New Work Policy

The following new policy was posted at work. It is assumed we will abide by this policy. Personally...I THINK NOT!!!!!

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the washroom. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Thank you for your attention.

The Management

It's Here Again...

Happy St. Valentine's Day. May Cupid's arrow strike you just the right way.

Stupid Cupid

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Another Hallmark and Cadbury holiday. A day when the stores get rich, flowers and candies fly out the door of the stores, restaurants and hotels are packed, and love abounds. Well ... it does for some of us.

I've never experienced any such Valentine's Day. Just once in my life I would like to be pampered and loved on that day. Hell ... to be pampered and loved like that on any day would be awesome.

Stupid Cupid!! Point those arrows the right way will you. Your aim stinks!!!!!

Education: Coming Full Circle

Last week I had the opportunity to sit in on a meeting with a consultant who was describing his portfolio to a graphic designer to create a logo to represent a new educational initiative. I didn't really know much about it up to that point. As I sat there listening, I became more and more fascinated by what he was saying. I absolutely love being part of the education system and seeing the vision of what we wish to accomplish with the youth who are our future. This incident was no exception. Let me tell you about this program.

Here in Nova Scotia we are beginning a new initiative called Community-Based Learning (CBL). This program goes hand-in-hand with the new Options and Opportunities (O2) program that is now being offered in some schools. The intent of these programs is to bring the community into the classroom and the classroom into the community in partnership or mentoring programs. In this way, we hope to provide our youth with opportunities to explore different careers to see what they like, what they don't like, and where they feel they fit. We are facing a huge labour shortage as the Baby Boomers and the early Gen-Xers head into retirement. With the pull from the west to bring our tradespeople out there and the pull to the south for the medical profession and other professions, we are in serious danger of losing so many of the businesses that are essential to our existence. So we are taking the bull by the horns.

The first obstacle to overcome is the paradigm thinking of the Boomers and Gen-Xers that unless you go to university, you won't succeed in life. You will never make money, you will never be someone. Hogwash! They could not be more wrong. Not everyone is meant to go to university, and there is no shame in that whatsoever!!! We have heard from several industries that they can't get tradespeople at all to work for them because if the youth do choose the trades, the west is calling them out there. They are offering more money and more opportunities, but their hearts belong at home and they want to be there. Businesses are beginning to see that they need to offer more money to these tradespeople to keep them here. We have spoken to the businesses and have developed our programs as a result. Here is the main objective of these:

We have approached businesses to become mentors to our youth. They take the students into their businesses and teach them about what they do and how so that students can make informed decisions about career possibilities. The students spend a specific number of hours out in the community learning about these career possibilities, both through the trades and university careers. It helps them to know what courses they need to have if they want to work in these careers. By informing them, students are more successful in the classroom because they see the big picture of what they need and why it is important. They also have opportunities to work in co-operative education settings in businesses. The CBL and O2 programs help to educate the students on what it is like in the real world and help them to see what it is they are working towards. There is even a personality profile portion to the program to assist them in making their choices. They will be more likely to know what direction they want to go in at the end of high school so that they don't waste money and years of their life trying to figure it out (like I did, and my daughter). One of the most exciting aspects is that Nova Scotia is working with the businesses to create a Mathematics Skills course that will provide students with the kind of math they need to succeed in these careers. When we can bring real-life experiences into the classroom and take the students into the community we all benefit and school makes so much more sense to them, increasing their success rate.

This seems to me as if we have come full circle in our education program. Even 50 years ago, many, many people learned their trades through mentorship, working part-time while attending school. The old-fashioned way wasn't all that bad after all, was it? These programs really excite me. I see so much potential for students who might once have risked falling through the cracks. It is so exciting!!

Yes, I Have the Answers

This is in response to the questions at Sam's Place. My responses are in red.

* Why you always stop by a puddle when you park. Because there are no lakes in parking lots.

* Why the telephone cord always gets knotted no matter how carefully you hang it up each time. (Thank goodness for cordless phones.) If I pull your cord beyond the coils, it will coil up incorrectly too. It can only take so much stress.

* Why the computer always freezes near the end of a long document. (Never near the start or when doing a short project.) If it froze near the start, you would simply start it over in a new file. Where would the aggravation be then? Seriously, the more complex and full the document, the more chance of it freezing, so keep the files small, simple, and clean.

* Why the door lock is always stiffer or stuck when your arms are full of packages. It's not silly. You just can't turn your arm as easily if it is full. Duh!!

* Why you think to turn the dryer on after you get upstairs. I think this happens only after the age of 40. Information overload. Too many things to think of so nothing can stay for more than 10 seconds. Some times I think I can't even manage 10 seconds before I forget.

* Why the cashier with the shortest line up has to call for a price check just after you get there. Sometimes people just pick up something without a price on it and don't notice it themselves.

* Why your coat only gets caught in the door when your arms are full of packages. Just plain dumb luck!!

* Why the water gets warm just after you finish washing your hands under running water. Duh ... you're supposed to wait for it to get warm before you wash your hands. Were you brought up in a barn?

* Why the key you need is always the last one you try out of the bunch. Because none of them are marked or else if you lost them, someone could come break into your house and steal your things. Now that would just be silly!!

In all honesty, these things just happen. Just dumb luck. Shit happens. Live with it and don't sweat the small stuff. Life goes on...