Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10 000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk . If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Christmas Will Be Different This Year

On Monday, December 10, 2007, I lost my Mom very suddenly. This has been a very difficult week. It feels very odd to suddenly be an orphan. We had visitation where we saw many family members and friends offering their love and support. The funeral was yesterday.

One of my cousins brought me a poem, which I had the priest read during the service. I would like to share it with those of you who are experiencing a first Christmas without someone you love. I hope it brings you the comfort it brings me.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the music can't compare with the Christmas choir here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.
Be happy for me loved ones. You know I hold you dear.
Be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of my undying love.
After all "Love" is a gift more precious than gold.
It is always more important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings or love He has for you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember ... I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

~ Author Unknown