The Fruit of Life

Go out on a limb; that's where the fruit is.

OK ... can someone show me how to climb a tree? I'm afraid of heights, so this won't help much. I really do want that fruit, however. How else can I get it if I can't climb the tree?

Dating Services

There are many different kinds of dating services available today. My well-meaning friends make sure I know about them and keep trying to persuade me to use these services. They include

• Internet dating
• Telephone dating
• Personal ads
• Quick dates
• Singles clubs

Here are the reasons why I don't use these services:

• Internet dating—posting your picture and a bit about you on the Internet is dangerous, especially if it falls into the wrong hands. There are a lot of perverts out there. Besides, this type of dating is most often judged by a person's looks. While that is important to a degree, it is what is inside that makes the biggest difference.
• Telephone dating—This is the opposite of the Internet. Now you don't see their faces, so they are able to lie to you about a lot of things and you may not know the difference.
• Personal ads—Hello!!!! Placing an ad in the newspaper seems like desperation to me. More like buying and selling than the Internet and telephone dating services, since it is mixed with all the other buy and sell ads.
• Quick dates—In this type of dating, groups of people get together and have about 3 minutes to sit with a partner and learn something about them. The alarm goes off and you switch to the next one. How much can you really get to know about someone that quickly? Sure, you can tell if someone is a complete ass in that time, but you can't find out if they are really nice either.
• Singles clubs—This is probably one of the better choices, if I had to choose. At least you are in a public place with many other people. You could spend as much or as little time with someone as you choose. You have a better chance of getting to know someone this way.

I subscribe to a couple Christian Internet sites. One of them, in the past few months, has taken to sending me e-mails about a Christian dating service where I could find my "Christian soulmate." While I believe in soulmates and truly want one in my life, I think many of these approaches to finding that person fall short of the mark. Yes, perhaps some people are meant to find their soulmates that way, and if it works for them, great! Personally, I believe that God puts soulmates in the path of each other at the appropriate time, usually when it is least expected by both parties and sometimes under the type of circumstances you would least expect.

So ... forgive me my friends, but I just can't use these services. However, thank you for caring.

What Do You Believe In?

Do you believe in

• magic
• the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
• leprechauns
• luck
• wishes
  
• genies
• angels
• Satan
• God
• the power of prayer
• Tarot cards
• horoscopes
• psychics or fortune tellers
  
• love at first sight
• heaven
• hell
• yourself

We all need to believe in something. What do you believe in?

God, I pray to you to send an angel from heaven to help the fortune teller properly read my Tarot cards so that a genie can grant me a wish and send me to Ireland to find that leprechaun with the pot of gold and rid me of this financial hell Satan has me. Then perhaps I may believe myself worthy to experience the magic of love at first sight as my horoscope tells me.

How is that for believing in something?

What's the Use?

Have you ever felt like there is no purpose to life? Like you give and give and get very little in return? That your needs and wants seldom seem to get met, and perhaps never will? Why? Why does this happen? I've been awake since 4:30 a.m. wondering just that. I feel like I am getting no where in a hurry. What is the use? I try to stay positive about everything, but why bother? Very little that is good seems to come my way. I feel like I'm falling into a pit. I need to find a rope to hold onto. I need something to look forward to.

Forward—Stop—Rewind—Wait—Stop—Play

Dreams are never destroyed by circumstances. Dreams are born in the heart and mind, and only there can they ever die. Because while the difficult takes time, the impossible just takes a little longer. - Art E. Bay



I have dreams, but I am tired of waiting to see them come true. I seem to go forward a bit, then stop. Then things go backwards. Then I seem to be stuck in a waiting pattern again. Then stop again. Forward-backward-stop. Backward-stop. I am so sick of sitting at "stop" or "Wait." I feel as though that "play" button will never get pushed. Sometimes it makes me wonder why the hell I am here. For what purpose? Makes me feel like a big "LOSER."



My dreams never leave my head. Sometimes they drive me crazy because I want them so bad. I am virtually helpless in making them come true, so how will I ever see them? My patience too often runs thin. Why am I made to wait so long when others seem to get theirs so easily or so quickly. I'm told that it only looks like it comes easily to others when in reality it isn't. Sometimes that is little comfort, particularly when I have been waiting nearly my whole life for some. Am I asking for the impossible? If so, is the impossible possible at all? Mr. Bay says it just takes a little longer. Please define "a little longer." My horoscope says things are really happening for me this week, but all I see is busy-ness. 



I'm told to acknowledge my needs and wants, then let them go. Give them to God and see what happens. Well ... I give up. It's up to a Higher Power now. My favourite line of scripture is "Nothing is impossible for God." -Luke 1:37. Now, let's see what happens.



How long must I dream? 

Busy-ness

Well ... it has been another busy day. When will it end? Oh well ... I won't complain because no one wants to listen anyway. Besides, I have a really hot date tonight. A great end to a busy few days. I am going to curl up on the couch and watch tv with him. I can turn his heat up when I want and turn him back down when I want. I can play with him all evening if I want to. His name you ask? Well ... it is LM Hoff. At least I think that is what it is. That what it reads if I look up and down the switches. Yes, my date is with a moist heating pad. All this work is killing me. My back is aching sooooo bad. I really, really, really, really need a back rub. Any offers?

What a Day!!!

What a day I have been having! It started out with a busy day yesterday that lead into a bad evening last night. Then I woke with a headache today and forgot to take a couple things to work. Then I had a computer that took 3 tries to start and then kept crapping out on me. I had documents that I had trouble trying to distill to PDF. I had about 30 interruptions (literally) in my work today. I was being ripped like a wishbone, my work is coming at me fast and furious to a point where I am being overwhelmed with it, and on top of it all I have to prepare for a move to a new building during renovations. This happens right before 2 weeks vacation when my work will pile even higher.

How was your day? I think I really need a good hug.

Being a Parent—A Tough Job

Sometimes being a parent can be the hardest job in the world. It is hard to have to stand your ground and make things tough for your children so that they learn important lessons. It is hard to see them be upset because things can't go their way when they want them to or need them to.( Heck, that is hard for me too.) It is hard to watch them make the same mistakes you made when they won't take the lessons from your own experiences. It is hard to watch them fall and have to pull themselves back up again.

When baby birds are ready to fly, the mother pushes them out of the nest and watches helplessly while they either soar to the sky or fall to the ground. We, too, must watch our children to see what happens when they are old enough to fly. It is hard when you want to take them under your wing and protect them, but they must learn on their own. There are two important things you can teach them—independence and responsibility. It can be a struggle.

It is only through trials and tribulations that we become strong. We must let our children grow strong in the same way, and they will, in their own way.

Most of all, being a parent is a very rewarding gift from God. As frustrated as I sometimes get as a single parent, I know I have been twice blessed.

Did You Ever Wonder?

Have you ever wondered where some of these silly sayings come from? I do. Look at these ones:

• Let the cat out of the bag (Who put him in there and why?)
• A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush (uh huh)
• Gone to hell in a handbasket (Who would want to go there in anything?)
• Bob's your uncle (I have an Uncle Bob.)
• He/she is over the hill (As opposed to under the hill?)
• 'Til the cows come home (Don't they have to be brought home? I didn't think they could tell time.)
• 'Til hell freezes over (That really would be a really long time, wouldn't it?)
• In one fell swoop (A fell what?)
• Fall off the band wagon (I haven't seen many bands play on wagons.)
• Being high on drugs is "being stoned" (David stoned Goliath and killed him. Isn't that throwing rocks?)
• Being drunk is "being sloshed" (I thought that was something you did with water in a bucket.)
• What a 'ho! (Isn't that a garden tool?)
• A sandwich short of a picnic. (They must be hungry.)
• A brick short of a load (How much is a load anyway?)
• Not paddling with both oars in the water. (That makes you go in circles.)
• Two clicks short of a clue. (How many clicks are in a clue?)
• The light's on but no one is home. (So...go away. No one will answer.)
• If shoes were clues, you'd walk on the cheeks of your arse. (Neat trick!)
• Held the door when they were passing out brains. (What door? Where?)
• Whatever floats your boat. (Water? What else would you put it in?)
• Absence makes the heart grow fonder. (Does it? I'm not convinced.)
• So full of shit your eyes are brown. (Wouldn't you choke before it got that high?)
• That gives me the willies (I know what willies are. Isn't this a good thing? I think it is.)
  

Do you know what you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?
(scroll down)









A piece of ass that will make you cry.

I've also learned today...

...that if you want a really good skin peel system to rejuvenate that old, tired looking skin, simply sit on something vinyl with your bare skin touching it. Stay there until your skin is really warm, then very quickly get up, not slowly. Instant skin peel. OMG! It hurts like hell.

I've learned today...

...that Keyboard likes to remind middle-aged people that they are half-way dead so they need to ensure that they make the most of the rest of their lives.

...that my son will learn not to eat greasy food and go right to bed because you wake up puking.

...that some drivers believe that the few seconds they have to wait behind someone who is unsure of the safety factor to proceed will mean life or death for them. No wonder we have road rage.

...that you can tell which male drivers don't pay close enough attention to their driving. You simply have to walk down a busy street wearing short form-fitting gym shorts and a tank top to spot them. It is amusing, however, that those with female passengers are very unlikely to turn their heads away from the road for fear of being smacked.

...that grandmothers will drop off their 8- or 9-year-old granddaughter at a busy sport complex and leave them alone for several hours. A young girl came up and started talking to me when I stopped for a moment to watch the activity in the pool. It was nice that she trusted me, but I was scared for who she might trust.

...that walking 4 km will make me burn about 170 calories, and the workout will make me lose about that many more and keep burning for several hours afterwards. What the heck did I eat for then?

...that 4 km of walking is over 5000 steps. Boy are my feet tired.

What did you learn today?

Going Backwards

Have you ever felt as though your life is standing still? That you can't make progress for love nor money? That parts of your life have actually retreated?

I hate this part of life. It is not a good feeling to have it seem as though nothing will ever move forward. Feeling like I am stuck in neutral. It is disheartening when I notice that old habits I took several years to break have suddenly resurfaced and I don't know why. That black cloud that hangs overhead threatening to rain on me just seems to keep getting bigger and smaller and bigger again. Yet I trudge onward praying that things will change.

I am told that I really have made tremendous progress in the past few years. I guess they are right. I keep trying to look at how far I have come rather than getting overwhelmed by how far I still have to go. Some days that works and others it's a struggle. But what can you do? Life is just like that. I guess I should be thankful that everyday above ground is a good day. It could be worse.

Human Touch

Sometimes it is hard to comprehend what human touch can actually do for a person. It is a very essential part of life. We all need it, some to a greater degree than others. Look at the premature babies in the hospital. Those who receive cuddling and human interaction of a loving nature thrive much better than those that do not. It is very hard to live without that in your life. It leaves a void that is nearly impossible to fill in any other way. There are many things that human hands can do, but the ability to reach out and provide a loving touch is incredible.

Fascinating Facts

I have always been a nature buff. No, that doesn't mean I walk around naked. It means that I am fascinated by things in nature. Even people can be fascinating if you take time to really look. Here are some interesting facts you may not have known.

- The planet Venus spins from east to west while all other planets spin from west to east, and it's day is longer than it's year.

- The grass under a tree never freezes, even in a hard frost. The tree acts like an electric fire giving off infrared rays.

- Blood type is determined by the presence of marker proteins on the red blood cells.

- A cat has a rough tongue because it contains numerous tiny, hardened nodules used for rasping the last scrap of flesh from bones and for cleaning their coat, since they are solitary animals. (Doesn't sound very pleasurable to me.)

- Dogs bury bones to eat later so that they are not taken by scavengers, a trait from their wild roots.

- Tortoises live in excess of 120 years because their vital organs don't degenerate with age.

Fascinating, isn't it?

Honesty

Tonight is the second time in the past few years that I have found an almost complete sheet of bus tickets that someone dropped. I could easily have dropped them into my gym bag, but my conscience wouldn't let me do that. I know how I would feel if I had lost them. I would be panic stricken looking for them again. That would be a major loss for me with my budget. I turned them in with hopes that someone would come back to look for them. Now I hope that the person I gave them to was honest enough to keep them for the rightful owner when they come back looking for them. If they decide to take them home instead, it is on their conscience, not mine.

Honesty is really the best policy. I just couldn't keep them.

Invisible Power

In my work today, I came across a children's science book entitled, Invisible Power. It got me thinking about how many different kinds of power are invisible. We may see the effects of it, but we cannot actually see the power itself. Here are some of them.

- a vacuum (not the kind to clean your floor)
- magnetism (love the personal kind)
- wind (please don't break any)
- the mind (Can you bend a spoon with your mind?)
- God (Whoa!! He's real powerful)
- the universe (Lots of powerful stuff there, too)
- microwaves (not the ovens)
- infrared rays (well...maybe you can see the red)
- x-rays (Take off those x-ray vision glasses! How embarrassing.)

There are buttons all over my house that have "power" written on them. Each one performs a different job. I can see the effect of pushing the button, but the power that makes them do the job is invisible to the naked eye. Neat, huh!

The power I like the most, though, is the power of love. Nothing, but nothing, on this Earth can ever compare. Not even close.

Ears

Everyone has ears, unless of course they have had an accident or some sort of birth defect. Ears come in all different sizes and shapes throughout the animal kingdom. There are animals like frogs whose ears are hard to find. Then there are those of African elephants whose large ears have many uses, but are primarily used to keep them cool because of the number of rich blood vessels in them.

Have you ever stopped to think, though, why we have two ears and only one mouth? Perhaps we are meant to listen twice as much as speak. I think I am good at listening. I often will not speak until I have listened carefully, mulled over the information I have heard, and then offer up my opinion on the situation. I don't like to say something until I know how to say it appropriately (or at least so I think I can). So if I seem to be silent when you tell me something, I am simply trying to sort through the information before I am ready to respond. I like to think before I speak about important stuff. Trust me ... that was a difficult thing to learn, but I learned it serves me much better in the end.

Two ears, one mouth.

Sleep

Do you know that polar bears are the only bears that do not hibernate? This has a lot to do with the fact that they are carnivores, where the black and brown bears are herbavores so their food dies over the winter. A polar bear can smell a dead seal up to 12 miles away. That's what I call a good sense of smell.

Wouldn't it be neat, though, to go to sleep when life gets tough to survive in and wake up with everything new and fresh and waiting just for you? Sometimes I wish I could do that.

Right now I am having trouble with sleeping. Sure do wish I could hibernate for awhile. I would love to have a cuddly bear to curl up with, but those polar bears might eat me alive.

Trunks

There are several kinds of trunks:

- Swimming trunks for men
- A trunk in your car
- A storage trunk
- A tree trunk
- The torso of your body is called a trunk
- A main channel or passage is also called a trunk


The most fascinating trunk of all is the trunk of an elephant. Do you know why an elephant has a trunk? I'll tell you why.

Elephants are very large, heavy animals, as we all know. Because they continue to bulk up as they grow, they have very little flexibility. If they didn't have a trunk, they would have to get down on their knees to eat from the ground. This is very difficult for an elephant. So they use their trunks to reach food both high and low and bring it to their mouths. As a result of not having to take their mouth to the food, their incisors grow incredibly long and are what we know as tusks, which nearly drove them into extinction by hunters harvesting ivory. Elephants can use this strong nose to smell, carry food and water, cool their body with water, and tear down obstacles. With training, they can even untie a knot with it. Bet you can't do that with your nose!!

Pretty neat animals, huh?

Phrases to Live By

* My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't! [Some truth there.]

* I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me! [Sad, isn't it?]

* Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. [I think we all know some of them]

* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. [Having control is only an illusion.]

* Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. [Ain't that the truth. Live a little.]

* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. [haha]

* I'm not a complete idiot—some parts are missing. [No feedback, please.]

* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? [Scary thought!]

* Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! [Amen to that!]

* Wrinkled was not one fo the things I wanted to be when I grew up. [I'm beginning to feel like a Shar pei puppy.]

* He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. [There are no roof racks on a hearse.]

* A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

* The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. [teehee. Never thought of that.]

* HAM AND EGGS: A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig. [Now that is food for thought.]

* Bumper Sticker: If you can read this, thank a teacher! If you are reading this in English, thank a Veteran!

Eggs Anyone?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

It's possible that "Humpty Dumpty" refers to a powerful cannon used during the English Civil War (1642–49). It was mounted on top of the St. Mary's at the Wall Church in Colchester defending the city against seige in the summer of 1648, which fell "off the wall" and couldn't be mended. I have also heard it said that this refers to one of the kings in European history and something that happened to him. Which one, I don't know. However, this nursery rhyme has a different meaning for me.

From my life experiences I have discovered that sometimes you need to fall apart really hard like this—get it all out—before you can put yourself back together again. No one else can put you back together. It is a personal struggle. Others can offer a hand and a shoulder that will comfort you, but ultimately it is the inner strength that you find that puts the pieces back in place with a different look. This has happened to me on a few occasions. Hindsight has always shown me how much personal growth I have gained from each fall. It seems an awfully hard way to grow, but it sure is effective.

May your falls be few and your growth abundant.

I Believe ...

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining, in love even when I am alone, and in God even when He is silent.

Each of us has to have something to believe in. I don't know about you, but it is the only thing that keeps me sane by times.

Start by believing in yourself. I believe in you.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Here are some amazing things to think about:

Adam and Eve were chosen to be the first people to populate our earth, in spite of the fact that they ate that forbidden fruit.

Noah was a drunkard and didn't even know how to build a boat let alone an ark.

Moses killed a man and afterwards was chosen to lead the people of Egypt out of slavery.

King David had 300 wives and 700 concubines (that's too much PMS?) but still just had to have Bathsheba, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. So, he swept her away and took her, then killed her husband so he could marry her. He is known as the greatest king ever. He reigned for 70 years and is the direct line from which Jesus was a descendant.

A 13-year-old girl who was engaged to a carpenter was chosen to conceive a baby, not by her husband-to-be.

Howard Hughes was one of the wealthiest men of his day, yet he lived a life of a hermit, hiding from the world. Did all that wealth really help him?

Mother Teresa devoted her life to the service of others, living in extreme poverty, yet she died of illness that was not to be cured.

How many examples there are of this type of thing in life. Those who seem to have it all, yet endure one hardship after another. Those who may be judged by others to have led a less than "perfect" life, yet great things happened to them.

Life is full of surprises. It doesn't matter who we are, we all endure hardships and good times. We all see the people we love die and some of our dreams fall by the wayside, at least for a time. If we focus too heavily on the hardships, we don't see the good things we have or can have. We all have dreams and visions of our futures. Some come to fruition quickly; some don't; some do after much sweat and toil at a much later date than we would have preferred. We often have no control over conditions or timing.

I don't believe that our hardships are a result of any thing we may have done wrong in our lives. I don't believe that blessings only come to those who lead "the good life." No one on this Earth is perfect. EVERYONE has good and bad in their lives. There was only ever one perfect man who walked this Earth, and I would not have wanted to endure his demise. If crucifixion is the blessing given for living a "perfect" life, then I will pass, thank you very much.

There are many times when I have beaten myself up believing that I was somehow responsible for the bad things that have happened to me or that I couldn't see my dreams come true. Most of my dreams have not come true yet, and I have seen 4 decades so far. I still pull that stick out from time to time, but I am much quicker to put it away or hand it to a friend. It took many years for me to discover that blaming myself for these things is a trait held by most, if not all, ACOAs. It took several more years for me to believe that this just was not true. Good and bad happen to us all. One of the mottos of my 12-step program was you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. This holds true for most everything. It is just the way life goes. Yeah, it sucks really hard, but that's life.

The challenge remains, however, for me to believe that I can actually have the things I dream of. My heart knows I can; my mind challenges me on that. The truth is it can and it will in the appropriate time. The same is true for you too.

I just need to keep seeing that glass as half full. I thank my friends who keep steering me in that direction. I'm glad they don't get tired of sending me there. Staying positive in the midst of pain is not impossible, but it is very very difficult. There is no question about that. There is, however, a light at the end of every tunnel. Follow that light!!!

Question #2

When?

A Question

Why?

Letting Go

I think we all know what is meant by the term "letting go." Knowing what it means and putting it into practice are two entirely different things. Letting go of something is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I seem to have to do it repeatedly.

When we want something really bad, we will work really hard towards that end. It gets frustrating to keep trying and have it seem continuously out of our grasp. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to get something it won't change the timing in which we get it. All it does is exhaust us in the process. We will get it "when the time is right," in spite of our efforts to speed it up.

There are other times when we really need to let something go but we hold onto the pain it causes us. This often happens in cases of abuse against women and children. These victims become so familiar with this type of pain and suffering, that they are afraid they cannot exist without it. They become martyrs. Problem is ... the cycle tends to continue.

In both cases, letting go is important. We would drive ourselves crazy trying to make something happen or holding onto something that is unhealthy for us. Letting go allows us to heal and enjoy today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

For me ... this is still a hard thing to continue to practise. So ... I will try to practise these things:

- Let go of anger - it is one letter short of danger.
- Let go of denial - it means we are not facing reality.
- Let go of fear - it means being overwhelmed by "what ifs" and can paralyze us.
- Let go of perfection - striving for excellence is exhilarating; striving for perfection is self-defeating.
- Let go of sadness - it keeps us from being able to accept love and joy.
- Let go of self-doubt - it means we can take care of ourselves and we should.
- Let go of timing (my favourite) - it means we give up control to make things happen now that will happen naturally and in perfect timing later on.

So, God, grant me the gift of patience to let things happen naturally and not hold onto those things that cause me pain. I know pain in life is expected, but suffering is optional.

PS: There is one thing I would prefer you not let go of around me. That would be that ball of gas rolling around below your belly button. Or at the very least, warn me first! :o)

Mental Telepathy

Have you ever wished you could read someone's mind? Would it be scary or exciting? Imagine what you could learn.

– What if your kids tell you a story and you wonder if it is the truth? If you read their minds, you might find out what they have been up to, but do you really want to know?

– what if you read the mind of the person sitting next to you on the bus? Maybe you would find out they are an addict.

– Perhaps someone is thinking they have an itch in a strategic place and are trying to think about how to scratch it without being seen.

– Perhaps they are planning a romantic evening with that someone special and are thinking about how it will all go. (Whoa! You shouldn't know those thoughts.)

– When a member of the opposite sex is staring at you. What are they thinking about you? Do they think you are ugly or sexy? Are they thinking lude thoughts?

– When someone close to you has a problem. Might they be thinking of a hundred different ways to fix it and you are saying to yourself "No, not that way."?

There are times when I wish I knew what someone was thinking. Maybe a part of me really doesn't want to know. Perhaps mind reading is actually a scary thing. I guess I should be thankful that I was not given this gift.

Happy Canada Day!!

Today we celebrate the birthday of our great nation. A country where we have freedoms that other countries only dream of. A country where you can see all kinds of people from all different cultural backgrounds living together, sharing the land. No, we are not without our difficulties and some racism still exists, but we are living in the land of the free.

On this day, give thanks for what Canada means to you, and for all of those who have fought and lost their lives preserving our freedom.

I am proud to be Canadian.

Time

If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do, is save everyday til eternity passes away, just to spend them with you... —Jim Croce, Time in a Bottle

They say time flies, but it can also appear to drag.

Have you ever noticed that when you are doing something you don't like to do that time seems endless? The same is true when you are waiting for something. It seems like it will never get here. Patience is a virtue, a difficult one to maintain by times. It is much more difficult in some areas of life.

Then when you finally get where you are going or the event is here, time flies like crazy. You want the world to stand still so you can enjoy the moment forever, but time and tide wait for no one. Time marches on.

Short weeks, or broken weeks like this one, can seem long and endless. They can be harder to endure than a full week.

Soon it will be time for me to tuck my bones into bed. I'm tired. Time for sleep ... where did I put that blasted teddy bear this time?

Pet Peeve for the Day

We all have our pet peeves. One of mine is something that happens on our bus system here all too frequently. Yesterday I was coming home from work on the bus. It had stopped at one of the transfer stations, and a blind man was the last to get on. Not one of the 8 passengers in the courtesy seats got up to let him sit near the driver for directions. The driver did not even ask any of them to give him a seat. The man continued to stumble down the aisle bouncing from side to side. I was on the inside and couldn't get out to give him mine. Finally someone near the back of the bus got up and gave him their seat. I was in total disbelief at what I had just witnessed. I thought those courtesy seats were meant for people with physical challenges and the elderly!! I know only one of those passengers up front has problems that would not allow her to stand, but what about those other 7? And to make matters worse, the driver started to pull away while this man was struggling to walk down the aisle of the bus. He was too busy talking to a blond bombshell who was standing up beside him to see what was happening.

This is one of those times that I can say I get frustrated by inappropriate behaviour. Why were these people so selfish? This man took it all in stride. It seems he may be accustomed to such behaviour. It's a pity he has to. It's an interesting world we live in. It's takes all kinds to make it go around.

I Say "X," You Hear "Y"

Communication can be a difficult thing. What one person says can be interpreted in a way that the sayer did not intend for it to be heard. This can cause arguments, heartache, and defensiveness. Knowing that what is said and what is heard can be different is part of understanding human nature. Asking for clarity shows patience before we jump to conclusions.

Unacceptable behaviour is not something we need to tolerate. Not from our spouses, our children, our friends, co-workers, or strangers on the street. We never have to accept unacceptable behaviour from anyone. That being said, we also cannot change the actions of other people. It is a definition of who they are. The only thing we can change is our reaction to them. That defines who we are. This sometimes requires patience on our part and being tolerant of the fact that we cannot change the world or anyone in it. It shows who the bigger person is. No, rudeness and ignorance is not an acceptable behaviour, but we can't change the person exhibiting those behaviours.

There are many people in this world with an "it's all about me" attitude. Those people who feel that the world owes them everything. I know some of these people, and I'm sure you do too. I don't believe this is an acceptable behaviour, but I can't change it. I just walk away with the belief that someday "what goes around, comes around." Perhaps someday they will see the light. I can't make them see with eyes that are blind.

Getting angry about something you can't change only wastes your energy and gives the other person power over you. If they can't ruffle your feathers, they lose. Mine, by the way, are not ruffled, Keyboard. Try as you may. For you see, I am tolerant of our differences.

What a Beautiful Day!!!

What a beautiful morning it is. I am feeling much better, thank you. I'm just about there. I'm off the pity pot now. No ring around the bum.

Have you seen those strange blogs over at Sam's Place? He seems to be at odds with lots of loose ends. He's even forgetting to wear his underwear. Keyboard, I think Alzheimer's is beginning to set in. You put on your underwear BEFORE you put your pants on. Don't forget again, OK? We don't want any other odd ends hanging loose.

It seems he also wants to be wrapped in insulation to protect him from the world. That would be living in a cocoon. Those things that he finds irritating are meant to teach him patience and tolerance. Stinky food is a matter of taste. We all like to (or have to, in some cases) eat differently from others. Perhaps someone else finds your food distasteful and stinky. It's all a matter of preference.

And one last thing, Keyboard, if you get a Tim Horton's coffee, be sure to get it in an insulated cup so you don't spill it in your lap if you are not wearing underwear. I understand that stuff is super hot. It could cause some damage you'd rather not endure.

Happy Sunday!!!!!!

Have You Ever?

Have you ever felt like you were sitting in a crowd where everyone is talking to someone, and you are sitting there all alone?

Have you ever felt like the whole world was smiling and you struggle to find a way to smile back?

Have you ever felt like the weight of the world has been laid on your shoulders with no one there to help you?

Have you ever felt like you are constantly wishing on someone else's star, watching everyone else get what you are wishing for?

Have you ever felt like you will never see your dreams become reality or have your prayers answered?

Have you ever felt all alone in the big wide world?

One can be a lonely number.

Yeah, I'm feeling sorry for myself at the moment, but that is OK. I allow myself to feel what I am feeling, then I come back to reality. Excuse me while I sit on the pity pot. I'll be careful not to get ring around the bum.

Please Note

It is only 6 months until Christmas!!!!!! Start your shopping early. Get ahead of the crowds. I will start my letter to Santa now. Let's see ... I have a six-foot stocking and a little bit of ribbon. Hmmmm ... do you think Santa could "flesh" it out for me? What can I say? I am, after all, the Dreamweaver. It can't hurt to dream, even if I do dream impossible dreams, and reach for unreachable stars.

Graduation

I never thought I would see this day come. My youngest is graduating today. I have waited 13 years for this moment, and I am proud. As he walks across that stage, he can rest assured that I will be sitting there with a smile on my face, tears in my eyes, and a quiet "YES!!!" escaping from my lips.

6:50 p.m.: Well ... it is official. He has graduated. Those tears I said I would have in my eyes? Well ... they flowed right down my cheeks, over and over again. What a big sap I am. I was so proud of him for finally making it this far. My baby has graduated. No more parent-teacher nights; no more fighting with the school system. My children are babies no more. It has been an emotional day.


Reality and Perception
Is the truth reality or what we perceive to be reality or does it lie somewhere in-between? Any of these can be a bitter pill to swallow depending on the circumstances. I shall keep a glass of water close at hand, just in case.

Roller Coasters

I've never been on a roller coaster. Well ... at least not the kind you find in amusement parks. They look pretty scary. The roller coaster rides that we endure in life can be scary too. When we go down into those valleys the world can seem far away. At the peaks, life can look wonderful, but it can be hard to stay there. I don't think we are actually meant to stay at the top forever. Life is meant to be full of roller coaster rides. But the rides do stop from time to time, and we get a reprieve and can look at the world from a plateau.

One such roller coaster ride is grief. There are 5 stages to the grief process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance. We have to be gentle with ourselves through this process and deal with each stage as it comes. It is self-defeating to beat ourselves up as if we are somehow to blame. We have no control over most losses in life. Things just happen. That can be the hardest part of acceptance. The powerlessness we feel is something that is difficult for most people to accept. We haven't done anything wrong; we haven't caused this to happen. It just is.

Walk carefully, and use a stick only to support you as you travel.

Strange Happenings

Have you ever had things happen that you just can't explain? Some of them that keep repeating themselves?

One thing that seems to keep repeating itself in my life is the comfort level that strangers or people that I don't know very well seem to have with me. I find myself in the middle of discussions with people who are pouring out their life stories or are reaching out in some way for something they feel I have to offer. Sometimes it is information or advise because they know me enough to know that I may have this info or they know I can relate to something that is happening to them. Other times, I have no idea why people tell me the things the do. Perhaps they simply need someone to listen to their gripe? But why me? That's what I don't understand. If you don't know me from Adam, why do you tell me these things?

This happened to me today. Someone at work whom I have only met a few times is having a difficult time. He began to tell me all about it today and asked me if we could talk because I have some information that may be useful to him. It took me rather by surprise, but if I can help someone, I will, within reason of course.

Strange ... Why me?

The Absent-Minded Professional

Have you ever had one of those days when you are doing your work absent-mindedly? When your mind is anywhere else but your work and you just do your work like you are a robot, not even conscious of what you are really doing?

I had one of those days today. My mind is a 1000 miles away. Too many thoughts going through it that have nothing to do with work. I didn't want to be there. I made one big mistake as a result. I know better, but I forgot to save frequently and robotlike worked for over an hour without saving. Then the I deleted something I shouldn't have and another thing directly behind it with too quick a click of the mouse. Problem is, the program only holds the most recent "undo," and what I lost was a big chunk of text. So ... stupid me had to close out and lose all that work and reopen the file and start again.

I can't seem to stay focussed for long these days. I sure do hope I can shake this before too long. Too much work to do for mistakes like that. Must have been a blonde moment!!!!!

Hiking Boots

I heard a DJ on the radio criticizing Alec Baldwin for saying that nothing comes easy to him; that he must put on his hiking boots to get anywhere. This was in light of not winning awards. The DJ went on to say "Poor baby. All that money isn't enough." The DJ missed the point big time, and ticked me off in the process. It showed his lack of understanding of human nature and a lack of compassion.

Alec's statement has nothing to do with money but with a sense of self-worth or accomplishment. Some people have issues of self-worth that are very hard to overcome. He is probably wondering why he is not worthy of winning an award when he has worked so hard. He may feel cheated out of the things that give him a sense of who he is and what he means to someone or everyone. He may feel that what he has to offer wasn't worth the effort if he can't achieve that all-important goal.

We can criticize all we want about what is important to someone else or what someone else's goals are, but I can tell you firsthand that it hurts like hell to believe that you are not worthy of good things when you can't seem to achieve them; that everything falls away as it reaches your fingertips; as if you are being punished for something you perceive to have done wrong or not done well enough.

I know in my heart that I am worthy of good things and that we all are. The difficulty for someone who has to work so hard to achieve things and fails to see them happen again and again, is that of believing they will happen for them. So please ... put yourself in someone else's shoes and try to understand how they feel before you make criticisms. Or keep your opinions to yourself. I don't know about you, but God is my judge.

Fast Forward

Why is it that we all have a need to know what tomorrow brings? We search our horoscopes, read our tea leaves and our palms, rely on tarot cards, and listen for weather predictions to plan our day. Why can't we just live in today? Why do we search so fervently for answers to tomorrow's questions? In reality, we have little to no control over what tomorrow may bring. All we can do is live today and each day as it comes.

I know ... I am one of those people. If today feels empty, I search for clues or hope; something that will predict what might be. The predictions are seldom right. Sometimes the best things in life are unanswered prayers. When a prayer goes unanswered, it is because something else is in store, and it is usually better than what we had hoped for. We would not have gotten this if the original prayer had been answered. So we need to try to stop looking for tomorrow's answers and begin to enjoy and live today, because today is really all we have.

If we could untangle the mysteries of life and unravel the energies which run through the world; if we could evaluate correctly the significance of passing events; if we could measure the struggles, dilemmas, and aspirations of mankind, we could find that nothing is born out of time. Everything comes at its appointed moment. — Joseph R. Sizoo

Believing that things happen too slowly or too quickly is an illusion. Timing is perfect.

To My Dad

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be,
so He put His arms around you and whispered, "Come to Me."
With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw you pass away,
and although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only take the best.

I don't know about taking only the best, but I sure do know that He took one of the best. Dad, it has been 15 months now since you began a new journey in your life; one that will last for all eternity. I know you are at peace and surrounded by love. The memories here linger on.

I remember all the times I spent sitting on your knee as you drove the tractor in the field and when you were bouncing me up and down, singing to me. I remember all you taught me about gardening and recognizing the different vegetation. I remember all the times we watched the squirrels and chipmunks as they foraged for food and laughed at their antics. I remember all the times we spent in the boat fishing together. I remember the wrestling matches we watched together, Saturday night cartoons, and snuggling up under your arm. I remember all the laughs we shared when I listened to you speak of old times and community happenings. Most of all, I remember your smile, your kindness, and your love. Judging by the number of people who came to say goodbye to you, I was not the only one who remembers the good things you did.

I dreamed of you a while back, Dad. Being a farmer, you had one last valuable lesson to teach me. One you did not want me to forget. I got that message, Dad. You reminded me that I must sow my seeds with love, water and tend to them regularly, and that I will reap a beautiful harvest as a result. I know you are right, Dad. Waiting for the crop is the hardest, but is worth the wait.

Thank you, Dad, for all you have taught me. You were a great father, and I miss you. Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

Love always from your daughter...

It's a Ho-Hum Sort of Day

I woke up today feeling great and alive. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. The world was looking beautiful. Then, the sun went behind the clouds, the temperatures cooled down, and so did my mood. Not every day is sunshine and roses. Today is cloudy. My mind reels to sort out the thoughts running through it. I'm trying to pick out the positive ones and leave the others behind. The negative ones are scary. I don't like them. Perhaps the sun will come out once again and uplift my spirit.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on. — Robert Frost (1884–1963)

The Journey

The road of life is a difficult one to travel.
There are twists and turns; potholes and hills.
Sometimes the hills turn into mountains of infinite size.
Sometimes the potholes have no bottom,
But still we continue to travel.
There are valleys in our travel where we plunge into the depths; the view is much different from here.
We must look up to see the beauty that appears unreachable.
The road then begins to lead up the mountain out of the valley.
The days begin to look brighter up here, and we can see more in the distance.
We will reach many plateaus where nothing seems to change; all appears to stand still, but is it?
The road from these plateaus go up and down, but each time we ascend it is with more strength than before.
We grow in the valleys and blossom on the mountaintops.
We pause now and then to rest and take in the surroundings.
Trees that stand stark and still in winter spring forth new leaves.
The winds blow strong; the trees bend to endure it, then stand straight once again now stronger than before.
The rivers overflow as the cold snows of winter melt away.
Flowers that once took refuge from the cold now rear their heads.
We have forgotten their beauty during the cold and dark days.
The clouds give way to the sun; the moon and stars shine on the waters.
The rapids run into peacefully flowing rivers.
Each season must continually come and go.
The journey must continue.
We do not walk it alone.
Take my hand, and I'll take yours.

Update

Well, I armed for battle, felt I had been defeated in the first round and was quite upset, but persisted and found a way to win in the end. Now I am exhausted.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I do not like conflict at all, not the least little bit. I don't mind discussing a difference of opinion as long as the other person is not trying to push their opinion on me to change my mind. Conflict takes all the good out of me. I only fight when it is necessary. This time it was. At least my son knows that I will fight for an injustice, but will let him fall if the incident is the result of his own actions.

I believe that if you do the crime, you need to pay the time, but an injustice is worth fighting. I have taught my children that. They know that although I may not like or agree with what they do or choices they make, I will always be there for them and always love them. However, most of the battles from this time forward are theirs to fight now. They are of that age. Time to accept responsibility for their actions.

These last 10 days have been very trying, haven't they?

Battles

In the past week I spoke of fighting for injustice, knowing what we can and can't fight, and finding the courage to do so and not give up on our dreams.

Well ... my own battle has arisen as of last evening. I am putting on my artillery, and I shall plunge forward into battle. I will do all in my power to right this wrong. A major mistake has been made that allows me to put my toe in that loophole. This momma bear is about to fight for one of her young, and you don't mess with a momma bear when she is protecting her cubs.

Hell hath no fury like a woman who has been wronged ... especially a mother.

More to come ...

Serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. — Reinhold Neibuhr

I learned this prayer as a teen and again got to use it as a principle in a self-help group. There are many things in this life that we cannot change. For instance, the weather. Try as we might, it would be an exercise in futility. There is nothing we can do about it, so we let it go. We would exhaust ourselves otherwise.

Courage to change the things I can came much harder for me. I lacked a lot of self-courage. I knew I could look after everyone else, but I was certain I couldn't look after myself. Keyboard spoke of ruffling feathers. That was very difficult for me to do. I first had to discern what feathers I could or should ruffle without causing myself grief. This included the first part of the prayer again: what can I change and what can't I?

That takes us into the last part: wisdom to know the difference. This is actually easier than the rest of it. It takes a little thought, but you instinctively know what you can and can't change. Sure, there may be some things that you THINK you can't change but really you can. I suppose the opposite may be true as well, but not for the majority of people. Trust your instincts. (I think Keyboard touched on that the other day too.)

I am where I am today, by following this simple process in my life. I put it into practice on a regular basis, too, whenever I am faced with making a decision.

There is one other thing that I try to keep in mind as well ...

All good things take time, and they are worth waiting for or sometimes worth fighting for. In the meantime, try to maintain peace and serenity in the eye of the storm. That is where the real strength is.

Dreams

Dreams are never destroyed by circumstances. Dreams are born in the heart and mind, and only there can they ever die. Because while the difficult takes time, the impossible just takes a little longer.
- Art E. Bay

We all have dreams. Some are harder to achieve than others, but we must never give up on our dreams. We all need something to hope for. Our dreams can become reality. The difficult part is waiting for them. I know...

Fighting Injustice

Sometimes it pays to have inside information about a particular situation. It can become a useful tool to fight an injustice.

This week, I had to take my son's teacher to task. I found out that academic points were to be deducted from his mark for not having purchased a school agenda, or an alternate. Additional points were to be deducted for lack of having a binder. Being very familiar with the curriculum, I could challenge this teacher to show me where it is written in the prescribed outcomes for any course that academic points could be lost for such things. She, of course, became defensive and says that she is delivering a curriculum that was designed by their administration, and if I had a problem with this it should have been addressed in February and not now. Well ... hello!! What teen do you know who would tell you how a school has designed the marks for a course, particularly when their schedule for the semester had gotten screwed around by said administration so that the first week of classes had been missed completely when this information was communicated? Most teens, particularly those of the male gender (no offense intended), would not tell you about those minor details unless they became an issue. Although the curriculum is designed by the province, it seems some administration take it upon themselves to decide how to deliver it, sometimes using outdated methods and those proven ineffective. Yikes!!!

Long story short ... Yes, I probably should have asked for a course outline, but I had faith that the school would deliver the curriculum according to provincial policy and outcomes, not on this type of thing. I accept my part in this. I expected everything to be handled fairly and according to protocol. I hate to fight (it is not my nature), but when an injustice is done to the people I love, I will go the mile for them. They are well worth fighting for.

Green Acres

Do you remember Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor on Green Acres? Mr. Hainey and Arnold the pig? Well ... right now I can relate to that show. I am stuck here sitting in "a penthouse kind of view" when I want "to give me that countryside." I have decided that condo living is definitely not for me. I grew up in a house with a farmer and a farmer's daughter. I learned a great appreciation for the land and its vegetation. I want a garden again. I want a lawn to manicure. I want a clothesline to hang out clothes for that fresh air smell. I want to be able to live as I want to and not as a board of people tell me I must. Mind you, I am grateful to have this place to live. It was exactly what and where I needed it to be when the time came to start a new life. It has served me well, but I feel the time has come to try to move to the next level. Trouble is, I can't figure out how. Now the wheels in my head begin to turn. Somehow, there must be a way.

In the meantime ... if I can just figure out a way to sneak that pig in here ...

Success and Failure

I was watching a program on TV yesterday, and it reminded me of something from my past. The person speaking was a surgeon. He said that how he maintained balance in his life hinged on a few things, but most importantly having a supportive wife behind him to help pick him up when he felt he had failed and to bring him back to Earth when his head got too big. Having a support system is a very important thing.

During the past decade, I have had many times when I felt as though I had failed myself or someone else or just plain failed at doing something. I will never forget that one of my supportive friends reminded me that the only real failure in life was a failure to try. Yes, trying for something does not always mean that we will get the desired results, but we should never give up. Many successful inventors tried hundreds or even thousands of inventions before they stumbled across one that took off. Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell are among them.

The one thing that stands out in my mind about my perceived failures is that they helped me to build my character and grow stronger and even figure out what makes me tick. I did not let these things destroy the type of person I wanted to be. They may have temporarily taken away my sense of value and hope for my future, but in the end they could not destroy my integrity and my ability to hold my head up and like the person I saw in the mirror. And you know ... loving yourself, treating others with kindness, and knowing you're a good person is what is most important. Those are the things we will be remembered for; not the things we may consider as successes or failures. I thank my friends for helping me to maintain this important life perspective. Never fail to try.

Speed Bumps

We all know what speed bumps are. They are those annoying, aggravating humps of asphalt that slow us down on the road we are travelling. They make us stop and look around and to proceed with caution. They make us look to see if there is something we may not otherwise have noticed. So also are the speed bumps on the road of life. Today, as with each day, we begin a new journey. May your speed bumps be few and far between.

Reason

The problem with life is that it is lived forward and understood backward.

The dictionary defines reason as the following:

Reason: (n,v) 1. a cause or motive for an action, feeling, etc.; ground
2. a justification; explanation
3. the ability to think and draw conclusions
4. right thinking; good sense
5. sanity

Under the present circumstances, none of these are appropriate. Let's take each number as it comes.

1. Well...there are no grounds but we certainly know what has caused the feelings we are all now experiencing.

2. The explanation defies us and was completely and utterly unjustified.

3. They know how to think and draw conclusions? That has proven itself to be untrue.

4. Someone missed the boat completely when they were passing out the ability to think and make good sense.

5. Sanity? Sanity? No, $#@%*&+ way!!!!!!!!! This is absolutely insane!!!!!!!!!!!! No one in their right mind would have wreaked havoc such as this.


It may take a very long time to see any sort of reason for this. There is no logical reason on this Earth that would ever justify this course of action. The repercussions of this are certain to be a lack of respect and credibility of the powers that be. The pain that this has caused is incomprehensible. Time will heal the wounds, but the scars will remain. The friendship and comradery that developed over the past year, however, is priceless. That is the one thing that will remain intact, and it is an important one.

Friendships

This has been an incredibly challenging week for which none of us can make sense. It has been one full of hurt, anger, and resentment. Very appropriate emotions under the circumstances. Thank heavens for the friendships that we have formed. The support of friends can carry us through our toughest times. What goes around does, indeed, come around. It just may take some time for that to happen. We will all be watching for it. It will happen.

... Some Days Coal

Wouldn't it be nice if everyday was a "diamond" kind of day? Well, today is actually feeling like a "coal" kind of day for me. Life kind of bites right now. I have a tremendous amount on my mind. I'm one of those people who can create all kinds of scenarios in their mind, none of which may come true, but which can cause yourself a great deal of self-imposed agony. Kind of like beating yourself with a stick unrelentlessly.

My horoscope for this week said this:

...though this week will be challenging, it will yet prove immensely satisfying.

Challenging? Oh yes. Prove to be immensely satisfying? I somehow doubt that, but it is yet to be seen, I guess. The sun may be shining outside, but the world is in a haze today. So is my head. The black cloud that is hanging over it is just waiting to relieve itself on my head.

Today Is a Rare Day!

Well...today is the day when Venus passes in front of the sun. It will do so again in 2012, then not for another hundred years after that. This time is supposed to be a magical time. Venus is the planet of love. It is said that if you make a wish today, your wish will most likely come true. Make it a good one. I know what I will wish for.

Ironically, today also marks the anniversary of a turning point in my life. It was two years ago today, that I made a life change. It is something I have not and will never regret doing. It has allowed me to find out who I really am and to make some very positive changes in myself. I knew for sure it was the right move when my children remarked on how much healthier I looked and how much more relaxed I was. I know that some may not agree that this was the best way to go, and I lost some friends in the process, but those are the ones who chose not to try to understand. They did not walk in my shoes. I will continue to walk forward, and will look back only to ensure that I do not make the same mistakes again.

Onward to a glorious future. Make a wish on Venus, and make it count!!!!!!!!!!!

? Questions ?

Well, Keyboard, you are asking why you do all these things. Didn't your parents ever tell you "just because and stop asking questions"? Think how boring life would be if you didn't have all these little things to give you a shot of adrenaline to bring up your blood pressure. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Life could be worse.

Here are some questions for you to answer:

1. How can a cow turn green grass into milk? Science can't do it.

2. How can the sky be blue then grey, then black, then purple and pink? Air has no colour.

3. Why do people have to take machinery to cut down a tree and tear up the stump, when a good wind, like in Hurrican Juan, can pull it out of the ground like it was a weed? We can't see the wind or even touch it, yet it has more strength than man-made machinery.

4. Why can't science explain how a bumblebee can fly? Their bodies are too big and their wings too small to make it possible.

5. Why can bees make the only food known to man that never spoils. Honey has been found in the tombs of ancient Egyptians that is still edible.

6. How can a tiny ant carry several times its own body weight, yet people cannot. Even with training, most cannot lift much more than their own body weight.

7. Why is the liver the only organ of the body that can regrow when part of it is removed?

8. Why is the pupil of the eye the only organ in the body that increases to 10 times its original size when excited?

9. Why do platypuses have a beak, web feet and lay eggs like a duck, yet nurse their young like a mammal?

10. Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?


It's an amazing world God created, isn't it? Take time to enjoy the intangibles of it all.

$Money$

I have often heard people quote Jesus as saying, "Money is the root of all evil." In fact, what He said was, "The love of money is the root of all evil." There is a big difference there. Right now, though, I hate money. I guess it is the lack of money that I hate. I have had some tremendous expenses in the past two months; more than my budget could ever afford. I have struggled with a lack of money my whole life, so this really is nothing new. I am not complaining, really. I'm just frustrated. It is just that sometimes it gets me down, like it does today. These recent expenses mean that I can't get a new TV when the one I have is about to give up the ghost shortly. It means I can't get the new computer desk I need before this sagging one collapses. It means I can't get the few articles of clothing that I need or a car or the house that I want so bad, but that is OK. I will get them eventually, and I will do what I can in the meantime.

I have made many sacrifices for my children over the years. The day will come soon when they can be self-supporting and not need to rely on Mom so heavily. Perhaps one day they will even appreciate all I have done.

I know that part of this issue is the result of a personal choice I made two years ago, but it is one I have never regretted. The financial restrictions will be temporary. I just need to be patient and do the best I can until then. And above all, pray for help with my finances. And, you know, I somehow always seem to manage. I do receive my daily bread. However, having a few loaves in the freezer would be a wonderful thing!

Self-Caring Is Not Selfishness

Too often people think that when they care about something for themselves or are focussing on themselves for a bit that they are being selfish. That is not necessarily true. The healthiest people know that it is necessary to take care of themselves and have their needs met in order to be there for others. This is self-caring, not selfishness. Self-care is not a spin-off of the "me generation." It is not selfish; it is self-esteem. Self-care means learning to love the person we're responsible for taking care of—ourselves. Self-care sometimes means "me first," but usually "me too." There are times when we cannot be there for someone else because we have our own issues we need to deal with. There are times when someone we need cannot be there for us because they have their own problems. Sometimes both parties have their own separate things to deal with at the same time and can't be there for each other. That is OK. When they have worked through everything, they will be better able to be there for us or us for them. Those who love themselves and hold themselves in high esteem are those who give the most, contribute the most, and love the most. So ... go ahead and take care of yourself. You are worth it!!

Whoa!! I See the Sun at Last.

Could summer really be coming after all? I felt so much better today being able to see the sun. It is amazing how much that ball of fire can lift my spirits. I was beginning to believe I would start to grow mould from all the dampness. At one point today, I was just sitting looking out the window taking in the sun and admiring how the trees were filling out with their leaves. My son told me I was just like the old ladies in this building sitting watching out the window. I had to explain that I wasn't trying to watch the happenings to be nosy. I don't get to see the sun all day when I am at work. I work in the interior of the building so there is no window beside me. I used to have a large window by my desk with a harbour view for several years until they renovated and took it away from me. I was upset. The windows were meant to be for the management with offices and closing doors; for the people who are not there day in and day out. Does that make sense to you? Personally, I am quite affected by lack of sun. I need to see the light of day each day. So let the sun shine in, face it with a grin, open up your heart and let the sun shine in.

Discs

Over at Sam's Place there is talk about the different kinds of scanners. Well discs are the same way. We have hard discs and floppy discs; zip discs, compact discs, and video discs; we have discs that we throw in competition; there are discs that we shoot at (also called skeets); and we have discs in our backs that help us to move. Anything that is round and flat has been dubbed a disc of one sort or another, even UFOs. I guess our English language only has so many words.

Rare Transit of Venus

On Tuesday, June 8, the silhouette of Venus will cross the disc of the Sun. It's like an extraordinary kind of eclipse—the last time it happened was in 1882. This won't happen again until 2012, and after that not until 2117. Venus is all about love!

That date means something to me too, but I will touch on that more then. Sounds like interesting times, if you have been reading anything about it. I'll be interested to see just what it brings about. Three astrologers knew that a bright star in the sky meant something special over 2000 years ago and followed it for 2 years. We all know the special meaning it had. Today's astrologers see something special here too. Let's wait and see the results. Just 5 more days to go.

Troubleshooting

Troubleshooting can be exhilarating by times and frustrating other times. It depends on what you are troubleshooting. I spent my entire work day yesterday troubleshooting a printing problem with a combination of software and operating systems. Several of us are having the same problem. I have checked the knowledgebase/technical support pages and found no answers. I checked the help menus in the programs, still nothing. I updated print drivers and fonts; uninstalled and reinstalled programs and still nothing. The only thing I think I was able to narrow down is that it is one particular program that is causing the issue, and not the one I originally thought was the problem. The fix for that is not a simple one since the product has been discontinued and the newer version is unsupported. Time is of the essence to find a solution, since we all need to move to XP, which is when the problem surfaced. It was not there with Win98. However, XP does not seem to be the problem. Even our IT techs can't find the problem, but we are all working together to find a solution. Wish me luck. I don't have a lot of time to find the solution. Talk about frustration!!!

Dreams

I know we all have dreams. I don't know how I could have gotten through my life without them. I'm always off somewhere on Cloud Nine weaving dreams. It's gotten me in trouble many times because I wasn't paying attention to someone I should have been listening to. I can't even remember when I started going off into a dream world. It was where I could find some peace and happiness in a world I once felt was so cold. I also imagine I am not alone in that thought either.

I've had many dreams for my life. I haven't seen very many of them come true. Perhaps I didn't have what it takes to make them come true. Maybe I still don't, but now I have faith. Faith means that I can trust that things will turn out as they are meant to be for me. They may not be as I had hoped for, but perhaps they will be even better.

The one major dream I have had since adolescence was to have true love in my life. The kind with unending passion. The kind where two souls are connected in ways that only they can understand and feel. Do I believe that this only exists in fairy tales? No, not for a moment ... I believe it can happen and does happen. I've watched it happen to others, and always with much envy. I hope they know how lucky they truly are. I believe they do, because if you have that kind of deep love in your life, you know how to appreciate it and treasure it.

Another dream I have is to have a 6-bedroom house on a lake. The master bedroom would have a balcony overlooking the lake where I could stand or sit on a moonlight night and watch the reflection of the stars and moon shimmering on the water. Wouldn't that be nice? I suppose this dream is way out there, but I can afford this house in my dream.

What do you dream about?

Last Word

It would appear that the resident at Sam's Place would like to have the last word. To that I say "take it and run with it." Some of us don't have the financial resources to have a computer that could handle all that stuff anyway. Consider yourself lucky and type til your heart's content. It's still a personal preference, and I can accept that people want different things in and for their lives. It would be a dull world if we all wanted the same things and thought the same way.

Answer about Slickrun

The answer to your question, Keyboard, is one click to the desktop. There is an icon on the status bar that brings the desktop to the front of everything else. Voila!! All icons are now visible for use. *blows a raspberry* To each his own.

In Defense of Your Comments
Keyboard, I didn't say that the program was no good. I am sure that it has its advantages and disadvantages as does every piece of software I have ever used. It comes down to a personal preference. From what I saw, I couldn't see any real advantages for me. Let me answer your questions in sequence.

1. One click to the desktop using the desktop icon found on the status bar.

2. One click to the bookmarked webpage and a scroll through the list. However, I do not do a whole lot of surfing.

3. One click to the control panel and then a scroll.

4. A double-click to start WP program and one click to choose the document if it is in the last used list. Two if I have to scroll from the drives.

5. Starting several programs at once has a tendency to crash a machine. I generally allow one to launch completely before starting another, so multi-starts are not a necessity. If I want to start more than one, I click that desktop icon and back to my desktop I go.

6. The carpel tunnel problem did not come only from using a mouse, but rather overuse of both a keyboard and a mouse. Just plainly too much repetitive movement. This is why I use a combination of both.

7. If it is faster to keep my hands on the keyboard for any one thing, that is what I do. When it is faster to move my hand to the mouse, I do that.

8. Other programs have that feature built into them too. WordPerfect has a quick correct feature that will allow that same option for commonly used words.

9. Many program install themselves as "quickstart" icons on the status bar or in the start menu. Same difference.

10. I suspect the amount of resources that takes is not a tremendous amount. I've not encountered many problems with low resources except on older machines with a newer OS on it.

I prefer not to run too many programs at once if I can help it. Whether you start them with the keyboard or the mouse, the computer can crash due to conflicts and lost ROM.

So...if you prefer to use this program, by all means go ahead. I'm sure it is a great program for anyone who prefers to use the keyboard almost exclusively. I still prefer the option to use both.

Update—Slickrun

Well, Keyboard, I tried your Slickrun program. I have to say that I fail to see the time-saving feature of it. It is just as fast, if not more so, to double-click on the icon on my desktop that launches the program or single-click on the quickstart icon on the statusbar. Sounds like Slickrun is actually more time-consuming than time-saving. I think this program is for those who have a fear of mice!

Is Technology Going Too Far/Too Fast?

Money talks ... but all mine ever says is goodbye.

I read this quote the other day and had to chuckle. I know mine sure says goodbye in a hurry, and I do not live extravagantly. This makes me wonder how people can keep up with the costs of upgrading technology at its ever-rapid pace. I find there comes a point if what you have does what you need it to, why spend the money to upgrade to keep up with the Joneses. When it no longer suits your needs and you can afford to, by all means, go ahead. By then, it is probably less expensive to buy it anyway.

I have to shake my head at some of the advancements. I question whether they are really necessary, but I suppose some people find a use for them. For instance, as Keyboard pointed out, cell phones can have options for taking photos and for playing games. I believe these are used to entice the younger generation to pester their parents for them. I understand the photo quality isn't great, so you still need a camera for good pictures. The games are not as sophisticated as some of them are on computers, X-box, and Nintendo systems, so why bother to pay the extra money. My children both have cell phones and have gotten sucked into going on line with them to identify and download new "rings" for the phone. Oh please ... the money you pay for that is not worth it. They come with the choice of 3 or 4 rings. Pick one you can hear and go with it. It's a freakin' phone already!!!! (I have to admit that the funniest one I heard was a chicken clucking. I laughed at that one.)

Now I just read an article that describes how Timex (in the US) has created a new "Speedpass" timepiece. It allows you to wave your watch in front of the fill-up tanks at Esso or Exxon to pay for your gas. You can even use it at 400 McDonald's outlets in two US cities to pay for your food. It gives a whole new meaning to "time is money."

Our world is progressing so quickly, that people no longer know how to be patient and never seem to have enough money to buy the latest and greatest. A lot of the important parts of life are whizzing past them without being acknowledged. Life is a wonderful thing, with all its ups and downs. Take time to smell the roses (or the coffee, if you wish.)

Cell Phones

There are times when cell phones are very convenient. There are also times when cell phones are a nuisance. The following are some of the times I believe that people should not use cell phones:

- while driving a car
- while driving a bicycle
- when giving someone your credit card information
- while in church
- in the middle of a meeting
- while in a public washroom

I cannot believe it when someone actually answers their cell phone in a public washroom. Don't they know the person on the other end can hear the noises and identify where they are? Who wants to hear someone washing their hands and getting papertowel from the dispenser. Who wants to hear someone pee (or worse) and flush the toilet? What are they thinking? The caller doesn't need to talk to you that bad that it can't wait a few minutes. If they do, they will call back, and you can answer it when you leave the washroom. Please people, have some couth. Consider the privacy of the other people around you.

Dear Keyboard

It would appear that you got angry at my comments. First of all, let me tell you that I know that answering machines are not a new technology, but then again neither are computers, but we refer to the latest and greatest versions of them as "modern technology." I was one of those "soothing female voices" (your words) 24 years ago. I was the person making recordings on a reel-to-reel recorder to advise of where you could go to "u-pick" strawberries and vegy's on farms in our fair province. So...you see, I am quite aware of when this technology began.

Then today, I had to make a call to a business where I had to press 1 for English, Press 2 for ___, Press 1 for ___, then press 1 again for _____. The difference is, I was patient enough to wait to get to that last person (the correct person) to do my business.

I guess the real problem here is one of impatience, but that is a personal issue. Now today, I see that you prefer to be patriotic during daylight hours only. That would mean that you are patriotic less than half of the time. It would seem to me that those people who fly their flags 24/7 are much more patriotic than that. I don't see it having less meaning to fly it all the time as opposed to only during the daylight hours. Would you put the same emphasis on people? Would they only mean something to you during the daylight hours so that you turn them away at night? Or perhaps they would only serve your purposes at night and send them away during the day so they will not be seen?

Long story short—very little we call "modern technology" is really new, patience must be learned, and patriotism doesn't take a rest.

Technology at Sam's Place

Well, well, well, MouseGuy ... lookee at what we’ve got here!!!! It would appear that our friend, Keyboard, has found himself a piece of technology that he doesn’t like. Isn’t he the one who has preached to us about the pros of having the “latest and greatest in technology.” It seems he is afraid of his own voice! He will take the time to search for hours on the Net looking for that one particular piece of information, yet he is intimidated by phone systems that ask him to press a single button to help him with that “advanced search criteria” to get to the one person who can correctly answer that all-important question that he is burning to ask? He can be patient for Web pages to load but not to listen to a human voice tell him to press “1” for technical support? Go figure!!!! Doesn’t he know that leaving a message in his own voice gets across exactly the message that he wishes to have received? What is next? Will he be afraid of his own shadow? Oh dear me...

Cuddle up Close & Make a New Friend

I've heard this expression more than once in all my years travelling the transit system. Well today, I had to do that twice. On the way to work, my bus broke down in a most awkward place—right in the middle lane of a three-lane highway. We couldn't get off because the right lane that we would exit into had cars driving onto the off-ramp. Several buses stopped in the lefthand lane to ask if they wanted us to get on their bus, but the driver says no, that there is a bus coming. Coming to the middle of a highway??? Finally, a kind bus driver pulled into the right lane and blocked traffic so we could get on his bus safely. Of course, by then, I was left standing on a crowded bus. In order to get everyone on, we had to "cuddle close and make a new friend." Some of the comments were rather humourous. Humour was a good since we would be late for work.

Then in the afternoon, that bus was late taking me home too. Apparently there was an accident somewhere that slowed things down. When I got on this bus, it was pretty full, but alas there was a sit in the front between two ladies. I turned around and sat my butt in it only to discover why it had been left vacant. Both of these ladies had rather large ... hips so there was not much room. I had to sit on one cheek and rest the other cheek against this stranger's hip. Good thing she had a sense of humour!!! Anyway, I guess today I was cuddling up close and making new friends. Not exactly my style, but necessary under the circumstances.

I Can See Clearly Now

I have new windows, and I don't mean on my computer. Today, in the midst of all the rain and wind, new windows were installed in my apartment. They are really nice, and now I have a bit of a window sill as well, so that is an added bonus. My apartment is still cold, however, from the wind ripping in here all day. Now to paint the trim.

I knew this was being done and that my current venetian blinds (which I hate) would no longer fit because the windows are different. So...I ordered roller blinds cut to fit on an outside mount so that I could have more darkness for sleeping. I can't sleep well in the daylight, if at all. Well...guess what? When they put new trim around the windows, they put a slightly wider trim on than what they took off. Consequently, my new blinds will now not fit. I know they can be cut for an inside mount, but I have no idea how, and I am not certain if they can be returned since they were a custom fit. Go figure!! Good thing they were not expensive. Perhaps these blinds will fit the house I will buy sometime in the near future.

In the midst of having the windows installed, I was baking a chocolate cake. I thought I might as well since I was craving something sweet and the only room I could really stay in the whole time was the kitchen. However, this was a bad idea. With all 3 windows out at the same time, it created somewhat of a wind tunnel. The doors were banging so much and so hard and so often, that my cake dropped in the middle. I figured, oh well, I will be the only one to eat the darn thing anyway. As it turned out, the workers had a piece too. The youngest one of the men (he was probably about 24), had a big smile on his face when I asked him if he wanted a piece. He was commenting on how good it smelled when I was baking it, so I figured he would like some. He was very grateful to have it. At least some people are not afraid to try my baking with alternate flours. I'm getting used to being asked "What's in it?"

Age

Last night my son, my youngest, said to me, "Mom, do you realize that in 3-1/2 months I will be 19?"

"Yes," I replied. "I realized that just a few days ago. Boy, it makes me feel old."

"Do you know how old my friends think you are?" he asks.

"No, how old?" I said.

"They think you are about 31 or 32. They are surprised when I tell them how old you are." he told me.

Now ... the question becomes, do they think I look young for my age or do they think I was some kind of loose woman as a young adolescent? Good heavens, I hope it isn't the latter!!!!!

We Have a New Multimillionaire!

Nova Scotia's newest millionaire resides in Cape Breton. She lost her job last week and then won $10m last night on the Lotto 6/49 draw. The word has spread like wild fire already, and she has not yet collected the money.

That is good for her, but I would never let word out until I actually collected the money. People know who she is and where she lives. She could run the risk of someone breaking in and stealing that ticket before she even makes it to Moncton to cash it in. That would be stupid, mind you, since her picture was on the news, but one never knows what desperation may do to people, especially in Cape Breton with the high unemployment rate. I only hope she is smart with the money.

In any case, congratulations to her. It is nice to see the money come to Atlantic Canada. In fact, every major prize in last nights 3 draws went in Atlantic Canada. Wahoo!! It's about time.

You and I, We're Different

One of the most important lessons I have learned in the past several years is the difference between the word you and I. "You language" can be very intimidating and cause one to be defensive. "I language" completely changes the perspective and can actually accomplish what it is you set out to do. Let me try to explain.

Think about this for a moment. If someone was in your face saying "You shouldn't ..." "You never ..." "You always ...," wouldn't your first reaction be one of defense? Would you immediately shut out the person yelling at you? If you heard this type of thing over an extended period of time, would it change how you felt about them? Would it affect your self-esteem?

Now change this type of thing around. If they said to you "I don't like it when this happens." "I feel unappreciated when I am treated like this." "What is the problem here?" instead of "What have you done?"

Pointing to someone and saying "you...you...you" is not effective. You are placing blame. Remember that when you point a finger at someone, there are always three pointing back at you.

The only time I recommend using "you language" is for building someone up. "You are very special." "You are a wonderful person." "You are doing a terrific job." That's when it needs to be very personal.

Mind you, no one is perfect. We will all slip up and say the wrong thing from time to time and hurt someone. The difference is to recognize that you have done that and make apologies. It is also the responsibility of the person being told something to ask for clarification before assumptions are made.

This is my opinion only, and one way that I know of to diffuse potentially hurtful/harmful situations. I really liked this lesson and try to practice it as much as possible. I wish those pointing a finger at me over the years had known about this.

More Antics

Here's what happened to me today:

For the past 3 days, I have been running late in the morning and just arriving at the bus stop as the bus is about to pull in. So this morning, I thought I would multi-task to speed things up. I decided to brush my teeth while I was packing my backpack. That is not easy with one hand, so at one point I stopped brushing and tried using both hands to pack when I accidentally clipped the end of the toothbrush and sent it flying out of my mouth. I watched it as it proceeded to flip over my halfwall and right behind my freezer into a dust bunny, where I could not reach it. Now what do I do with a mouth full of toothpaste foam and no brush? The only thing one can do. Swish it around in the mouth and go spit. No time to rescue and clean that sucker before catching the bus!!!!

Speaking of buses, I have had this one driver driving either morning or afternoon for the past few days. I have to say there are not many people I don't like, but there is something about him that just doesn't quite sit right with me. He picks me up after work today and before I can even get seated, he is pedal to the metal and jerking the bus. I nearly fell flat on my face. I would never be able to read on a bus he is driving. He was all power or all brake and the bus ride was really jerky. I would be car sick at that rate. Who trains these guys anyway? Surely it isn't my two favourite trainers? Must have been prior to their time. Had to have been. ;o)

Morning Chuckles

This morning, I went to talk to our AD to vent a little. We both tend to do that from time to time. He listened patiently and empathetically while I vented. Then he began to chuckle. He told me he had a present for me, but it wasn't long-term. I was rather puzzled. He began to open a box that had arrived in his office. He slit it open and reached inside pulling out none other than a rubber chicken. He handed it to me laughing telling me I could take it to work out my frustrations. I immediately began wringing its neck. He, his assistant, and I were laughing to kill ourselves. It was great! How appropriate, since I had begun my venting with wanting to wring someone's neck.

That was not all that happened this morning. I started both my computers this morning. The one I needed to use most of the day would not display anything on the screen. I pushed the on/off button again, and got the RGB test pattern that said the monitor was working but the computer was not talking to it. I was puzzled. Then the display disappeared altogether again. I checked all the connections and they were in place, but I noticed that the plug had a dual connector on one end. I hadn't seen it before because I had not put it together. I restarted the computer. Still nothing. So I called the helpdesk. Two and one-half hours later, they finally appeared. The tech reached over and pushed a second button beside the on/off button and voila. THe display appeared and he laughed his ass off at me. I didn't know my monitor had dual output and a second button that allowed for the switching. Somehow the button got pushed between the time I left last night and got there this morning. I couldn't help but laugh, looked at the tech and said, "So sorry to have troubled you. Have a great day!" He continued to laugh and walked away saying "No problem. I like this kind of call. THey are easy." He was still laughing as he went around the other side of the office and back upstairs. What a doughhead!!! I'll know for next time (I hope).

They Came Two by Two

You know, it is an admirable thing that Noah did. He allowed God to take a drunkard and make an ark to save humanity from 40 days and nights of rain. (And to think a professional built the Titanic.) Then he called all the animals into the ark two by two, a male and female of each species so that the world may continue to thrive once more.

However, I can think of a few animals that I believe would have been best to leave behind. It has been rumoured that the unicorn was one such animal. I believe that is a myth. The animals that I believe should have been left behind have wings and 6 little legs. That's right!! It's those blessed blackflies and mosquitoes. I fail to see the significance of these creatures in our ecosystem except to fill the bellies of bats. Those wonderful little flies love me. The feeling, however, is not mutual. That is my complaint about this time of year. I can dress for the rain; I can dress for the wind; but I have a lot of difficulty keeping those little suckers away from me, no matter how I dress.

If I ever have a house again, I will put a bat house (perhaps several) in my backyard. I'm told they eat their body weight in mosquitoes each night. Fill 'er up boys!!!! As for the blackflies, once those leaves pop out on the trees and their little legs start to turn white, we can be free of them once again. Thank God!!!!

PS: Noah, couldn't you have left them behind?

Health Care Crisis?

Most say we have a health care crisis. Maybe, maybe not. Tonight on the news I watched a man speak who has written a book about the subject stating that we do not have a health care crisis. In his opinion, what we have is a sufficient supply but too much demand. He says that we have more doctors per capita than a lot of other countries, but we are going to see the doctor for more things than we need to.

Hmmm ... I think perhaps he is right in a sense. I know many people who run to the doctor with the first sign of a runny nose. Some will even go so far as to go to the emergency at the hospital if their doctor is not available. I'm not talking about real emergencies. I'm talking about the things that will probably pass with time, like simple viruses, not critical issues. Do they not realize that to step foot in an emergency room costs the tax payer $200? I also know people who should go to the doctor with symptoms indicative of something serious, but won't go because they feel they will be wasting the doctor's time.

There is one issue that really burns me. That is requiring a medical excuse for absenteeism from school or work, particularly school. On more than one occasion, I have had to waste my doctor's time to take one of my children to the doctor to get a medical excuse because they were feeling sick with a head cold and couldn't function to be in school. Failure to have an excuse would mean they could not graduate, even if they had A+ marks. Excuse me, but that is absurd!!! An already overstressed system does not need that kind of foolishness. I am taking up the doctor's time for something that will run its course and taking time away from some other patient who may have a serious illness and can't get in to see the doctor.

An overused system? Yes ... I think perhaps we might.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I love all those cute little things kids say when you least expect them to. Here is a list of some things I thought were cute when a teacher asked her class what they had to say to God.

- Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That's what my Mom did for my brother and I.
- In school they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on vacation?
- Are you really invisible or is it just a trick?
- Is it true my father won't get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
- Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
- I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?
- Did you really mean, "Do unto others as they do unto you?", because if you did, then I'm going to get my brother good.
- Thank you for my baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.
- Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
- I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
- My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?
- We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said you did it. So, I bet he stole your idea.

Aren't kids cute? I just love them. I will leave you today with a quote I like:

You make a living from what you get; you make a life from what you give. Give til you heart feels full. Making a life is what it is all about.

Clarity Please!!

The English language is such a funny thing. So many words that sound the same but have different meanings. Tonight my daughter called me to tell me she watched part of the movie Willard in which there is an Gambian pouched rat. What I heard was poached rat. My first thought was that they cooked this thing. The thought of eating rats was gross. Then I thought they killed it when they weren't supposed to, much like poaching deer. What she actually meant was that it's cheeks have pouches like a chipmunk. Oh ... now I understand. I just couldn't imagine eating rats. Such a wonderful thing this English language is. Sheesh!!!!