tribulations that we become strong. We must let our children grow strong in the same way, and they will, in their own way.

Most of all, being a parent is a very rewarding gift from God. As frustrated as I sometimes get as a single parent, I know I have been twice blessed.

Did You Ever Wonder?

Have you ever wondered where some of these silly sayings come from? I do. Look at these ones:

• Let the cat out of the bag (Who put him in there and why?)
• A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush (uh huh)
• Gone to hell in a handbasket (Who would want to go there in anything?)
• Bob's your uncle (I have an Uncle Bob.)
• He/she is over the hill (As opposed to under the hill?)
• 'Til the cows come home (Don't they have to be brought home? I didn't think they could tell time.)
• 'Til hell freezes over (That really would be a really long time, wouldn't it?)
• In one fell swoop (A fell what?)
• Fall off the band wagon (I haven't seen many bands play on wagons.)
• Being high on drugs is "being stoned" (David stoned Goliath and killed him. Isn't that throwing rocks?)
• Being drunk is "being sloshed" (I thought that was something you did with water in a bucket.)
• What a 'ho! (Isn't that a garden tool?)
• A sandwich short of a picnic. (They must be hungry.)
• A brick short of a load (How much is a load anyway?)
• Not paddling with both oars in the water. (That makes you go in circles.)
• Two clicks short of a clue. (How many clicks are in a clue?)
• The light's on but no one is home. (So...go away. No one will answer.)
• If shoes were clues, you'd walk on the cheeks of your arse. (Neat trick!)
• Held the door when they were passing out brains. (What door? Where?)
• Whatever floats your boat. (Water? What else would you put it in?)
• Absence makes the heart grow fonder. (Does it? I'm not convinced.)
• So full of shit your eyes are brown. (Wouldn't you choke before it got that high?)
• That gives me the willies (I know what willies are. Isn't this a good thing? I think it is.)
  

Do you know what you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?
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A piece of ass that will make you cry.

I've also learned today...

...that if you want a really good skin peel system to rejuvenate that old, tired looking skin, simply sit on something vinyl with your bare skin touching it. Stay there until your skin is really warm, then very quickly get up, not slowly. Instant skin peel. OMG! It hurts like hell.

I've learned today...

...that Keyboard likes to remind middle-aged people that they are half-way dead so they need to ensure that they make the most of the rest of their lives.

...that my son will learn not to eat greasy food and go right to bed because you wake up puking.

...that some drivers believe that the few seconds they have to wait behind someone who is unsure of the safety factor to proceed will mean life or death for them. No wonder we have road rage.

...that you can tell which male drivers don't pay close enough attention to their driving. You simply have to walk down a busy street wearing short form-fitting gym shorts and a tank top to spot them. It is amusing, however, that those with female passengers are very unlikely to turn their heads away from the road for fear of being smacked.

...that grandmothers will drop off their 8- or 9-year-old granddaughter at a busy sport complex and leave them alone for several hours. A young girl came up and started talking to me when I stopped for a moment to watch the activity in the pool. It was nice that she trusted me, but I was scared for who she might trust.

...that walking 4 km will make me burn about 170 calories, and the workout will make me lose about that many more and keep burning for several hours afterwards. What the heck did I eat for then?

...that 4 km of walking is over 5000 steps. Boy are my feet tired.

What did you learn today?

Going Backwards

Have you ever felt as though your life is standing still? That you can't make progress for love nor money? That parts of your life have actually retreated?

I hate this part of life. It is not a good feeling to have it seem as though nothing will ever move forward. Feeling like I am stuck in neutral. It is disheartening when I notice that old habits I took several years to break have suddenly resurfaced and I don't know why. That black cloud that hangs overhead threatening to rain on me just seems to keep getting bigger and smaller and bigger again. Yet I trudge onward praying that things will change.

I am told that I really have made tremendous progress in the past few years. I guess they are right. I keep trying to look at how far I have come rather than getting overwhelmed by how far I still have to go. Some days that works and others it's a struggle. But what can you do? Life is just like that. I guess I should be thankful that everyday above ground is a good day. It could be worse.